


Never Too Late

by Arcangel19



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Divorce, Falling In Love, Family, M/M, Murder, Organized Crime, Rape Recovery, Sex, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 94,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29181720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcangel19/pseuds/Arcangel19
Summary: The year is 2039 and Phil Mitchell is dead.Imagine that Ben never came back to Walford in 2019, staying instead in Newcastle with Lola and Lexi and building a life for himself there.So Callum married Whitney in 2019 and they're almost at their 20th wedding anniversary.But Phil dies and Ben is expected to come back. His family are struggling and somebody needs to sort things out. Ben starts with his brother, Raymond, who has become embroiled with a local firm of gangsters, the Tylers. He asks local copper, Callum, for help and THAT is the start of something. What Ben doesn't know is that the head of the Tylers, Jamie, is somebody from his past.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 124
Kudos: 97





	1. Turning Points

**BEN**

It was too late now.

He would never be able to repair the broken pieces of their relationship, to revisit the points where it had gone wrong and resolve them differently, to say something kind, something not laced with recriminations. Remembering those final dismissive words, the vicious contempt written all over the furious face so near to his own, the pain he had felt then pierced him once more. He had given as good as he had got, aired his grievances and spoken his truths as hurtfully as he could. There were to be no more chances.

He sank his head into his hands despairing of his uncanny knack to destroy what was good. To be fair, the relationship with his dad couldn’t be classed as good; his childhood and early adulthood had been a hugely damaging part of his life that he had done well to leave behind. However, the soft-hearted version of him, the real him that he had never managed to purge, yearned still for the love and acceptance that had never been granted. He had been so desperate to be the kind of son in whom his dad would have pride but to do that he’d had to be somebody he didn’t recognise. And, even then, it hadn’t worked.

Forever scarred by his childhood, the damage done to him had been replicated by him to more or less anybody with whom he developed any sort of closeness, except those in his inner circle. He had learned the lessons well and knew exactly how to be uncaring and dismissive, unsure himself whether he was self-harming or self-protecting. The contradiction was ever-present, though: he was a kind person being unkind and it wasn’t difficult to understand why he was unhappy, although less easy to understand why he persisted in behaving in ways that reinforced this.

Looking around his flat, his eyes rested on a shelf full of photographs: his mum, his nephew Bobby, his sister Louise and her daughter Peggy, his good-as-a-brother Jay and his family and, most important of all, his daughter Lexi. These were relationships that he cherished, family and friends who received the full force of his big-hearted devotion; these connections told him that he was capable of love and being loved. On a good day, they lifted his spirits but, even at these times, lurking in his mind was the awareness that they were not enough. He was lonely and it made him sad. The people looking at him from his shelf saw his morosity in the constant slump of his shoulders, the trudge of his steps as he walked, the almost permanent furrow of his brows and they missed the cheeky playfulness of his youth that had gradually diminished until there was no longer any sign of it. There was no point trying to talk to him about it – he was absolutely determined to live this way, certain that he wasn’t worth the effort required to repair the damage.

Pulling on a coat, he left the flat, knowing that he needed to share the news face-to-face with Lexi, even though it would also be too late for her: she had foregone her relationship with her grandad, compelled to do so out of loyalty to her dad. He would have liked to have been the bigger man and protested, to have said that she could, should, keep in touch with the old brute but, instead, he had relished the spiteful power he held. It had suited Lexi’s mum, Lola, as she had already made her escape some years before and was glad that his dad was to be ostracised. This didn’t make either of them right; seeing his daughter, a young woman now, he knew her relationships were her own, not to be influenced by him.

Stepping out into a beautiful day, balmy and bright, yet chilly as was typical of the north of England in late summer, he felt at odds with the weather. He had left behind his life in London to escape his dad, to gain a chance to be himself, his best self, so news of this death should have been liberating and this day would have been a perfectly sympathetic background for that but the reality was that he was devastated, saddened to his core and disappointed with himself. It was yet another failure, wholly unworthy of the sunshine.

Walking into his local coffee shop, he almost turned around as he saw the handsome barista ready to take his order. Shit. Harry.

“Alright, Ben?” The young adonis feigned nonchalance but his hopeful eyes gave him away. His night with Ben only a few weeks earlier had been the best of his life and he didn’t know what he’d done so wrong to earn the avoidance to which he had since been subjected.

“Yeah. Coffee.” Ben gave his order and then turned away, studiously observing the empty street outside, keeping his back to his admirer. He heard the disappointed sigh behind him and cursed himself, yet again, for picking up somebody so close to home. Harry had been great, innovative even, which Ben had enjoyed, but he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, knowing that only trouble lay that way. He was emotionally wrecked, no good for anybody, and one night of amazing sex was all he had to offer. Fortunately for him, he was still cute, albeit with thinning hair and a thickening waist, and hooking up for a night of exquisite pleasures was easily achieved. He wasn’t fooled, though, and was conscious that it was the equivalent of getting smashed on booze or high on drugs – both of which he did regularly – leading, inevitably, to feeling even worse.

Sipping his coffee as he resumed his journey, he noticed the city looking tired. It had been almost twenty years since the pandemic and the separation from Europe. The first had racked up enormous national debt trying to keep the economy afloat in impossible circumstances; the second had ensured that the trashed economy would take decades to recover. But we’ll be better off in the end. Yeah, right. Ben wasn’t convinced that Newcastle would ever thrive again. It was as though the noughties and whatever that decade is called between years ten and twenty were peak wealth time and since then everybody had learned to live with less. He took in the faded shop fronts and the broken tarmac, the shabby clothes on people with faces deadened by hardship and experienced a pang of guilt. The country was limping along but, financially, he was doing well. He’d been left a substantial amount of money and a funeral parlour by a wonderful old lady, the grandmother of an old boyfriend, Paul, who had tragically died in a homophobic attack. Ben still felt guilty that he had provoked the attackers but Pam, the grandmother, had long forgiven him and saw him as the closest thing she had to family. He had his garage business in London which returned a tidy profit and, thanks to Pam, he had his chain of garages in Newcastle which were a gold mine. The government had kept to its policy of no more new petrol cars since 2030 but who could afford a new electric car? Everybody was hanging on to their old petrol cars and Ben’s business helped them keep their old bangers going.

The street where he lived was tree-lined and quiet, despite being right in the city centre. His flat was at the top of the building affording him the most remarkable view of the river and its bridges; over the past ten years of living there, he had made it his own, choosing furnishings and art that matched his ideas of what makes a thing stylish and interesting. All visitors were unfailingly impressed and he received the compliments apparently graciously, actually wondering what people saw. He had never felt at home there. As he walked through the city this morning, in a moment of enlightenment, he realised that he was done here. It was time to go home.

Swinging away from the city centre, he headed towards an area of predominantly 1930s housing. It was one of the more affluent suburbs and evidence that times were hard even amongst this wealth bracket. Peeling paint on window frames, cracked driveways, broken render all contributed to the picture of decline. His childhood friend, Lola, mother of Lexi following an experiment when they were sixteen, lived in one of these houses. Now in her forties, she was married to Ewan, also known (to Ben) as the most boring man in the world, and had three more children all still at school. Lexi had lived with her mum for half the week and with Ben for the other half when she was a child but since finishing university, she’d lived with Ben, spending the occasional night, like last night, at her mum’s house.

“Dad, what’s up?” Lexi opened the door and he saw immediately that she could see he was not alright.

“Not news for the doorstep, sweetheart.” He tried to smile reassuringly as she stepped back for him to enter, convincing neither him nor her. Inside, sitting around the kitchen table with Lola and Lexi, he got straight to the point.

“Dad’s gone.”

“What, disappeared again? He’ll be in bloody Portugal.” Lola had no time for Ben’s dad, Phil. He thought that was fair enough – Phil’s custody battle for Lexi was unforgivable.

“No, mum.” Lexi could see that wasn’t what he meant. “Grandad’s died.” He nodded at her and Lola was immediately apologetic.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, Ben. How do you feel? Are you okay? How did it happen?”

Ben ignored the questions about his feelings; he wasn’t sure how he felt or, rather, he couldn’t explain how he felt. It was like he’d been struck a massive blow but the nature of it and the wielder of the strike were a mystery to him.

“He had a heart attack. Big. Nobody was with him but he managed to get a message to Raymond. When Raymond found him, he tried to resuscitate him but he died before the ambulance got there.”

“Oh no! That must have been horrible for Raymond. What a thing to go through? He’s just a kid.” Like Ben, Lola had never met Ben’s brother (same dad, different mum) and seemed to have an idea that he had aged slower than everybody else.

“He’s a grown man, Lo. He’s twenty-two. Been working at The Arches for four years now.” The Arches was Ben’s garage in London but, alongside its legitimate business, Phil had used it as a headquarters for his own nefarious dealings and, from what Ben had gleaned, Raymond was involved in both sides of things. One of his epiphanies of the day was that he wanted to get to know his young brother and make sure that he carried on his life away from crime.

“I’m going back to Walford. Today.” He looked at Lexi and knew she understood what he was saying. Lola was slower on the uptake.

“Is the funeral that soon? They’re not usually until two or three weeks after.”

“I’m coming with you.” Lexi held his gaze, reaching for his hand when he looked doubtful. “I’m coming with you, Dad.”

Seeing the silent communication, Lola cottoned on and he witnessed her heart sinking.

“You’re moving back to London. Both of you.” She looked between them and knew it was going to happen so there was no point in opposing it, there was no point in laying out all the ways London was not a good idea, in telling her beautiful daughter that it would break her heart to not see her every week. It wasn’t Ben’s fault and she got up to give him a hug when she saw his guilt and worry about Lexi leaving Lola. “I trust her with you. I know you’ll look after her,” she whispered in his ear.

Lexi had borrowed Ben’s car overnight so they were soon back at the flat and he sent her out to get coffee while he made some phone calls. His first call was to Louise who was distraught and unable to come to the phone according to his niece Peggy. Her mum, Lisa, lived with them and had given her a sleeping pill; Ben’s chest tightened as he heard Peggy’s casual mention of Lisa’s and Louise’s reliance on medications. Who was he to judge, though? The next call was to his mum and he was instantly soothed. She had called him first thing that morning to tell him about Phil and then, like now, understood Ben’s reactions and he felt her comfort down the line.

“I’m coming home, Mum. Moving home. Lexi’s coming with me.”

There was silence on the other end and Ben realised Kathy was overcome. He’d made her cry again, thankfully this time in a good way.

“Oh, love, you don’t know how long I’ve hoped you’d ring one day and tell me that.”

Finishing the call, he allowed himself to feel distressed and let the tears fall. Lexi found him this way when she returned.

**LEXI**

“Who have you talked to, Dad?”

“Peggy. Mum.”

She sat down and curled into him, sliding slender arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder, feeling him kiss the top of her head. It was quite a responsibility being the only part of his world that brought him regular happiness and she floated a wish to the universe that this move back to London might be a turning point for him. They had important relationships with people there: her nanny Kathy, her cousin Bobby, Aunty Louise and her uncle Jay. There were others, foremost amongst these her young uncle, Raymond, her junior by five years. Ben also had a nephew who was older than him – they were an unusual family. Jay and his wife and children had been up to Newcastle several times, Louise and Lexi’s cousin Peggy had also been regular visitors but Lexi had never met Raymond and she knew Ben hadn’t either. He occasionally talked to him about business at The Arches but that was it.

“You need to call Raymond.”

Raymond had been close to Phil in recent years. He was a much closer fit to ideal son than Ben not least because he was a hit with the girls, was an accomplished boxer and had no disabilities – all areas in which Ben was deficient by Phil’s metrics. She had talked to her dad about this, keen to point out all his positive characteristics, and Ben would always say that none of this was Raymond’s fault; he was honest enough to admit that the uncomfortable feeling gnawing at his gut was jealousy and this had led him to being cold towards his brother. Well, that and his usual disposition. So she understood the trepidation that was evident as he rang him.

“Ben. God, thank god.” Raymond was clearly relieved to hear from him. “Are you coming back?”

Instant guilt appeared on Ben’s face. Lexi could easily explain it. Raymond was twenty-two and his dad, Ben’s dad, had just died that morning in front of him. Ben should have been on the phone straightaway, comforting and reassuring, offering practical support, especially as it sounded like Aunty Louise, at least today, was unable to do this.

Ben put the phone on speaker and sat back with an arm around Lexi.

“Yes of course. I’m coming with Lexi. We should be ready to leave early evening so should be with you around midnight. Listen, mate, say no if doesn’t feel right, but how do you feel about us staying at dad’s for a few weeks? You live there, don’t you?”

“I’m back at mum’s at the moment … but I’ll come back to dad’s if you want.”

“It’s up to you. I know you don’t know us but maybe this could be an opportunity to start remedying that.”

“Yeah maybe.” Raymond didn’t sound too sure. “There’s just so much. It’s like … so much … and I don’t know what to do. About the funeral and all that. Mum asked me about the will and I don’t know how to find out.”

“Don’t worry about any of that. I’ll get Jay to come round in the morning, and Louise, and we’ll sort it out together.” Raymond’s sigh of relief was clearly audible and Lexi caught a slight uplift in Ben’s mood. Maybe his self-esteem was bolstered by the fact that his role as eldest sibling was to take a lead. “Will you be there to let us in tonight, Raymond?”

“Yeah. Call me when you’re near.”

Later that day, Ben and Lexi had made their plan. Ben was going to move immediately and all of his essentials were already packed in suitcases. Lexi talked to her employers and organised three weeks working remotely, during which time she would be in Walford with Ben, then she was going to return to work out her notice, organise the sale of the flat and Ben’s chain of garages and the removal of their belongings. As a solicitor, these would be straightforward tasks for her.

Within another hour, they were on the road. She noticed that Ben closed the door on his flat without even a backward glance, as though, now he had decided to leave, he didn’t want to be there for another second. The journey was mainly motorway with Ben choosing the routes down the east of the country because he knew them best. Lexi put on a story, a thriller, to while away the hours reminding her of road trips when she was young, although it had been a strict diet of Harry Potter then. As they dropped off the bottom of the motorway onto the dual carriageway that threaded its way into the heart of the East End, she sensed that Ben had started to feel apprehensive.

“There are not as many cars as twenty years ago,” he commented. He pulled off the fast through-road onto even more familiar local roads. “Shit, it almost looks like nothing has changed. Do you remember it, sweetheart?”

Lexi shook her head. She had absolutely no memories of her early childhood and her accent was definitely that of a Geordie; university in York meant the north was all she knew. But she believed there was a little part of her, like an unpolished gem buried deep, that belonged in East London and she was keen to discover if this was real or fake. She quickly sent a message to Raymond, telling him they were almost there.

It was later than they had hoped and the neighbourhood was quiet: no people, no cars, no lights. As they pulled up outside a Victorian house, a man pushed himself up from the front wall. He was around Ben’s height, his head covered with tight, black curls and huge, dark eyes staring out. Lexi had seen pictures and knew Phil to have been quite average-looking but all of his children were very beautiful and Raymond was no exception. Then again, all of their mums were gorgeous. Nanny Kathy, Ben’s mum, was nearly ninety and looked not a day over seventy; Lexi was privately hopeful that she had inherited those genes.

She jumped out of the car.

“Raymond? Hi, I’m Lexi. Your niece.” Raymond laughed easily with her as she giggled at her own teasing. “Should I call you Uncle Raymond?”

“No, you shouldn’t. Idiot.” Raymond grinned at Lexi and she was heartened to feel an instant rapport. Turning to Ben, his smile showed that he had picked it up as well.

“I’m Ben.” It was dark but Lexi still caught a trail of something running across Raymond’s face: not dislike or distrust, more questioning, possibly worry. She saw that her dad was uncertain, maybe wondering if they should hug or shake hands or something. He was old school - shaking hands had not been a thing since the pandemic; it was a cultural tradition that died overnight.

“Let’s go in,” she suggested. Raymond glanced at her gratefully for the direction. They watched as Ben walked through the door, silent and emotional. Lexi put a hand on Raymond’s arm, signalling that Ben needed a moment.

Just inside the front door, he stood in the hallway for a little while, unmoving, and then turned to grab Lexi’s hand.

“Outside, the house looks the same. Inside, the layout is the same but everything else is different. Of course it is – I haven’t been here in more than twenty years; nobody’s décor and furniture lasts that long.” They made their way into the front room, and she saw that he was taken aback to see photos of himself on the wall, not just one or two but ten. She counted them. There was even a picture of him and Phil; Phil’s broad smile and friendly arm around his shoulder not matching any version of their history that she’d heard. She wondered if it drew a blank in her dad’s memory banks. It seemed so.

“I haven’t seen that one before.”

**RAYMOND**

“You hated him. He didn’t hate you.”

He watched Ben spin around at the sound of his voice. It was an accusation and the tinge of bitterness was unmistakable. He wasn’t sorry. It was about time Ben was held to account for having turned his back on his family. They stared at each other, partly dismayed that they had got to this point so quickly, partly angry that the point even existed. Raymond was sure that Ben felt exactly like him; he didn’t want them to be at odds. Ben ducked his head and Raymond was confused to see his brother’s eyes glistening when he finally looked up.

“I didn’t hate him. I loved him.”

Raymond’s confusion deepened. Ben took a deep breath.

“I will explain, talk to you about it, but not now, eh?” They could hear Lexi dragging bags in from the car and transporting them up the stairs.

“Raymond! Get up here. Show me which rooms we’re having.” Her voice boomed down the stairs. Ben rolled his eyes as Raymond jumped then huffed a laugh.

“Get used to it, mate,” warned Ben. “She doesn’t mess about.” He paused and enjoyed the moment of connection. “I’m here for you, you know that, right? Lex, as well. She’s fiercely loyal and completely dependable. Got her head screwed on, unlike me.” Raymond looked at him quizzically and Ben shrugged and smiled sadly. “You’ll find out I’m a bit of a fuck up.”

Raymond had been a tricky teenager, arguing relentlessly with his mum and his step-siblings. As soon as he turned sixteen, he left his mum’s house and moved in with his dad – it was the ace card of every child whose parents weren’t together and whose other parent was willing to allow it. Looking back, he could see that Phil had enjoyed the rift between him and his mum. He could also see that if he’d stayed at his mum’s he would have A levels to match his impressive GCSEs whereas Phil had let him bunk off and not bother with school work. In other ways, Phil had been a great dad: they shared an interest in sport, particularly boxing and football, and Phil took him down to the local boxing gym, watching him proudly as he became a rising star; Phil taught him about cars, taught him to drive and made sure he had a job; they lived together easily, talking about anything and everything. Phil loved him – he was confident of that.

He got to know his sister Louise and his niece Peggy, seeing how Phil doted on them both. Peggy was a bit of a pest. In fact, she and her brother Albie were both pests. They had the same dad - he had run off the day Albie was born, when Peggy was only two months old – and Raymond was shocked to learn that Albie’s mum, Sharon, had been married to Phil at that time. It was a cataclysmic event for the Mitchells and it was clear that Phil and Louise had never recovered. They had needed Ben and he had stayed away; he’d never been there for them. That was Raymond’s take.

Louise had tried to explain to him that it was more complicated than that. She regularly went to stay with Ben in Newcastle, they were close, and she tried to defend him to Raymond.

“Dad’s different with us. He’s always there for us, clearing the way so we don’t have to struggle. As much as he can, anyway. But he did not look after Ben, not properly. He couldn’t accept that Ben’s gay. Wouldn’t let him be himself. Ben tried over and over to be the son Dad wanted. He just couldn’t get it right.”

For Raymond, her words didn’t match how Phil talked about Ben: he described him as someone who was always willing to step up. He meant criminally and, with rivalry for a sibling he’d never met, Raymond tried to better him.

Some weeks ago, Phil had announced his intention of retiring from what he called ‘The Family Firm’ and been very clear about his desire that Raymond would take up the reins and ensure that Mitchell remained a respected name. He meant feared.

“Ben can’t do it,” Phil had stated. “He’s too soft-hearted.” Raymond was irritated by the whimsical tone Phil used when talking about Ben. From what he’d heard, Ben was capable of being extremely dangerous. Raymond had other people in his ear, telling him about a boy who attacked another boy with a wrench, fracturing his skull, then actually killed a harmless woman by smashing her over the head. This was soft-hearted Ben?

Raymond was no innocent and was connected to the criminal underworld in Walford enough to know that Phil had not been considered to be a serious player for a long time. The big dogs let him carry on with his stolen cars and his old fashioned money laundering because it was small-time villainy; they weren’t bothered about a few dodgy deals here and there. The Mitchells? Who were they? So, with the heartlessness of youth, Raymond had let Phil know that his life’s work was now being patronised.

“There is no ‘Firm’. Nobody launders money through fast food shops, Dad. It’s done through apps and it has been for decades. They can clear a hundred times what you do with a hundred times less effort. You’re just catering for a few old dinosaurs like yourself. And, soon, you’ll all be dead and gone.”

He scrunched his eyes up as his tears fell at the thought that these words were some of the last he’d spoken to his dad. He had been doing jobs for the Tylers, the real feared name, and he’d heard them ridiculing Phil, making him embarrassed at his dad acting the hard man. All he’d wanted to do was find a way of disassociating himself from his dad so that he could be taken seriously. Now, his dad was gone and it felt like the guide ropes holding him safe had been cut; the future was suddenly uncertain. Why did he even want to be a villain? He would be just as bad at it as Phil and Ben; maybe it was in the genes. But one thing was for sure - the Tylers wouldn’t let him go easily. He was in trouble.

When Ben had said he was staying for a few weeks, Raymond had experienced a spurt of hope that help was coming. The front room was covered with pictures of Ben at various stages of his life so Raymond knew what he looked like – he didn’t look like a hard man - but when they spoke on the phone to talk about The Arches, Raymond had the impression of a cold, calculating business man. On top of tales of Ben’s criminal past life, he was fully expecting a tough guy. Then this person had arrived, with a sad smile and lost eyes, short and a little out of shape, carrying a distinct air of humility. For the first time, he understood Phil’s assessment that Ben was soft. He definitely didn’t seem like he would be able to front up to Jamie Tyler.

By the time dawn came, Raymond hadn’t slept at all. He heard Ben and Lexi get up and thought about helping them when they discussed the mysterious workings of the shower but they figured it out before he roused himself. Then he heard Ben offering to go to the café to pick up breakfast and considered if he should be sorting out something to eat and treating them more like guests but decided against it; it was their home as much as his. Eventually, he could hide no more as there was a quiet knock on his door.

It was Ben.

“Raymond? You awake?”

“Yeah. Just didn’t sleep.”

“Come and have a bacon sandwich, some coffee. Jay and Louise will be here in a few minutes.” He waited at the door and Raymond deduced that he wasn’t going to leave until he got up. Reluctantly he threw back the cover and stood up, waited until Ben left then dropped back into bed. He groaned as Ben instantly reappeared.

“Not my first rodeo, mate. Arse out of bed, come on.” This time he didn’t leave until Raymond was in the shower. There was something comforting about being parented and Raymond got ready quickly, wanting to get downstairs for breakfast and not cause any further nuisance.

Jay and Louise were already there when he came downstairs so he arrived in the front room to see them with Ben and Lexi, and a spread of bacon sandwiches and pastries, coffees and orange juice laid out on the dining table.

“Can tell Ben’s around.” Jay laughed as he teasingly prodded Ben’s middle and Raymond saw the genuine affection between them. He also noticed Ben’s careful support of Louise. She seemed adrift and, sitting close to her, Ben stroked her arm and spoke gently, so that when she managed to focus, it was on him. Raymond moved on to observe Lexi and saw that she was watching like him, giving him a small smile when his eyes rested on her.

These were his siblings on his dad’s side. He also had two step-siblings with whom he’d grown up and two other sisters, a little older than Ben, on his mum’s side, who he saw occasionally, and he knew Louise fairly well, but Ben, his only brother, was a relationship conducted solely by telephone until now. Maybe it was a latent hope that had been awakened but it hit him that he wanted Ben to like him; he wanted to be on the receiving end of this affection he was witnessing. He came out of his reverie to see Ben looking at him curiously so ducked his head and concentrated on his food.

“Raymond.” Jay got his attention. “Did Phil ever talk about what he wanted after his death?”

Raymond was confused about why they thought Phil might have talked to him about this. Phil was just as close to Louise. Had been. He looked at his sister and shook his head.

“No. Do you know, Louise?”

“We can put him in Nan’s grave. That was where Uncle Grant went.” Louise tuned into the conversation and then out again immediately.

“Yeah, should be okay. I’ll make sure.” Jay looked round at the Mitchell siblings. “Are you all happy with that?” They all nodded. “So it’s just a question of what you think he might have wanted? Or what you all want? What kind of service? Classic East End with a team of black horses with head plumes pulling a black carriage doing a double lap of the square?” Battling their passivity, Jay drove the discussion, getting them to look through the range of brochures he had brought. Raymond could tell than none of them had any strong feelings about coffins and cars. After a couple of hours, they had finally made the decisions necessary for Jay to get on with the next steps. In addition, Raymond offered to choose music (Louise and Ben were too old to have a clue, he believed), Louise said she would talk to Jay’s wife Honey about the flowers and the three of them agreed to do the eulogy between them. Ben said he would meet the costs, saying that Louise and Raymond could repay him if they had enough left to them by Phil … which led them onto something Raymond did want to know about – the will. His mum had been in his ear about it, telling him not to trust Ben and Louise, going on about how Ben had already been given The Arches and Louise had been bought a house. For somebody who had always been so intent on minimising Phil’s influence in his life, she was very engaged with him inheriting his fair share.

It transpired that while he’d been lazing in bed, Ben had been busy.

“I spoke to Dad’s solicitors this morning. We’ve got an appointment at three this afternoon. There’s a few of us need to be there: me, Lou and Raymond obviously but also Lexi, Peggy, Janet, Will, Amy and Ricky. I’ve spoken to all of them and they can all come.”

It took Raymond by surprise.

“How did you know who the solicitors were? I looked everywhere and couldn’t find that out.”

Raymond realised belatedly that he had revealed his interest in the contents of the will as everybody was now looking interestedly at him. He mentally berated himself – he wanted to be cooler than that. Ben calmly explained.

“I called Ritchie’s old firm; she was the Mitchell family brief for years. I thought it was worth a punt. And it was. She knew exactly who to call.” He looked at Raymond thoughtfully. “Did Dad promise you something? If he did, we can talk about it you know, even if he didn’t put it in his will.”

“We need to respect his wishes,” protested Louise but weakly; she was more worried that Phil had died with a pile of debts.

“No Lou.” Ben was quietly firm. “We’ll listen to the will and decide if we think it’s fair. I’ve already had The Arches, you’ve already had your house, Raymond’s had nothing so far. We’re not going to let uneven bequests damage our relationships. I’ve been clear about that with the others as well.”

Raymond wished he could be like Ben. His calm authority was enviable.

“He never mentioned it. Never promised anything. It’s cool.”

He was now on the receiving end of a long, hard look from his brother. Shrugging away the scrutiny, he returned the stare evenly. Inside, he was hellishly frustrated that he had made it seem like he didn’t trust Ben when Ben had been clearly fair and reasonable. He’d made himself look childish when he wanted to be taken seriously. So, he put on his least bothered face and aimed for a mature front, trying not give in to concerns that his brother might have the super power of mind-reading.

“What’s next then?” he asked. That was the kind of question those in charge asked, right?

“Lunch at The Vic at one. Mum’s organising it. You’re all to be there … unless you want to argue with her about it.”

Raymond was interested to find himself invited. He had a conversational relationship with Ben’s nephew Bobby because he owned the café but he only knew Kathy by sight as a sprightly old lady who ruled the square. When Phil was alive, his Mitchell family had been Phil, Louise and Peggy plus his mum’s step-children Amy and Ricky from her late husband, Jack. Amy was Phil’s cousin’s daughter and Ricky was Ben’s cousin. He was getting the idea now that Ben came with Lexi, Kathy, Bobby and Jay, his wife Honey and her children Janet and Will (also Mitchells as Honey had been married to Phil’s cousin) as well as Louise, Peggy, Amy and Ricky. Despite having been absent for more than twenty years, Ben was much more of a patriarch than Phil had ever been. Raymond was finding it reassuring.

Kathy also extended an invitation to Raymond’s mum, Denise. He was on his way over to his mum’s – she’d been pestering him all morning for an update via text – when Kathy waylaid him.

“It seems unfriendly to invite all her children and not her,” she explained to Raymond.

“Phil’s dead and now I’m assimilated into the Mitchells.” Denise shook her head at her boy but was much too nosey about what was happening to decline. His update had been wholly uninformative and this was an unmissable opportunity to fill in the gaps for herself.

At the lunch, Ben sat next to his mum and Raymond was again surprised at the abundance of affection. He was sitting next to his own mum and turned to her.

“I know it’s only been a morning but I’m not seeing anything about Ben that matches what you’ve said about him.”

“Yeah, well, like you say – it’s only been a morning.” Denise had also been watching Ben. To her eyes, he seemed as though his cheeky confidence was gone and a more careful, more melancholy person was left; his close relationships had always been full of love and, in this respect, he was unchanged. Her belief, though, was that there were other sides to Ben Mitchell: one who would stoop low to get what he wanted, one who was driven by petty vengeances, one who thought he could issue threats and intimidate people. Had that really been all about trying to meet Phil’s expectations? Maybe it had. Raymond had told her that Ben was sharp and businesslike and all of his garages were run legally. All of a sudden, his gaze swung her way and they locked eyes. Raymond watched the to and fro, unable to fathom what either one was thinking.

“Okay, we’ll see,” muttered Denise as Ben looked away. She would give her son’s brother another chance.

Meanwhile Kathy was tinging her glass and everybody stopped talking and looked her way: Raymond wondered what she was going to say.

“I just want to say welcome home to Ben. And I mean a proper welcome home because … he and Lexi are moving back here.” Lexi and Ben grinned at each other and everybody else was full of chatter and excitement as Raymond and Denise looked at each other uncertainly. Before they had a chance to regroup, Ben was by Raymond’s side.

“I didn’t know Mum was going to announce it like that. I wanted to talk to you first, reassure you that it doesn’t change anything for you at The Arches. Well … on that … not strictly true. Tosh, Graham and Swifty will be going.” These were Phil’s guys. Raymond breathed a sigh of relief – he’d had a lot of anxiety about how these three were going to be with Phil gone. It also confirmed that Ben would not be continuing Phil’s ‘Firm’. He was aware that his mum didn’t like or trust Ben but purging The Arches of any involvement with Phil’s deals would go a long way to changing her mind.

Ben was scrutinising his reactions leaving Raymond wondering what he was giving away. It was like Ben could see right into his mind.

“I can’t have them around. We won’t be doing the kind of work they do. Is that going to be a problem for you?” Ben’s tone was uncompromising and Raymond got a brief glimpse of Phil: the business was going to be run as Ben wanted. Unlike Phil, that was to be above board and legal. A new despair rose in Raymond as he realised Ben was not going to be happy with his involvement with the Tylers. Ben and his mum would be on exactly the same page about that. But whilst his plan was for his mum to remain in the dark, he was hoping that Ben might help him get out of the mess he was in.

“Course not.” He tried to sound relaxed but Ben’s eyes were boring into him and he knew that his brother had picked up that something was wrong.

“Great. We’ll talk later, yeah?” ‘And then you’ll tell me everything’ was implied.

When he’d gone, Denise was outraged.

“How dare he talk to you like you’re the wrong-un?” She huffed loudly and mimicked Ben. “Is that going to be a problem for you? Flipping cheek of him.”

“He’s not like Phil, Mum. He’ll want The Arches to be clean. I’d have thought you’d be happy with that.”

“Oh, I am. Don’t get me wrong.” Still, she sat there like a bulldog chewing a wasp. Raymond loved that she was so protective of him and kissed her cheek, earning a smile that shone from her eyes.

He enjoyed the lunch. It was a huge group of people – fifteen – and it had touched him to think that these were his people. Everybody was cheerful. Nobody was a wannabe crime boss. It was all good.


	2. All Change

**RAYMOND**

Lunch barely over, the nine of them going to the reading of the will had to leave. Feeling the need to be around people he knew well, Raymond jumped in a cab with his step-siblings Amy and Ricky.

“So we must be getting something, otherwise why have us there?” Ricky had never been allowed to have much contact with his uncle Phil and hadn’t seen his mum since he was six so this was an unexpected development. He was also once more out of work so any bequest would be perfectly timely. About to turn twenty-nine in a week or so, he had never had a job last longer than four months; he had never earned enough to cover the basic costs of living; he was adrift.

“It might be just some of your nan’s old costume jewellery.” Amy was always cynical. She’d given up hoping that life would drop a little bit of good fortune in her lap and, as a more distant relative of Phil than her brother, wasn’t expecting anything much. “Raymond, what’re they like, Ben and Lexi?”

“Lexi’s smart, funny. She’s a lawyer. Ben’s calm, observant; he doesn’t miss much. But I don’t know them really. Kind of glad they’re going to be staying around so I can get to know them.” He turned to Amy. “You saw them at lunch. What do YOU think?”

“Yeah, same. They’re family, aren’t they? And I’d rather have them than Phil.”

Raymond nudged his step-sister.

“Hmph. You know he’s not been dead twenty-four hours yet so you might want to keep from dissing him. At least at the will reading.” Raymond was a little bothered that she hadn’t thought he might be upset and scowled at her, receiving a mouthed ‘sorry’ and a squeeze of his hand to make amends.

They were the last to arrive and, as they took the remaining three seats, Raymond noticed that Ben wasn’t sitting at the front with Louise but at the side. It was easy to see why he had chosen that particular seat – it gave him a clear view of everybody else.

The reading of the will was a straightforward affair. Lexi and Peggy were left two hundred and fifty thousand pounds each, Raymond was left the house Pytchley at 55 Victoria Road and he, Louise and Ben were left one sixth each of whatever was left when the estate was settled.

“We estimate this will be approximately three hundred and fifty thousand pounds.”

“So roughly sixty thousand each,” calculated Ben.

“No,” corrected the solicitor. “three hundred and fifty thousand pounds each.” Everybody looked at her dumbstruck as Ben did the mental maths again.

“He had almost three million quid in liquid assets?” They were all taken aback. Phil always seemed like he had plenty of money, especially over recent years, but this was a huge amount. The solicitor had not finished, though.

“Yes. We estimate this will be what remains when all debts and deductions have been made. This leaves a sum of approximately one point one five million pounds not directly bequeathed and I have a message to read from Mr Philip Mitchell about this amount.” Everybody sat up and focused as she started to read:

**This is a message to my Mitchell family: my children Ben, Louise and Raymond, my granddaughters Lexi and Peggy, my nephew Ricky and my cousins Janet, Will and Amy. I have not included my nephew Mark and my niece Courtney as they received substantial bequests from their dad, my brother Grant.**

**Times have been difficult for a long time now and I know it is hard for youngsters to get a start in life so I am leaving a fund to be used to help those Mitchells listed above. My son Ben has proved himself in business and he will manage this fund, decide who needs monetary help and appoint a successor when he judges the time to be right.**

The solicitor left them to digest the message and, after she had gone, there was silence in the room as everyone looked towards Ben.

“How do you all feel?” he asked; he was looking confused and bothered. Raymond wondered if he thought it might lead to bad feeling. The will had given him a position of power in the family that nobody was used to him having and Ben didn’t seem too sure about that. But Raymond recognised the truth that Ben hadn’t quite grasped which was that all of his relatives were already looking to him to take charge.

“I feel a bit weird,” admitted Ricky. “I don’t think I ever spoke to him, like ever.”

“Me neither,” agreed Amy. Despite having a degree in business, she was thirty, working in her step-mum’s salon and living in her house. Phil was right about times being difficult. Amy’s dad had been killed in a car crash when she was seventeen and had left nothing but debts. He had always told her to keep her distance from the Mitchells but, right now, Raymond could see that she was clearly delighted to be part of this family. “I feel like I’m part of a massive family with nine siblings,” she enthused. “Do you know what I mean?” Ben was the oldest at forty-three and Peggy was the youngest at nineteen but Amy obviously felt like she was among her peers. It struck Raymond that they were all adults and Ben was not THAT old so maybe it was like they were all the same generation.

Raymond grinned at Amy, appreciating her positivity, and, looking around, he saw everybody was talking away, laughing and chatting about Phil being a dark horse hiding all that wealth, and he suspected that Amy wasn’t the only one to feel upbeat. Louise and Ben were the possible exceptions. And him. He watched his sister carefully, observing that she was frowning slightly.

“Number 55 is a big house.” She meant that it was bigger than her house.

“Our kids got a huge lump sum.” Ben spoke quietly, drawing Louise and Raymond closer to him. “So whilst number 55 is worth more than your house or The Arches, he’s evened it out through our children. I think it’s fair.”

Louise nodded albeit a little uncertainly. Raymond was taken aback. Ben was for real with his determination for it to be fair. And the will meant he would own Phil’s house, the family home. He owned a four-bedroom house in the middle of London. It was hard to grasp and he sunk his head between his knees.

“Overwhelming, eh?” Ben’s voice was full of supportive care.

Raymond lifted his head and looked at both Ben and Louise. How did they really feel about this?

“Is it okay? With you? Both of you?”

“It is.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.” He was almost at the point of tears. He didn’t want Louise and Ben to hate him. His relationship with them was worth more to him than any house. “I didn’t really give it any thought. I had no idea he would leave me the house.” Unable to risk looking at them in case he saw resentment, he dropped his head.

Louise touched his arm. “Raymond. Honestly, Ben’s right, it’s fair.”

It was comforting and a reassuring thought came to him that he meant more to them than the money. He was confident of Ben as he had stressed all along that they weren’t going to let bequests damage their relationships and now it seemed that Louise would follow Ben’s lead.

“You still okay for me and Lex to stay with you until we get ourselves sorted?” Raymond looked up in surprise at Ben’s question.

“Don’t move out. Please. I want you to stay.” Ben looked happy at that and bumped fists with Raymond then addressed the whole group.

“Right, let’s head back to the square. Life is going to go on as normal for a while because it will take months for the money to come through. But it’s good news for all of us so let’s be pleased.”

On the way back, Raymond was aware that Ben organised the cabs so that the two of them were in a cab with Louise. He suspected that Ben wanted to reassure him again but, as they set off, it became clear that he wanted to talk to them about something else.

“Be honest with me guys. How do you feel about me being the big boss?”

“Those words were not used, Ben.” Louise rolled her eyes at Raymond and he understood that he was about to be involved in a bit of sibling banter. No problem. He could do that.

“Sub-text Lou-lou. Big Boss Ben.” So there was a playful side to Ben. Just as soon as it was revealed, it was hidden again. “Seriously,” continued Ben, “Dad’s given me enough authority to change how we manage the fund and I want to know if you want it done differently. Maybe the three of us could manage it together.”

“No thanks, I trust you.” Louise was very clear.

Raymond wasn’t sure what to do. If his mum were here, she would be advising him to insist on being part of the fund management. But Phil knew him well and he hadn’t asked him to do it. Above all of that, he was inclined to agree with Louise. He made his decision.

“No, I trust you as well.”

“Anyway,” added Louise, “you’ll be saying no as much as yes, you know. It’s a poisoned chalice.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Raymond didn’t miss Ben’s look of anxious concern.

**BEN**

Back in The Vic that evening, Ben sat with Jay remembering the boys they used to be when they were young and stupid. They had been through a lot together and the foundations of their relationship were rock solid and the bonds built on them were unbreakable. Wherever they were, whatever was happening, they always had each other’s back.

Jay was busy making Ben add flesh to the bones of his plan to move back to Walford.

“You’re going to sell Mitchell’s Motors?” he asked. This was Ben’s chain of garages in Newcastle. Technically it also included The Arches but Ben had no intention of selling that.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “There’s a guy who has a chain of car showrooms up there. Eddie Gates. He’ll have my hand off. With that, Dad’s money and the money from the flat, I can buy a decent house here and have serious change. I’ll have The Arches and the funeral parlour to keep me in beer but I suppose I should think about what else to do.”

Jay nodded sagely.

“It’s a plan. But I have another suggestion. I have the car lot but nobody’s buying cars so it’s land, that’s it. However, it has development potential so it will be worth something. I work at the funeral parlour with Honey, Will and Janet and we rent number 18. Janet might always live with us but Will wants a life of his own. How about I get the car lot valued and you get the funeral parlour valued and see if we can make a swap work?”

Ben laughed.

“You’re not selling the concept to me. You want me to swap a thriving funeral business for a failing car lot?”

“For development land. You need a project. I suppose I could sell it elsewhere and, if it’s not enough to buy all of the parlour, maybe you could think about selling me a share of the parlour and the flat.” Jay seemed deflated. “I want to stop worrying all the time about money and jobs. Will is so quiet; he has no confidence. If we had the funeral parlour, I’d feel like we had something we were building as a family. I think that would help him. Plus he could have the flat and have a bit of independence.”

Ben was happy to make the swap at a loss. He could easily afford it but, more importantly, he firmly believed he was so well off because of the generosity of others so it seemed wrong not to be equally generous when the opportunity arose. His difficulty was that he knew Jay was proud and wouldn’t want to feel like a charity case so he treated it like a business conversation and set about making sure Jay understood what he was taking on.

“There’s a tenant in the parlour flat.”

“Well, about that. She’s done a runner. She’s in trouble with a drugs offence.” Jay raised his hands as Ben raised his eyebrows. “Nothing to do with me, bruv. I didn’t shop her.” The familiar moniker touched Ben. In times gone by, he would have wrapped his arms round his precious friend to fully appreciate their connection but he was different now. The core of sadness he carried within him prevented him from being as free and easy as he had once been, as though the warm, tactile part of him was shut off more often than not. He felt Jay’s hand his arm. “You alright, bruv? I know he wasn’t good for you but he was your dad and I know you loved him.”

Jay had interpreted his melancholy incorrectly but maybe not entirely; maybe the circumstances were making it more visible. Ben acknowledged the truth of this.

“Yeah. It’s been a weird two days. I started yesterday having sent a nice bit of totty on his way, thinking about nothing and no-one but myself. Lex doesn’t need me. She’s amazing, got her life in great shape. But now, I’m sitting here as the new Don Mitchell.”

Jay frowned at him, his disapproval evident. Ben shook his head.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not taking on ‘The Family Firm’.” He hooked his fingers around the words, clearly communicating his contempt. “It’s just I’m head of the family all of a sudden. And there’s a lot of us.”

Jay sat back relieved. Ben saw it. He knew Jay would have loved to have him nearby over the past two decades but he also knew that his brother was happy that he had become his own person, living by his own values, and he’d achieved that by being nowhere near Phil’s toxic influence. He had needed to be away. But now he was back and he wanted them to be a team.

He wanted to share his good fortune with Jay. The success of his business was down to his sharp mind and keen emotional intelligence but Ben was the first to admit that he could not have done it without the bequest from Pam. He’d been lucky. So why shouldn’t Jay be lucky? Ben was determined to make sure that he got the funeral parlour.

Going back to the thought of being there for his family, he knew there was one thing at which he particularly excelled that didn’t need money: being a dad; Lexi’s life wasn’t in great shape by accident. Ben took parenting seriously and had offered his daughter safety, security, advice and, perhaps most importantly of all, the freedom to develop her own identity. So maybe he could do well at being a parent figure for his family. Jay was obviously thinking along similar lines.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to smash it. Phil knew what he was doing when he left you the family just like he knew what he was doing leaving Raymond the firm. Horses for courses.”

This confirmed Ben’s suspicions.

“So Raymond’s involved? I wondered.” He looked at Jay, his face determined. “I want him out.”

“You’re going to have to get to know him. He’s smart. Knows who he is and does his own thing.”

Ben sipped his drink thoughtfully. Raymond was young but he was an adult and Ben could not be issuing orders; Jay was right – he needed to build a relationship with him.

He sat back and looked around the pub where he had lived during part of his childhood, watching especially the beautiful, young man behind the bar. Jay followed his gaze and interrupted him.

“Er, no! Definitely off limits. That’s Albie Watts.”

“Gay, though.”

“Yeah, but Albie Watts, Ben. You listening?”

Ben tore his eyes away. “Yeah, okay. Keep it away from home. That’s my motto.”

“Is it?” Jay laughed, obviously thinking Ben didn’t have that level of self-control. Ben laughed along, not wanting Jay to pick up how depressed he was about his sex life, how low he felt after every hook-up, how long it had been since he’d experienced any genuine intimacy. He didn’t want to continue in this way, heading into his fifties, possibly his sixties, picking up pretty, young things with good skills. But meeting someone, falling in love, sharing a life was an impossible dream – he couldn’t imagine a set of circumstances that would lead to that.

**LEXI**

Lexi had become increasingly aware over the past few years that her dad was unhappy. He was great at business, making clear decisions to improve profitability, looking after his employees and investing well. He was great at being a dad as well, keeping her safe and loving her unconditionally, helping her to make the most of her opportunities. But he was not great at looking after himself emotionally. Although episodes weren’t frequent, he sometimes drank himself to oblivion, took enough drugs to create a brand new set of feelings and indulged in casual sex. All of these were done to hurt himself which was Lexi’s real issue. She didn’t judge him and wouldn’t disapprove if his vices were pleasures, but she knew they weren’t.

The move to Walford was going to help; she was certain of that. Uncle Jay was her dad’s best friend, his de facto brother, and she could see already how good it was for both of them to be together again. Then this whole thing with the family fund, making sure everybody had a chance of a good life, supporting people – that was definitely her dad’s skill set. Clearly, her grandad had really known the best of him and that was going to make him feel better about, well, everything. Lexi fully understood that Ben’s issues with self-esteem stemmed from his dysfunctional relationship with his dad.

Living with Raymond was easy. He was very laid-back and seemed to enjoy having them there, possibly more than he realised, but she had a feeling that he took one day at a time and hadn’t yet thought about her and her dad moving out. So she decided to make him think about it.

“Are you going to live here by yourself when we move out?”

Raymond looked at her, confused by the question or perhaps more by the way it had come from nowhere. He had a quick sauciness about him, though, and swiftly recovered.

“Nah. Bells thinks we should get married. Apparently it’s better for you to have kids in your early twenties. And she wants seven.” The last sentence over-egged the pudding and Lexi curled her lip at him.

“Haha jokerman. Where is Isabella anyway? Aren’t you seeing her tonight?” As far as she could see, Raymond was head over heels in love with his girlfriend, evidenced by the way he spent every possible moment with her.

“She’s gone to Ibiza with the girls.”

“Oh?” Lexi looked at Raymond sensing that he wasn’t altogether happy with this.

“It’s cool. We’re not exclusive.”

“What? Yes you are.” Lexi spotted the insecurity creeping up on Raymond. “You didn’t tell her that, did you?”

He frowned and sunk his head.

“Just wanted her to do what she wanted, have a good time, you know.”

“Raym, she doesn’t need your permission to do that. If she meets someone else out there, then that is what it is and it’s her choice not yours. But you two ARE exclusive so she should at least have gone away knowing that was your understanding.”

Raymond looked at her like she had just given him a reprieve.

“Never thought about it like that.”

“Right, text her. Right now.”

Lexi believed that Raymond saw her as a big sister figure. She was nosey and asked loads of questions which gave him lots of opportunities to wind her up; they laughed together a lot. The by-product of this was Ben’s pleasure - she could see that he loved to hear it. She hadn’t been his little girl for a while but living in her grandad’s house, the dynamic shifted: she and Raymond were the kids and Ben was the parent. It led her to snuggle up with him on the sofa more than she had in years and it was obvious to her that he was making the most of this. It also helped him to have a more tactile relationship with Raymond as hugging was the norm and Lexi could see that this was working for both of them. Ben was recovering qualities that she hadn’t fully realised he had lost, most notably his optimism and his warmth. It was an interesting development because it signified that Ben needed close, dependent relationships in order to thrive. She hadn’t known that. He always acted like a lone wolf and she’d assumed it was his choice but now it seemed that maybe it wasn’t.

The other great thing to happen was that Ritchie, an old lady now but still with connections, got her meetings with a couple of law firms and Lexi had an interview coming up the day after tomorrow. She had another ten weeks of notice to work in Newcastle when she returned there after the funeral and she was determined to have everything sorted out up there so that Ben could get on with buying his new home when she came back to London. Ben had been right about Eddie Gates and had started negotiations with him about Mitchell’s Motors. Added to this, he had already accepted a fantastic offer on his flat. It was clear that he would have more than enough to buy himself a house; Lexi needed to wait for her inheritance but with it and her savings and maybe an injection of cash from Ben, she would also have enough to buy a flat.

“So when Dad and I move out, are you going to live here by yourself?” She returned to her original question. Her instinct was that Raymond would like her and Ben to live with him in this house, but she wanted her own place and she knew Ben needed his own place. Raymond really didn’t need to see him when he was on a downer.

“When are you leaving?” Raymond looked very glum.

“Not for ages, I guess. Dad might be able to move before Christmas, me probably not.” She could feel Ben listening behind her back.

“I’ll wait until you’ve both moved out then maybe go back to mum’s. Maybe rent this place out. Or share it with friends, like have lodgers. Unless you want to stay. I’m happy for you to stay. Both of you.”

It was as she suspected.

“The thing is, Raym, London prices are low at the moment and we should invest now. And I’m excited to have my own place. I’ve always lived with happy Harry over there.”

“I’ve actually found somewhere.” Raymond and Lexi turned to Ben in surprise at the sound of his voice. “Number 1 is up for sale and my offer has been accepted.”

“So you’re really staying.” Raymond’s face was a picture of happiness. “And you’re going to live here on the square.” He turned to Lexi. “Look for somewhere close, yeah?”

**BEN**

Living with Lexi and Raymond was like having two kids and Ben found himself wondering what life might have been like if Paul hadn’t died and they’d stayed together, got married even, maybe had more kids. Paul had wanted kids. It was maudlin but these daydreams became an escape for him, somewhere to go and be happy. Being in love was intense, the high bigger than any that the street could provide, but sexual pleasures were only part of that; Ben also hankered after simple intimacies like waking up with someone; like hugging in the kitchen and feeling the warmth and shape of that person that was yours; like squabbling and all the time knowing you would make up. He wanted to find his person but he was paralysed by the fear of then losing them. Like he’d lost Paul. His fear far outweighed his hope.

Sorting out Phil’s affairs was a welcome distraction and he enjoyed the time spent with Louise and Raymond when they cleared the house of Phil’s things, finding memories in the contents of drawers and cupboards. The task of writing the eulogy came easily after this. They found lots of stories that they could share and each of them was surprised to hear how different each of their relationships with Phil had been.

Louise had been her Daddy’s princess and he had made it his mission to make everything easier for her. In Ben’s opinion, that hadn’t helped her, instead creating a dependency to which she had clung. Now Phil was gone, it was as though Louise had no idea how she could live without somebody looking after her. But, like most people’s lives, it was more complicated than that. At eighteen, Louise had suffered the humiliation of her nineteen year old fiancé leaving her for her fifty year old step-mum. She’d moved to Portugal for almost three years to escape it. Then she’d moved back wanting Peggy to go to school in England and had started an affair with a man called Gray, who beat her and controlled her. His wife had died a couple of years earlier and it was only when he was convicted for having a part in this that Louise realised what a lucky escape she’d had. It had been terrifying for her, to the extent that it had made her withdraw from life for the next fifteen years.

“You’ve got this, Lou. Make a plan. Do something with Dad’s money.” Ben’s mission was to encourage her to drive her own fortune. “Buy a business.”

“I’m happy running The Albert.” This was The Prince Albert, a bar near the square, the lease for which was owned by Kathy. Ben was determined to push her; he was just as earnest as Phil about looking after her but his methods were different.

“So buy the lease off Mum. It’s probably still got seventy-five years on it. You might be able to buy an extension as well. Make it your business. Peggy works there so it gives her job security. It gives YOU job security.”

“I don’t know if I can handle the stress.” Ben seized her hands, making her look at him.

“You need the stress. It’s going to make you feel alive.” He could see he was winning her round. There was a brief flicker of the old Louise as they focused on each other.

“I can do this?”

“I have NO doubt.”

Ben sat back for a moment, struck with guilt as he saw what was missing in Louise. She was still extraordinarily beautiful and perfectly groomed but her interactions were empty; all she did was smile and wave, like one of those old dolls where you pulled a string to animate it. She had always been daddy’s princess but she used to be tough, aware of what was going on around her, positive about life. How had he missed how bad she had become? He had his eyes on her now, though.

“I’ll think about it. Promise.” Ben could see she had shut down and that Project Louise was something he would have to work on little and often. She smiled at him. “I am really happy you’re back, Ben. But, I’m working later so you’ll have to get on my case another time. I’m going to love you and leave you for now.”

After she had left, Ben got Raymond in his sights.

“What about you, Raymond? Got any plans?”

Raymond had been giving this a lot of thought. He had an idea that was built on something he’d been thinking for a while. An idea that Phil had repeatedly closed down.

“Electric cars. People are going to start buying them. We could sell them, maybe do it from The Arches.” He looked at Ben hopefully. His mum would tell him not to go into business with Ben but his own instincts were telling him that he could learn a lot from his brother.

Ben had an improvement to the idea.

“I’m selling the funeral parlour to Jay and buying the car lot. I was thinking of a development project but I like the idea of keeping it as a car lot … and selling electric vehicles is a great idea. Let’s put together a business plan, scope the finances, then you can have as big a share as you like and I’ll stump up the rest. What do you think?”

He could see Raymond was excited by the proposal.

“I think Dad will be turning in his grave … when he’s in it. He wasn’t having anything to do with electric vehicles. Wouldn’t even let me mention it.”

“Are you cool about doing something he wouldn’t have liked? When you talk about him, it feels like you were close.” Ben hadn’t wanted to sound envious but he could see from Raymond’s reaction that he hadn’t hidden it well enough.

“We were close. He spent a lot of time with me, encouraged me, took an interest in stuff like sport, cars, girls.” He peered at Ben. “Stuff that he was interested in. I know he was proud of me but at the same time it was kind of conditional. I knew I had to meet his expectations. And there was plenty of stuff about me he wasn’t interested in.” He paused for a moment, maintaining his observation of Ben. “He was proud of you too.”

Ben was quiet in his own thoughts. His dad had charged him with the stewardship of the family and left him free to choose how best to do this. It meant his dad had trusted him. The endorsement wasn’t lost on him. It could have been that he didn’t have anybody else to choose but Ben didn’t think that was true; he was staring right at the other choice. Raymond had a steady head. So why didn’t Phil choose him? He recalled Jay’s comment about him being left the family and Raymond being left the firm; he needed to dig for more information.

“I bonded with him over cars. It was the only thing we had in common. That and crime.” Ben stared pointedly at Raymond inviting him to share his confidences. He knew Raymond understood what he was asking and, after a prolonged silence, was relieved when he started to speak.

“A few weeks ago, I moved out. Took all my stuff back to mum’s. Me and Dad had a big … disagreement. He wanted me to continue the Mitchell Firm. I have been involved in it. Like you have in the past.” He returned Ben’s firm gaze. “But he was behind the times. Nicking old cars. Washing pennies in fast food joints. He was out of the game years ago; he just didn’t realise. We argued about it a lot.”

“Are you still playing the game, Raymond?” Raymond jerked his head up, panicked by Ben’s question, hearing his voice so soft and supportive, snaring him. He was caught and he sunk his head between his knees. Ben rubbed his head.

“Talk to me, Raymond.”

So Raymond told him about his involvement with the Tylers, how he was used as a getaway driver, or given cars to destroy when evidence needed to disappear, how one of these had a body in the boot that he’d had to bury in the woods, how he was sent to threaten and intimidate people. Ben kept his hand on his head, sending him a message that he was there for him. Raymond got hold of his hand and held it tight.

“I want out. But I know stuff and it’s not as easy as just walking away.”

Ben knew well the truth in Raymond’s words. He didn’t know the Tylers but Raymond shrank when he mentioned their name and that spoke volumes. His brother still had hold of his hand, a physical plea for help but it had a been a long time since Ben had been a tough guy and even then he had been rubbish at it.

“Are they the only crew around?”

“Pretty much. There’re others towards Stratford. There used to be the Panesars round here until the mum, Suki, went to jail and the eldest son, Kheerat, took over. He’s like you, Ben. Doesn’t want to be like his mum. Wants all of their businesses to be straight up.”

He sat for a moment watching Ben think, feeling terrible that in one swift moment he had undone his brother’s resolve to stay away from trouble. Ben saw the guilt and placed a hand behind Raymond’s head, cradling his skull, so that their faces were close and they had clear eye contact.

“We’re brothers. I will always help you, I will always be there for you. I don’t know what to do yet but give me some time. I’m going to give it some thought.”

Raymond’s desperate relief was heart-breaking.

Ben spent the next few days thinking about his dilemma. Lexi had just got a job at a local law firm and his first concern was to avoid anything that might jeopardise her position. But every time he looked at Raymond, he was met with scared but trusting eyes. It was almost tempting to call on Phil’s muscle but he had let them go with a clear message to keep well away. He didn’t want to start all that again.

He was getting nowhere with his deliberating and was beginning to despair when Jay came up with a suggestion.

“Do you remember Whitney Dean?” Ben nodded. “She married a bloke, a policeman, his name’s Callum Highway. He’s not bent but he gets it, how you can end up on the wrong side of things without being bad. It means he takes a … practical approach to law enforcement.”

“Practical?” It sounded like a euphemism for bent to Ben.

“You should talk to him. He might have some ideas that will keep you from being found dead in an alleyway. They live in Dot’s old house.”

So Ben found himself knocking on a copper’s door to ask for help. Wonders would never cease. He was law-abiding but that didn’t mean a police officer was a natural bedfellow. The door was freshly painted and there were planters stuffed with colourful bedding balanced precariously on the window sill, giving Ben a little shot of summer; it was heartening to see that somebody had enough optimism to present their house like this.

“Ben Mitchell, as I live and breathe. I heard you were back.” Whitney was clearly recognisable in the comfortable, matronly figure who opened the door.

“Whitney. It’s been a long time.” Ben paused, not sure how to proceed. “This looks lovely.” He waved his hand at the flowers.

“Oh that’s not me. Callum does it all. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. How are you all doing?”

“Yeah fine, Whit, thanks.” Ben could see a pair of eyes down the hallway watching him: deep, shining eyes, as though they had their own light source within; eyes that held his own.

“Oh this is Callum, my husband. Been married twenty years now.” It was said with massive pride and Ben smiled at her beaming face.

“Well done you. Actually, Whit, it’s your husband I’ve come to talk to.”

Whitney’s face instantly reformed into a fierce glare.

“If you’re bringing trouble, you can turn round and leave.”

“I haven’t been in trouble in over twenty years, Whit.” He reluctantly pulled himself away from the captivating eyes and scowled at Whitney. “But thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt.”

They glowered at each other crossly for a few seconds before the eyes finally spoke.

“It’s fine Whit. I’m happy to talk to him.” Callum pointed an arm at the door to the front room and as Ben entered, he firmly shut the door leaving Whitney on the other side. Although his smile was small, his expression was curious and he held out his hand.

“Callum Highway.”

Ben took hold of it.

“Ben Mitchell.”

He didn’t want to let go. There was something about this man that was captivating. He was tall and heavily built although somehow simultaneously athletic, and he had a thick head of hair, but it was his face, his eyes, his soft, quizzical smile that had Ben. He snapped himself back into the moment.

“I hope you don’t mind me disturbing you on your day off. My brother Jay suggested I visit you. You know him?” Callum nodded so Ben continued. “He thought you might be able to give me some advice.”

“If I can, I will.”

His tone was friendly and Ben was momentarily flustered and unsure why.

“Well, it’s my brother Raymond. I don’t know how much you know about our family …”

“You’re famous round here, so I know pretty much everything you lot have ever done wrong.”

The tone was still friendly but the words were, well, not so much. Ben was irritated that he could never leave his past behind and found himself bristling again.

“Alright, well you should also know that I’ve done nothing wrong in a very long time and, now I’m back, all Mitchell business will be legal and above board.”

Callum was unruffled.

“Good to hear. So how can I help?”

“My brother Raymond is with me keeping it on the level. I want that. He wants that. But …”

“The Tylers don’t want that?” Callum’s comment took him by surprise. If these crime families were so well known to the police, why weren’t they behind bars? And did this mean that the police knew that Raymond had been working for them? Ben was anxious now. The last thing he wanted was for his young brother to find himself in jail.

“Do you know them? If I go and ask nicely, will they let him go?”

“Not a chance.” Callum was looking at him seriously but impassively and Ben furrowed his brow in frustration.

“Any ideas then?”

Callum sat down on a dining chair and looked studiously at the table, running his fingers over the grain of the wood. His hands were enormous and Ben was mesmerised by the gentle stroking, to his horror imagining the huge hands stroking him. He stamped one foot on top of the other to jolt himself away from the thought. Callum looked at him in surprise, eyes questioning the strange action, mouth staying quiet.

Ben frowned and concentrated on not blushing. Callum returned to his scrutiny of the wood and eventually spoke.

“Raymond should act inept, not get caught but something near. Let me know what it is and I’ll make sure our boys leave it. Then you go and tell them that he’s struggling with his dad’s death. Jamie Tyler will get that – he was a mess when his old man passed away. Tell them you’re keeping him with you, he’s your family and you’re looking after him. Make it clear you’re not picking up your dad’s business, that all your stuff is legit and you’ll leave them to get on with what they do, not get in their way. I reckon that’s your best shot.”

It was a weird plan but Ben could see how it might work. Family meant everything to these people.

“Right. Thanks. I’ll try that. Give it some thought.”

Callum got up and moved to the door and started to open it, a clear indication that he thought Ben was leaving, but Ben was rooted to the spot. There was a moment of confusion then Callum shut the door again.

“I’m sorry. Your dad has just died. Take your time. Are you okay?” Callum approached him and squeezed his upper arm gently and Ben felt tears pricking his eyes, the first since the day his dad died. Then they had been in response to his mum’s sympathy; now it was because this complete stranger had offered comfort. It was unlike him to let in somebody he didn’t know but Callum seemed to have gate-crashed.

“I’m okay. Sorry to be a bit … you know.”

“My dad was a terrible bully and a violent drunk but I still wept when he died. It’s what we do so don’t be sorry.” Callum’s eyes drifted faraway for a split second then refocused on Ben who was intently watching him. “I’m better off without him but … well, I reckon you probably understand.”

Ben nodded sadly. Callum continued to watch him and Ben felt the warmth emanating from him. He hadn’t made a new friend in years but maybe this lovely man could be one. His dad really would turn in his grave if he became friends with a copper.

“I’ll go now.” It was Callum’s turn to be frozen and it wasn’t until Ben moved towards the door that he sprang forward to open it.

“Nice to meet you, Ben and … let me know how you get on.”

**CALLUM**

“What did he want?” Whitney was on him immediately after Ben left.

“Advice.” Callum smiled at her reassuringly, hoping it would stop her questions.

“You’ve got a good job, Callum. You don’t want to be getting mixed up with Mitchell business. You can bet Ben Mitchell has never done an honest day’s work in his life.”

He didn’t really want to get into this with her but he also knew that Whitney was a relentless gossip and Ben’s disreputability would become local truth if he didn’t stop her.

“Actually, Whit, that’s not true. We were talking about him down at the station. His businesses are all legit. He has a chain of garages in Newcastle. He’s clean and has been for over twenty years.”

“Well, he’s changed then. As far as can be seen. A leopard never changes his spots.”

“Leopards, maybe not. People, all the time.”

Whitney frowned as she thought about the words, then shook her head, laughing.

“You know your problem, Callum Highway? You’re too nice. How did I get so lucky marrying you?” She placed her hands on his chest and he froze as she reached up to kiss him, concentrating hard on not flinching.

The physical side of their relationship made him feel distinctly uncomfortable. It always had. He told himself it was because he had a very low sex drive. They’d had sex precisely twice, a child conceived on each occasion. Whitney had tried hard to make it happen more often but he had managed to avoid it, using the job or the children as an excuse: I’m tired, have to be up early, don’t feel well, the kids might hear, they might come in and similar reasons. But their twentieth wedding anniversary had reinvigorated her desires and she had started to touch him and kiss him more as though she thought she could awaken something.

“It’ll be nice for us to get close again. The children are leaving for uni soon and we’ll be able to concentrate on ourselves.” She looked at him with such loving eyes, such pleading eyes and he felt like a fraud.

Their children, Daisy and Derry, were born less than a year apart and had been in the same school year. Irish twins, Whitney said. Derry had just turned eighteen and Daisy was about to turn nineteen and they were both off to university in a few weeks. Whitney was intensifying her attentions towards him and Callum was now pretending he was impotent. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her. He loved her deeply and was committed to her happiness. She loved him in her own way but, as she didn’t know him, he wasn’t sure that she did love him. She loved who she thought he was, who she wanted him to be: she wanted him to be handsome, provoking envy amongst all her friends, and he was; she wanted him to be reliable, hold down a good job, make sure they had all they needed and he did; she wanted him to be faithful, not have wandering eyes, and his perfect husband routine started to slip a little; she wanted him to want her, make love to her and he simply couldn’t.

He had a loving wife, fantastic kids, a lovely home and he was lost.

His life for the last nineteen years had been all about two things: his job and fatherhood. He loved being a dad. Daisy and Derry had been a joy from the moment they were born. Whitney and he agreed absolutely on this. They had thrown themselves into spending every available moment with their children, talking to them, playing with them, supporting them. It was this joint endeavour that united them. They had made friends with the parents of their children’s friends, relationships that had formed the basis of their social life for more than fifteen years, but such friends are for a reason, or for a season, not for life; as is the way of such relationships, they had dwindled.

Callum had mates at work but he was never one to be going for a beer at the end of the shift; he always wanted to get home. Everybody liked him – he was impossible to dislike – but could he call any of them friends? Perhaps one or two. He was now a sergeant but it had taken him a long time to get there, constantly seeing colleagues overtaking him. It was something he and Whitney argued about. She wanted him to be more ambitious, told him he deserved promotion, failing to see that it wasn’t important to him and was particularly obsessed with him becoming a detective, as though that was a better class of policeman. He didn’t understand it. He’d supported her when she had her market stall, spending money on sewing machines, materials, setting up a workroom in the house, even buying a van, then he’d supported her when she gave it all up abruptly and became a Teaching Assistant when the children started primary school. It had worked out – she loved working at the school and had lots of friends there. He never questioned her choices because he believed he was there to support them. Why couldn’t she support his choices? It baffled him.

But now the children were going away, moving on with their lives as they should, and Callum was feeling empty. He didn’t want to be a police officer any more. It didn’t suit him and it never had. In a year and a half he would be fifty and he could retire. He was going to retire. He just hadn’t told Whitney yet. He didn’t want to get closer to Whitney, definitely not in the way she was hoping, but also he knew they weren’t friends and that was because they didn’t suit each other as friends. But he didn’t want to let go of their history of special family moments, there had been so many, and he definitely didn’t want to lose the future they might have as grandparents, so he stayed, keeping the fragile status quo.

He knew he was lonely. His brother was living far away and he rarely spoke to him. He had no other family. He knew some of the neighbours and had identified potential friends. Jay was a possibility. Kheerat was another. And Ben was a definite. He wanted to be friends with him. Wisps of his soul had emerged during his conversation with Ben and brushed around something similar from him. They had connected in a way that had only happened to Callum once before. He quickly pushed the memory aside, not willing to consider what it meant.


	3. Going to be Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day early as a consolation for EE being shunted for football ❤

**CALLUM**

Callum had no idea why he inveigled his way into the plan.

He and Ben bumped into each other a few times – having breakfast in the café, picking up something or other at the Minute Mart, enjoying the sun in the square gardens; anyone might think they were looking for each other. On this day, Ben encountered him in the square and they went to the café so that they could discuss over coffee what was going to happen with Raymond.

On the surface, the job was an easy one. Raymond had to pick up a car from a lock-up near Walford, drive to a pick-up somewhere to be advised and then deliver the package to Jamie Tyler’s house in Bethnal Green. This last bit was bothering Ben because he thought it was unusual for any villain to bring his work home so he deduced that the delivery was personal. And something that important was probably going to be trouble.

The plan was for Raymond to pick up the car, then on his journey, Ben would pose as a cyclist, pull up alongside him at traffic lights and cause a puncture. Raymond was to ring his handler and act panicked then not put the wheel on properly so that would lead to a further problem at which point he would call Ben who would then turn up. Ben’s feeling was that Raymond should never get to the pick-up location.

“Are you a cyclist?” Callum looked doubtfully at Ben who was tucking into a second bacon sandwich.

“Oi!” Ben’s affronted expression didn’t match the twinkle in his eyes and Callum had to laugh. Ben was generally serious but every now and then there was a spark of fun. Callum couldn’t deny it – he liked to see it.

“So how are you going to puncture the tyre? You need to do it in a way that won’t make them suspect Raymond.”

He had a feeling that Ben would have been thinking of slashing it with a blade but would see the sense in what he was saying.

“Punch in a nail?”

Callum nodded approvingly. Next question.

“Then he panics and calls his handler? Why would he be that panicked?”

“Because he’s going to be late.”

“Hmm.” It was at this point that he knowingly, willingly, stepped over the line. “Or I could stop by, a police officer, and ask him if he’s okay. I’d leave him to it, but I’d say that would be a bigger reason to panic.”

Ben was looking at him strangely and he wondered if he’d made a mistake until there were the beginnings of a smile.

“Would you mind? I mean, you don’t have to do this. Raymond’s my problem not yours.”

Callum thought for a moment and then leaned forward, his face full of serious intent.

“I’ve always found policework a bit odd. It’s about law enforcement. It’s NOT about helping people to be law-abiding. I’ve never really understood why it can’t be about helping people be good but recently it occurred to me that it’s someone else’s job to do that and maybe I should be doing that instead of being a copper.”

His voice broke a little towards the end, evidence that he was emotional. It was a long speech for him but that wasn’t what had disturbed him. His issue was that it was honest and he couldn’t remembered having thought, let alone talked, about this honestly before. When had the truth got away from him?

“Maybe you’re right.” Ben was looking straight at him and all he could see were shimmery, blue eyes loaded with concern. “It’s always best to be true to yourself.”

“Yeah, maybe. But for now I can help Raymond and that makes me feel better. So what do you think this delivery is?”

It was a change of subject and Ben narrowed his eyes for a second before answering.

“I’ve no idea but my gut’s telling me it’s better if Raymond doesn’t even see it. I’m going to turn up when the wheel falls off. He’s going to call me rather than the handler because, the story is, he’s lost his nerve. Then it gives me a chance to have a word with them. What do you think?”

Callum thought Ben had devised an unnecessarily complicated plan but he understood that he was trying to think through every detail. In one way, he was finding it reassuring that Ben was nervous about getting involved with criminals. In another, it made him feel less confident that everything would go to plan.

“You know when I suggested this I was thinking more of being clumsy in a delivery or something. This is quite … intricate. But yeah, it sounds like it should work.” He smiled encouragingly at Ben who seemed to relax as he received the approval.

The rest of their time in the café was spent talking about Ben’s move and his purchase of number one. Ben didn’t know that it had been Gray’s house and Callum felt slightly bad for having told him as he saw his disappointment.

“I need to talk to Louise. See how she feels about it. I don’t want to be living in a house that brings stuff up for her.”

“Yeah you should do that. It’s a big house for one person anyway.”

“I’m forty-three not an OAP. Who says I’ll be on my own forever?” A sad look came over Ben. “You’re probably right though. It’s an optimistic purchase.”

Callum didn’t like to see him like this.

“Be optimistic,” he urged. “It’s a good thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It occurred to him then that whilst Ben had his large family around him, rooted in Albert Square, Walford, he had as few peers as Callum and he was valuing this chance to talk every bit as much as him. They had become friends.

**RAYMOND**

Ben spelled out the plan, rehearsed it with Raymond, checked it with Callum again, rehearsed it with Raymond once more. It was almost time to go.

“You’re making me feel nervous,” complained Raymond, sulkily throwing his head back on the back of the settee.

Lexi glared at him.

“You do get that Dad is helping you here with a problem that has nothing to do with him.” She had been dismayed that Raymond was involved in crime and, to HIS dismay, had lectured him for hours about it.

Raymond was starting to think that he didn’t like living with these two as much as he’d thought. They were both so certain their way was the right way. And Lexi in particular did not have a clue about his world.

Ben sat down next to him and rubbed his leg.

“I’m sorry. I wish I was a proper hard nut and could just go and scare them off …”

“I don’t!” snapped Lexi.

“… but I’ve always been a bit shit at that kind of stuff. This plan might seem a bit theatrical but I’ve thought about it a lot and I reckon it could work, like properly, get you out permanently.”

Raymond tipped his head to the side and observed his big brother. They had the funeral in four days and, instead of concentrating on that, Ben was having to worry about him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, nudging Ben’s arm. “I know I’m lucky to have you looking out for me.” He meant it. Their dad would have gone in with a baseball bat and probably got himself killed; he had never grasped that these guys had guns and you don’t bring a baseball bat to a gunfight. “So go on, let’s go through it again.”

The job seemed straightforward. He had to pick up a car from a lock up near Walford, drive it to a pick-up somewhere else, they wouldn’t find out where until the last minute, and deliver whatever it was he picked up to Jamie Tyler’s house in Bethnal Green. It was this last bit that was causing him some concern, mainly because it was bothering Ben. The plan was that he shouldn’t even reach the pick-up let alone Jamie Tyler’s house, so why was his brother so agitated about it? He asked the question and Ben tried to explain.

“It makes me think the delivery is important. If it is, why have they got YOU doing it? Especially by yourself. Something doesn’t add up. Trouble is, you only have this one chance to be messed up about Dad’s death. So, I’m on hand and I’ve talked to Callum about it and he’s going to be on standby as well. Are you ready?”

He was. But leaving the house, his heart was in his mouth.

Collecting the car went smoothly although seeing it was a seven-seater gave him his first moment of unease: whatever he was picking up was either small enough to fit in the tiny boot or it was human. His phone pinged to give him the pick-up location and he tapped a postcode into the navigation, making sure he got it slightly wrong. He was supposed to be making mistakes plus this was another way of ensuring that he didn’t reach the pick-up point.

It was dusk, that uneasy compromise between light and dark where the shadows disappear and the definition between one thing and another blurs. Several times, as Raymond turned a corner, he felt like another car turned a moment later but when he peered in his rear view, nothing seemed untoward. Maybe just a trick of the light but probably not. His senses were on high alert.

The plan was for his encounter with Ben to happen at the big crossroads on the Mile End Road. If the lights were green, they were going to move on to the next lights – they were every fifty metres on this stretch of road. Everything went like clockwork. A helmeted cyclist stopped alongside him, there was a thump from the nail gun and then, just a little further on, he heard the flap of the flat tyre.

He stopped the car and put on a little show of being panicked and unable to find the spare tyre and the tools, aware that he needed to keep it up until Callum arrived. The reality was that he couldn’t see the space-saver tyre so it was easy to create the scene. Within minutes, Callum pulled up in a police car. His colleague stayed in the car.

“I’m going to make it look like a stop and search,” he muttered to Raymond. “Sorry – I know it’s really bad but we want this to look realistic.” Going through the offensive rigmarole, Raymond felt almost as violated as the countless times it had happened to him for real.

Soon, Callum and his colleague had gone and he rested his forehead on the top of the car door. He didn’t need to pretend – he was feeling seriously jittered. Taking a few deep breaths, he started to call Harvey, his handler, when a car pulled up behind him. It was another seven-seater. To Raymond’s surprise, another member of the Tyler crew, Nathan, jumped out.

“Take this car. I’ll stay here until recovery gets here. No spare tyres on these vehicles.”

Raymond froze, his brain just about re-engaging in time for him to remember he was supposed to be not coping.

“That copper saw me. He knows I was here.”

Nathan stared at him.

“So? He didn’t think you were up to anything. Get a move on, man. Jamie’s gonna be seriously pissed if you’re late. I’ve put the postcode for the pick-up in the nav so get your arse in gear.”

Raymond wasn’t pretending any more – he was properly frightened, certain that he was being set up for something. Ben wasn’t going to get a call, he wouldn’t know where he was and there were no excuses now for getting the wrong address for the pick-up. In his scared state, he couldn’t get the key in, then he couldn’t start the car, then he forgot to reverse first and promptly drove into the car he’d just left.

“What the fuck, man?” shrieked Nathan. He took a look at Raymond shaking behind the wheel and stormed around to the driver’s door, yanking it open furiously and landing a heavy punch on Raymond’s cheek. “Pull yourself together and get going.”

The blow shocked Raymond into action and he resumed his journey. He hadn’t been imagining it earlier; they were following him. He had no idea what he was going to find and he strongly suspected that Ben’s nerves were well-founded. He wanted to text his brother but, increasing his agitation, he realised he had left his phone in the first car. ‘Act like you’re inept’ had been the instruction. Frankly, he didn’t need to pretend at all. In a last ditch attempt to get back to the plan, he feigned loss of control of the car and drove into a bollard. It caused more of a jolt than he’d expected and he was still stunned when another Tyler gang member, Nico, dragged him out of the car, pushing him onto the floor.

“What the fuck is going on with you? Get back in that car, drive like your mum and get to the pick-up. One more mistake and you’re gonna be …” He mimed shooting a gun. Raymond recoiled. He couldn’t help himself.

As he got close, he noticed his tail had broken away. He drove past a police car and then another and a worrying thought struck him that perhaps everybody – criminals AND coppers – knew more than him. Pulling into an unlit yard, he could see a container in the corner and his heart plummeted. It was going to be people.

The place was deserted. Surrounded on three sides by windowless factory walls, it felt like a cell. He stood for a few minutes in front of the door of the big, metal box. Being late for this kind of job could cost lives and the lack of noise from inside was sickeningly worrying. He slid back the metal bar and pulled open the door, trying to keep breathing as he peered into the dark cavern. For the first few seconds, there was nothing and then there were scraping and shuffling sounds and Raymond stood back as five small girls - maybe boys, he couldn’t tell - emerged from the metal hole. They were all below five feet, somewhere between ten and fifteen years old, East Asian. He thought he might be sick. Opening the car doors, he watched them climb in. Nobody said anything.

Restarting the car, he was aware that his face was wet with tears. He had no idea what Jamie Tyler wanted with these kids. He wanted to know but wasn’t sure what he could do if he found out the worst; he despised himself for his weakness. After half a mile, he spotted his tail reattaching. There was nothing for it – he was going to have to do as he was told. Not once did he look at his passengers.

Arriving at Jamie’s house, a new tail overtook him, he could see it was Harvey, and signalled for him to follow. They turned the corner and, a few metres further on, went through a narrow aperture into what looked like an alleyway running behind the houses and in front of an industrial building. It widened halfway down and Raymond saw with part horror, part relief what looked like Ben’s car parked alongside the curtain of brick that was the industrial unit, parallel to a number of other cars. As he drove past, he concentrated hard so that he didn’t look across, although he would have given one of his eyes to see Ben in that moment.

The car in front had pulled through a gateway and Raymond pulled in after it; there wasn’t quite enough room and the back part of his car remained on the pavement. Harvey got out of the car in front and Jamie Tyler was already there. They were both dressed to party wearing tight trousers, shirts unbuttoned to reveal muscular, waxed pecs, hair slicked back. Raymond got out and, no acting, his legs buckled underneath him.

He heard Harvey’s voice.

“He’s been a liability all night apparently.”

“Yeah, I heard.” Jamie’s soft, almost feminine voice floated across the night air. “But his dad just died. Kid was there. So we cut him some slack, yeah? I’ve been thinking anyway - could be he’s not for us.”

“You want him sorting, J?”

Jamie locked eyes with Raymond, lying on the floor. He was like a cat, replete after a substantial meal, playing with a mouse.

“I hear his brother’s back in town. No need to start a war. I’ll sort it. See if we can reach an agreement. Let’s get our guests inside.” He strolled over and offered a hand to Raymond, hauling him to standing. “Can you make your own way home, Raymond?”

Raymond handed the car keys to Jamie and turned to walk away, trying desperately to stop himself from running and even more desperately to stay upright. Jamie watched him walk down the street.

“Car down there with two men,” he remarked to Harvey.

“Yeah, Nico’s checked them out. Two guys looking for a quiet spot.”

“Aw. Everybody deserves a bit of fun.” Jamie silently watched the children climbing out of the car.

**BEN**

There had been no call from Raymond so he knew the plan had not worked out. Now Raymond was out there doing something illegal for extremely dangerous people and he could not stop any of it. He called Callum and Callum went back to the broken down car, calling him afterwards.

“Ben, he wasn’t there. One of the Tyler gang, geezer called Nathan Ringwood was there, gave me a fake name. Told me that Raymond had an urgent appointment and had asked him to sort out the tyre so he could go to where he needed to be.”

“What next? What can I do? I didn’t even get Jamie Tyler’s address from Raymond.” Ben had not been involved with a single villain in his twenty years away from London yet, in twenty days back, here he was about to go after the local mob. He couldn’t quite believe it.

“Meet me on the canal side of Victoria Square. I’ll get an address for Jamie Tyler. We know Raymond’s supposed to end up there.”

Ben thought Callum was amazing - he was calm, decisive and all about doing the right thing - and was hugely grateful to have him on side. Maybe it was a little odd that someone he’d known for a couple of weeks would be offering this level of help but, at the same time, he felt like he’d known Callum for much longer so it also made sense.

They arrived and drove around looking for a good place to wait and not be spotted, happening on the road behind Jamie’s house by chance. The industrial park back there was a warren of access roads and they were thoroughly lost until they came across an open gate that led them to this street. Serendipity.

“I think we’re behind his house. Those gates, look there. Could be his. What do you think?” Ben looked at where Callum was pointing and could see that he was probably right.

“Yeah but I think they probably come and go through those gates, so we’re more likely to be noticed if we park here. We’ve no reason to be here. Why would two blokes be sitting in a car right here? We need a story.” He could think of something.

Callum was thinking something else.

“Turn the car around so we’re facing towards the gates. It’s a good place to park because it’s so dark, they can’t grab the number plate and we can get some phone video from here.”

Ben’s heart stopped. He was such an idiot. He was sitting here with a copper in his car. Of course he would want to collect evidence. Callum was to surprise him, though.

“I’m not after Jamie Tyler. It’s for you. For Raymond. You might need some leverage.” He looked a little confused that Ben might not have trusted him and reached across to touch his arm. Their eyes locked and Ben knew in that moment that he had nothing to worry about.

“So, what’s our story?” asked Callum.

“We could be arguing, like a break up conversation.” Ben looked at him playfully. “Can you cry on demand?”

Callum laughed. “Of course I’d have to be the one having his heart broken.” Ben smiled and threw his arms out, palms up, and raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘of course’. His heart jumped a little at Callum’s laugh and then he frowned, looking in the rear view mirror.

“We need our cover now. Sorry.” And he pulled him in, hands firmly around his head, foreheads rested together. “Come on, Callum. Hands on me.”

Callum tentatively placed his hands on Ben, fingers pushing into his hair and thumbs rubbing his jaw.

“Not breaking up then,” he quipped softly.

“Seems not,” murmured Ben, sneaking a look at the men in the street. “They’re having a good look at us. So we’re going to kiss. Ready?”

Callum nodded.

Ben pushed his lips on Callum’s and, for a moment there was no response, then the pressure was returned. Slowly, surely, the intensity built. It was heart-stopping. Ben couldn’t remember having kissed anybody like this, so tenderly, as though it was the thing they both wanted more than anything else in the world. He pulled away for a breath and opened his eyes to see Callum looking straight at him, eyes brimming with desire.

“Callum,” he whispered. “Are you queer?”

He saw Callum’s face crumple and his eyes, that had just a few moments ago been so playful, filled with tears.

“Callum?” Ben gently rubbed his cheeks. They absolutely needed to follow this up but it would have to be later. “We might need to pick up the snogging again. Are you going to be okay?”

Callum nodded and Ben picked up his hand. The street was empty once more.

“So you like women, being married for twenty years to Whitney an’ all. Do you like men as well?”

He waited patiently, holding his hand gently, feeling instinctively that Callum wanted to talk, all the time keeping an eye on the road. His worry for Raymond was paramount but he was feeling concerned for Callum as well. This was important and he wanted to help him.

“I don’t know.” Callum’s voice was thin and hesitant. “I mean, I do know I’m not into Whitney. I’ve never been into Whitney … or any other woman. And … well … it seems I might be into you. And … erm .. other men, maybe. But what does that mean? I don’t know.”

“Have you ever been with anybody other than Whitney?”

“You?”

Ben raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Oh, you haven’t been with me yet. I can do SO much better.” But his question had been answered. He was almost certain that Callum was gay and, if that was true, he was absolutely certain that Callum had been avoiding thinking about it his whole life.

**CALLUM**

In his deepest consciousness, he knew that sometimes he fancied men. Had he known all along that he fancied Ben?

There had been no need for him to get so involved with the plan to help Raymond. He felt slightly guilty that he had claimed that helping Raymond was his motivation when, if he was completely honest, at least part of it was that he wanted to spend time with Ben. He had wanted to help Raymond, though.

Now, all he wanted to do was get his hands back on Ben and resume the kissing. The desirous thought was all-consuming.

It suddenly occurred to him that they were supposed to be pretending and maybe Ben WAS pretending. Inexperience overwhelmed him with jarring thoughts intruding. Maybe Ben was the kind of man who could kiss any other man and make it feel special. Callum had not even kissed Whitney properly, meeting her with lust and longing, so what did he know about kissing? But the kiss with Ben, although short and soft, had felt so real. Surely he couldn’t have misread it. ‘You haven’t been with me yet’. That was what Ben said. Yet. Was he suggesting there might be more between them? Or was it just a bit of casual flirting? He was drawn to Ben, he was attracted to him, but Ben had not given him any indication that it was reciprocated. But if it was? Did he want to see where it would go?

It wasn’t that simple. He couldn’t just walk away from Whitney. To start with, his kids would hate him. And how would they feel about him being with a man? But it was more than that: he and Whitney had twenty years of history, so many wonderful moments with their children, and they had hopes and dreams for the future, involving grandchildren and family Christmases, picnics on the beach and movie marathons with buckets of popcorn. It was an idyllic dream and a lot to give up. Plus she would be devastated and he didn’t want to hurt her.

“I can hear the gears clunking round in that pretty head of yours.” Ben’s voice broke into his introspection.

“Do you always flirt?” He watched Ben and saw that he was about to deny it, then he stopped himself. Callum suspected that flirting was indeed the only way he talked to men, specifically men he wanted to get to know. An unexpected jolt of excitement sparked through him as he thought he might fall into that category. Being around Ben was bringing something out in him.

“Yeah,” Ben confirmed. “I probably do. Obviously not with anybody I’m not trying to get into bed. But, if it’s somebody I want to shag, then, yeah, I flirt relentlessly. I’m a tart, Callum. Not made for happiness.”

His tone was unbearably sad and Callum reached across and chucked his chin.

“I don’t believe that.”

Ben smiled at him. “Okay, let me describe my summer of sex to you then let’s see what you believe.” They spent the next half an hour with Ben telling humorous anecdotes about picking up men and Callum laughing, all the time holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, carefully skimming over the intimacy. There was a slender thread of sadness woven into each tale no matter how hard Ben tried to obscure it and Callum didn’t miss it. The street outside remained empty.

Then the story-telling was abruptly brought to a halt when two sets of headlights turned into the road. Ben instantly leaned across and started kissing Callum’s neck.

“Gives me a good view of the road,” he murmured. Callum firmly grasped his head with one large hand, the other placed on his waist and kissed Ben’s neck; he wasn’t convinced that the way Ben was moaning was part of an act; he was almost certain now that Ben was into him, and, given the hand dangerously near his groin, was deliberately trying to turn him on. He should be outraged or at least annoyed or maybe mildly irritated but he just wanted it to continue.

Suddenly, Ben stiffened and his amorous intent disappeared immediately.

“Raymond’s driving the second car.”

Callum could feel Ben’s heightened alertness. The kissing had stopped but Ben kept his hands on him so he reciprocated and held on tight.

It was a long ten minutes until they saw any movement and Callum felt Ben’s relief as he gave a running commentary.

“It’s Raymond,” he whispered. “I’m hoping he’s clocked us but doesn’t give it away. He looks wobbly on his legs but he’s holding up. Shit! I wonder what they’ve had him do. Oh fucking hell! Callum, there’s kids down there. Just got out of the car Raymond was driving. Fuck! Man looking our way.”

Their embrace swiftly became more heated as they put on a show. Finally pulling apart, Callum saw Ben take a moment to recover himself, giving him a boost of confidence. Not acting then.

“You are a REALLY good kisser,” said Ben breathily, consolidating the affirmation.

**RAYMOND**

He didn’t fancy walking all the way to Walford from Bethnal Green but the Tylers were strict about their rules: no personal ID when you were on a job, phones to be password protected, no biometrics allowed. If you were picked up by the wrong people, they should not be able to work out who you were. He generally only had his phone – there wasn’t really anything you couldn’t do with a phone – but of course he’d lost it tonight.

It still felt like someone was following him and he hoped it wasn’t Ben and Callum coming after him; they definitely weren’t out of danger yet. He hadn’t looked at them as he walked past but something in the far corner of his eye had given him the impression that they were engaged in some energetic snogging. If so, it was a clever cover. Could be nice for Ben but only if he fancied Callum and he wondered how Callum as a man married to a woman felt about it. Just knowing that they had searched for him and were prepared to make sacrifices for him made him feel emotional and he collapsed to a crouch struggling to breathe.

That was when he spotted Nathan.

“Fucking hell Nate, what do you want? Gonna smack me around the head again?”

“Not sure why I’m bothering but I thought I’d return your phone.”

Raymond stared at him disbelief.

“No you fucking didn’t. You’ve been following me since I left Jamie’s. You could have given me the phone at any point but that’s not what you did. You waited until I made you.”

He held out his hand and snatched the proffered phone.

“You fucked up tonight, Raymond. You’re not made for this line of work.”

Raymond sat back on the floor and sunk his head between his knees.

“You’ll get no arguments from me. Fuck off and leave me alone.”

As soon as Nathan had gone, Raymond summoned a taxi and texted Ben.

 _Just found my phone thought I’d lost it. I’m ok. Sorry I know I’m being a nightmare atm. Calling a cab so will see you at home_.

His phone would definitely have some sneaky spyware on it now the Tyler crew had had their mitts on it but he needed to act as though he didn’t know this which meant he had to maintain the pretence that he was falling apart. He was confident that Ben would read the subtext.

When he arrived home, he saw he was back before Ben. Letting himself in as quietly as he could to avoid waking Lexi, he was shocked when he walked into the darkened lounge to find her sitting there. He sprang forward, waving his phone and mouthing ‘bugged’.

“Why are you still up?” he asked casually.

Lexi took the cue like a professional, picking up a note pad and scribbling messages.

“Couldn’t sleep. Dad’s snoring is LOUD.”

_Where’s Dad?_

Raymond had a brief moment of regret that Ben and Lexi were law-abiding; they would make excellent criminals.

_With Callum_

“Are you okay, Raym?” Raymond often had his name shortened to Ray, which he hated, but he liked Lexi’s name for him. Hearing it now calmed him.

“Not really. I can’t concentrate. I’m making loads of mistakes. I almost crashed a mate’s car tonight.”

_Plan went wrong. Pick up was kids. Feeling SHIT about it._

“Maybe take some time off. Talk to Dad. He’s great for a bit of life advice.”

_What did Dad say?_

“Yeah, I will. Right now, I’m heading to bed.”

_Not talked to him yet. I’ll be back down in 10_

“Okay. See you in the morning.”

It was a cute performance but the situation was serious and they both knew it. Raymond headed upstairs and put his phone on charge then made all the noises for going to bed before coming back down. Ben and Callum had now returned and Raymond was disturbed to find Callum in police mode.

“We can’t just ignore that they’ve got kids.”

It was clear that Ben agreed with Callum.

“He’s right Raymond. Tell us about the kids.”

“Five of them. Hard to tell if they were boys or girls, I think aged ten to fifteen-ish. East Asian. All wearing smart clothes, like for a party. Jamie was dressed up like he was off out clubbing. So was Harvey. Do you think they … er … that those kids were … for them?”

The Tylers were well known to the police and Callum knew Jamie’s preference was for young men and Harvey liked women, two or three at a time on the whole. Neither of them were paedophiles.

“No. My guess would be that they’re hosting a party for clients and the children are for whoever they’re entertaining.” Callum’s voice was unflinching in its message. He was busy texting and Raymond realised he was probably sharing the details he had just given him. His heart sank like a stone.

“If you raid his house, he’s going to know I grassed.”

Callum sat down facing Raymond directly.

“I’ve invented a surveillance operation. I have a colleague who’s willing to be in on it. We know the Tyler lot saw two men in a car tonight near Jamie’s house so they should put it together. The raid will happen in the next hour or so.”

Raymond sunk his head into his hands.

“I’m fucking dead,” he moaned.

“Do you want to leave those kids there?” Callum asked harshly. Raymond looked round at Ben and Lexi and, seeing their solidarity with Callum, he was crushed by the feeling that he had let them down. But he was with them. They could not leave those children to be abused.

**CALLUM**

This was much worse than he could have imagined. He was small fry in an operation like this which meant he would not be in control of discouraging questions about Raymond’s involvement.

Waiting for his colleague to collect him, he stood just inside the front door with Ben.

“I’ll do my best to keep his name out of it.” It was important to him that Ben knew this and he peered at him closely but couldn’t tell.

“I know.” Ben’s voice was tired. “And thank you.” He didn’t even look at Callum. His body language was despairing, slumped shoulders and a bowed head above hands shoved in pockets and feet scuffing the door mat.

Callum couldn’t stand it.

“We – you and me – set out to make sure Raymond escapes the criminal world. We’re not giving up, are we?”

Ben looked at him then, eyes reverent, and he reached up and cupped his cheek.

“You’re something special, Callum. No, we’re not giving up.” He looked at him wistfully, clearly making a decision, and then he kissed him. “It’s going to be hard to stop pretend kissing you.”

“Ben …” He wanted to say he wasn’t pretending but he didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t keep. “I’ll let you know what happens, yeah?”

He left then knowing he had started something.

**BEN**

We. It was like a thunderbolt. God, how much did he want them to be a ‘we’? That was the thunderbolt – that he WANTED it. Callum was gay. It was possible. He hardly knew him but his instinct was that Callum could be his person. It was possible. The timing, of course, was terrible for both of them and chasing after Callum could not be his priority right now but, one day, maybe they would be together. Surely this was just the start.

**CALLUM**

Callum had just one person he trusted completely from his colleagues: Emre Tahir, one of his constables. Emre’s dad, Kerem, and he had passed out together and then both endured the struggle to get on in the police service. Kerem had retired a couple of years ago and moved back to Turkey, soliciting a promise from Callum that he would look after his son. He thought his son’s diminutive stature made him vulnerable but he was wrong. Emre did not need looking after – he was as mouthy and bold as anybody Callum had ever met and wielded his fierce identity like a sword, taking slices out of colleagues. Most people gave him a wide berth.

Tonight, Callum had organised the work so that he was on patrol with Emre for the first part of the shift. If anybody questioned this, he was going to say that he needed to spend some time with the young constable to talk about his behaviour. It would be believable. He left Emre when he went off with Ben and now he was back in the car with the young constable to set up his story.

“I need you to say you were on the stakeout with me. That it was just a punt at the end of our stint on patrol based on something I’d seen.”

“Is this to do with the stop and search earlier? Because that did not seem like you. Since when have you gone along with that bullshit?”

Callum half ignored the question.

“Let’s say we were suspicious after the stop, so we went back …”

“… which we did …”

“… and I recognised one of the Tyler crew, thought he seemed on edge, so we finished the shift with a quick watch of Jamie Tyler’s place.”

“We did?”

“Which was when we saw the kids that we’ve called in.”

“Right.” Callum squirmed under Emre’s scrutiny. “Who were you with, sarge?”

“A friend.”

“Right. You and a friend were sitting in your friend’s car on a deserted road in the middle of the night.” It wasn’t a question and Callum knew he had to level with Emre.

“His brother’s in trouble with the Tylers. We were trying to help.”

Emre was sharp though.

“The stop and search. That was the brother?”

Callum nodded.

“So you recorded his name?” Emre was relentless.

“Well … no …” Callum stopped in alarm. He’d wanted to keep Raymond’s name out of things so he hadn’t recorded the stop and search which now meant the story couldn’t be that they were suspicious after the stop. It seemed that Emre was ahead of him.

“So no stop and search. We stopped by a broken down car, recognised one of the Tyler crew, he was super jumpy … so we decided to stakeout Jamie Tyler’s house? Bit of a gap there, sarge.”

“He gave us a fake name.”

“So that would make us stakeout his boss? Jeez, sarge, you are bad at this.” By now they were at the station. “This is the story. We stopped by a broken down car, recognised one of the Tyler crew, he received a call and we noticed the name Jamie Tyler come up. He clearly didn’t want to answer the phone in front of us, then the phone rang again and he got seriously jumpy. Right, remember we’re lying and we’re both good at lying. Keep it simple. Stick to what we’ve said to each other. Don’t add details.”

Callum wondered what he meant: ‘we’re both good at lying’.

A few minutes later, they were at the back of the briefing room.

“Ah, hello ladies. Nice of you to get here so quickly.” The steely eyes of DCI Helen Kendal were trained on them momentarily and then she addressed the room. “Sergeant Highway and PC Tahir had a bit of an adventure tonight. Working off a hunch, they decided to engage in an unofficial surveillance operation.” She turned to the screen and played the video Callum had sent in. “As you can see, Jamie Tyler can clearly be seen and we have two children getting out of the car. IC5s.” Fixing her stare back on Emre and Callum, she asked, “Two on the video. You reported five?”

“It was a seven seater and the back rows seemed full when it passed us. Which would be five kids.” Emre’s lie fell off his lips effortlessly making Callum feel instantly guilty for involving him. It was too late now though and the least he could do was lie just as well. DCI Kendal narrowed her eyes and scrutinised them.

“Right. The team are in place. Let’s hope your intel is good.” The room was quiet as they listened to the order to go and then waited, DCI Tyler and two more officers listening to the comms from the team on the ground. It took an interminable amount of time but eventually DCI Tyler looked up.

“Five IC5 minors, no English, estimated age ten. Seven arrests. Child trafficking, child sexual exploitation. Jamie Tyler was not there.” She looked directly at Callum and Emre. “Unorthodox but good work. Good instincts. DS Bradley will take a statement from each of you.”

**BEN**

Ben’s mind was in overdrive and it took him a while to fall asleep. He woke with a jolt after what seemed like only a few minutes and he knew instantly that there was someone else in the room.

“Ben Mitchell,” said a soft voice. “Jamie Tyler.”

Ben pulled himself up to sitting. This was not good.

“Bit forward, appearing in my bedroom in the middle of the night.”

Jamie giggled girlishly and flicked on the bedside light.

“Do you remember me, Ben?”

It was not a question he’d been expecting. It suggested that they had met and Ben could only think it was before he left twenty-odd years ago. Sensing it was important, he stared at Jamie and his eyes widened as he remembered.

“Jamie,” he whispered, his breath catching with emotion. Memories of comfort in a hellish place flooded his mind, of a young body pressed against his, of soft lips and tentative fingers, of a friend.

“It was a long time ago, Ben. But you always did have that side to you. Sentimental.”

Jamie climbed onto the bed, running a finger down Ben’s bare chest stopping at his waist and resting the heel of his hand a little lower. Ben stopped breathing. He had once revelled in that touch but now it was making his skin crawl.

“Soft.”

“I’m not great at working out.”

“Soft,” Jamie repeated. “I don’t excite you? Perhaps you like younger flesh?”

“Strictly over twenty-five. Younger than that and they’re too … childish.”

“Over twenty-five … and under thirty, I bet? Like them pretty as well?” Jamie had accurately summed up his type. “Oh well, we had our day, didn’t we, Ben?” He removed his hand, trailing his fingers across Ben’s waist.

Ben turned to face him. “We did. You were important to me. You saved me. We saved each other. I will ALWAYS remember you for that.”

“I’m sensing a but.” Jamie was looking directly at him but he was hard to read. Something was missing from his eyes that had once been there. Ben did not know him anymore.

“Tyler? Where’s that come from? But I know who Jamie Tyler is, who you are. You might be thinking I’m the same because of my dad, but I’m not. I’m straight in business and I intend to stay that way. What you do is what you do. I’m not judging but I will keep clear of you. I’m not going to cause you any trouble.” He paused. “Although I have a request. You could let me have it for old times’ sake. I know my brother works for you. Let him go. Please.”

Jamie rolled his eyes.

“He’s as bad at the game as you so I don’t want him. And I DO want to grant your request. For old times’ sake.” He smiled lasciviously and Ben sensed he was about to receive some unwanted attention. It was with no small relief on his part that Jamie’s phone started to vibrate. Sighing and rolling his eyes again at Ben, Jamie pulled it out of his pocket, maintaining his gaze on Ben. It went from flirty to furious in a split second.

“So, it seems we have a problem,” he snarled. “Young Raymond did a job for me earlier this evening and now the police are all over my house.”

“He called them?” Ben acted confused. “He wouldn’t do that.” He saw a lightning fast moment of doubt on Jamie’s face and pressed home his advantage. “Surely you’ve got tabs on him?”

“Of course. We know who he calls, who calls him, where he goes …”

“So … ?”

“So we know he didn’t make a call from his phone. And he came straight back here after the job. The call was made after he got back but we know it wasn’t him.”

“So you’ve got a traitor.”

Jamie nodded slowly, inspecting Ben interestedly. Ben feigned sympathy and reached across, pressing a hand against Jamie’s arm. Jamie placed his hand over Ben’s and moved closer to him, like they were lovers, and, recognising what was expected, Ben put an arm around him wondering how far he was going to have to go.

“Jaim,” he murmured as seductively as he could muster, using his name for him from when they were kids, “please let my brother go.”

“Wow. You’re prepared to fuck me to get your brother back?”

Ben sighed inwardly. There was going to be no way out of this. He felt Jamie relax and kissed his face as he turned it upwards, feeling nauseous.

“No.”

Jamie looked up sternly at Ben turning him down. It was abundantly clear that he was not about to accept a refusal. Ben carried on. “I want you to give him to me because you want me to have him. Then I’ll fuck you. Because we want to. A little trip down Memory Lane.”

Jamie laughed delightedly and rolled them over.

Ben felt as low as he could possibly feel. He’d gone to sleep dreaming of a romance with Callum and now he was about to fuck the local mob boss. It had to be one time only so he prepared to give a sub-standard performance.


	4. The Past and The Future

**BEN**

Word had got out about Phil’s funeral and there were over two hundred mourners, although that was a euphemistic term as Ben quickly became aware that some of them were here purely to see him and had no sadness for Phil’s passing.

“They’re all wondering if I’m picking up Dad’s business. I need a t-shirt saying ‘Not a criminal’, ‘Strictly Legit’ or something like that.” He looked at Raymond and Louise. “Can I change my bit of the eulogy?” They both smiled and nodded and he knew they were with him.

It was a simple service, designed to last twenty minutes or so, and the eulogy was to take up most of this time. The three of them stood up together, siblings side-by-side.

Louise went first and talked about Phil and his family: his closeness to his brother Grant and his heartbreak at his death two years ago; the devotion to his mum; how much he had done to care for her and Peggy, how safe he made her feel. She described how he was a man of his time believing that women needed provision and protection and men should make their own way in the world, so he had made sure that his sons had opportunities, looking after them in the way he thought was best. What a top fella. She spoke of how he had maintained good relationships with the mothers of his four children and gave mention to the tragic loss of his adoptive son Denny twenty years ago. They offered a minute of silence in Denny’s memory.

Ben thought it was a generous history. He was still angry that he and Louise had missed Denny’s funeral because they were both running away from their Walford lives at that time. Denny had been Phil’s favourite but he and Louise had no resentment about that; they loved Denny as well. This funeral was their chance to say goodbye to their brother.

Sharon, Denny’s mum, was sitting in the front row and, at the end of the silence, she got up and walked up to Ben and Louise, and touching their faces, she kissed them both before resuming her seat. Louise bore it because it was a poignant moment (if a little melodramatic in her view); she would never forgive Sharon. Phil had though, going on to marry her a second time and they had run the local pub together before it all went sour again. Sharon was the love of their dad’s life and it was right she was here no matter what she’d done.

Raymond was next, painting a picture of Phil the individual: a man who liked cars and sports, manly pursuits; his lifelong support for West Ham, how he never missed a home game; his patronage of the local boxing gym; the pleasure he got from sitting in his local and watching his neighbours. Made him sound like a teddy bear.

Finally, it was Ben’s turn. He could see Jamie Tyler at the back of the room and, three seats across from him, Callum. His past and his future. He hoped.

“A lot of you here knew my dad as a businessman. I use that term advisedly as, despite what some of you might think, not everything he did was illegal. Don’t get me wrong. He was involved in a lot of shady stuff but that’s not for talking about today. Dad was all about providing for his family and he did that by making sure we could provide for ourselves. Look at me, at Louise, at Raymond. We’re good people and our lives will be like Dad’s in that we’re all about our family and our community. Our businesses will ALL be fully legal so, if you’re here thinking you might have a proposal for us, then please come and talk to us. Just make sure you’re on the level because that’s where you will find us.”

“Mitchell has been a name around Albert Square for decades. It’s where we belong. Louise in The Albert, Raymond and I with The Arches and the car lot, Jay has the funeral parlour. We work there. We live there. Our family and friends live there. It’s where we intend to live out our lives and we will be an active part of the community there.”

“I’m not sure I believe in an after-life, so I don’t have any notions that Dad will be looking down with pride. But I can feel it in my heart, a heart that came from him, and my lovely mum of course, I can feel it in my heart that this is the right road for us. If he’d been alive, he would have travelled with us.”

As he looked towards Callum, he caught sight of Jamie giving him a quiet applause, a wink and a blown kiss, also seeing, to his horror, that Callum was watching Jamie.

**CALLUM**

“What do you mean you’re going to Phil Mitchell’s funeral? Why? You never knew him.”

Callum explained patiently.

“I’m going to support Ben. He’s my friend.”

“You’ve known him less than three weeks. How can he be your friend?”

“And yet he is.” Callum ignored his wife and continued checking his hair in the mirror by the front door.

“Well, don’t you dare be late. It’s our anniversary party that has been planned for ten times as long as you’ve known Ben Mitchell. Don’t you dare mess it up for me.”

“I’m not going to the graveside just to the service. So I will be back an hour before the party starts. Where are the kids?”

“Picking up the balloons and the flowers. Being helpful.”

“Okay,” he said brightly, ignoring the passive aggressive jibe. “I’ll see you later.”

Leaving the house always felt a little like being released but never more so than today. Reminders of their wedding day were everywhere; one was even super-sized as Whitney had had a poster-sized version of her favourite photo made. Callum had hated the light grey suit and the pink tie that Whitney had picked out to complement her dress. He’d wanted to wear a blue suit. The trousers had been tight causing a multitude of comments about his bottom, some followed up by a quick squeeze. Why was that okay? It was not okay. Whitney told him he should take it as a compliment. He wondered how she would have liked having her bottom pinched by anybody who fancied it.

It was a gorgeous late summer day today, just like it had been twenty years ago. He had been so happy on that day. Whitney had been as excited as a kid at Christmas and had looked very beautiful. She went on and on about her weight nowadays but Callum still thought she was beautiful. Everybody told them they were the perfect couple. That hadn’t changed either – they were still seen as the perfect couple. Maybe that was the truth of it: nothing had changed. Callum had liked men then and he still did. In another five years, would it all still be the same? Would they be getting ready to celebrate their silver wedding with nothing having changed? As he walked along in the sunshine, it seemed entirely possible to Callum, making him feel profoundly depressed.

When Callum arrived at the chapel, there were only a couple of seats left. He was a copper so recognised a large part of the congregation as the criminal underworld of Walford. Even Jamie Tyler was there, brazenly sitting a few seats away from him.

Ben looked gorgeous in his three piece vintage suit. Nobody wore clothes like that anymore but Ben rocked the outfit and Callum was all appreciative eyes. Seeing him standing up alongside his sister and his brother, Callum was struck by their togetherness.

The eulogy started as most do, painting a sunny portrait of somebody, a pretence that nothing was ever darker than this. The minute of silence for Denny was clearly important and he watched the friends and family dissolve into tears as Sharon kissed her former step-children. He remembered clearly the death of Denny, how it had torn apart the Mitchells, and wondered why Ben and Louise had not been there.

Then Ben said his piece, issuing a thinly veiled warning to Phil’s former gangland associates, telling them all to keep out of his manor. Callum commended the sentiment but couldn’t imagine the likes of Jamie Tyler taking any notice and turned towards the mobster to see his reaction. That was when he saw it: Jamie looking directly at Ben, miming applause, winking at him and blowing him a kiss. They knew each other! Ben had not said anything about that. He had lied.

The service was soon over and, troubled by what he had seen, he wanted to get out. Had he been duped by Ben? Was Ben fooling everybody? It suddenly seemed very feasible that Ben could turn into the worst crime boss of them all. He couldn’t believe he had been taken for a ride. Ben had probably spotted him, seen there was something to exploit and so it had happened. He’d been such a gullible idiot.

As he pushed his way through the mass of people, he felt a hand on his arm.

“Hey,” said Ben, smiling. “I just wanted to catch you. To say thank you.” His face fell as he picked up on Callum’s hostile mood. “Thank you for coming.” He was still holding on and Callum gently extricated himself and nodded.

“No problem,” he said coldly, spun on his heels and walked away.

He treated himself to a cab; if he saw any more cheery sunshine he would have to scream.

“Alright fella?” asked the cabbie, noticing his tears. Callum nodded grimly and was left alone.

Back at his house, he washed his face. It was quiet. Everybody was already over at The Vic putting up decorations he supposed. He knew he ought to go straight over but he couldn’t do it. Sinking to the bathroom floor, he sobbed, trying to keep it restrained so that nobody heard him then, remembering there was no-one in, he gave vent to his despair and wailed loudly, tears streaming down his cheeks so fast his collar was wet.

Pulling on another shirt a short time later, his face restored to its normal colour, he saw himself in the mirror: Whitney’s husband, Daisy’s and Derry’s dad, local copper, all round good guy. Yes, he had started something with Ben Mitchell, something that he was now stopping. He took a breath and held his head high. Time to get this show on the road.

Whitney was predictably furious when he walked into The Vic.

“Oh, just in time for all the work to have been done.”

He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead, giving her one of his heart-melting smiles. “I’m sorry for being so useless. Let’s just have a nice night. It looks amazing … what? What’s going on?” As he looked around fully prepared to see the pub full of decorations for their party, he saw they only had half of the pub.

“I know. I am SO angry.”

Back from the funeral, Sharon, the pub landlady, an indomitable seventy years old now, overheard them.

“I’m not having this again with you, Whitney. If you don’t like it, go and have your party elsewhere. I was married to Phil Mitchell twice and his funeral party will be in here because that’s what I want. This pub was his home for a long time and there’s no way he’d want his funeral party in a gay bar. That’s the end of it.”

Whitney burst into tears and was instantly surrounded by her children, her sister and her mum.

Callum sat down at the bar on the party border and Sharon handed him a bottle of beer.

“On the house,” she said sympathetically.

Soon, the pub was full to bursting with partygoers and mourners (although nobody seemed particularly sad). Callum put on his game face and chatted and laughed, danced with his children and drank far too much. He kept glimpsing Ben across the room but he was determined not to talk to him.

Suddenly, the bar bell rang for silence. And Callum’s heart went into free fall. The speeches. It was time for the speeches and he was supposed to be giving one of them. Whitney first, then Derry, then Daisy, then him. He had been reminded countless times but, with a rapidly increasing panic, he remembered too late that he had neglected to prepare anything.

The funeral party were respectfully quiet but obviously that meant they were listening. The ahs and oohs told him that Whitney’s speech had gone down well. It was white noise to him; he couldn’t bear to listen. He knew how she viewed their marriage and it was definitely through her own rose-tinted lens. She would have been describing marital bliss, giving testament to his successful fakery. There was probably no worse husband in the room than him.

He managed to pull himself together enough to focus and listen to his children speak. Apparently Whitney was the best mum, he was a great dad, they were looking forward to going away but they would miss them both and so on. It felt like someone had stuck a knife in his gut and was now twisting it.

Finally it was his turn. He was going to have to wing it.

“First of all, thank you to my beautiful wife, Whitney, for all the work she has put in for this party.” Lots of cheers and whistles for that. “Twenty years! It’s a long time. Whit and me, we’ve worked hard to make it work, doing our best for Daisy and Derry. They have always come first. And look how amazing they’ve turned out. Both off to uni in two weeks. I want them to make the most of it, find out who they really are and what they want their lives to be like and then chase that down. Don’t settle for anything less than happiness.” Don’t be like me.

He stopped and everybody waited, unsure if it was the end or not.

“Propose a toast, Dad,” suggested Daisy, putting her arm around his middle. He looked down at her and kissed the end of her nose.

“To happiness!”

**BEN**

Something was wrong with Callum and it seemed like it might be something to do with him. Callum was never offhand and yet he had brushed him off after the funeral. And now, he was toasting his family, wishing them happiness and looking like he was about to burst into tears.

He sent him a text.

_You are definitely not happy. Meet me?_

The funeral party was quiet but everybody seemed relaxed rather than subdued. It was a good atmosphere and he made sure he talked to everybody even though all he wanted to do was go and find Callum. He kept checking his phone but there was nothing.

“Didn’t take you long to find entertainment.” Louise nodded at his phone. Ben shrugged. He didn’t feel ready to share his confidences.

By the time it came to closing time, both parties had fizzled out and Ben had still not had a reply from Callum. He was now thinking that he must have done something to upset him. He stayed behind with Lexi and Callum’s kids to help Sharon clear up. Between them, they got everything sorted in a short time. Daisy and Derry were lovely people: friendly, interesting and refreshingly modest; they had a lot of Callum in them.

On his way home, he diverted into the gardens in the middle of the square, telling Lexi, Derry and Daisy that he was going to have a few minutes on Denny’s bench.

“Sorry for your loss,” said Derry. They were the usual words but Ben could tell they were sincerely meant; Derry had his dad’s integrity.

He sat there for ages mulling over his actions of the last few days trying to figure out what he had done to upset Callum, and was just thinking of leaving when his phone pinged.

 _I’m at your car. Let’s go for a drive_.

Ben ran the short distance and, sure enough, Callum was there. He moved towards him but Callum quickly stepped aside.

“Just open the car, Ben.”

They got in and Ben started to drive. He had an idea of where to go.

Callum was silent to begin with, not even looking Ben’s way. Ben waited, knowing that Callum was building up to asking him about whatever it was that had caused the issue. He had turned up to meet Ben and that meant he wanted to talk.

It was the middle of the night and the roads were traffic-free; soon they were on the fast road out of town.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Jamie Tyler?”

Ben jerked his head towards Callum in surprise.

“What?” Shit. Ben’s brain went into overdrive trying to think of the best way of making this seem better than it was. Callum picked up on his stall and immediately lost his temper.

“Oh, do you know what, Ben? I can’t be bothered with this if you’re going to lie to me. Let me out.”

Ben shook his head.

“No I can’t. What do you mean about Jamie Tyler?”

“Let me out of the fucking car!” Callum was scary when he was angry.

“I can’t. We can’t stop on this road. I’ll come off as soon as I can. But talk to me. What are you asking?”

Callum slumped back in his seat and stared out of the window.

“I don’t want to know.”

“Know what?”

“How you know Jamie Tyler.”

Ben felt bad for equivocating. He had seen Callum’s look of shock when Jamie had blown a kiss at him. But he didn’t want to lose what he had with Callum and he sensed that could happen. The right thing was to tell the truth.

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t know that I knew him until the night of the raid. He’s quite a lot different now but I knew him twenty-six years ago when I was in juvi. The manslaughter conviction.” He knew Callum knew. “He was called Jamie Foster then and he was my cell mate for over a year. You have no idea what it was like in there. It was hell. We were both regularly physically and sexually assaulted and, if we hadn’t had each other, god knows how we would have survived. We gave each other the tenderness and care that we both needed. It was life-saving.”

Callum was quiet. Ben ploughed on, wanting to be honest so that nothing else could spoil this precious new friendship.

“That night, the night of the raid, I woke up and Jamie was in my bedroom. He’d broken in. He asked me if I remembered him and then he turned the light on and I recognised him.” Full honesty but he could barely get the words out. “We had sex. So he would give me Raymond.”

“After you kissed me, you had sex with him?” Ben was floored by the disappointed tone in Callum’s voice.

“I didn’t enjoy it. I hated it. I must have spent an hour in the shower after he’d gone. But I wanted to … not get into a fight with him. I wanted it to be an amicable agreement to let Raymond leave his firm. I thought it was the only way to do it cleanly. An argument would have gone on and on and probably not got Raymond out. So, to persuade him, I exploited the intimacy we once had.”

Callum was quiet then and they carried on driving, making their way out of town. Ben was desperate to speak to reinforce his message that Jamie was not important to him but it was Callum’s turn and he wanted to hear his judgement, fervently hoping that it included understanding. But when he eventually spoke, it was about Whitney not Jamie.

“I just had a fight with Whitney. She was upset that I didn’t exploit the intimacy we once had to give a speech I didn’t mean.”

“Please tell me you didn’t say that to her.” Ben thought he would feel sorry for her if that was what Callum had said.

“No, I said that the speech was about our happiness and accused her of picking holes in everything I do. It wasn’t fair of me. But we’re not on the same page - what I think is important and what she thinks are not the same.”

They were at their destination and Ben killed the engine. Callum peered out into the darkness. This was an area without street lighting.

“Where are we?”

“This is another house Phil owned except off the books. Well, technically, I have always owned it. I just didn’t know. I’d only been here once before last week, when I was nineteen. It was his safe house. It was a bit of a dump as I remember it, but Ritchie, his brief, told me he’d been thinking of getting me to sell it so he’d had it done up. My plan is to sell it and add the proceeds to the family fund but the legalities are complicated. But it is somewhere private where we can talk tonight.”

From the front, the house looked like a tiny black-boarded cottage, and it was indeed tiny, but the whole of the inside was one space with a mezzanine over half of it plus a shower room; the feature that immediately drew attention was the back wall which was entirely glazed, a massive window that looked back towards London, the lit towers of Docklands seen to the left and those of The City on the right.

“Wow!”

“I know right.” They stood at the window gazing out over their hometown. “It’s so small I’m not sure I could live in it but I love this view and it’s only half an hour away. I’m almost tempted not to sell it.”

He looked thoughtfully at Callum.

“You know it wasn’t, don’t you?”

“What wasn’t what?”

“Your speech wasn’t about your happiness. You told your kids not to settle for anything less than happiness. You might as well have said ‘like I did’.”

It was a blunt assessment and Callum staggered a few steps back. His face was distorted with pain. He stared at Ben in anguish, his mouth moving but no sound coming out. Eventually he found his voice.

“I’ve got a beautiful wife, two amazing kids, a home with fucking flowers on the windowsill. Why, Ben? Why am I not happy?” His voice broke and he started to cry, staring desperately at Ben, wanting an explanation.

Ben took a step forward, reaching up and thumbing away the tears.

“You said it yourself in the speech. You never found out who you really are and what you want your life to be like. Or maybe you know but you never chased it down.”

He stared intently at Callum.

“I want to help you. Can I help you?” He softened his voice, guiltily remembering how similar it was to how he had changed his voice to seduce Jamie but he could hear the difference in the way he was speaking now: this time he was sincere. He meant it.

Callum closed the gap between them and with a lingering look straight into Ben’s soul, he crashed their lips together, a messy kiss full of desperation and want, hands fumbling with each other’s buttons and belts, as desire overcame them.

There was a moment in the final stage of undress when they both paused.

“Are you okay? We can stop whenever you want.” Ben heard the words coming out of his mouth and wondered who had said them. He was always out for his own satisfaction. What was happening to him? This was the effect Callum had on him – he made him loving. It was dangerous territory but he was determined to be brave. “This isn’t just sex for me, Callum. I like you. I really like you.”

Callum pulled them close together, connecting their naked bodies, obviously wanting to feel every point of contact. It was clear to Ben that he had put this off for a lifetime and he was not stopping.

“I really like you as well so … I’m overwhelmed but definitely okay. Please don’t stop.”

It was exhilarating and afterwards, in the fuzzy haze of bliss that follows, they lay on the rug in each other’s arms. Again Ben didn’t recognise himself. Cuddling after sex was not something often offered by his hook-ups but, even when it was, he didn’t indulge. Cuddling required a connection, something he had with Callum and he felt he could lay here with his new lover all night.

It wasn’t to be.

“We need to go. Whitney will be worried if she wakes up and I’m not back.”

“What are you going to do?”

Callum sighed heavily.

“Try to figure it out. How to say goodbye to twenty years of marriage without losing everything. How to be somebody completely different to who everybody thinks I am.”

Ben wanted him to acknowledge that he was gay but he could see that Callum was not ready for this. Holding him close, skin on skin, he made a solemn pledge to himself to not push, to give Callum the space he needed.

“Okay,” he said, smiling and giving Callum a quick kiss, “let’s go.”

**CALLUM**

Ben and Jamie. That was a shock. He was well aware that prison was a terrifying place with dangerous dynamics and a shocking level of abuse, especially back then. Trying to picture Ben and Jamie at seventeen brought him images of two good-looking boys, physically slight – prime fodder for the evil bastards who ruled the roost. He had always been highly empathic and his heart went out in memory of those poor, damaged boys.

It was hard to concede but he knew Ben had made the best decision he could with Jamie. Ben’s focus was on gaining Raymond’s release from the Tyler gang. He was right – going head to head with them would not achieve the end he was after; hoping for Jamie to resurrect his loyalty to Ben, establishing the idea that they had a lifelong debt to each other, was his best chance. In a way, Ben was lucky to have that shared history with the thug. He pushed the image of the two of them together away. Ben said he’d hated it. That was what he needed to focus on.

He couldn’t face crawling into bed with Whitney so he grabbed blankets and lay on the sofa and replayed his evening with Ben. It had been a revelation to him that he could feel so much. Over the years, he had perfected the art of pleasuring himself but it was a mere fraction of what he had achieved with Ben. They had kept it simple with Ben going first and showing him the way. Surprising himself, he had known what to do as he got his hands on Ben, doing it his own way and adding his own ideas, and was confident that Ben had enjoyed them shown by his moans and gasps and utterances of ‘Callum, baby, yes that’. Just thinking of it made him hard again.

He was as confused as ever about what to do about his marriage but he did know he wanted this thing he had with Ben to continue. Wondering if he should feel more ashamed of himself, he recognised that he was now a cheat. He had cheated on his wife. And he hoped to carry on cheating on his wife. It occurred to him that it was also unfair on Ben, not offering him the chance of a relationship out in the open. That was not a comfortable thought.

What he didn’t consider was that Ben wouldn’t want to continue.

So the rejection came out of the blue.

They had got into a habit of meeting for breakfast in the café. It was getting on Whitney’s nerves that Callum came home from work, had a shower and then left the house immediately to spend an hour having breakfast with Ben but, for him, it meant every day started well.

Not this day.

They hadn’t been together since their night at Ben’s cottage. Callum was contemplating how they might make time to be together again and was also wondering if Ben was thinking this as well.

“Callum, you know I like you and I want us to be more than friends.” Ben looked at him earnestly, a look that ordered him to pay attention and listen carefully. “But I don’t like sneaking around. I’m too old for that and life is too short.” He held his hand and rubbed soft circles with his thumb. “You need to take the time. To work out what you’re going to do.”

Callum couldn’t believe that it was over already. They hadn’t even got started.

“You understand, don’t you?” Ben was still holding his hand and looking up at him, eyes searching for a positive response, pleading with Callum to say that he understood.

It was petulant, pathetic even, but he hardened his eyes and withdrew his hand. Anybody might see.

“You did warn me.”

“What? Warn you about what?”

“That you’re a tart, a ‘one night if you’re lucky’ kind of man. Not made for happiness.” He saw Ben’s shoulders slump as he shoved his hands deep in his pocket.

“Right,” said Ben sadly. “I did say that. Yeah.” Callum stood up, taking a step back when Ben reached for him. “Is that how we’re leaving this?”

Callum didn’t answer and simply left. It was childish, he knew, but he couldn’t afford to give Ben an honest reaction. Because that would involve tears and begging him to reconsider. Outside the café, he hesitated. He didn’t want to turn into a blubbering wreck in public, he couldn’t go home because Daisy and Derry were there and there was nowhere else to hide away. Before he could make a decision, a firm hand grasped his arm and propelled him along the street and into number 55.

“You fucking idiot.” Ben pushed him into one of the kitchen chairs, threw a box of tissues on the table and poured him a glass of water. “You just jumped to all the wrong conclusions. You think I don’t feel it, what we have, but you’re wrong. I am full of hope. This cannot be goodbye.”

Callum dropped his head onto his arms and wept, turning when he felt Ben’s hands in his hair to press his face against his stomach and wrap his arms around his waist.

“I don’t know how to do it,” he mumbled against Ben’s t-shirt. Ben sat down, collecting Callum’s hands on the way and holding them tight as he used all four hands to lift his chin.

“I know you don’t and I don’t want to push you. I want you to find your own way out because it’s what you want, not because you want me. That’s what I meant. I want you to know that I’m up for more but I know you need time. I want you to make it about what you want, though, not what I want. Does that make sense? But Callum, babe, please don’t just walk away and not even try. Please say you’ll try to find your way out. If you don’t try …”

Ben was weeping freely now as well and he moved onto Callum’s lap and they held each other.

“I thought you were ending it,” blubbed Callum.

“I know you did. I’m not.”

**WHITNEY**

The thought of the children leaving for university was in her mind constantly. She wanted them to go. Jobs were hard enough to get nowadays and graduates had a much stronger chance. Plus, nobody in their family had ever been to university, so this was a real step up. She definitely wanted them to go. All the preparations for their children’s departure could not be left to her because, if Callum had bothered to notice, she had to work. He didn’t seem to realise that she had to work every day whereas he worked nights mainly. He had time during the day to get things sorted out. Instead he was with Ben bloody Mitchell every free hour he had. She sent him a quick text reminding him to go straight home after breakfast.

Despite being sure that she wanted them to go, she was dreading the children leaving. They were her greatest achievement; she couldn’t be prouder of them. What was she without them? Everybody thought her marriage was up there with her great achievements but Whitney knew all was not well. Callum worked nights; she suspected he offered to do the nightshift so that he could avoid being in bed with her. They never had sex. Literally never. In fact, he never kissed her beyond a chaste kiss to the forehead. He never touched her if he could help it. This wasn’t a new situation. It had always been this way. They had managed to conceive their children. That was it.

Part of her thought it was fine. Lots of her friends actively avoided having sex with their husbands and they seemed quite happy for them to be out of the house as often as possible. But their husbands were all dogs. Her friends were all in their late forties and preferred a night out with each other well away from their other halves so that they could get obscenely drunk and fancy their chances with any likely fellas that crossed their paths. Whitney loved a night out and, with her pretty face, often managed to attract a bit of flirting. But it was never from anybody as handsome as Callum. Callum was not a dog.

Flicking open her phone, she clicked on her social media and perused the photos of her and Callum. They looked great together. She smiled at the smiling faces looking at her from the screen. Surely a couple who looked this happy must BE happy?

Generally, she got home around four, Callum would often have just got up and would be preparing tea for the four of them. It was Whitney’s favourite part of the day, sitting around the kitchen table, chatting about their news. Today was no different. She entered the house to hear laughing and her spirit was immediately bolstered.

“What’s going on here then?” she asked, poking her head around the kitchen door.

“Dad made us a list of stuff we’re going to need and told us to check it off. Derry has got everything and, well, I haven’t.”

“She’s got nothing,” laughed Derry.

Whitney was taken aback. Daisy and Derry were always organised; she never had to worry about that. She had a moment of annoyance with Callum for not checking, completely overlooking that this conversation was a result of him doing exactly that.

“It’s deliberate,” protested Daisy. “I’ll get there, see what I actually need and order it online. It can all be delivered and I won’t need to do loads of packing. Like Derry will. Have you seen the amount of stuff he’s got?”

Whitney surveyed her family, her handsome husband, both children striking like their dad and her heart swelled with pride. She would have to wave them off at the weekend and it was breaking that same heart. But maybe it was also an opportunity for her and Callum to spend time together. She would come home from work and they would have tea, talk and laugh, get to know each other again.

**CALLUM**

Daisy was going to Manchester and Derry to Leeds so the plan was to drop them off in turn, Daisy first, in one huge circuit of the country. Callum had borrowed Ben’s car for the day and, as he and Whitney left Leeds and were finally alone in the car, he soon came to realise how much that had irritated her. She was quiet initially. Leaving the children had been emotional and she had cried a lot. Then, after an hour or so of driving, she spoke.

“Why have we never bought a car?”

“We live in London and there’s just no need.”

“Obviously there is or we wouldn’t have had to borrow Ben’s car.”

Whitney was clearly ready for an argument and Callum felt sick that there were a couple of hours to go trapped in the car with her. He put the radio on and tried to be upbeat.

“What do you fancy listening to?”

“What music do you think I like, Callum?” It was a question posed as a challenge, designed to expose what a negligent husband he had been, not even bothering to know something as simple as taste in music about his wife. He changed tack.

“I know it’s upsetting, Daisy and Derry leaving home …” He left the statement hanging, inviting Whitney to talk about how she felt.

“Not really. I’m happy for them. You’ve always said you work nights so that one of us is always there for them. Well now we don’t need to run our lives around them. We can run them around us. You can work days like me. You could try for detective. We can do things differently.”

Callum was quiet for a few minutes. This plan of Whitney’s to reboot their marriage was going to gain momentum in her mind and he knew he was never going to be on board. It would be cruel to string her along. He needed to stop it now.

“I’m going to leave the police, Whit.”

Resolutely facing the road ahead, he was nonetheless aware that her head had snapped round.

“What?”

“When I’m fifty, I can get my pension. I’m going to leave then.”

He expected her to be furious so was surprised by her next comment. Her voice bubbled with enthusiasm.

“That’s perfect timing. Steve, the site manager at the school, he’s planning to retire around then. You could go for his job. We could work together. It would be perfect.”

“No!” He didn’t mean it to come out so sharply but, even so, was frustrated by the little whimper that came from her; he was never aggressive with her, never gave her any reason to be frightened of him. “Whit, I was never cut out to be army, I was never cut out to be a copper. I want to spend the rest of my working life doing something that suits me. I don’t know what it is yet. I’m going to give it a lot of thought. But I already know it isn’t Steve’s job.”

“And what I think doesn’t count for anything?”

Fortuitously, a motorway service station was coming up, so Callum pulled off. If they were going to fight and shout at each other, he shouldn’t be driving. Whitney said nothing; he could tell she knew what was coming. He parked the car in the empty spaces at the back of the car park and turned to her.

“Tell me why you think you should have a say in what job I do?”

“It’s our family income. We both work but you’ve always earned more so what you earn is important for our family.”

“So if I’d said ‘no Whit you can’t be a teaching assistant, they don’t earn enough, you need to be a police officer’, that would have been reasonable?” He was becoming angry and he raised his voice a little to answer his own question. “Because that’s not really any different is it? You could have earned more doing something else but you WANTED to work at the school. So don’t tell me it’s about money. And I supported you. I always supported you. Wanted you to be happy and fulfilled.”

Whitney was fiery and Callum had known as soon as he decided to pull off the motorway that they would end up yelling at each other. Sure enough, she let rip.

“Happy? Is that what I’m supposed to be? I’ve got a husband who never shares my bed if he can help it, never touches me. What is it Callum? Have I got too fat? You don’t fancy me anymore?”

“Whit, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful. It’s me. I’m not made that way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t get turned on. I never really have. You know this. It’s not you. It’s me.” This was a chance to tell her their marriage was over, to work towards a point where they could make some practical decisions about their future, but the possibility of losing Whitney, his family, his home was terrifying. “I love you Whit. I’ll always love you. We have a beautiful family.”

She turned to him, jabbed a long, manicured fingernail at him and hissed through bared teeth.

“What if I want MORE?”

“It can’t come from me Whit. But … what we have is a lot.” He was crying now. It wasn’t something she had seen him do and the shock on her face showed it.

“Stop crying. What are YOU crying for? I’m the one who’s pushed away, treated like I’m repulsive.”

Callum stared at her incredulously. He had never treated her like she was repulsive.

“That’s not fair Whit. I do not treat you like that. You’re beau… “

“DO NOT TELL ME I’M BEAUTIFUL!” Whitney screamed at him, her voice jagged and broken with hurt. “You clearly don’t think I’m attractive. I don’t want to be beautiful. I want to be attractive. To you, Callum, I want to be attractive to you. Am I attractive to you?”

“We’ve talked about this Whit. I’m not made that way.”

“Are other women attractive to you?”

“No, Whit, of course not.” There was a lie in this truth and it was sticking in his throat. “Whit, …”

“Shut up, Callum. Do NOT tell me other things are more important. It’s not enough and we need to sort it out. Go to counselling or something.” She sat back in her seat. “Drop me at my mum’s. It can’t be far from here. I’ll call in sick to work this week. I think we need some time apart.”

Half an hour of bitter silence later, Callum dropped Whitney off at her mum’s house and then drove back to Walford, crying for the rest of the journey. He parked Ben’s car and knocked on the door to hand back the keys. Ben took one look at him and pulled him inside.

“What’s happened?”

Callum fell into his arms, sobbing and barely able to breathe.

“Said goodbye to my kids today and straightaway my marriage starts unravelling. Whitney’s mad at me. She’s at her mum’s in Milton Keynes. She says I’ve got to change.”

Ben said nothing, just stroked his hair and made soothing sounds.

“What am I going to do? I can’t change, Ben. But something has to change.”

“Yeah it does. But not right now. You need to rest.”

Callum was exhausted but, more than anything, wanted the physical comfort being offered. He was so tired of feeling lonely and needed to feel that there was someone else in his life who cared about his distress.

“Can I stay here? No sex, no kissing, just this?”

Ben appeared conflicted like he wanted to say yes but thought he should say no.

“I think that might make things even more complicated. Let me walk you home.”

So he was on his own. Nothing had changed.

The square was quiet as they walked round it. As they approached Callum’s house, he stalled. He didn’t want to go in. On the doorstep, he turned to Ben, his face blotchy from crying.

“You don’t want me anymore?”

Ben’s eyes widened and he shook his head in disbelief.

“You’ve got this, Callum. Take the time while Whit’s away to decide how you want things to be going forward.” Ben stroked his face gently. “You know how I feel about you but I want you to make your decisions like I don’t exist. They’ve got to be for you. It’s our best chance.”


	5. Traitors

**JAMIE**

Ben had been surprisingly bad in bed. Added to the soft paunch he had going on, Jamie thought he probably wouldn’t bother again. It had been nice in another way, though, nostalgic and intimate. And the kissing was nice, not his usual thing but with Ben it made sense. He touched his lips softly, remembering.

A long time ago, he and Ben had saved each other. There was no debt owed, not one that could ever be repaid anyway. They were bound together, compelled to look out for each other, because what was the point in saving a life if you then let it be taken? But it seemed they were not to be friends because Ben was so determinedly intent on turning his back on all things criminal. Jamie had enough self-awareness to recognise his own disappointment however much he kept such things hidden from the world.

He switched his mind away from Ben.

His priority right now was finding the traitor in his operation. How had the police known about the kids? It was not good for business that all five of the Kesuma family were now in police custody having been arrested at his house. His fucking house, for god’s sake. Part of him was unsympathetic. He hated paedos. There was no way he would have got his men to pick up their delivery if he’d known it was kids. And there was absolutely no way he would have asked Ben’s brother to do it. He could only imagine what that made Ben think about him.

He switched his mind away from Ben again.

“Tell me again why Raymond Mitchell was chosen to do the pick-up?” He levelled his piercing gaze at Nathan and was satisfied to see him pale.

“Basuki Kesuma was suss, boss. He wouldn’t tell us where the pick-up was until last minute. We didn’t know what we was getting ourselves into. It could have been a set up. We all thought it didn’t feel right so we decided to send Ray out front and followed him. We was with him all the way.”

“Sent him out front. You thought he was expendable? Did I tell you that?”

He could see tiny beads of sweat forming on Nathan’s brow. Good. It wouldn’t do him any harm to be frightened.

“He was fucking useless, boss.”

“Well that I can agree with. He’ll be a liability if we keep using him. So I have let him go.”

There was a stunned silence. Jamie knew that the usual procedure would have been to make sure Raymond was permanently silenced, his body never to be found, but he didn’t have to explain himself to this lot. Nathan, fidgeting, cleared his throat.

“Boss, he knows stuff.”

“Are you suggesting that I’ve made a mistake?” He could see Nathan, the weasel, was not going to say anything that might rebound on him but whoever stepped up and said yes might find himself promoted to be Harvey’s substitute.

“You’ll have your reasons, boss.” It was Molly, his lone female. “So not a mistake. But we need to work out what the risks are. See if there’s anything we need to sort.”

“Raymond is back with his family. His brother, Ben Mitchell, recently returned to Walford and gave all of us a little warning, at his dad’s funeral of all times, to keep our shit out of Albert Square. Which we will do. I know Ben and he understands how to behave. He is not going to stand on our toes and he does not pose a risk to us.”

Jamie looked round at the men and woman assembled in front of him daring them to challenge him. Harvey, his brother, the one person he would trust with his life, had been arrested and one of these fuckers was responsible. His rage flared momentarily but he quickly regained control.

“So, describe Raymond’s journey for me, don’t skip a second. Nathan, you start.”

“We had three cars following him so he didn’t make us. Was always a bit sharp Raymond about that sort of stuff. Nico and Al went first.” Nathan looked at Nico to continue the account. Al was twice the size of Nico with one tenth the intelligence (and Nico wasn’t clever); he never spoke.

“He picked up the car no problem. Was only in the lock-up for a minute. Sorting the Nav out probably. He headed out in the right direction and I kept with him past the cop shop. Smartie went next.” Smartie, real name Alek, took up the story.

“I follow him to Mile End. His driving not good, he weave around, bump kerb. We stop at lights. I remember crazy cyclist clip wing mirror. Then he have flat tyre. I call Nathan and carry on, turn at next right turn then park. Was other side of road. Before Nathan get there, police turn up. Bastards do search.”

“I turned up when the rozzers left …” started Nathan.

“Rozzers we know?” interrupted Jamie. Everybody shook their head.

“I got photo,” interjected Smartie.

“Find out who he is. I want a name.” Smartie nodded and Nathan carried on.

“Ray was a mess, fretting about the police, unfocused. We swapped cars and the first thing he did was drive my fucking car into his. Idiot forgot his phone as well.” He didn’t want to admit to punching Raymond; he was getting a strong feeling that Jamie was inclined to protect the boy. “I checked the spyware. Updated it.”

Nico picked up the account.

“We followed him to the pick-up. First thing he did was drive off the road, hit a sodding bollard. I shook him up, told him to pull his shit together and he managed to get going again. There was police around so we backed off two minutes out, picked him up as he came out and then Smartie took over again.” He was a little worried that he was going to find himself in trouble for roughing up Raymond and watched Jamie worriedly.

“Next bit nothing happen. Harvey pick him up again on way to yours as planned.” Smartie kept it brief, picking up on Jamie’s volatile mood.

Jamie looked at them all suspiciously.

“It sounds to me like you all knew the pick-up was trouble. Are you telling me your instincts are so finely honed you picked up something me and Harvey missed?” Everybody stayed quiet, hoping it was a rhetorical question. “The police were around on the way to the pick-up, then at the pick-up, then they turn up at my gaff. What did they know and, much more importantly, how did they know it?”

“That copper turned up again at the broken down car, asking questions,” said Nathan. “I told him Raymond had an urgent appointment so I was waiting for recovery in his place. Told him my name was Charlie Mooney.”

There was nothing suspicious about this copper, in Jamie’s view; it sounded like standard cop procedure. It was worth checking, though. The police presence around the pick-up sounded more unusual. So who knew that the pick-up was kids? It didn’t sound like any of this lot did.

“After the pick-up, you went back to my gaff, Nico?”

“Yeah, Harvey called, told me to check the way in was clear. Al was with me.”

“Was it clear?”

“Yeah, two guys in a car down by the factory wall, snogging each other’s faces off. No-one else around.”

Jamie remembered them. Casting his mind back, the car was in the dark shadows, the figures of the men only just visible. Conveniently parked so that nothing could be seen.

“Did you get a reg? Model?” Nico and Al looked sheepish.

“It was a dark colour, small SUV, old style. They’d been there a while, not much heat from the car. I touched the bonnet.”

“Well now, I think we can assume they were the boys in blue. They’ve got their homophobic house in order, haven’t they? If they got there … what do we think? … car was only just warm … half an hour before Harvey and Raymond? If that’s true then they already knew about the pick-up before Raymond got there. What does that tell us?”

“It wasn’t Raymond,” stated Molly. It hadn’t escaped her that the others had organised their plan to send Raymond out front without involving her. She didn’t like how easy it had been for them to potentially sacrifice him. She was surely next to be bottom of their pecking order.

“I’ve already checked all of you.” Jamie’s soft voice carried a layer of menace. “it looks like none of you made the call as your trackers didn’t show anything off. Although you all need an update. The new update includes a listening bug. No hiding then.”

“What about Raymond?” asked Nathan. Jamie glanced at him. Why was he so down on Raymond? Or was he trying to divert attention from himself?

“Raymond’s tracker had been updated … by you, so you should know … and he was exactly where he said he was. He got home, talked to his sister and went to bed. I paid a little visit to Ben later that night to establish what was to happen with young Raymond, and I checked in on him. Sleeping like a baby. So yes Molly, I’m inclined to agree. Not Raymond.”

“Maybe the traitor was in the Kesuma gang?”

Jamie looked at Molly thoughtfully. It was a good shout.

“Right - we work backwards. Let’s find out who the stop and search copper was. See if he’s got links to anybody we know.”

**CALLUM**

He woke unusually refreshed the next morning and was shocked to find it was actually afternoon. It had been years since he had last overslept. He lay for a while listening to the quiet Sunday afternoon noises of the square, recognising in himself a sense of peace - he had clearly needed the rest. Not having Whitney there was a relief; he felt that the seed of change had been planted. He was going to leave his marriage, preferably with the least amount of distress and disruption, but he was definitely going to leave. The sequence of events and the timescales to achieve this were for thinking about later. For now, he just wanted to feel good about the future, to build up his emotional reserves so that when the wrecking ball swung his way, maybe he could duck.

Ben’s words were on a loop in his head: you know how I feel about you … make your decisions like I don’t exist … it’s our best chance.

It was easy to feel excited about his future while he was ignoring the present but it did give him space to focus on Ben’s message, which, the way Callum saw it, was that he didn’t want to be the reason for Callum’s marriage breakdown. So what were the reasons? He got himself a piece of paper and a pencil and decided to attack the issue analytically, identifying pros and cons.

_Reasons to stay_

  * _Dream of a future family life_
  * _Protect W (leaving will hurt her)_
  * _Not disappoint D & D_



_Reasons to leave_

  * _Not suited to W (diff interests, values)_
  * _Stop being lonely_
  * _Honest, stop living a lie_



It was stark. The reasons to stay were about his family; the reasons to leave were about him. He wasn’t naturally selfish and his instinct was that it was reasonable to make life decisions based on family but then he thought about his children, and imagined them in his position. What advice would he be giving them? He knew straightaway – he would advise them to leave.

He strove for honesty, wanting to be certain that he was making a decision he could live with forever. Was Ben one of his reasons? For sure, he had been a catalyst but if he had been prepared to have a clandestine affair, would Callum be thinking of leaving Whitney? It would have been weak but Callum had lived his whole life as a lie and, in this moment, sitting in his tiny back garden with the September sun beaming down, he knew he may well have carried on as usual with Ben as a beautiful added extra.

What if Ben had issued an ultimatum? Him or Whitney. But Callum knew that Ben would never do that to him. He’d only known him for five weeks but he felt Ben’s respect for him like it was a protective cloak. Ben would not do anything to cause him pain.

The major catalyst – it was obvious to him now - was Whitney’s hope of changing their marriage. It wasn’t wrong or unreasonable of her. What they had now was a sham. She wanted something real, where her husband adored her and she him, where making love brought them together, where their plans for the future were about the two of them. Callum could not deny her this. She was right to want it and she deserved it. It just had to be with someone else.

His mind went backwards and forwards and around as he tried to make sure that he had looked at his marriage from every viewpoint. It scared him. Whitney was going to be utterly devastated and he didn’t want to be responsible for that. He couldn’t fix on how he thought Daisy and Derry would respond, wanting to believe that they would care enough for him to want what was best for him but knowing they fluttered around Whitney’s moods always trying to offer her appeasement. All three of them danced lightly around Whitney, concerned for her fragility, knowing how she had suffered as a child. The thought of contributing to Whitney’s lifetime of tragedy was almost enough to make him reverse direction but he looked at his list and could see that he was not her best chance of happiness.

Before he knew it, it was time for work.

The shift was quiet which was fortuitous as he was extremely distracted. By the time morning came, he couldn’t recall a single job from the night; his mind was definitely elsewhere. Walking back round to the square, all he could think about was meeting Ben for breakfast.

Ben was at their usual table. Usually, whoever arrived first would place the order and Bobby would bring it across when the other got there. Callum felt a surge of comfort at the familiar routine and his heart jumped when Ben’s face lit up at the sight of him.

“Morning!” His shimmery eyes got Callum every time. “Normally, you look knackered. What’s with the bright and breezy face?”

Callum grinned.

“I am knackered. It’s just I feel like I’m getting some clarity about all of this and it’s making me feel good.”

“Yeah?”

He rooted around in his pocket and handed his pros and cons list to Ben, fully expecting to see Ben’s face break into a smile affirming that he’d done well thinking about his issues this way. But instead Ben was frowning at the paper. Eventually he looked up at Callum, confused.

“Is this everything, Callum?”

“Er … I … yes?” Ben was definitely looking at him as though he had missed something. Had he expected to be one of the reasons? “You said to think about it as though … as though you weren’t part of it.”

Ben was still looking at him but now Callum couldn’t read his expression.

“I don’t know what I’ve missed, Ben. Just tell me.”

Ben looked back at the paper.

“Maybe it’s there,” he said at last. “What do you mean by ‘stop living a lie’?”

“Stop pretending to be the perfect husband, the perfect family. Everybody looks at us, at me, but it isn’t what they think they see.”

“Because …?”

Callum looked at Ben, puzzled. He didn’t know what Ben was trying to get him to say.

“Because me and Whitney aren’t as connected as they think?”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I’m not in love with her. I love her, I do. I want her to be happy. But I’m not the person who is going to do that for her and she is not the one for me.”

“For fuck’s sake, Callum. I feel like I’m pulling teeth here. SHE is not the one for you because …” Callum’s face was blank and Ben was becoming increasingly frustrated. “ … because she’s a she, Callum.”

Callum had thought about this. Whitney being a woman had not bothered him when they got together, or when they got married, when they had children, at any time really. Ben was wrong about this.

“It’s not that. It’s that she, as a person, with the way she lives her life, has friends, everything really, is not a good match for me.”

“So nothing at all to do with you being gay?”

Callum shut down. Gay was such a clear thing to be and nothing about his life was clear. Gay men did not marry women and he had been married to Whitney for twenty years. If he was what Ben said, like properly so, then his marriage would have broken down before now. He was not attracted to Whitney. He had never been attracted to another woman. He had been attracted to other men. And he was definitely attracted to Ben. But did that make him gay? He rejected the question.

The truth was that the idea of him being gay was too much for him to take on board the sinking ship of his marriage, so he was ignoring it for now.

“Well … er … I’m knackered. I’ve been up almost twenty-four hours.” He slid out of the booth. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

**BEN**

Ben watched Callum go, took a half a second to consider his next move, then went after him. He almost caught up with him, then hesitated. He had promised himself that he would give Callum space to reach his own conclusions in his own time. But it was no good. Callum was entrenched in denial. He quickened his step and was right behind Callum as he let himself into his house, making him jump out of his skin.

“Ben?”

Ben pushed him through the door, following him in.

“We’re having this conversation, Callum.”

They were in the narrow hallway, backs against the wall facing each other, staring at each other, eyes tethered by a fierce longing. Ben could feel his breath stuck in his throat and saw Callum gulp with the same problem. Somewhere at the back of his consciousness, he remembered he was here to talk but almost his entire mind was filled with thoughts of getting his hands on Callum. It had been weeks since they had been together. The sexual tension was tangible, a solid, red-hot connection between the two of them. Irresistible. They met in the middle: a tight embrace, a passion-fuelled kiss, clothes clawed off. Not letting go, they staggered towards the living room and fell onto the sofa, hands and mouths reaching hungrily for each other.

Ben had had some fantastic sex in his life but this, lying naked on top of Callum, rubbing their erections together, was unbelievably exhilarating, more so than he would ever have expected. The intensity rocketed and he heard his lover groan with ecstasy and watched his eyes roll back momentarily and then snap back onto him like a laser, burning straight into his soul. Fuck! Callum finished them off together, his huge hand around them both, gazing in awe at Ben. Their eyes were firmly fixed on each other and Ben could barely breathe as they came together. He rested his cheek against Callum’s and felt him kiss his hair. If possible, he would have melted.

“Bit messy … we should try to keep it off the sofa.” Callum’s voice was muffled against his head.

He pressed his cheek in further and whispered in Callum’s ear.

“The correct form would be to tell me that was fucking amazing.” He could feel Callum’s smile appear. Grabbing his pants from the floor, he cleaned them up as best he could and was taken by surprise as Callum pulled him out of the room, up the stairs and into the bathroom. Five minutes later, he was leaning back into Callum, surrounded by soapy froth. It was a completely new experience for him; it was warm and sensual and he felt deeply relaxed. Tilting his head, he looked up at Callum.

“I’ve never done this.”

Callum kissed him then, so tenderly it was the lightest of touches but creating a huge surge of emotion and his heart melted all over again. He’d completely fallen for this beautiful guy.

**CALLUM**

After the bath, they lay on his bed, his and Whitney’s bed, and he cried. Not immediately. At first, they gazed at each other as though they were finally allowed to simply stare, taking in every detail. Soft hands drifted over smooth flesh, legs pushed in between legs, and they resumed their kissing.

Eventually, Ben pulled away and Callum revelled in the way he took a moment, eyes closed, lips swollen, to recover himself, loving that he made him feel this good.

“Callum, babe, we do need to talk. About you. About Whitney.”

That was when the tears started. He was so tired of having his joy squashed.

“Please, Ben. Please let us have this. It’s so right. Please. It’s so hard to be always thinking about what’s wrong.”

He felt Ben’s arms envelop him and bring his face into his neck, cradling the back of his head. It was time to face up to things.

“I’ve betrayed her. Broken my marriage vows. Been a liar.”

Ben held him while he wept.

“It’s not as simple as that, babe,” he said, his voice laden with concern. “You’re at a crunch point. Something has to change. You don’t want to hurt her but you don’t have any options that don’t involve hurting her.”

“I can’t believe I’m cheating on her. I love her.”

“Okay, so let’s talk about this.” He sensed Ben’s determination to unpack his issues and recoiled. Ben was having none of it. “Come on, Callum. She’s back at the weekend and you need to have made some decisions. So, first question, why am I your first man? Am I your first man?”

Callum tucked himself back in, resting his head on Ben’s chest, aware of his heartbeat, the rise and fall of his breathing, Ben’s fingers gently caressing his arm, featherlight strokes telling him he was safe. Their legs were entwined together, hips pressed together to feel the beginnings of arousal, and he had never felt so strongly that he was in the right place. He thought about Ben’s question. There had been many other occasions when he been at the point of accepting a man’s touch, but one was burned into his memory: Chris, when he was in the army. They had come so close.

“There was someone in the army. He gave me space, like you, and waited but I didn’t get there. I have always wished he pushed a bit harder.” He took a moment to feel the regret of that lost love. “I’m a coward. All my life, I’ve been able to avoid it. Whenever those feelings were there, I could push them away. Take a step back and remind myself that I’m married, I have a beautiful wife, two amazing kids …

“… and a lovely home. You repeat that like a mantra, you know. Every time you’re faced with the fact that you like men. What about before you were married? With your man in the army?”

He closed his eyes and turned his gaze inward, trying to find the real reasons.

“I didn’t want to be like that so I pushed it away. It was … too difficult. My dad was … he would have …” Ben cut him off, a crystal clear message that his dad was unimportant.

“Didn’t want to be like what?”

Callum ignored the question and saw Ben’s huff of exasperation.

“It was the kiss. It changed everything.” He looked up at Ben, reaching up a hand to tilt his head down so that they were looking at each other. “We were supposed to be pretending. I thought I could do it. You were able to do it.”

Ben reached a hand across and cupped his cheek, his expression soft.

“Hey, I wasn’t pretending. When you responded, I wanted to kiss you more than anything. Obviously, I hadn’t planned to kiss you, hadn’t thought about kissing you before then, but once we’d started, I was in.”

“I know. Me too.” The admission provoked fresh tears. He could see Ben’s empathy in his caring eyes, could feel it in his tender touch and knew that he had escaped the questioning for now.

Ben left then, leaving him to get some sleep but that wasn’t happening. Lying alone in bed, thinking over the morning, he pressed his face into the pillow next to him, trying to smell Ben, wishing he was still there. It was ridiculous and amazing – he was fully aroused at the mere thought of him.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

There was the sound of the key in the front door, then the door opened and shut with a thunk. It could only be Whitney. His first thought was about the litter trail of clothes but he breathed again when he remembered Ben had collected them up and put them in the washing basket when he got dressed. He heard Whitney’s steps coming up the stairs and the faint creak of the door as she came into the bedroom, clearly expecting him to be asleep. He closed his eyes, feigning sleep.

She stood by her side of the bed and he panicked, thinking she might spot that it had been laid in, so he rolled over, still pretending to be asleep and lay on her side, covering the evidence. He heard a slight gasp. It sounded like she was moving around the room but then the cover was lifted and she sat astride him. Naked.

His heart sank as she leaned forwards and her breasts touched his chest.

“Wakey wakey,” she murmured in his ear. “Surprise!” With that she kissed him on the lips. He had to open his eyes then.

“Whit!”

“What a lovely welcome home,” she cooed, reaching her hand down and feeling him, softening but still hard from his thoughts about Ben. “Ooh, hello! I’ve been thinking that, if you can’t … you know … then there are other things you can do. With your mouth.” She almost moaned as she said it. “But if you’re ready …” She fisted him gently and his traitorous cock twitched and stiffened. “Not so fast soldier. You need to put in some preparation first. Let me catch up.”

He should have said no, pulled away, told her it wasn’t what he wanted. Instead, he flipped her over and entered her, no warning, no preamble, concentrating only on summoning images of Ben, imagining that he was inside Ben. He had no idea what that might be like; they weren’t at that stage. He didn’t once think about Whitney was doing, how she was receiving it. It took a minute, two at the outside, and he was spilling into her. Not even looking at her, he pulled out and escaped to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and then sank down on the floor, letting the water cascade over him as he sobbed.

After a while, he became conscious that Whitney was knocking on the door. There was no avoiding it. And anyway he needed to stop avoiding it. He was going to talk to her.

He stopped the water, wrapped a towel around himself and let her in. She was in her dressing gown, eyes red from crying. Horrified, he scooped her up.

“Oh my god. Did I hurt you?”

She clung to him.

“What? No. It wasn’t … er … what I expected. But Cal, I’m just happy we did it. But the thing is … you’re not. I’ve just listened to you cry for fifteen minutes. Talk to me Cal. Tell me what the problem is. There isn’t anything we can’t work out together.”

Her voice was coaxing yet pleading and he sank to the floor in despair. After a moment, Whitney joined him. He wondered what he could say to her so that she would hear him.

“I told you I don’t want to have sex.”

She interlinked their fingers and stroked his cheek with her other hand. Every movement was caring and supportive but still he wanted her to let go, stop touching him.

“Yeah, I know. You have a low sex drive. But it doesn’t have to be lots, just now and then. We can start slow.”

Callum lost his calm then.

“Why don’t you listen, Whit? I’ve told you. Told you hundreds of times. I don’t want to.”

Dropping her hands into her lap, she dropped her head for a moment and then looked at him angrily.

“No. You never said that. You said you have a low sex drive. You told me you were impotent.” The accusation ‘liar’ blazed in her eyes. “You said you were tired, unwell, worried about the kids hearing. All sorts of excuses but not that you didn’t want to.”

He sighed heavily.

“I should have been clear. I don’t want to have sex with you.” He looked at her with frightened eyes. Truth time. “And it’s not because I have a low sex drive. I’ve cheated on you Whit.”

Her dismay was palpable. It was all there was in the room, no bathroom, no air, just hard shock. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Their eyes were locked on each other and he watched the slideshow of emotions as she went rapidly from disbelief to anger to pain.

“When? With who?”

Of course she would want to know. He hadn’t thought this through, should have planned it, thought about what he wanted to tell her.

“Last time was this morning, before that a couple of weeks ago. With Ben.”

Whitney shuffled away from him at lightning speed, standing up, leaving him cowering on the floor.

“This morning? In our bed? That’s why you were naked? You had sex IN OUR BED with Ben Mitchell? Ben Mitchell?”

Her legs buckled and she crumpled to the floor. He clambered over towards her.

“DON’T COME NEAR ME!” she screamed. She curled up in the doorway, he slunk back towards the shower and they were both crying hard.

He wasn’t sure how long they were there. Hours.

The light changed, slowly diminishing into the evening and Callum eventually hauled himself up, noticing that Whitney had also moved; he was unsure how he’d missed that. Getting dressed, he saw that the bed had been stripped. Fair enough.

Whitney was downstairs, curled up on the sofa and Callum made a mental note never to tell her about him and Ben on there. He sat down on the coffee table facing her. When she spoke, her voice was flat, almost devoid of emotion.

“Mum and Tiff said I should try harder, be more sexy. They said you wouldn’t be able to resist me. They said lots of people neglect their marriages because they’re so busy with children but it was always possible to get back on the bike. Mum said you never forget how to ride a bike. That’s what she said.”

Callum privately thought Whitney’s mum, Bianca, was a wind bag with the emotional intelligence of one.

“I love you Whit.”

“Yeah, like you love a kid sister … or a best friend.”

He breathed a sigh of relief; so she understood.

“Yes. Like a sister.”

Whitney sat up and stared at him, incredulity writ large on her face.

“For pete’s sake, Cal. You are on the truth train, ain’t you? So we’re not friends? Not like you and your precious Ben.”

As ever, he had not understood her and she had not understood him. The idea that they were best friends was part of the charade; eventually, she would look back and see this. He wanted her to know that he loved her and that he was her friend but it was important that she didn’t get the wrong idea; he’d come this far and he didn’t want to dilute his message.

“I will always be a friend who you can rely on if you’re in trouble. And we’ll always be our children’s parents. But we’re not friends who have a laugh together, know what each other is thinking, share secrets. Whit, you know we’re not.”

Whitney glared at him for a prolonged moment. She was aiming for angry, he could see that, but achieved devastation.

“I’m going back to my mum’s. Your next day off is Friday, so come and get me. We’ll talk there. Neutral territory.”

He wasn’t sure on what planet Bianca’s house was neutral territory but he nodded.

“I’ll get off to work then.”

Whitney had already laid back down. She ignored him.

**WHITNEY**

The door shut behind Callum and she dissolved into a fresh set of tears. She hadn’t relayed her mum’s words accurately.

“If he’s not having sex with you then he’s getting it somewhere else.” That was what she had actually said.

Her sister, Tiffany, had disagreed with this. She and her husband, Keegan, had six children and she knew all about being tired.

“Don’t listen to that, Whit. If he says he’s tired, he’s probably tired. Your Cal is lovely. Just give him a bit of space. And when you have a moment, make it nice, candles, music, you know. When Daisy and Derry aren’t at home.”

“Yeah, get him back on the bike,” Bianca had advised. “Sort your hair out, buy some nice lingerie, pair of high heels – nobody forgets how to ride a bike.”

“It’s easy to neglect each other when you’re busy with kids.” Tiffany had cast a meaningful glance at Keegan. It had reassured Whitney that her marriage was the same as any other.

She couldn’t face telling them that she and Callum had not had sex since Derry was conceived.

Tiffany’s comment about Callum being lovely had stayed with her which was why she had come home early. He was a gem, a real catch: handsome, kind, sincere. Coming across him naked in bed had been exciting. She hardly ever saw him even bare-chested so pulling back the cover and seeing his gorgeous body as he laid on his back was breath-taking. It had felt like a sign that they could make a fresh start.

The sex had been, well, sex. It most definitely wasn’t making love. With a belated awareness, she recalled how disconnected he had been. Had he been thinking of Ben? The rage came stampeding through her and, without thinking it through, she left the house and stormed round to Ben’s.

His brother Raymond was just leaving as she arrived and she pushed past him to go in the house, finding Ben in front of the television eating crisps. She swiped the bowl from his hand, scattering crisps around the room.

“Won’t offer you a crisp then,” said Ben coolly. He looked towards his brother who had followed Whitney. “It’s okay, Raym.” Raymond nodded and left.

Whitney stood over him, jabbing a talon at him, her eyes flashing with fury. He had the grace to look worried.

“YOU, Ben Mitchell, are bad news. Wherever you go, you leave a trail of destruction. You can’t help yourself, you just HAVE to ruin things, spoil things, destroy them. Callum is not for you. He’s kind and patient and lovely. Everything that you are NOT. You are pure evil …”

“Steady on Whit. I am NOT pure evil.” Ben was looking more annoyed than worried now.

“Really?” She sneered nastily at him. “How many people is it you’ve killed? Or had killed? Or left for dead?”

“One,” answered Ben, his tone loaded with remorse. “And I will be sorry for the rest of my days about that.”

“You should have been locked up for life!”

“Whit, you don’t know me. Not anymore. You’re angry and you’re blaming me for something …”

“SOMETHING?” she shrieked. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“No I don’t.” Ben wasn’t sure what Callum had told her and wasn’t about to give anything away. This was Callum’s life. “Tell me.”

“I’m talking about you and my husband. The thing you don’t understand is that Callum is honest. You wouldn’t get that because you, Ben, you can’t help yourself. Cheating comes naturally to you.” She suddenly saw an opportunity to be divisive. “When he made love to me this afternoon, he confessed what had happened between you two.”

Ben paled and she knew she had struck an injurious blow.

“You did not …”

“Yes, Ben, we did,” she crowed triumphantly. “I get home and my gorgeous husband is laid out naked in our bed. I’m sure you can imagine my delight.” She struck again determined to hurt him as much as possible. “He did not take much … waking up. Like I said, Ben, he is NOT for you.”

Giving him one more scathing look, she left.

Staggering across the square, the nausea threatened to overcome her. She knew she had just made a big mistake. Callum would not forgive her for this.

BEN

So Callum’s response to beautiful, intimate sex with him had been to sleep with his wife - he REALLY didn’t want to be gay.

He cleared up the crisps on autopilot, the job completed without a single conscious thought, all his working memory devoted to Callum and how to help him. Callum was gay but he was battling to make sense of it and he definitely was not ready to be out; Ben understood that struggle and he also understood that he ought have no part in the resolution of that problem. He should not have pushed Callum today. Callum had to get there by himself in his own time. It was not what he wanted and the thought of it broke his heart but his ruminations led him to a clear conclusion: he needed to let Callum go.

For the first time since he had come back to Walford, the thought of hooking up came into his head. If he needed to evict Callum from his head, a pretty, young thing would be just the job. He got ready, knowing how to make himself look alluring and smell amazing, and headed out. He had learned his Harry lesson, and avoided The Albert, getting on the tube instead and going into town. He started on beer – getting smashed would achieve nothing - but the music and the dancing were intoxicating and before long he was drinking shorts, popping tablets and feeling buzzed. Spotting a couple of likely candidates for his night’s pleasure, he picked a favourite and moved in. The first was not interested, removing Ben’s hand from his back as though he was some pissed old fart. No worries, there were plenty more fish in the sea. The second looked at him like he was disgusting and he started to realise that he had got a bit too off his face for a decent hook up. So, it was either an indecent hook up or get even more wrecked. Purchasing some more pills, he decided to buy a half litre of vodka and find a bench somewhere.

Walking down to the river, he found his spot, somewhere suitably smelly and dirty for sitting and feeling miserable. He had a special gift for self-destruction yet something in him held back. An hour later, he handed his unopened bottle to a grateful beggar and chucked his tablets in the river. His face was wet with tears. How could he be so broken-hearted about losing somebody who had never been his?

It was a stupid idea but he decided to walk home; it was an attempt to clear his head. Or maybe it was a form of self-abuse. It was much further than he thought, not helped by the number of times he had to stop and rest because his feet hurt, and the sun was rising by the time he arrived back in Walford.

“Ben!”

He had been in a world of his own and hearing his name called out took a moment to register.

“Ben.” His name now came with a hand on his arm and he turned to face Callum who looked confused as he looked him up and down. “You’ve been out?”

Ben shrugged. His feet hurt and he was feeling bitchy.

“Yeah. Hearing that the first thing you did after what we did was fuck your wife, I thought I might try a hook up.”

Callum took a startled step back. The colour drained from his face and his voice was shaky when he spoke.

“Whit told you? Ben, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It was … I … er … oh god, I don’t know if I can explain it. I don’t know why I did it. It was definitely wrong.” He looked embarrassed and ashamed and, worse, completely defeated by events.


	6. In Deep

**BEN**

Seeing Callum’s shame and devastation broke Ben.

He hated that Callum had slept with Whitney but he could imagine how it had happened. He was, after all, the king of self-destructive decisions. Making the right call all of the time was a skill that eluded pretty much everybody; he wasn’t going to judge Callum. He wanted him to stand up and be proud and open about who he was but he knew it was difficult. So he sent out a lifeline.

“Like me with going out tonight. I don’t know why I did it either. It didn’t work. Nobody fancied me. Mainly because I’m a miserable bugger with his heart set elsewhere.” He stepped close to Callum and held onto the front of his jacket. “Callum, it’s like I said before - you know how I feel about you. I’m sorry I pushed you yesterday and I promise I’m going to stop. This … us … is with you. It’s your play. When you’re ready. If.”

Callum nodded, staring straight into his eyes.

“When. I promise,” he whispered.

**JAMIE**

Jamie heard Ben let himself in.

“Raym, are you in?” Ben’s question demonstrated that he expected the house to be empty. Jamie suspected the smell of coffee told him otherwise. He had made two cups, just in case.

Jamie was impressed as Ben walked into the living room – he didn’t even flinch. Looking him up and down, he saw that he was dressed to party but was now coming in at dawn in a dishevelled state.

“Good night?”

Ben ignored the question.

“Jamie.” He sat down. “You do know that, usually, if somebody’s not in, you wait until they get back and then knock on the door.”

“Not my style.”

“Seriously,” Ben leaned forward, very obviously annoyed, “please don’t let yourself into my home again.”

The tension between them prickled. Jamie didn’t like being told what he could and couldn’t do.

“Ben, let’s not fall out. I’m here because you might be able to help me with my traitor problem.”

He watched Ben’s face. Not a flicker. Not even curiosity … and that was strange. Ben looked tired and upset, and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Jamie felt a flicker of protectiveness and recognised that he was prepared to hurt the fucker who had treated Ben badly last night; he pushed the thought away. Not why he was here.

“The interfering copper. He’s called Callum Highway. Do you know him?”

Ben opened his eyes and looked at him strangely then.

“Yes I do. I mean I know who he is. He lives on the square so he’s one of my neighbours. I’ve only been back five weeks so I hardly know him … Like what I see though.”

The flippant comment amused Jamie.

“A copper boyfriend. That WOULD be fun.”

Ben didn’t seem quite as amused.

“He’s married to an old friend. What do you think he did?”

“According to my mole at Walford nick, he told his boss that he got suspicious when he stopped Raymond and then he wasn’t there when he passed by a second time. He said my man’s phone rang while he was there and he saw my name displayed. Twice. So he decided to stakeout my house and the rest you know.”

He watched as Ben listened carefully.

“Let me guess - you didn’t make any calls.”

Jamie scrutinised Ben. At seventeen, Ben had seen danger before it happened, had always known who was telling who what. It had kept them both safe and it seemed to Jamie that he might still be as sharp.

“So, my beautiful Ben, you always were a smart one, how did the lovely Sergeant Highway know about my business that night?”

“Only one way - someone who knew told him. You know it wasn’t me or Raymond. So why are you in our home?”

“Albert Square. I said I would leave it alone. This changes things. I need to be around. It could be the best way. You could look out for me, like you used to. And I’ll look out for you, like I used to. A partnership.”

Ben sipped his coffee and watched him over the rim of the cup. His irritation was clear.

“Jamie, when I asked you to let Raymond go, it wasn’t in exchange for me. I will not be involved with you. Don’t push me.”

Jamie didn’t like to be threatened or refused. And Ben had just done both.

**CALLUM**

As soon as he let himself in, he knew Whitney was still there. She had a presence in the house with which he was completely familiar.

He found her sitting in the kitchen and sat down opposite her. She was wearing the same clothes as the previous day and her mascara was streaked around her eyes and across the top of her cheeks. She glared at him, hostility permeating the air around her. He didn’t want to get into a fight with her but he was beginning to get a sense that it might be unavoidable.

All of a sudden, the fight went out of her like someone had snuffed out a light. There were dark shadows under her eyes that weren’t smudges of old makeup.

“You haven’t slept?”

She shook her head, defeat embedded in the action.

“I’ve been trying to work out how I lost my husband to Ben Mitchell.” She reached across and held his hands. “You don’t know him, Callum. And there are things you need to know. He fractured a kid’s skull by hitting him with a wrench. He went to prison. Then he … he killed someone. A completely harmless woman and he hit her over the head. He killed her, Callum, and went to prison again.”

“You didn’t lose me to Ben Mitchell. He’s not part of this. And I do know all of this, Whit. He’s …”

“Are you listening to me? He’s a criminal. He’s bad through and through. Is he the kind of person you would bring into our children’s lives?”

Callum stared at her bemused. How did she imagine that he didn’t know Ben’s criminal past? But bad through and through? Where had she got that idea?

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh thank god,” sighed Whitney, her relief palpable. “I wouldn’t want anyone like him connected to Daisy and Derry.”

Callum’s sigh was much louder than hers and he threw her hands away.

“You don’t know Ben. You think you do because you knew him as a kid, a troubled kid damaged by his upbringing. I’m surprised at you, Whit. If this was one of your kids in school, you would be full of understanding and optimism that a difference could be made. He has led a good life since he left London and is warm and caring and strong. If you knew him, you would like him. But let’s be clear. You didn’t lose me to him. You lost me right at the very beginning of everything, Whit. You just didn’t know. What I offered you was just one part of me and the other part was then missing, lost to both of us.”

Whitney listened to him, rolling her eyes to start with, dropping her head guiltily as she heard the charge of hypocrisy, and snapping it up again at the end.

“No, no that’s not right. We had everything.”

“What’s everything, Whit?” He knew his tone had hardened; a feeling in him was rising that he didn’t even like her and that was a place he didn’t want to reach. But it was now or never to air his truths. “I’m sorry Whit, I have never been physically attracted to you. I thought it didn’t matter. I thought I could live without it. When I have been attracted to other people, I’ve kept away and avoided it because I wanted to be faithful. It was my decision, how I wanted to live my life. But, it’s hurt me.”

He watched her growing anger and, with a sinking heart, knew she hadn’t heard him.

“It’s all about you,” she spat out. “What about me? Why don’t I matter? And why shouldn’t you be faithful? That’s what marriage vows are about.”

He stared at her, unable to understand why he couldn’t express himself in a way that would sink in.

“So you’re happy to carry on being married to someone who will never sleep with you and who is miserable about the situation? It’s not good enough … for either of us.”

“Why not? You can’t give up on twenty years of marriage for …”

He interrupted her.

“Twenty years of marriage that has included wonderful times but there has been something important missing. If you were so happy about how things are, why would you have been wanting me to change?” He saw his point had landed and ploughed on. “I want a best friend, somebody to laugh with and share my deepest thoughts. I want to be physically close, have great sex and wonderful intimacy. I want to be in love. I want all those things for you as well. Don’t you want all those things?”

Whitney was crying again now, despairing, choked sobs breaking out of her. Callum couldn’t help himself and went to put his arms around her. She pressed up closely against him, heaving and shaking as she wept.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Whit.”

“Then don’t do it,” she cried. “We’ve got Daisy and Derry to think about. We have always shared a commitment to them. We need to be together for them.” She clung to him and he was conscious of her hands stroking her back.

Callum let her go and moved back to his seat.

“We can go to counselling, sex therapy, whatever we need,” Whitney continued, her eyes glittering with tears but also with a renewed hopefulness. He couldn’t believe it.

“Sex therapy? What will that fix?”

“Help us become physically closer, improve our sex life. It could work. We owe it to our marriage to at least try.” She was pleading with him now and he needed to stop this.

“Whit, listen to me. When I said I’d been attracted to other people, I should have said … men.” He fixed his eyes on her, needing her to hear this first time. “It’s always been men for me. I have tried to push it away. I’ve tried really hard. But Whit … please listen to me … you’re the first person I have EVER said this to … it’s important …” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them and looked steadily at her. “Whit, I’m gay. I want to live the rest of my life as a gay man.”

They sat facing each other, sadness swirling around them. They had reached the end. Eventually, Whitney nodded slowly.

“Right,” she said. He could see she had shut down.

“You’ll meet someone else, they’ll make you happy …”

“Shut up, Cal.” She pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. “I’m not going to mum’s. I’m going back to work tomorrow. You can move into the spare room. But do not bring your boyfriend into this house. Can we agree on that?”

Callum nodded.

**BEN**

He had expected to walk in, change his clothes and head out to the café for breakfast with Callum; he’d been looking forward to it. It was the best part of his day and the thought of it had helped him endure blisters and pinched toes to get back here. But bumping into Callum had happened, then Jamie in his home had happened. Breakfast didn’t seem like such a great idea.

But Jamie’s visit meant that talking to Callum was urgent and essential and it had to happen in a completely private place; the café was clearly not that. Jamie’s lot would have a tail on Callum, that was for certain. Having talked to Raymond previously about the Tylers’ surveillance methods, Ben also knew that Jamie would probably aim to bug both him and Callum somehow. The gangster had been in his house this morning so he would need to check coats and shoes that were worn regularly. Had he been in Callum’s house? Ben thought probably not. And surely Jamie hadn’t got hold of their phones?

He grabbed a quick shower, made sure he was wearing a different coat, different shoes, checking everything, and headed out.

Callum was on his way across the square gardens and Ben hurried to intercept him, coming up behind him. He didn’t want Callum’s happy face giving the game away.

“Callum Highway!” he called, adding sotto voce as Callum spun around with a smile, “Drop the smile, act like you don’t know me.” Thankfully, Callum faltered and his smile was replaced by confusion which was the perfect response. Ben stuck his hand out. “Ben Mitchell. We haven’t met properly. Have you got time for a chat? Nothing serious, just want to pick your brains. I’ll buy you a coffee.” Callum took his cue from Ben’s loud, impersonal voice.

“Yeah, sure. The café?” Ben nodded and followed Callum to the café. He had to give Callum his due – he picked up the play perfectly. As he went to sit down, Ben ordered coffees.

“No food today?” asked Bobby.

“Yeah, why not? A couple of bacon sarnies, please, Bob.” He used his time at the counter to look around the café, greeting everybody he knew and identifying those he didn’t. Nobody looked suspicious. Sliding into the booth opposite Callum, he was satisfied that he had a good view of the door. If there was somebody following Callum and they’d seen them enter the café together, he felt sure that if they came in, from this position he would definitely see them.

“Sorry about the drama but keep it up, yeah? We need to look like we hardly know each other. Short story. Had a visit from Jamie Tyler this morning. He’s identified you as the cop who stopped Raymond and is wondering if he has a traitor in his camp who is talking to you.”

Full credit to Callum, he didn’t look shocked or frightened, even though Ben thought he was probably both.

“I’m going to get us new untraceable phones so we can text and call each other. We’ll meet and talk. So, you’re mainly responsible for supervising teams. Not in the field so much yourself?”

Callum deduced that the change of conversation was because somebody was approaching. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later, Jamie Tyler was standing by their table. They both looked up at him curiously.

“Sorry to interrupt gents. I need an little word with Ben. I won’t take more than a couple of minutes.” He smiled charmingly at Callum. “If you don’t mind.”

Ben scowled at Jamie and looked apologetically at Callum.

“I ordered us bacon rolls. Do you fancy collecting them?”

Callum gave Jamie a hard stare, making it clear that he knew who he was, and moved to the counter. Jamie slid into the vacated space.

“What the fuck, Jamie?” snapped Ben in an angry whisper. “I’m legit. Do you get that? People are not going to believe me if they see me with you.”

“You don’t want to be seen with me? Ben, you wound me!” Jamie faked injury, clasping his chest and throwing his head back in mock agony, and then smirked; Ben rolled his eyes at the camp protest.

“We had an agreement. You were going to let Raymond go and stay away from Albert Square.”

“The first yes, the second I do not recall.”

Ben ignored that, knowing it to be technically true. “Why are you here?”

Jamie leaned around the side of the booth to stare at Callum then looked back at Ben.

“You were right about him. He is hmm-mm!” Leaning over the table, he became suddenly more menacing. “What are you doing having a cosy breakfast with my copper?”

“He is NOT your copper. He is MY copper. He lives here. He’s MY neighbour. I will find out what is going on.”

“So you ARE going to look out for me?” Jamie put his hands over his heart and pretended to swoon. Ben despaired but couldn’t help but half-smile; Jamie had always been a joker. He let the humour hang in the air briefly then adopted a serious face.

“No, Jamie, I’m looking out for me and mine.”

Callum came back to the table at that point and placed the food on the table, glancing briefly at Ben. Ben saw the concern in his eyes.

“Maybe the two of you can enjoy these. Nice to see you again, Ben. I won’t interrupt your meeting with Mr Tyler.” He gave Jamie a pointed look and left. Ben frowned at Jamie.

“You turning up is not cool. I wanted to get to know him. Find out what he’s about. He’s not your traitor. He’s just doing his job. So you find your traitor and I’ll work on MY copper. I will make sure he keeps away from you.”

“I was planning on using your copper to find my traitor.” He reached across and trailed a finger across Ben’s hand, licking his lips and then laughing.

No matter what Ben said, Jamie smiled and giggled, almost as though he were enjoying himself, enjoying his time with Ben. Ben didn’t want a renewed connection with Jamie. They may have to exist alongside each other but he needed to establish some distance between them.

“Your crew know you’re looking. Whatever connection existed between your traitor and my copper will have been severed by now.” He could see that this argument made sense to Jamie. “But Callum Highway lives here. You can’t have him.” It was a challenge.

“Ben, I’m beginning to think you don’t value our history.”

“I thought that when I realised it was you who had used my brother to traffic children.”

The playful banter had transformed into something else. Ben knew that his accusation would have stung Jamie. He also knew that it was his only play so if it didn’t work, he might be in trouble. But Jamie’s face told him that it had been effective.

“Okay Ben. You’ve got it. Albert Square, anywhere round here, is yours. And you can have your copper.”

Ben didn’t believe any of that for a minute. Jamie got up and looked down at him.

“Still so cute,” he murmured just before he kissed him on the lips. He strutted out like he owned the place; Ben caught Bobby’s eye across the room and they grimaced at each other as Ben sunk his head on his arms.

After polishing off both bacon sandwiches, he walked round to the phone shop past the tube station and, when he’d got what he needed, he went searching for Callum.

**CALLUM**

He didn’t want to go home. There were so many things he needed to sort out with Whitney but he couldn’t talk anymore today … at least with her. He did, however, desperately want to see Ben.

Ben’s information disturbed him. Did it mean that Jamie was now watching him or having him watched? Of course, the only people to whom he was connected were Ben and Raymond. He hoped that Ben was busy constructing a scenario where Jamie would expect that.

How do you lose someone who is following you? As a policeman, he thought he should know but the reality was that he didn’t. Since leaving Bobby’s café, he had simply walked and was now in a part of town that had long been gentrified. He slipped into a café and bought an over-priced coffee, choosing the place deliberately for the wide view it afforded of the street outside. Sitting at a table by the window, he settled down to see if there was anybody hanging around.

As it was, he decided that it was impossible to work out. There was a man at the bus stop for quite a long time, another at an office window across the street – maybe they were watching him? Who could tell? He settled his bill, waited for a moment until a black cab with a yellow light was coming down the road, then exited quickly and jumped in the cab.

“The Arches, Walford.”

It didn’t take long to get there but, in the short journey, he tried to nonchalantly watch out for vehicles following. All was clear as far as he could tell.

When he arrived, Raymond was there. Callum signalled him to stay quiet and wrote a note.

_Call Ben. Tell him you need some help here. It needs to be now. Don’t mention me._

Raymond nodded his understanding and made the call.

“Ben. I’ve got a problem with that silver Audi. You got a couple of minutes? … … … Yes, now … it’s just a couple of minutes … … … No, it can’t wait, not if you want that job finishing by lunch.”

Ben arrived about five minutes later. His eyes widened as he saw Callum and he rushed over and seized him in a tight hug; Callum picked up that he was worried and felt a little tearful. They held onto each other for a few moments.

Next, Ben and Raymond went through a pretence of Ben helping Raymond with the Audi.

“I talked to Jamie Tyler this morning,” Ben said, pretending this was chat while they worked, its real purpose to provide a back story for him having bought phones – he was sure he’d been followed to the shop - and to give an explanation for Raymond having a new phone. “You’re out Raymond, so we’re getting rid of that phone. I got you a new one this morning. Treated myself to the new version of mine as well. Do you like it?” He handed over a phone to Raymond and one to Callum. “The set-up is fast. I’ve done mine already.” He’d done Callum’s already. “Right. You happy with the Audi now, yeah?”

“Thanks man.” Raymond looked at Ben quizzically. Ben mouthed ‘later’ at him and Raymond gave him a quick hug.

“I’ll get off then. I can deliver Mrs Legg’s car if you want – she did pay for it to be delivered back to her, yeah?”

It was another act, this time telling a story about where Ben had gone after leaving The Arches. This was how Callum found himself curled into the back seat of the fictional Mrs Legg’s car as Ben drove out of Walford. He was staggered by the complexity of the subterfuge. Typical of Ben but was it necessary? He knew Jamie to be an extremely dangerous criminal so maybe it was.

“It’s probably not essential that you hide,” Ben said. “But let’s be careful. Stay down until we’re past Stratford.”

Just as he was about to ask if he could sit up, Ben pulled over.

“We might have picked up a tail.” He pretended to be on his phone. “Yes. There’s a car that’s pulled over just ahead. Let’s take a little detour.” It took a while but eventually Ben deemed it to be safe and he unfolded himself into the seat. He was exhausted. Yet again, he’d been up for over twenty hours and, lulled by the car, he curled up again and fell asleep.

When he woke, they were at Ben’s safe house or, more precisely, in a triple garage that looked like it belonged to the house next door. 

“I rent a space in it from them,” explained Ben, helping him out of the car and making sure he was steady on his feet. He grasped his hand and Callum felt a surge of comfort.

Once inside, Ben led him to the mezzanine.

“Call work and tell them you’re ill or something then go to sleep. I’ll join you in a minute.”

Callum didn’t need any encouraging. He was completely shattered and the huge bed with its crisp white sheets was probably the most inviting thing he could have imagined at that minute. Within seconds of lying down, he was fast asleep.

**BEN**

All he wanted was a simple life running his businesses, enjoying his family and friends and – a recent addition to his life goals – loving his man.

He’d left Newcastle wanting to change his lifestyle, to stop hooking up, find someone to love and settle down. Loneliness had been killing him and he’d discovered that he wanted to live. But meeting Callum and falling for him had happened so fast. And it wasn’t going to be straightforward. Firstly, Callum was not an out and proud gay man. Secondly, he was still married to his wife of twenty years. Thirdly, and Ben hated this thought, Ben was his first; at some point, he would become aware of all of the men he could choose from. Maybe he would want to try a few more, find out what he liked, discover who was good for him.

It was too late, though. Callum was with him constantly, existing in his mind as beautiful thoughts of what might be. There were memories residing there as well of his beaming smile that displayed his hopefulness, and the deep, shining pools of his eyes promising hidden depths but were always warm and full of care. He could hear his laugh, feel the press of his lips, smell his closeness. Always.

He had fallen in love. He wasn’t ready for it but he was not one to run away. So he was going to cling onto the hope that Callum might fall in love with him.

**CALLUM**

When he woke, it was to the soft, yellow light that comes before dusk so he knew he’d been asleep for hours. Ben was right there next to him, snoring lightly. He remembered then that Ben had been up all night as well. Callum didn’t want to wake him; seeing him like this was wonderful, close up so that he could scrutinise all his features and commit them to memory.

On the bedside table next to Ben, he saw glasses and what looked like a hearing aid. Things he didn’t know about him.

It was another hour before Ben woke and Callum spent it snoozing, letting the comfort of being in bed with Ben soothe his frayed nerves. They drew closer together in their slumber, encasing each other in their arms and, as they woke, tenderly kissing. Passions built and the kisses became more insistent, bodies writhing with pleasure as they continued to learn more about each other.

It was dark outside by the time they were spent, Callum lying between Ben’s legs, head resting on his stomach. He could taste and smell their sex, and thought back to Ben’s ecstatic moans. A little frisson skittered over his skin.

“What are you thinking about?” Ben’s voice broke into his reverie as his fingers pushed through his hair. Callum was so comfortable, so happy and confident and knew it was time to be completely honest.

“I’m gay, Ben.”

“What did you say?”

He looked up wondering if he hadn’t heard him because he’d been facing away, pointed at the hearing aid and tapped his own ear. Ben frowned and slipped the device into his ear.

“I want you to hear this.” He smiled shyly. “ I am gay.”

He heard Ben’s breath hitch then heard his voice, husky and emotional.

“Get up here.”

Scrambling up the bed and facing Ben, he said it again.

“I’m gay. I always have been, I understand that now.” He could feel his happiness bubbling inside him like a fountain. “This morning, I told Whit that I want to live the rest of my life as a gay man.”

“Wow!” Ben’s eyes, always a shimmery mix of blues, were sparkling and his huge smile looked like it would crack his face.

Callum wanted to snuggle into him but he couldn’t tear himself away from his face so he settled for weaving their legs together and holding hands.

“My marriage is going to take some … dismantling. What to tell the kids, when to tell the kids, who lives where, who has what and all that. I’m dreading it. Whit and me can’t afford another home so do we keep living in our house together? It’s going to be horrible. Although at least we work opposite shifts.”

Ben reached up and stroked his cheek gently, shuffling slightly nearer.

“What does that mean to you – living your life as a gay man?”

Callum could see Ben’s hopefulness and thought back to what he’d said about not sneaking around.

“You know you said you didn’t want to be a secret. Well, I don’t want that either. I want to meet you in the café for breakfast and greet you with a kiss. I want to put my arm around you in the pub, hold your hand as we walk through the square.”

He thought he was saying the right thing and was so happy in his moment that he didn’t pick up on Ben’s well-hidden deceleration.

**BEN**

It took every ounce of self-restraint he had to stop himself from jumping ahead. He’d almost asked if they were now together; Callum had made it sound like that so, on one level, it was a reasonable assumption. But Callum had seen him coming home this morning and hadn’t been angry or disappointed that he had been out looking for a hook up. Why had he not been upset about it? There was no commitment to each other. Not yet.

He wanted so much more but he had to let Callum catch up.

This moment that Callum was in, of shedding his disguise and emerging as his real self, deserved to be celebrated and not rushed. Ben was determined that his precious lover would have every single positive second that he deserved.

“So what’s next?”

“Have you any food in this gaff?” asked Callum.

“No, but we can order Chinese for delivery. They even do beer.” He sat up, shoving pillows behind his back, pushed his glasses on and reached for his phone then, arms around Callum with him leaning against his chest so that they could both see the menu, he ordered the food. Chucking the phone to one side, he trailed his fingers over Callum’s smooth chest, pinching a nipple for fun. With delight, he saw Callum squirm his hips.

“An hour, they said, before the food gets here,” he whispered in his ear. Callum immediately flipped over and got Ben’s nipple between his lips. And the moaning resumed.

**WHITNEY**

Callum didn’t come home to sleep, or to get ready for work. She couldn’t help herself and rang to see if he was at work. They said he wasn’t there, that he’d rung in sick.

He’d gone to Ben, she was sure of it. She’d seen the sparkle in his eyes when he spoke of him. It was going to be so very hard for her if Callum and Ben got together with them all living on the square. She would have to watch them be ridiculously into each other. She remembered what Ben had been like with Paul Coker; what Paul had been like with Ben. Besotted. She would see Ben getting all that loving attention that Callum had never given to her. He might even become a parent figure to the kids and the realisation that they would probably like him, especially if he made Callum happy, made her heart twist.

Had she really missed the fact that her husband of twenty years was gay? She had talked to her best friends, Nikki and Jemma, earlier that day and they had seen it differently.

“It’s not so much that you missed that he was gay, it’s that you were focused on how lucky you were to have such a kind, lovely man for a husband.”

“The only thing that’s wrong with your marriage is that Callum’s gay, everything else is great. Most people’s marriages are shit so no wonder you were pleased with yours.”

She’d wondered then if she should try to save her marriage. They were both horrified and told her she had to let him go. It seemed there was quite a lot of sympathy for him: it must have been so hard for him to come out et cetera, et cetera. They’d said what Callum had said, that she would meet someone with whom she would be happy, and she’d wanted to scream in their faces.

Her mum and sister were next to annoy her.

“Is it a complete shock?” her mum had asked. “I think he’s always had a bit of that about him.”

“Keegan and me have always thought he has a gay vibe,” offered Tiffany.

“You never said,” she’d accused.

“You wouldn’t have believed it,” explained Tiffany. Well, that was true.

The hard bits were ahead. She was extremely apprehensive about telling the children. She’d almost rung them today, feeling a need to get them on her side, but everybody – Nikki, Jemma, Bianca, Tiffany – had been very firm that she shouldn’t do this. Jemma had been through a horrible divorce and she’d been insistent that the best way was to sort out what the final picture would look like and then tell them. Her advice had been clear.

“Hide it from them as long as you can and preferably until you’ve got everything sorted out.”

She and Callum had never had much. The rent on the house was crippling and took over half of their monthly income. Maybe, Callum would move in with Ben and be happy for her to keep the house but, even as the thought entered her head, she dismissed it. He was going to want a divorce.

She’d always wanted to live on the square. It was where she’d lived since she was fifteen; it was where her family were from; her sister, her aunt and her uncles had all lived in Walford. She had seized the chance to rent number 25 because it felt like she’d made it at last – she had a house on the square. Not on Turpin Road or George Street, actually on the square. Lots of areas nearby had become overtaken by people with money before the pandemic, but the clever, bearded men with their beautiful, yoga-instructor wives and their children dressed like urchins had decided on the countryside as the perfect place to live when stay at home and social distancing had been a thing. She knew she was generalising but she’d hated those people and was glad they were gone. Following the pandemic, the seemingly relentless gentrification of the formerly unfashionable East London had stalled. Recent years had seen an influx back into the capital but by the retired set and, so far, Albert Square hadn’t caught their eye. Whitney didn’t care anymore.

However much she loved Albert Square, she knew it was a lot cheaper in Milton Keynes. It was why, bit by bit, her family had all migrated that way. Whitney could see the sense in it. She’d been thinking for a couple of years now that she and Callum might move there so it was already a partly evolved plan. All schools had Teaching Assistants so she would be able to get another job. She was looking forward but she knew it wasn’t all positive. There were her friends, most of them people with whom she worked, and it was a lot to give up so it was with a heavy sadness that she was making her decision to relocate.

A fleeting moment of self-awareness came and went. She knew, deep down, that she was running away. The thought of people knowing she’d been married to a gay man for twenty years was crippling. Whitney was not the self-pitying type and buried her shame. She might have relied on Callum to look after her and provide for her but she was certain she would manage by herself as long as she got a good enough start from the divorce settlement. He had put her in this position because he had always known and had maintained a lie. He owed her.

Ringing school, she spoke to her headteacher and explained what was happening, asking for support with finding another job. The kindness and sympathy she was given almost derailed her but she remembered her plan and her reasons.

She then rang their landlord, Dotty, and explained it all one more time. Dotty, the old bag, was as heartless as ever and informed her they had to give six months’ notice and, by the way, they needed to keep it spick and span for when prospective tenants came to look round. Whitney sent her an email immediately. That six months would start today.

Finally, she went to the online divorce website recommended by Nikki. After an hour of reading, she knew what she had to do. It was time to start divorce proceedings.

**JAMIE**

“What do you mean you lost him?”

He glowered at Nathan and Smartie.

“He was just walking so we were on foot. We didn’t think he’d go far so we thought we’d be able to go back for the car if we needed it. But he walked for bloody miles, got as far as Shoreditch. Went in this posh coffee shop. I got in an office block, could see him from the stairwell.”

“I wait at bus stop,” added Alek. “Ignore first two bus but had to get on one. He look straight at me, boss.”

“Smartie did one stop then came back but Highway was getting into a cab. I checked. Not one of ours so we don’t know where he went.”

“Did he go back to Albert Square? Did you check?”

Nathan sighed. “Yes boss. No sign of him.”

“What about Ben? What did he get up to?”

Molly had been keeping tabs on Ben.

“He bought phones this morning. He told Raymond that he’d seen you and told him that you’d said Raymond was out. He gave him a phone and told him to destroy the one he had. Which he has. It’s completely dead now, including the listening device. He bought himself an upgrade as well so we haven’t got ears on any of them. Those new models have got anti-spyware built in.”

Clever Ben. Jamie made a mental note not to underestimate him.

“Then he offered to do a delivery. Took a car back to a Mrs Legg. He left in a blue Peugeot, by himself. I followed him out past Stratford but he pulled over to make a phone call and I had to drive past. I waited about fifty metres further on, could see him in my rear view, but when he started going again, he took a left before he passed me. By the time I’d turned round, he’d gone. I couldn’t find him after that.”

So both Ben and Callum had possibly given them the slip. Listening to the accounts, it was certainly plausible that neither of them was up to anything other than their normal daily business. Jamie was inclined to think this was the case. There had been nothing in Ben’s interaction with Callum this morning that had rung alarm bells for him. But he couldn’t just ignore the fact that they had both gone missing in the middle of the day.

His prime suspect for traitor was Nathan. His suspicion was that Nathan would meet Callum at night without his phone. It made sense as Callum worked nights. So, he’d placed a listening bug and a tracker on Nathan; as long as he didn’t change his current favourite coat, Jamie would have them.

A thought jumped into his head: Callum worked nights - why wasn’t he sleeping? Maybe he was safely tucked up in bed. Jamie knew he would have to be careful being seen too often around the square but he headed back there anyway, seeing a pretty, dark-haired woman leaving Callum’s house. So that was the wife. Slipping round the back, he stopped for a second or two to admire the garden and then let himself in the back door. 2039 and still there were houses with twentieth century security. The house felt empty but Jamie checked anyway. Definitely no Callum.

So where was he?

The question was still gnawing away at Jamie later that evening. He put Smartie back in the square but Callum had not returned. Apparently the wife was drinking wine and crying. His mole at the police station told him that Callum had rung in sick. Something was awry.

He set off on his rounds. First, he checked Nathan. He was sound asleep at home. Next, he checked Raymond, taking his kit with him to load new spyware onto Raymond’s new phone but he was awake and busy with his girlfriend so he had to leave it. Silently creeping down the corridor to Ben’s bedroom, butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Maybe he did want to get back into something with Ben. He pushed open the door, cringing as it softly creaked, and saw immediately that the room was empty.

Ben AND Callum were not at home. Something was definitely not right.

**BEN**

They dragged themselves out of bed and put clothes on to eat. Sitting on the sofa, legs entwined, drinking beer and scoffing the food, it occurred to Ben that this, like having a bath together, was new to him and, as with the bath, he LOVED it.

“You know when we were in the bath and I said I’d never done that?”

“Yeah.” Callum was focused on eating having realised he’d missed a few meals.

“Well, I’ve never done this either.”

“What?” Callum looked at him, clearly perplexed.

“Had a meal like this, sitting close together, sharing. It’s … intimate.” He was beginning to wonder why he had not done this before, why he had actively avoided doing this. It was filling him with warm, fuzzy feelings that were rather nice.

Callum was still puzzled.

“What about when you’re on a date?”

“A date? I haven’t dated in twenty-three years. Callum, all I ever do is go out, drink, dance, choose my target and zero in.”

“So when you hook up with someone, you never eat?”

Ben handed him a pork ball, relishing seeing the pleasure on Callum’s face as he ate.

“No. No food, no sharing and absolutely no intimacy.”

“Then what? After the zeroing in.” Callum was busy shovelling away the food and his face was a picture of innocence.

“Then sex obviously. Their place, my place. I’m too old for a shag in the park.”

Callum looked dubious.

“You don’t walk to your place, or get a cab?”

“Well, yes, obviously.” He grasped Callum’s dilemma. “Oh right, I get you. Just flirting and foreplay on journeys.”

“You literally just have sex? What about conversation?”

Ben gazed at him finding him more adorable by the minute.

“You’ll find out soon enough when you’re living your life as a gay man.”

He knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing. Callum’s face fell and he put his food down, released his legs from Ben’s and turned to face him.

“I won’t be hooking up with anyone. It means something when I have sex with someone. I wouldn’t do it with just anybody. And I want to talk, share food, cuddle up in front of the telly, soak in the bath together, go for walks – that sort of stuff is important. To me.” He stood up, looking around as though he was searching for an escape route. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. You did tell me.”

Ben was confused. Just a few minutes ago, they had been sitting, rubbing legs, eating and chatting. It had been lovely. Why had he made the stupid comment about Callum finding out about hook ups? He didn’t want Callum to EVER hook up with anybody that wasn’t him. He wanted them to be together, committed to each other.

“Callum, please. I don’t …”

Callum cut him off.

“It’s fine, Ben. You did tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you’re not made for happiness.”

“What? No. I am, with you I am.”

Ben was beginning to recognise Callum’s tendency to catastrophise but he also knew he was nervous about getting things wrong. He had to put this right so he stood up, placed his hands on Callum’s chest and looked up at him, praying that it wasn’t too late.

“Callum, babe, do you want to give it a go with me? I know it’s not been long but I am certain of how I feel. You and me, we’re good together, like we’re meant to be. I want us to try, give it our best shot, see what happens.”

It sounded an awful lot like he was pushing too hard so he pulled away and sat back on the sofa.

“What am I saying? You’re going to be in high demand – you’re so fucking amazing - and you’ll be able to have your pick. Maybe you would pick me but you should at least have a chance to see if there’s anything better out there. You can’t just go for the first guy you meet.”

Callum sat down next to him.

“Ben, shut up. I CAN just go for my first guy. I don’t need to try lots of men. I want to be careful of Whitney’s feelings but … I want to be with you. Nothing has ever made more sense than being with you. Let’s try. Let’s be together properly, like … I don’t know …”

“Boyfriends?”

Callum beamed. “Yeah.” He leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. “I’m REALLY hungry. Can I finish dinner?”

A little while later, they had cleared away the food and were sitting on the settee, drinking beer and curled up together. It had been a perfect evening and Ben was soaking up the happiness when it occurred to him that he had brought Callum here to talk about Jamie not to talk about their relationship.

“We need to talk about Jamie.”

“Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about him. What did he want you for this morning?” Callum smiled lazily at Ben.

“His police mole told him that your statement said that you decided to stakeout his house because you saw phone calls coming in from him.”

At Ben’s words, Callum sprang up.

“What? What police mole? You haven’t mentioned this until right now. He has a mole in the police? Ben, this means they know I lied. Gave a false statement.”

Ben watched him stride around the small space unsure of whether or not he should spell out how it was actually worse than that. He had no choice.

“Thing is … Jamie also knows you lied.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Callum sank back down on the settee. “You said he knew I was the copper on the scene of the flat tyre. This is SO much worse than that.”


	7. A New Plan

**BEN**

“So, let’s get this straight, you decided not to tell me, and, instead, told me to take a sickie! Don’t you get it, Ben? I could lose my job.”

Ben understood why Callum was worried and was feeling guilty about being responsible. Raymond was HIS brother; he shouldn’t have let Callum become involved.

“I’ve said I’m sorry. You needed to sleep. You did, babe, don’t argue about it. I didn’t decide not to tell you. We got distracted with becoming boyfriends.” It had taken an age to get Callum to calm down but they were now lying in bed having reached a truce. He ran his hand suggestively down Callum’s chest.

“Stop it! This is really fucking serious.”

Ben stopped immediately. He kicked himself mentally for the inappropriate action and being a compulsive jerk. Maybe he was far too selfish to ever be a loving partner. They lay awkwardly for a moment side by side and then he felt Callum reach for his hand.

“Let’s sleep on it. Maybe we’ll have better ideas in the morning.” Callum kissed his hand. “I’m sorry for going off the deep end, it’s just that I’ve never been in trouble, never done anything wrong …”

“And you meet me and your life goes down the toilet. I’m probably not the best person for you to get with. I did tell you.”

Callum turned onto his side and put an arm across Ben, fingers resting on his collar bone.

“Stop telling me. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not listening. I went into the thing with Raymond with my eyes wide open because I wanted to do something positive. Getting a young guy like him an exit from a gang, saving five kids from unspeakable abuse – that’s what we did. I am SO proud of us. And through it we found each other. I needed to meet you. I think you needed to meet me. I have no regrets. None. ”

Ben’s heart swelled and he turned into Callum and met him with a kiss.

“Yeah. But I’m still having to pinch myself that this is happening, that we’re together.”

It was true. He’d wanted to meet somebody like Callum, wanted to feel like he did with Callum, but he hadn’t actually believed it might happen. If he was completely honest with himself, he had believed it might elude him. But here he was with Callum holding him close like he never wanted to let go. Ben trusted his sincerity, a trust that was as much of a surprise to him as anything else. He liked himself like this: trusting, loving, open. Even liking himself was unfamiliar.

“I’ve been living the past few years with quite high levels of self-loathing but I like who I am with you.”

Callum practically lit up with pleasure at the compliment.

“You, Ben Mitchell, are so fucking special.”

It was Ben’s turn to light up. He luxuriated in Callum’s arms, feeling the shape of him and the warmth of his body. He wanted to be completely open, knowing that it’s easy to build barriers to happiness (also known as telling lies and half-truths) and wanting Callum to know what he was getting. It wasn’t that he didn’t think he was worth it. He knew he was good looking, unbelievable in bed (if he did say so himself), fun company and capable of devotion. But he wasn’t fooling himself. There were things about him that would put most people off. It was just that he was feeling something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He knew it was real.

“I had a boyfriend once before. Someone I loved. He was called Paul. It was when I was twenty. We weren’t together for long … because … he was killed in a hate attack. I was there.” He felt Callum’s arms tighten supportively around him and he breath juddered as he struggled once again to believe his good fortune. “I provoked our attackers by mouthing off. But, before I lost him, there was a thrill, an excitement of what the future might hold. It’s how I know.”

“Know what?”

“That I’ve fallen in love with you.”

He took a breath and pulled away to look at Callum knowing it was early in their relationship to be pledging his love – they were only just boyfriends - but hoping that it wasn’t a mis-step. It wasn’t. His eyes locked on Callum’s and he saw excitement, happiness and love swirling in his beautiful, big eyes.

“Me too,” whispered Callum. “I know as well. For certain. I’ve fallen in love with you.”

They clung to each other as they kissed, a series of kisses loaded with overwhelming emotion and heartfelt promises. This moment was not about their physical attraction but about establishing their connection, weaving the threads of one life with another, going forward as one. It was with that sense of belonging that they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**CALLUM**

There were no curtains on the huge window so the morning light was brutal. Callum woke first and gave a silent thanks that it was not east-facing. He had a few moments to watch Ben before he also woke, taking in his freckles and soft eyelashes, the plump bottom lip that was so kissable, his defined cheekbones and jaw. He was so beautiful. Awake, he had a sexy smirk that made Callum’s heart flip but asleep there was a vulnerability about him that was entrancing.

Callum was aware that his life had completely turned around in just a few days and he found himself hoping that it might just slow down a bit so that he could keep up. It was overwhelming but he was also completely certain that this was the way he was supposed to go. It was like his body and his mind had previously been restrained with a number of tightened clips and these were being released in rapid succession. Free. That was the most apt word to describe how he felt this morning.

That wasn’t to say he was without problems. He had a very angry and distressed wife at home, he’d made a false statement to the police which could potentially see him, at best, reprimanded or, at worst, convicted and he had a crime boss chasing after him. Not small things. Strangely, he wasn’t as worried about these issues as much as might be expected. He was sure that, when Ben woke up, they would face the world together.

Ben was stirring and he moved closer to kiss him.

“Good morning,” he murmured.

“The best,” confirmed Ben, manoeuvring himself for some morning sex. Callum groaned with pleasure as he felt his boyfriend take him in his mouth. How had he lived his life so far without this? Then, mouth still at work, Ben traced backwards with a finger and pressed inside him. And Callum was a wreck. Holding on barely, he allowed himself to relinquish control to Ben, and let the waves of mind-blowing ecstasy come, riding them until they crashed.

When he stopped shaking and his mind was back in the moment, he focused on Ben and saw him looking at him in awe.

“You like that?” he smiled and Callum thought he looked almost bashful.

“Yeah. Never felt anything like it. It was amazing.” He stroked Ben’s cheek and stared into his eyes. “Keep pushing me, yeah? I know there’s more to come.”

Ben shivered with delicious delight. “We are going to have so much fun.” His wide eyes and massive smile made Callum laugh and they giggled together.

After a little more smooching, they decided to get up. Realising they had no food and, possibly more importantly, no coffee or tea, Ben had a suggestion.

“We can walk into the forest from here and there’s a tea hut about half an hour away. Let’s walk, talk and you can earn your breakfast.”

It was a glorious day, with a cloudless, blue sky and golden-edged leaves hinting at autumn. Although he wasn’t familiar with this part of the forest, Callum had spent many weekends walking and cycling with Daisy and Derry in other parts and these happy memories surfaced as they walked along. Ben was absorbed in his phone.

“Look at this.” He showed Callum the screen. It was a video of Jamie Tyler creeping around an empty bedroom.

“Where is he?”

“That’s my bedroom,” explained Ben. “That’s the third time he’s let himself into my home.” He did not sound impressed.

“You’ve got a camera in your bedroom?”

“Hmm. Not as kinky as it sounds. Although it could be.” He peeked suggestively at Callum. “I put it there because I wondered if he would be back. Raym says he puts cameras and listening bugs everywhere. Now - watch this next bit.” Heads close together, they pored over the phone and saw Jamie place a device on the end of the curtain rail. “Good choice,” muttered Ben. “The finial’s ornate. Too high for regular dusting. I’d never have spotted that.” He closed the app and held Callum’s hands. “He’ll have been in your house.”

Callum snapped his head up.

“Whit!”

All of a sudden, panic set in with a loud whooshing noise invading his head. Ben held his face and got him to focus.

“She’s not in danger. It’s you he wants to know about. But I bet he’s used the finial again so let’s knock it off by accident or cover it by adjusting the curtain.” Then a thoughtful look came across Ben’s face. “Yesterday, I tried to create a cover story for me meeting you. Told Jamie I wanted to get to know you. A copper on the square and all that.” And all what? Callum had no idea what he was talking about. Ben continued to explain his plan. “So let’s do that. We pretend we’re getting to know each other. Start our relationship again, meeting for breakfast to begin with, then drinks in the pub and so on. It could look to Jamie like you’ve split up with your wife and you need someone to talk to, I’m grateful to you for looking out for Raym when he broke down, you explain how you gave a false statement to keep Raym out of it, because he’s a neighbour, because you were going to try to persuade him away from a life of crime, we get to know each other, fall for each other. There’s a whole lot of truth in it. We just need to spend two or three weeks constructing it.”

Callum nodded. He was getting used to Ben’s convoluted schemes and thought this one might be enough to keep Jamie away.

“What about the mole in the police?”

“Babe, the danger in that is with Jamie. To cause a problem for you at work, Jamie’s mole would have to be able to say how they knew you had lied. If you stick with your story, there’s no way they can prove otherwise unless they admit to a relationship with Jamie.”

That made sense and Callum started to feel hopeful that his life wasn’t about to become even more chaotic. Leaving his wife was enough drama for now.

“I want to leave the police.” It wasn’t what he’d been thinking but somehow it was what came out.

“Yeah?” Ben had pocketed his phone and was now walking along hand-in-hand with Callum. He gave his hand a squeeze and looked at him interestedly.

“I don’t like the work,” Callum explained.

“Yeah, I remember you saying. Do you have a plan?”

“I can retire in March forty-one with my pension. That WAS the plan. But now I’m not sure I want to wait that long. I just need to figure out what else I want to do and work out the finances with Whit.”

Ben stopped and faced him, holding both of his hands.

“Whatever you decide, I’m here for it. You understand, yeah? I support you.”

Callum had never had anybody in his life tell him that they supported him. It was the most wonderful feeling to have someone in his corner and he felt like a giant.

They walked on to the tea hut and ate breakfast sitting on a wooden bench. The place was frequented by bikers and walkers and all of the tables were taken. Nobody paid them any attention even when Ben swung his legs round to wrap them round Callum. Giving him his beautiful, bashful smile, he pulled himself closer in and Callum put his arms around him. It felt so good. After several minutes of enjoying the simple pleasure, Ben pulled away with a quick kiss. He was obviously thinking through the details of the plan.

“Jamie will know neither of us were home last night. We don’t want him to suspect that we were together. I’m going to have a chat with Raym in front of the camera about a fake hook-up last night. Have you got any ideas for a story?”

Callum thought for a minute or two. He didn’t have any friends. Certainly not friends that would give him an alibi. Trying not to despair that he was forty-eight and had no friends, he thought about what he might have been doing if he hadn’t met Ben.

“I asked Whit to marry me at the Barrier Park. It’s closed at night but I could say that I hid out there trying to think what to do next with my marriage.”

Ben put his arms up and rested their foreheads together, his hands cradling Callum’s skull.

“I’m sorry you’re going to go through such a horrible time with Whit.”

Callum shifted his head onto Ben’s shoulder, taking solace from the embrace. It was beyond wonderful to have somebody comfort him.

As they walked back to the safe house, Ben ran through the plan, several times and with far too many instructions much to Callum’s frustration.

“I’m going to drop the car at the real customer’s house – Raym’s arranged it – and then I’m going to head into town and out on the tube. You need to be coming from The Barrier. I’ll drop you there. When you use the phone I gave you, make sure you’re hidden. We don’t want Jamie seeing you with it. I don’t think he’s bugged your normal phone but act like he might have. Act natural when you use your old phone, say what you want him to hear. If …”

“Ben, stop. I’ve got it. Honestly, I am an expert liar.”

**BEN**

It was still morning, just, when he arrived home. He took a shower and, as he was getting dressed, he heard Raymond come in. He’d already texted him with instructions about the show they were to put on for Jamie.

“Ben?” The shout floated up the stairs and was followed by Raymond in person, appearing in his bedroom door.

“Late start this morning?” he asked sarcastically, straight into the act much to Ben’s relief.

“Not for me mate,” joked Ben. “I got going nice and early. Or should I say …”

“No, you shouldn’t!” laughed Raymond. “I really don’t want to hear about my well old brother doing somebody my age.”

“Twenty-six actually.”

Raymond raised his eyebrows and smirked at Ben.

“Yeah, okay, if that’s what he told you.”

Ben threw a pillow at him.

“Are you back for lunch? Because I’m ravenous. It’s ages since I last ate … food.”

“Ew - shut up. Too much information. Left over pizza – you interested?”

**CALLUM**

Callum arrived home earlier, deciding on a cab. Letting himself in, he wondered if Whitney had gone to work. She hadn’t. He found her curled up on their bed with the curtains drawn. It occurred to him then that the first thing she might do might be to accuse him of having spent the night with Ben, at which point his and Ben’s plan would be scuppered. He needed to make sure she didn’t say anything.

“Whit darling?” He could see she wasn’t asleep but he whispered nonetheless.

“You’re back late. Did you go somewhere after work?” The question was sly and he gleaned that she knew he hadn’t been to work. A small flash of irritation passed through him; he’d always hated the way she checked up on him, the way she would text as soon as his shift was over, wondering what time he would be home.

“I … I didn’t go to work. I called in sick.” He hated feeling fed up with her and heaved a sad sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I needed some breathing space, time to think. I went down to the Barrier Park.”

That obviously surprised her as she uncurled and sat up, looking at him confused.

“I thought you …”

He cut her off with a hand to her face, the unsolicited contact unusually going unnoticed, and shuffled to sit next to her, holding her hands. They remained limp almost as though she hadn’t registered his hold. Everything about her was switched off, unresponsive. He’d done this to her.

“It’s twenty years, Whit, with so many happy memories. I wanted to remember. I’m always going to want to remember how we were in good times. That was one of the best, down at The Barrier, kind of where it all started. I have a clear picture in my head, of you in one of those mad tracksuits you used to wear, and your eyes so happy. And red hair. Do you remember your red hair?”

“Oh shut up, Cal.”

She pulled her hands away from him.

“I need you to know, Whit, that since then, before then, I never wanted to be gay. I wanted to be your husband. And I’m really sorry that I never pulled it off.”

“You did, Cal. We was happy.” The words were positive but the tone was flat.

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been hoping for things to change for us when the children went. You were hoping we’d be able to focus on us so that I could be the husband you want. But I know I can’t. I’ve been thinking about it all night. I want you to have the kind of husband you deserve.”

She turned to him then, eyes full of icy fury.

“What I do next, who I have next, will be nothing to do with you. I might meet someone else or I might not. It doesn’t matter what you want. I don’t care what you want.”

They weren’t safely off the topic of Ben; Callum knew he had to move out of the bedroom. He had spotted the camera as he entered the room.

“I’ve been outside all night and I’m cold to my bones. Let me have a bath and then we can talk some more.” He got up and moved round to her side of the bed. “I know it’s not worth much but I am truly sorry that this hurts you.”

Whitney looked dazed and didn’t speak.

“Whit?”

Eventually, she looked up at him.

“Have your bath, Cal. I’ll go downstairs and make tea. Open the curtains.” She got up and left the room and he opened the curtains, taking care to open them fully. In doing so, he inadvertently, deliberately dislodged the camera.

**JAMIE**

He played through the videos a few times each, making sure he was satisfied. So Ben had been out on a hook-up and Callum had been wallowing over the breakdown of his marriage. That fitted with the wife drinking and crying. Jamie was interested to hear that he was gay – he was a little old for him, of course, plus he was probably the settling-down type, but he WAS hot. He wouldn’t turn him away.

Ben had become a permanent fixture in his daily thoughts. Round one had been a bit disappointing but it had been part of a negotiation so perhaps Ben had simply done what was needed. Jamie couldn’t forget the soft kiss, however, a powerful reminder of how Ben used to make him feel so safe. Nobody had ever made him feel as wanted as Ben had made him feel. But they had lost touch after prison and when Jamie found him again, Ben was in love with someone else. It had angered him and he’d arranged for Ben and his new love to be attacked. The job went perfectly, leaving the lover dead and Ben alive but Ben hadn’t got over it and within a couple of years he had gone from Walford. Jamie had resolved to forget him but now he was back and that resolve was crumbling. He was starting to think round two might be worth it if he could get Ben to a point where he wanted it. Ben had always been a sexy, little shit; Jamie was certain that persona would appear in the bedroom given enough encouragement.

Breaking into his home again was out of the question; Jamie knew Ben would lose the plot if he kept doing this. He needed to find out where he liked to hang out which meant having him followed so he sent a quick message to Molly to establish herself as a presence in Walford.

It was annoying that Callum had knocked off the camera. The listening part of it was still working but he thought he probably had heard enough. He wasn’t interested in them whining about their marriage. However, he did need to get back in there and retrieve it from wherever it had fallen. Callum was a copper and would know what he was looking at if he found it. The camera in Ben’s room could stay put. Jamie was looking forward to watching his favourite.

**WHITNEY**

“I’m moving to Milton Keynes.”

They were defeat imbued words spoken quietly. She pushed the cup of tea nearer to him.

“Wh…” He didn’t even get the word out.

“By Christmas.”

She could see that this was causing him pain but, really, what did he expect? He started it. He had crushed her dreams. He deserved to hurt.

“There’s something I’ve been thinking.” Her eyes finally fixed on him. They had always been her best feature: large irises of palest blue feathered outwards and becoming turquoise surrounded by long, thick, black eyelashes. Normally enhanced with expertly applied mascara and eye liner but, today, what was the point? “I’ve been thinking about how all these people are saying ‘oh, I always saw that in him’, ‘he’s always had a gay vibe’, ‘that doesn’t surprise me’, blah blah blah. I thought it was like twenty-twenty hindsight. But you know something, Cal? Nobody has been shocked. Not a single person. So maybe it isn’t hindsight. That’s what I’ve been thinking.”

Callum was looking at her like he always did, full of care.

“Do you promise to tell me the truth, Cal?”

A shadow of uncertainty crossed his face. It annoyed her.

“You have spent twenty years lying to me. I’m asking you, just this once, to tell me the truth.”

He didn’t want to make this promise, that much was clear. So what exactly was he keeping from her now? She imagined that it was probably something to do with Ben Mitchell. Well that was fine. The last person she wanted to talk about was him.

“I … okay … what do you want to know?”

“That kid in reception, when the kids were in reception, Billy something, they moved away. Do you remember him?” She leaned across the table, icy, blue eyes locked on target. “Do you remember his dad?”

That Callum remembered was as clear as day. His cheeks became flushed and his eyes flickered, betraying his unease. Whitney watched him unsympathetically.

“Was he one?”

She knew Callum knew what she was asking and that she didn’t care how uncomfortable it made him feel. Looking back over the years, various incidents came to her mind that made more sense with Callum being gay. Her blinkers had been ripped off and she was now seeing what everybody else saw.

“He made a move on me. I didn’t respond.”

“Did you want to?”

She looked across at his bowed head. He was going to tell the truth just as she had demanded and now she realised it was going to be as difficult for her to hear it as for him to say it.

“Yes,” he answered softly, words directed at the table. “I always wanted to. Sophie Thompson’s dad, Emily Woo’s dad, that guy Charlie who worked in The Vic, my colleague Jake Farrell. More than just them. Many more. I always wanted to. I just never did.”

They stared hollowly at each other across the naked truth.

“So what changed? Why cheat with …”

He interrupted quickly, shaking his head, guilt radiating off him.

“YOU changed Whit. You thought, with the children away, that we could start something that we’ve never had. I wasn’t going to be able to avoid it any more. It’s one thing to avoid something; it’s another thing completely to be something you’re not. I was never going to be able to do it. But you’re right. I cheated. I shouldn’t have done that.”

She sat back in her chair and laughed shortly.

“Did you know that, when it comes to grounds for divorce, same-sex cheating didn’t used to count as adultery? How is that? The law changed less than twenty years ago. Anyway, we can go for a no fault divorce. Everybody keeps telling me it’s not your fault so why not, eh? I’m assuming you’re not going to defend the divorce. I’ve started to complete the petition so you just need to do your bits without wasting time. We haven’t got anything to argue about except the savings – no house, no car - so we can just do it online. It’s much cheaper. Less than a grand. I’ve given Dotty six months’ notice. Neither of us can afford this place on our own. And I’ve told Ms Harrington I’m going to be looking for another job. In Milton Keynes.”

Callum seemed shocked at how far she had got, not exactly unhappy about it but as though he wished they’d done it together. She knew it was best if they kept talking to each other but she didn’t feel like it. He stood up then.

“Come here.” He was holding out his arms. She didn’t want to be held by him, to feel his warmth and his strength, to know his kindness so she ignored it and he sat back down. She wanted to stick pins in his sad, puppy dog eyes.

“Whit darling. I don’t want us to fall out. You can always call on me if you need me. We’re going to be in each other’s lives forever. We have Daisy and Derry.”

Suppressing the urge to scream at him she reminded herself that it was the most important thing they needed to sort out: how to tell the children.

“They’re back for reading week in a month. Let’s tell them then.” Whitney heaved a resigned sigh. “For their sake, I want us to be clear that it’s going to be amicable.”

His hopeful face was so typical of him but she just wanted to give it a slap. Amicable was not a good description of her mood.

“I want you to be happy, Whit. I really want that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not feeling so generous. I hope you’re miserable.”

**BEN**

He and Callum texted and called each other a lot. It was hard not to see him every morning for breakfast but they had a plan: breakfast one day, bumping into each other in the square on another, a day apart, repeat. And in the meantime, texting and calling had to suffice.

Ben decided to keep himself busy with his house purchase and the first thing was to speak to Louise.

He had not anticipated how badly she would react. He invited her round for lunch and set the table to make it a bit out of the ordinary. She arrived and her pleasure at the effort he’d made was obvious; it was so rare to see her actually happy. They were laughing, reminiscing and enjoying each other’s company until he brought up the subject of number one. Her face lost all colour and she started shaking, staring at him, her discomfort evident as silent tears coursed in straight lines down her beautiful face.

Reaching across, he rubbed her cheeks, a futile attempt to stop her distress.

“Lou – have you ever had any help? Talking therapy?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You won’t heal until you’ve talked about it.” He held her hand, rubbing little circles of support into it. “Talk to me.” He hated to see her like this, like a beautiful empty shell, polished and displayed.

“He’s out, you know.”

Ben didn’t know that.

“Where is he?”

She shook her head. “He’s not allowed to come here. He can’t come near me.” Looking at Ben, eyes still spilling over, lip trembling, he could see her fear. She couldn’t live like this.

He couldn’t let her live like this and, later that day, he organised a therapist. Louise went along to the appointment without either acceptance or resistance but her mum, Lisa, was extremely annoyed about it and Ben had to endure an earful from her.

“You’ve been nowhere to be seen for twenty years and you think you can waltz back in telling everybody what’s good for them. Lou was fine without you.”

Ben believed that the person Louise would be fine without was Lisa but he tried to focus on the facts that she was an old lady with long-standing mental health issues and she was his sister’s mum.

“No, Lisa, she wasn’t. She’s on a cocktail of anxiety meds that clearly aren’t working for her because she’s still terrified.”

“That’s because he’s out there somewhere. If you were half the man that your dad was, you’d sort him.”

Ben ignored that. Lisa had hated Phil. But he did ask Callum if he could get any information on Gray Atkins. He definitely wanted to keep tabs on him.

The situation was causing him problems with his house purchase. He wasn’t going to be able keep delaying and it was getting to a point where it might fall through. In The Vic that evening, it was the subject of the conversation.

“Nice problem to have, mate,” commented Jay. “I’m going to be renting forever.”

“Me too. Although we’re moving out of Dotty’s house.” Callum’s divorce was common knowledge; Whitney had told everybody.

“Where are you going to live?” asked Kheerat.

“Fuck knows,” said Callum miserably. Ben gave him a friendly rub on the shoulder. Any excuse to touch him.

He was aware that Jamie had deployed a number of watchers about the square, so he’d arranged this drink with Jay and Kheerat as the next stage in his and Callum’s plan to look like they were getting to know each other. Kheerat was a new acquaintance but Ben’s instincts told him they would get along. He was already friends with Jay plus Callum seemed to like him. So here they were, four men, neighbours and friends, having a drink together.

When Callum went to the toilet, Ben watched him walk the length of the pub and turned back to see both Kheerat and Jay observing him with knowing grins.

“Not exactly subtle, bruv.”

Ben could have watched Callum all night long but the leering was done for the benefit of a woman sitting near them taking pictures of her and her friends … and Ben and Callum. He had seen her a few times now and was sure she was working for Jamie.

“Maybe he shouldn’t be so sexy then.”

“You think he’s gay?” asked Kheerat. Ben assessed his new friend. He was a quiet man who kept his own counsel but Ben could see he didn’t miss much. He shrugged.

“Lots of people are.” He caught a look between Kheerat and Jay. “What?”

“There was a thing with a bartender here a few years ago. Charlie. He was certain Callum was gay and … there was a moment, it was New Year’s and, well, I guess we all wondered.” Jay looked at Kheerat for confirmation and Kheerat nodded. “You’re the best friend he’s got, bruv. What do you think?”

Ben looked at them seriously. He and Callum had planned to increase the flirting tonight so he could hardly claim that he didn’t think Callum was gay but he would forever protect Callum’s right to tell his own story in his own time.

“If he is, I think it would be a really tough thing coming out,” he said quietly. “Especially at his age and being married for so long. So let’s let him be him, yeah?” He could see they would.

He knew Callum wanted to tell his children before anybody else and he wanted to do it face-to-face. They were coming home in a week and a half. Everybody else had to wait.

It had meant that they adapted their plan. Three weeks was now going to be nearer six or seven and it was tortuous for Ben. He was desperate to get his hands on his boyfriend.

**CALLUM**

This was really hard. At first, he and Ben had planned for it to take two or three weeks to get to a point of being together. They hadn’t thought it through. Of course they couldn’t get together publicly until it was known that he was gay and the first people who needed to know about that were Daisy and Derry. Whitney had already made it complicated by telling the world and his dog about the divorce but had told Callum not to tell anyone that he was gay. They’d argued about it with Callum insisting it was his news to share whenever he wanted. She had been apoplectic, screaming at him that he was a heartless bastard who wanted to cause her and her children pain. HER children. The shouting matches had been increasing mainly because she was now worried somebody would tell Daisy or Derry before they got home. That, of course, would be his fault for being gay in the first place.

He looked at himself in the cracked mirror in the gents. Ben had tried to convince him that it might be exciting to go through the normal process of flirting and stealing kisses but it was torture. He breathed deeply. They hadn’t got onto flirting and stealing kisses yet. Maybe it would be better when they did.

Walking back to the table, he kept his eyes on Ben. That was tonight’s task: eyes on each other. His heart flipped as Ben turned and caught sight of him, a smile toying with the edges of his mouth. He half-smiled back. Okay, it was quite exciting.

When he sat down, the conversation was still on homes. Kheerat was explaining how his family had come to own so many houses and businesses.

“We buy houses and businesses one at a time as a family. It supports the whole family that way. In Walford, we started with the pest control business, then we bought the flat 5C, then number 31, which we let at first, now Vinny and his family live there, then the call centre, then the Minute Mart, then we bought 29 when the Carters left, converted the flats back to a house. Ash and Siobhan and their kids live there.”

“Family is how the Mitchells and Beales operate as well,” stated Jay, causing Ben to look at him in surprise. “Don’t look like that. You look after your own. There’s a reason that anything not owned by Kheerat’s lot is owned by your lot.”

“Good job you’re one of my lot then, isn’t it?” sulked Ben. Jay flung an arm around him and kissed his cheek; he had to smile then.

Callum sat and watched having an unwelcome thought that he wasn’t one of anyone’s ‘lot’. It was very early days to hope for what he had with Ben to develop into something more. There was nobody to help him, there would be nobody to help his children. His spirits slumped. He’d always wanted to be able to come into The Vic and have a drink with friends yet here he was feeling on the outside. Would he ever fit in?

“I’m going to head home.” Not wanting any argument, he downed his drink, stood up and went. He was briefly aware of a hand on his arm, his name called, but he gave a casual wave without looking back.

Outside, the night was crisp. No stars – this was London. Callum made his way into the gardens and sank down onto Arthur’s bench. Arthur was long gone, his family were gone. They weren’t Mitchells or Beales or Panesars destined to support the following generations of their families. Callum didn’t resent people their successes but there was a part of him that felt trapped by the unfairness of it. He had a good job and worked hard but he and Whitney were separating with almost nothing.

Ben had followed him. Sitting down, he looked at Callum.

“I need to hold your hand,” he whispered.

“Is that what we’re doing next?” Callum was numb with upset. He couldn’t remember the plan. Ben’s fingers interlinked with his.

“Fuck the plan. You’re upset and I want to be here for you.” It was said with tenderness and care, providing a reminder that he was loved, and Callum burst into tears.

“I’m struggling Ben. I’m getting divorced and I’ve got nothing. I’ve finally got to a point where I know who I am and I can’t tell anybody. I had love and it’s … I need …” He lowered his voice to a mere breath. “I need you.”

Ben wrapped his arms around him then not caring who was watching.

“You have love. No ‘had’ about it,” he whispered. “Don’t doubt that I love you.”

Callum held onto him, feeling the solidity of him and his distress subsided, helping him think. They needed to get back to the plan.

“I’m okay. I’ll be okay. But I’m going to go home. Thank you, Ben. It means a lot that you care.”

He stood up to leave him knowing that Ben would understand what he was saying and why he’d said it loud enough for others to hear.

“Callum, wait.”

Callum turned to face him. In the corner of his eye, he could see the woman from the pub wandering slowly towards them supposedly engrossed in her phone.

“I do care.” Ben took a step towards him.

Callum nodded. “I … er … I’m a mess, Ben.”

Ben shrugged. “You’ve got a lot going on and you probably don’t want to add me to your list of problems. But I’m here. For you.”

Callum knew this was a show for Jamie but it was also Ben saying as much as he could.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They closed the gap slightly, took hold of each other’s hands and gazed into each other’s eyes. It was enough for now and they smiled.

“Meet me for breakfast? Seven thirty?”

“Absolutely.” Ben reached up and caressed his cheek and then walked away, looking back and smiling at Callum. Callum held onto his cheek for a moment and then walked towards home. Lovesick? He didn’t need to act.

**JAMIE**

Ben was supposed to be getting to know the copper not getting in his pants. Jamie was furious. He watched the video that Molly had sent him again. Ben and the copper were falling for each other. That was NOT the plan.

It had been a bad week. Harvey was still banged up. Nothing that Jamie had tried had made a difference – he wasn’t getting bail. The Kesumas, on the other hand, had all made bail and they were giving him a lot of grief. And, to top it all, he was having to stay at a hotel because he couldn’t go home. They were waiting for him there.

And still, all he could think about was Ben.

How could he get to be in Ben’s orbit? That’s when the idea struck him. He needed to find somewhere else to live. That was his immediate issue. So he would move to Albert Square.


	8. Jealousy

**BEN**

“Is that allowed? Taking on a tenant when you’re selling a house?”

The estate agent had the grace to look guilty.

“The vendors needed a quicker sale and they feel you have been stalling, Mr Mitchell. Then this opportunity of a short term let arose. Just three months. A businessman in town for a short time. Granted, it’s unusual but, given the delays, we thought it might suit you.”

In one way, it did suit Ben. Callum had managed to find out that Gray had moved away and was living in Leeds; Ben had contacts there and he retained a private investigator to keep him updated about Gray’s whereabouts. He wanted to be sure Louise’s tormentor was putting down roots and was unlikely to return to Walford and that was going to take some time. But he had also hoped to be able to get Louise to go into the house and see how she felt. He couldn’t do that with a tenant in there.

It was to be a small part of the problem.

A few days later, sitting in the square gardens with Callum, a Range Rover turned into the square and parked outside number one.

“Looks like the tenant’s arrived,” remarked Callum, as they both strained their necks to get a glimpse. A man got out of the car and they looked at each other.

“Jamie,” muttered Ben darkly and he was on his feet, striding towards him, Callum a heartbeat behind.

Jamie saw them coming and opened his arms wide, a huge, welcoming smile plastered across his face.

“Ben! Surprise! We’re going to be neighbours.”

“What the fuck, Jamie?”

Callum was looking at the occupants exiting another car that had pulled up behind Jamie’s, including Nathan.

“Charlie, isn’t it?” He turned to Ben, all innocence. “Do you remember when Raymond had that flat tyre and his friend turned up to look after the car because Raymond had to go somewhere? This is that friend.” He now looked at Jamie. “And he’s your friend as well? Small world.”

There was silence for a few seconds as they all regarded each other.

“So many friends,” purred Jamie eventually. “I see you two are friends.” He looked at Ben then Callum. Ben could see the green-eyed monster and recklessly decided to give it a prod. Looking at Callum with a soft smile, he gently touched his hand. Callum couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“Yeah. We’re friends.”

Jamie turned on his heel and stomped up the steps to his new home, barking at his minions to bring his things.

“What’s his game?” wondered Callum as they ambled back over to the gardens.

“I think he might be here for me.”

Callum looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“We wanted him to see us forging something, falling for each other. Well he’s seen it and I think he might be jealous. This could bring a whole world of trouble.”

**CALLUM**

Callum knew he should be worried about Jamie but there were other things on his mind.

First of all, Whitney had a job interview in Milton Keynes tomorrow. He was sure she would get the job and that would make her move very real. She wanted to get a three bedroom house so that the children had a place to call home and was putting a substantial amount of pressure on Callum to provide enough in the divorce settlement for this, wanting him to relinquish any claim on their savings, pay a substantial amount of alimony and give her half of his pension. It would leave him with enough for a room in a shared house, a bedsit if he was lucky. Forty-eight years old and this was where he had reached. It was extremely depressing.

Secondly, Daisy and Derry were back on Friday. He’d rehearsed it a thousand times but was still unsure of how the words were going to leave his mouth. When he asked Whitney for her opinion on how best to tell them, she laughed harshly.

“Chickens coming home to roost, eh, Cal?”

Whatever that meant.

Ben was more helpful.

“You’re going to tell them first that you’re getting divorced. They’ll know that you’ll have a good reason for that. Tell them the truth. You love their mum, you wanted to be married to her, being their dad has been the best thing ever, but it’s come to a head and you’ve had to face the truth. And now it’s out.”

Thirdly, he was falling deeper in love with Ben by the day. It wasn’t wrong - Ben loved him right back. But it was overwhelming and, on more than one occasion, he had been overcome by that heady mix of fear and euphoria to the point where he was unable to form a coherent sentence. He’d told work about his divorce and they all thought he was distraught because of that. His boss had suggested taking some leave. Should he have time off for falling in love?

Friday night came around soon enough with his family around the kitchen table to eat dinner. He had made lasagne knowing that his children loved it and were unlikely to make it for themselves in their student halls. It wasn’t to smooth his way to the difficult conversation - he wanted to make an effort so that they knew they were welcome home. Derry often teased him that he was a feeder, showing his love through food. It was true. As he chopped vegetables and stirred pans, his thoughts were focused on the people for whom he was cooking; he firmly believed that his love was in the meal.

He and Whitney hadn’t talked about how they were going to introduce the conversation that was needed and, as they sat down, he wished they had planned it more. As it turned out, it didn’t matter.

“So what’s going on? It looks like Dad’s in the spare room.” Derry directed his question at Whitney.

Whitney turned to Callum with a look that said ‘over to you’.

Be straightforward, be honest, Ben had advised.

“Mum and I are getting divorced.” He observed each of them carefully, trying to work out their reactions and caught a look between Daisy and Derry. Almost as though they knew. There was a moment or two of silence as nobody added anything to the startling statement. Whitney was looking confused; Callum could understand – he’d expected a stronger reaction as well.

“I’m moving to Milton Keynes,” she said finally. Their reactions to this were much more marked.

“What? You’re moving away from here? We live here.” That was Daisy.

“Why would you do that? It’s going to be so much harder to see you.” Derry.

Whitney stared aghast at her children.

“It was something we were thinking of anyway so you might have had to get used to the idea that you were going to live somewhere else.”

Daisy swung her gaze towards Callum.

“Were you thinking of moving to Milton Keynes?” she demanded. Callum didn’t want to throw Whitney under the bus by denying it but, at the same time, he wasn’t sure about lying. It didn’t seem the best way to go. His hesitation was enough.

“Oh thanks a bunch, Cal,” muttered Whitney. She looked at Daisy. “So you’re more bothered about moving to Milton Keynes than you are about me and Dad getting divorced?”

“Of course not. It’s just that the divorce is inevitable, something we can’t change, whereas the move is not.”

Whitney was clearly shocked and her eyes filled up with tears.

“What do you mean ‘the divorce is inevitable’?”

“Oh Mummy.” Daisy got up and put her arms around Whitney. “I didn’t mean anything by it. But if you and Daddy are here telling us you’re getting divorced, then you’ve thought about it, right? It’s not a spur of the moment thing that came out of an argument because the two of you are not like that. Something is really wrong.”

“Look at you both,” added Derry. “You’re both crying. So what’s wrong? Tell us.”

Callum took a deep breath.

“I’m the problem.” Daisy sat down in her seat and took hold of one of his hands. Derry took the other. “I love Mum. I want her to be happy. But I love me too. And I want to be happy. The truth is … that … is that I’m gay.” He felt both children squeeze his hands and looked at them in surprise. This was clearly not news to them and he was reassured enough to explain further. “I’ve always been gay and I probably shouldn’t have married a woman but I fell in love with your mum and I wanted to have a family with her. I don’t regret it. But Mum was hoping we would get closer with it being just the two of us and I knew I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry … to all of you.” Tears rolling relentlessly down his face, he stared blearily at Whitney. “I’m so sorry, Whit.”

Whitney ignored him. She was watching Daisy and Derry, at their complete support for him.

“You knew?” she accused.

“Not really,” replied Derry. “But all through school, we got teased about our gay dad. So maybe it’s not a total surprise. We’ve talked about it, me and Daise. A lot.”

Callum had thought they were a tight unit, good at talking to each other. It seemed that all along there had been secrets and lies.

“It was a surprise to Mum.” He wanted them to empathise with Whitney. It worked as they both instantly turned to Whitney and held her hands as she cried. Suddenly, he felt very alone. Leaving them, he stepped into the back garden. It was too cold to be out without a coat and he shivered as he sat down, the chill biting into his wet face. Roughly wiping the tears away, he felt more replacing them and dropped his head to his arms and wept.

He’d been there a while when he heard the door open and Daisy came out.

“Daddy, come inside. It’s cold out here.”

Half-eaten lasagne sitting on plates greeted him as he walked back into the kitchen. It was such a small thing, unimportant, but his effort to make them all something nice to eat seemed so utterly futile, reinforcing his sense of having let his family down. He didn’t feel it coming but an uncontrollable wail sounded from him and he collapsed, blubbering and sobbing, as his knees buckled. Daisy had her arms around him.

“Daddy, shh, shh. You’ve done the hard bit. It’s going to be okay.”

**WHITNEY**

Whitney heard the wail, a clear cry of pain coming from her husband. She was becoming inured to his crying but the distress in it was unmistakable and she looked up to see Derry watching her.

“I do know it’s hard for him,” she whispered.

“It’s hard for both of you.” Derry put his arm around her as they sat on the sofa. “Are you moving because you don’t want to see him find somebody else?”

“He’s already found somebody else.” She knew she shouldn’t have said that but she was past caring.

“Is that why you want to move?” persisted Derry. Whitney turned and looked at him frustratedly.

“Didn’t you hear me? He’s been cheating on me.”

“I don’t think this is about somebody else. I think this is about him being gay, Mum. But I’m trying to talk to you about why you want to move.”

She gave it up. She wanted to be angry and unreasonable but if her children could be rational, she had to try at least. “I know that’s what it’s about.”

They sat for a little longer, listening to Callum’s sobs subside. Somebody put the kettle on, probably Daisy, maybe Callum, as though this was an ordinary evening.

A few minutes later, Callum and Daisy came into the living room, teas on a tray. The message had been delivered and now it was time to talk about it.

“So Mum,” Derry was determined to get his answers, “talk to us about the move.”

“We can’t afford to rent round here. We can barely afford the rent on this house pooling our income. So we’ve given notice. Dad will move out in March.” Whitney was in parent mode: being practical, making decisions, explaining the consequences. “I have a new job in Milton Keynes which starts in the new year so we’re moving at Christmas. It’s the next level up so I won’t lose too much by not working in London. I’m going to find somewhere there for the three of us to call home.”

“What about you, Dad?”

Callum shook his head and shrugged sadly. “I can’t afford to rent a three bed. I’m sorry.”

“Is that because you’re giving money to Mum for her three bed? Because, I don’t know about you Derry, but I want to live here not in Milton Keynes. I’m sorry Mum, I’ve got friends here, I like it here.” Daisy had always been straight-talking.

Whitney looked at Derry, silently pleading with him to disagree with his sister.

“Sorry Mum. If there’s only going to be one house big enough for me and Daise, it needs to be here. But you don’t have to move Mum. If you’re here, we can live with you.” He stopped for a moment, silenced by the disappointment in his mum’s face. “The thing is, Mum, it’s not going to be for long. Three years at uni then we’ll probably be working, living in rooms in shared houses, maybe our own places. I don’t think either you or Dad should plan on having us home. Maybe both of you should look for two beds and Daisy and I will manage. We can stay with both of you.”

Whitney could see Callum felt wretched. He deserved it - he had well and truly torn apart his family. It was likely that none of them would ever live together again but only now was he realising the devastation he had wreaked. What had he expected? She was determined to get a house her children could share with her and if that meant Callum had nothing then tough. Surely he hadn’t thought that she would play nice and simply stand by and watch him have a lovely life with his handsome boyfriend. She was going to take him for every penny she could, his pension, everything. He might have the children on his side at the moment but they couldn’t live with him in some grotty bedsit. They would soon realise how things were going to be.

“Mum?” Daisy’s voice broke into her vengeful musings.

“What?” She knew she sounded snappy.

“Mum, please. We all want you to be happy. Is moving near Nan going to make you happy?”

A realisation dawned on her then. She had been thinking about this move for a long time because she wanted a fresh start. In her mind, it had been for her and Callum, to make their marriage into something that worked better for her. But there was also the fact that she missed Tiffany terribly and, although she and her mum had a fractious relationship, there was no doubt ever that Bianca was on her side. Being around family was critical to her happiness. Listening to Daisy and Derry now, she could see they were ready to embark on lives led independently of her and Callum, which was great for them, but it meant that, for her, the family she would be relying on were her mum and her sister.

“Actually, I think it is. It’s what I want to do. I think it’s my best chance of making a fresh start and being happy.”

She could see none of them were convinced. Bianca was hardly a warm, cuddly nanny so she could see their viewpoint but they were wrong. Changing the focus away from her, she decided to put Callum under the spotlight.

“Do you have plans, Cal?”

He shook his head.

“It’s all happened so fast. We need to work out the money but I … I want to stay around Walford.”

Whitney rolled her eyes. Of course, he wanted to be near Ben. Derry spotted it and, obviously feeling guilty about not having supported her earlier, he followed up on her information.

“Mum says you’ve met somebody.”

Callum stared disbelievingly at Whitney; she returned his stare belligerently. She didn’t care that he wanted this to be done respectfully. To hell with dignity.

“I have,” he said carefully, eyes flicking back and forth from Daisy to Derry. “But he’s not part of this. It’s just bad timing.”

“Maybe tell them all about him, Cal.” Her children would know who their father had chosen.

Callum sighed heavily. Daisy and Derry were looking at him perplexed.

“What your mum is referring to is that he has been in prison … twice.” He glanced at Whitney who looked triumphant and she saw a brief flicker of disgust. “Once when he was fourteen for fracturing the skull of a kid who’d been bullying him. He hit him with a wrench. The second time was for manslaughter. He hit somebody over the head and killed her. He was sixteen. Did two years.”

It had the desired effect. Daisy and Derry looked appalled.

“Has he got anger issues, Dad?” Trust Derry to ask a question born out of concern. Whitney was sure he couldn’t imagine his dad with a violent bloke but it was clearly a worry to him. A well-founded worry, in her opinion.

“Not at all. They’re trauma issues. He had a horrible childhood. Like me, like Mum. I’m not making excuses but …”

“How old is he?” Daisy was thinking it all through.

“Forty-three.”

“Has he been in trouble since he was a kid?”

Callum shook his head.

Daisy exhaled and sat back in her chair.

“So he’s not trouble.”

Whitney harrumphed loudly.

“Well that’s a matter of opinion. He’s no angel that’s for sure.”

“That’s enough, Whit. He left here to get away from his dad more than twenty years ago, so that he could lead a good life. And he’s done that.” Callum glared at her, unwilling to have her badmouthing Ben to Daisy and Derry.

Daisy looked at Callum closely. “Do we know him?”

“Yes, you do. Ben. Raymond’s brother.” There was a slight pause as they took that information on board.

“Well, that answers my next question,” remarked Daisy. “It can’t have been going on for long then.”

“Do you have questions?” he asked.

Whitney huffed and gathered up the tea tray taking it through to the kitchen where she started on clearing up. She’d heard enough. It was half term and Callum had booked time off work as well. They’d wanted to spend time with their children but, thinking about that now, she could see it was just going to be awkward with the four of them together. Callum could go somewhere tomorrow for a few days, she didn’t care where; she would go to her mum’s for the second half of the week.

**CALLUM**

Not wanting to be heard talking to Ben, he texted him late in the evening to let him know how things had gone. It was half past midnight but the reply came back immediately.

_Need to see you. Meet me in the park?_

This was not on the plan but Callum needed to see Ben as well.

_Yeah. Now._

He slipped out of the house and jogged quickly round to the park. Ben was already there, sitting on a picnic table, his feet on the seat, chewing his nails. His hopeful look when he saw Callum was heart-melting and Callum almost knocked him backwards with the force of his kiss.

“You missed me?” he laughed breathlessly.

Callum was now holding him close against his chest as tightly as he could.

“Yeah, so much.” He couldn’t let go. 

“Callum, babe, I’m a bit squashed.” Ben’s voice was muffled.

“I know. I just … need to hold you.” He could feel Ben nodding and stroking his arms over his back.

It came then like a tidal wave, distress and relief combined, and he couldn’t stop the outpouring of emotion as he collapsed into Ben, a heaving wreck of tears trying to speak.

“Daisy … Derry … so good … understood I think … Whit … angry … wants to hurt … told them about you … Whit … prison … got to go away”

Ben held him firmly and continued to stroke him and press small kisses into his neck and shoulders, giving him time to cry. Eventually, Callum felt his breathing even out and the tears dried up. He stayed with his face pressed into Ben’s neck, taking comfort from his familiar smell. Ben tapped him lightly.

“Not sure I got that before. Whit’s going to prison so she’s got to go away?”

Callum finally released him, sitting next to him on the table.

“No. We’re both off work this week. So we could spend time with the kids. But now she wants us to take turns. She wants me away until Wednesday and then she’s going to go away for the second half of the week.”

“What was that about prison?” He could see Ben had a suspicion about where this was going but was trying to be reassured that he seemed unconcerned.

“Oh, she put me in an awkward position and I decided to tell the kids about you. I didn’t want her to tell them because … well, I’m sure you get it. Anyway, it was okay. I mean they were shocked but they were okay.”

Ben looked doubtful. “There’s more to me than my record, you know.”

Callum smiled. “She’s lashing out so she’s not going to let on what a big-hearted softie you are.”

Ben mouthed ‘big-hearted softie’ and raised his eyebrows. Callum could see that he was touched. They relaxed into some kissing, restoring their spirits.

“I love kissing you,” said Ben, tracing a finger over Callum’s lips. “Can I take you away?”

Callum had been thinking about calling his brother although he couldn’t imagine hanging out with him for four hours let alone four nights. This offer was perfect.

“Oh god, yes please. Where?”

Ben was busy looking at a weather app on his phone.

“Pack your bags for bright sunshine below ten degrees. You’ll need swimwear. Or maybe you won’t.” He smiled cheekily at Callum. “Have breakfast with your kids then we’ll set off, yeah?”

They wandered slowly back to the square then, holding hands and stealing kisses. And just for once, nobody saw them.

**BEN**

He was starting to regret choosing somewhere quite so far away. Looking across at Callum’s happy face, he wanted to get down to business as soon as possible. Maybe they could come off the motorway and find a quiet lane somewhere.

But where they were going was so beautiful, he wanted them to have their time there. It was total serendipity. He had booked the house on the beach almost a year ago, planning to treat himself and hopefully someone special to a few days away. It surprised him now to realise that he had been thinking even then of a love life not based on hook-ups. One of his managers had been to the house and had raved about it so Ben had driven up to look around. By the time he got round to booking it, the only time that was free was the end of October. Less than ideal but Ben had imagined a log fire and naked bodies so he was happy. Right now, he was REALLY happy. He’d thought the booking would go to waste but instead he was on a trip away with Callum. It couldn’t be better.

The house was directly on the beach with full height windows on two sides opening onto a huge deck with a hot tub, lounging furniture and a fire pit. There was a cosy lounge with an open fire and a massive bed in a snug bedroom. There were other houses nearby but they had all been built for privacy and none of the decks were visible except from the beach. In addition, there was a restaurant up the beach about half a mile away. It was perfect for a romantic getaway.

The journey was largely taken up with Callum sleeping. Ben recognised that his adrenaline must have been through the roof the previous evening and now he was exhausted. He woke up when they stopped for petrol and completely over-purchased when Ben sent him to get supplies.

“That’s a lot of food, babe.”

“I’ve seen you eat. We need a lot.”

The last part of the journey was in the fading light of an autumn afternoon.

“I’ve never been this far north.” Callum was entranced by the scenery. “It’s stunning.”

“Northumberland is one of my favourite places in the world. It’s wild and grand. Knows who it is.”

When they arrived, the sun had just set and Ben got organised with the fire, knowing how cold it would get, while Callum wandered round like a kid in a sweet shop.

There was a luxury in knowing they had four nights here. They could eat and talk and walk as well as have lots of sex. Ben had come fully prepared for the last and wondered how far Callum would want to go. They would go at his pace. Ben was hopeful they had many more nights, more holidays, in front of them.

Callum’s pace was fast. He wanted to get Ben undressed before they’d unpacked their shopping and it was clear that he wanted to learn. Ben picked positions that were most comfortable but it was early in the morning, still dark outside, when he was once more inside Callum, face-to-face, that he saw how much Callum was giving, how much he wanted to connect with Ben. A fervent wish surfaced to make it the best experience possible for Callum. Their devotion to each other was mind-blowing and as they got into a beautiful rhythm, they gazed into each other’s eyes, allowing something from within to emerge and merge, tying them together.

Ben could feel himself coming, heat chasing through him and skin on fire, but, more than that, he could feel Callum’s orgasm like it was his own. They gripped onto each other, ecstatic moans filling the room, and hit their peaks, Ben first, Callum straight after. Ben had never cried after sex but he and Callum sobbed and laughed together, overwhelmed with the intensity of emotion.

After a quick shower, they hit the hot tub. Naked, of course.

“Ooh perfect,” gasped Callum as he lowered himself in.

“You a bit sore?” asked Ben, unable to resist climbing on top of him. Callum looked concerned. “It’s normal, babe,” he reassured him, “ as much as being fucked three times in a night is normal.” He rolled off Callum and lay in the churning water with his eyes shut. “It’s not just you. You’ve had all I’ve got. I need recovery time.”

It was peaceful, laying in the warm water, listening to the waves crashing onto the beach. The stars were starting to disappear and the darkness was turning from complete black to a palette of greys. Ben slid down further into the pool and relaxed, eyes closed, aware of Callum next to him, wondering if there was any better place anywhere. He felt Callum stroke his arm with the lightest of touches and briefly opened his eyes to see his boyfriend had slid further underneath the water as well. They smiled at each other and shut their eyes again, tranquilly enjoying the warmth.

It might have been half an hour later or three hours when Ben was brought abruptly out of his slumber.

“Ben, open your eyes!” There was genuine urgency in Callum’s voice and he snapped his eyes open to see his boyfriend gazing wondrously out to sea. Following his eyes, he saw that the sun was rising, adding its sparkle to the murky light that had come before, bringing the sea to glittering life. The sky was lit with pale yellows; it was scarcely imaginable that it would be blue within minutes. He watched Callum’s rapture with delight.

“You are going to be so easy to please on this holiday.”

Ben loved the holidays with Lexi throughout her childhood but she was twenty-seven and he hadn’t been her choice of holiday companion for years. So he’d got into a habit of booking a resort holiday somewhere hot and satisfying himself with the local talent. It wasn’t satisfying - he hadn’t enjoyed a holiday for a long time. He remembered a year ago he’d had a little crush on a client. It was what had prompted him to book this holiday. They’d got talking about Northumberland and Ben thought finally he’d met someone of his own age with whom he clicked. It wasn’t necessarily that Ben was thinking that he would get with the guy and still be with him a year later but he’d had a dream. Anyway the guy turned about to be married and that was that.

But this thing he had going on with Callum was amazing. Their first kiss – the pretending-not-pretending one – had been ten weeks ago and ten weeks was clearly enough time for Ben to know this was who he wanted in his life. Hopefully for his whole life. He was sure, half-sure, that Callum felt the same. So what was the rush? He and Callum hadn’t been out on a date yet. They should definitely do that before he proposed.

“There’s this amazing fish restaurant up the beach. We can walk from here. Shall I book it for tonight?”

Callum tipped his head to the side to eye Ben.

“Like a date? I brought a nice shirt.”

“Not LIKE a date, an ACTUAL date. You and me looking hot, making everyone wish they were us because we’re so mad for each other.” He grinned at Callum giggling. Underneath his excitement, though, he was a little nervous. He knew very little about dating.

The rest of the morning was spent preparing and eating breakfast and Ben discovered that Callum knew about food and could actually cook.

“I think I just fell even more in love with you.”

“Well, maybe you should fall in love with coming for a run with me,” suggested Callum, squeezing Ben’s soft middle.

“No thanks,” declined Ben complacently. “Happy to spectate, though.”

They returned to bed after breakfast and spent a couple of hours kissing and teasing and chatting before deciding on a walk along the beach. Walford might have been on a different planet.

**CALLUM**

He’d always been able to compartmentalise and it had never been more useful than on this trip. Home, work and his divorce were put in a box, the box was locked and he shoved it to the furthest recesses of his mind. He was having a wonderful time here with Ben and nothing was going to spoil it.

Ben watched him as he got ready for their date. Callum loved the way desire was written all over his face; he was practically salivating. He was wearing his favourite blue shirt, fitted to emphasise his strong back and chest. It was freezing outside so obviously he had to wear a padded jacket and boots but inside, across the table, Ben would be looking at this shirt. He thought Ben looked equally fine. He was wearing a long sleeved polo in burgundy, buttoned all the way Ben-style and he smelled amazing as always.

“What scent do you wear? I like it.”

Ben named an expensive designer brand and Callum nodded appreciatively. He knew Ben had lots of money but he wasn’t flash. He drove an ordinary car, wore ordinary clothes, ate at ordinary places. This was the first thing that had emphasised that they were in different financial brackets. Callum didn’t even own any scent. It occurred to him then that Ben had paid for this trip and he hadn’t even thought about paying a share.

“Callum?” Ben’s voice brought him back to the moment and Callum was to be reminded of his uncanny ability to mind-read. “We’re the same me and you. I’ve just had lots of good luck with money and you haven’t. I don’t work harder than you. I don’t deserve more than you. We’re the same.”

Callum looked at him resignedly.

“I’m getting divorced and it’s going to mean I have pretty much nothing. Nothing to bring to us.”

Ben was right in front of him then, hands placed firmly on his chest.

“My money isn’t really mine. It kind of landed from nowhere for me. The truly valuable thing that I’m giving to you … is me. That’s what you have to match, babe.”

Callum looked down at the earnest shimmer of blue staring up at him.

“Yeah, well, I reckon I can do that.”

“Good,” said Ben emphatically as though that was the end of the matter. “Have you got a hat? It’s freezing out there.” Callum looked at him in horror as Ben giggled and pushed him out of the door. “As if I thought you’d risk hat-hair.”

The walk to the restaurant was indeed bracing and their faces were pink-tinged when they got inside. Hanging their coats up near the reception, they walked to their table, Ben in front with his sexy prowl and Callum following with his fluid, athletic gait, and shared a quick kiss before sitting down. It was fair to say they turned heads. Not that they noticed. Dinner was all about them with tender looks and easy conversation, their feet wrapped together and hands touching whenever possible. The place was full of couples out for a romantic meal but none were connected like Ben and Callum. Envious eyes watched them over wine glasses, wishing that they had somebody who would look at them like that.

The next few days were perfect. Cooking together, walking on the beach, evenings curled up wrapped in blankets on the deck with a fire dancing in the small metal bowl or naked in the hot tub, lots of sex and even more talking. Callum loved the talking. There was teasing, gossiping and discussion but the best was the love talk: the compliments, the declarations, the dreams. Callum had never felt so good about himself.

Out on the deck on their final morning, they watched the sunrise wrapped in each other’s arms. Ben, looking gorgeous in his winter jumper and sunglasses, turned to Callum.

“Can I just say that, while I’m more than happy to do this on holiday, and it is romantic, when we get home, I’m not getting up for the sunrise.”

“Where does the sun even rise at home?” Callum looked at him questioningly. “Where are we on the plan, Ben? Staying over?”

Ben secured his arms around Callum’s waist and looked up at him, taking off his sunglasses.

“It’s up to you, babe. Some people might have figured out we went away together – our families, Jamie, maybe Kheerat – but you’re as out as you want to be.”

Callum nodded.

“Now Daisy and Derry know, I don’t care who else knows … but Whit might. I don’t want to embarrass her. I need to talk to her.”

**WHITNEY**

She and Callum had never been away just the two of them. There had never been enough money, that was the reason given, but now she wondered if that was it. All of their holidays had revolved around the children, doing activities that they would like. They’d never sent them to a kids’ club because they always wanted to spend time with them. But within a few weeks of knowing each other, Callum and Ben were away together, probably laughing and talking and making love. Whitney burned with envy.

Only a few weeks ago, she had been thinking that if they had spent more time together, just the two of them, they would be in the place where Callum was with Ben. But she was beginning to see that the shared task of bringing up their children was the only thing they had shared. When Callum told the children that he had wanted to marry her and have a family with her, she believed him. He’d wanted that more than anything and had thought he could suppress being gay. It was wrong of him to have involved her. If he’d told her he was gay but that he could push it out of his mind so that they could have a family together that would have been different. SHE would have had a choice then.

It felt completely selfish to her that he had changed his mind. Their children were now adults and he didn’t have the same father role so now he was thinking about his personal relationships more? She remembered a New Year’s Eve years ago when she had seen her husband holding onto Charlie from the pub, their mouths millimetres apart before Callum pushed away. There had also been the school picnic when Callum had lay on a blanket with Dan Woo and talked for hours; there was no doubt it was intimate – the photographs of that day showed it. Callum had managed to resist then because he wanted their family unit.

But now that dynamic was changing, he could focus on himself more. She understood that – she had planned to focus on her and Callum. Was it Ben that had made the difference? Callum said not, said it was coincidental. He said it was her pushing for more between them that had made him pull away. Maybe that was true but it was also true that Ben was a part of this, no matter what Callum said. The pain of her husband loving someone else was gut-wrenchingly hard to endure.

“Is Callum around?”

She was exiting her front gate as she heard the question. Spinning round, she saw the new guy from number one. Callum hadn’t mentioned knowing him. People were saying he was a gangster. Maybe it was Ben who knew him.

“No.” Even though she was angry at Callum, she wasn’t going to be telling some gangster where he was.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to him but he’s been away with Ben.” It was a question masquerading as a statement.

“I’m not his keeper,” snapped Whitney. “What do you want him for?”

The guy shrugged.

“It was about the stop and search. Raymond. I get why he lied at work. If you can keep your neighbour’s names out of things then you would, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re mentioning names and none of them are yours. Are you sure this is any of your business?” Whitney stood with her hands on her hips and glared fiercely at him.

“I do apologise. Remiss of me not to mention my name.” He bowed slightly. “Jamie Tyler.”

She dropped her arms and backed away. She’d heard of Jamie Tyler.

“Like I said, I’m not Callum’s keeper.”

And she walked away.

**JAMIE**

It was obvious that Callum and Ben had gone away together. So, one day they were holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes like lovesick teenagers and the next they were off on a mini-break. It didn’t quite make sense until he eavesdropped on Callum’s kids and a couple of their friends in the café.

“Mum made him go away. He didn’t have anywhere to go but the man he’s met has access to a house somewhere. They’ve gone there together which Mum is completely bent out of shape about. She feels like she’s pushed them even closer together. They were nowhere near the point of going away together.”

He thought about paying a visit to young Raymond but his promise to Ben stopped him. If he wanted to get into something with Ben then he needed to keep his word. Raymond knew he was living on the square - his look of terror when he saw Jamie had provided some satisfaction – but he was keeping his head down. It seemed that he was mainly at their little back street garage, ‘The Arches’, but Jamie also saw him over at the derelict car lot talking to a woman in a business suit. What was he up to?

His torment came to an end on the Wednesday when he saw Ben’s car drive around the square and park outside his house. Callum and Ben exited and came round to the boot to retrieve bags. They scanned the square for watchers and then kissed. Jamie watched Ben’s back arch as he leaned in. It was obvious they were involved and his gut twisted. Observing Callum walk across the square, Jamie tried not to imagine him with Ben. Callum was tall and moved with an easy amble, all hips and thighs; he had piercing eyes and thickly tufted hair and the soft smile on his face now was bewitching. Jamie could see what had got Ben. But Callum needed to understand that Ben was his.


	9. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Towards the end of this chapter, there is a shocking bit of revenge from Jamie. He goes on a killing spree, involving children, so if you don't want to read it, when you get to the paragraph starting "Arriving at Nathan’s house, he let himself in", skip ahead to the final Whitney section.

**CALLUM**

In the hallway, their large suitcase stood guard but the house was silent.

“Anybody home?” he called. There was no answer but he could now hear somebody moving around upstairs. “Whit?” he tried again. Still no answer. He dropped his bag next to the suitcase and silently climbed the stairs becoming aware that whoever was there was in his room. He pushed the door open quietly.

Whitney jumped out of her skin.

They looked at each other for a prolonged moment.

“Have I got something of yours?” He tried to choose his words carefully as he picked up that she was hopping mad after a quick shot of reciprocal rage; her anger was a little tiresome, in his opinion. In their negotiations over the divorce, he’d acquiesced to every demand. No amount of money could pay for maintaining good relations with her; he was happy to give her whatever she wanted.

“I want … no.” She tried to move past him but he blocked the doorway.

“Whit?”

“Okay. I was looking for your wedding ring. I want it.” She glared at him defiantly as he stared at her incredulously. “I didn’t end this marriage. You did. I’m going to sell all the rings, mine as well, and treat myself.”

He calmly walked over to his wardrobe and reached for a box on the top shelf. It contained a few items that were especially important to him and, pushing some photos and bits to one side, he found the ring. Turning it in his fingers, it felt solid, evidence somehow that their marriage had not been a complete disaster.

“I want to keep this. It’s important to me.”

Whitney slammed her hands on the chest of drawers and closed her eyes in exasperation.

“Gold is sold by weight. Your ring is three times as heavy as mine which makes it worth three times as much.”

Anger sizzled around her and Callum sat down on his bed in an effort to diffuse the tension. He held out his wedding ring, feeling desperately sad about it.

“It feels like you’re doing this in anger. So, if you must, take my ring, but put them all away and sell them in a year’s time. When you’re not so angry.”

Whit snatched the ring and left the room.

Callum lay back for a minute, tired of the fight, and then sat up sharply, got up and followed her into her room.

“I need to ask you something Whit.” She completely ignored him. “If you want, I can wait to get with Ben until after you’ve moved. Would that help?” She turned to him then, eyes flashing furiously and hurled the rings at him.

“Wait? You’ve just been on holiday with him. How is that waiting? EVERYBODY knows already.”

Callum flinched as the rings and the shrieked words hit him.

“Hang on. That is not fair. We didn’t tell anybody. The only people that knew were you, Daisy, Derry and Raymond.” Guilt was written all over her face. “You’ve told everybody?” His voice went quiet. “What if I wasn’t ready, Whit?” This truth was HIS. He had kept it hidden for years, from himself even, and it was his to share in his own time, in his own way. It was clear she wasn’t in the least bit sorry and he could feel his anger rising and glared at her. She turned on him.

“It was about ME. Not everything is about you.” Her beautiful face was twisted and sneering but, in this moment, he didn’t care how much she hated him.

“You had no right,” he stormed. “I have spent my whole life hating myself for this, thinking that there’s something wrong with me, knowing I’m a liar. It’s been HARD! You have no idea because you don’t love me Whit. You love an idea of me that doesn’t exist. You don’t care if I’m happy and you never have.”

Her anger quickly turned to rage with his accusation.

“I have lived my life for this family …”

“For the kids, for yourself, but don’t fucking kid yourself that you’ve lived your life for me. I have been here to be a good dad, a nice-looking husband to go places with you, and a source of money.” He scooped up the rings. “So sell the rings. It’s pretty much all you’ve ever thought I’m good for.”

He pressed them into her hand, strode down the corridor and threw himself on his bed. Losing his temper always led to him saying things he didn’t mean although, honest as ever with himself, he knew these accusations didn’t come from nowhere. Sometimes they were thoughts that he did mean but didn’t want to mean. He hated that he had this angry person inside.

About a quarter of an hour later, he heard the front door slam. Making his way to the front of the house, he looked out of the window and saw Whitney getting into a cab. Her face was hard and she didn’t look up but he could tell she was struggling. He shouldn’t have shouted at her.

Grabbing his phone, he fired off a number of texts.

To Whitney: _I’m sorry I shouted. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want us to fall out. Please_

To Daisy and Derry: _Are you home for dinner?_

To Ben: _Just had awful row with W._

Ben’s reply came back immediately.

_Hate not being with you tonight. Call me later. Love you xx_

Daisy and Derry confirmed they would be back in half an hour.

There was nothing from Whitney.

He went downstairs and had a look through the fridge. Cooking always grounded him. He’d been a chef in the army, working in the kitchen with his first love, Chris. Nothing physical had happened between them but they HAD fallen for each other and Callum could remember looking, laughing, loving with his friend. They were so different. Chris: lively, confident, out; Callum: quiet, nervous, in. Cooking always brought back memories of Chris but today these were interspersed with memories of Ben from the last few days, peering over his shoulder, sneaking tastes, following instructions and showing his handiwork proudly to Callum for approval. Despite the desperate situation he was in, he found himself smiling.

By the time Daisy and Derry got home, he had made a curry and it was ready to serve. They sat down hurriedly and tucked in.

“This is the first decent meal we’ve had this week,” commented Daisy. Callum had cooked for them all for twenty years and it was a long-standing joke that Whitney’s kitchen skills were lacking. But it didn’t feel right to be making fun of her today.

“Did you expect Mum to cook for you? Can’t you cook? What do you eat at uni?”

“Instant noodles …”

“… pizza …”

“Right, stop. I don’t want to hear any more. Where have you been today?” he asked, noticing that they looked at each other before answering.

“Mum was gunning for you and we didn’t want to be in the middle of a scrap.” Derry’s reply carried a question and Callum sighed.

“We don’t want you caught in the middle of anything but you’re right. We had a horrible fight. I’m sorry.” He was sorry. It was always the way for him. He had a long fuse, then he blew, then he regretted it.

“Mum’s really angry. You can see why, can’t you?” Derry looked a little angry himself and Callum’s heart plummeted faced with his children’s disappointment. He’d thought about how to talk to them and wanted to be honest with them, desperately hoping that they would understand to some extent.

“Yes, of course. She had a dream of the future that I have destroyed because I’ve been lying to her for twenty years. She should be angry. It’s just I have no idea about how to make it any better than it is.”

“Going away with Ben made her really mad. Probably made it worse rather than better.” Derry was impassive now, not giving away the scale of his disapproval. Callum couldn’t work out if he was furious or disappointed or bored with it all.

He looked at them both.

“Right. That’s fair. It was selfish.” He deserved the judgement. If they thought he was a terrible person for what he had done to their mother, could he refute that? He didn’t think so. “Well, I’m not sure I’ve got enough left for another fight so I’ll leave you two to clear up.” Leaving the room, he trudged up the stairs and threw himself back on his bed. It was as though all of the joy of the previous five days had been sucked into the black hole of this particular moment. Pressing his face into his pillow, he let his tears fall. He’d worried that his children would hate him then it had gone better than he thought it might and he’d hoped that they would understand. Well, he was right first time.

“Dad?” Derry was in his doorway, Daisy right behind him. He tried to gather himself together and then lifted his face from the pillow.

“I’m sorry both of you. I … I don’t know what to say apart from that.” He sat up. He really wanted to curl up and cry more but he had to face things. He was their dad and he couldn’t be weeping into his pillow when they needed to talk to him. “So, I know this is not easy and I know Mum is hurting massively and I have done that to her. It’s a whole load of mistakes on my part.”

“Just two, Daddy.” Daisy sat down next to him. “First, you should not have married Mummy when you knew you were gay. But we do get that it’s more complicated than that. And we know you loved her and wanted to marry her and have a family with her.”

“And second?” Callum was getting a feeling that his second mistake was to be less forgivable.

Derry spoke up.

“Rubbing Mum’s nose in it is not cool.”

Callum looked at them both. He had absolutely not been careless of Whitney’s feelings.

“How have I …” He realised what they were talking about. “Are you talking about Ben?” He sat up straighter. “Ben is not a mistake. The timing is not great, I give you that, but it isn’t easy to control when you fall in love. I wasn’t looking for it. And if I hadn’t told Mum about him, she wouldn’t have known because I have NOT rubbed her nose in it. But I thought she deserved honesty for once. The trip was last minute, not planned, and only came about because Mum wanted me gone. Nobody knew about it apart from you guys and Raymond so, if other people know, that is not down to me. All along I have tried to be considerate and respectful of Mum but when she … well … enough said, it’s done now.”

There was a pause almost as though they were all holding their breaths. There had been a momentous declaration in all of that.

“You’re in love with him?”

Derry sat down on the other side of him. Callum looked him squarely in the eye. He was not ashamed of this.

“I am.”

He realised that they were holding a hand each again.

“Is he in love with you?” asked Daisy.

“He is.”

“That’s going to be hard for Mum to see.” Derry was full of hard messages and Callum’s head dropped.

“I know and I told her I would stop it until she’d moved. I don’t want to cause her more pain.” He felt rather than saw them look at each other over his slumped shoulders.

“Dad, you can’t stop this being painful for Mum. You and Ben are together and you can’t rewind and change that. And there wouldn’t be any point because Mum has told absolutely everybody what a pair of shits you are …”

“Daise!” Derry shoved his sister behind Callum’s back.

“… so, while Mum’s away, we want to meet him properly. Not anywhere near here because we’re not going to tell her unless she asks, okay?”

“I am really sorry I’ve done this to us.” He wasn’t comfortable with them keeping things from Whitney; it was not a good way to go forward.

“Yeah, well, we’re not going to pretend it isn’t horrible to see Mum in such a state but, at the same time, we’re proud of you Dad.”

He lifted his head at that and looked at her, seeing a tight but reassuring smile. Derry was rubbing his back as well as holding his hand making him cry again.

“We know you’re not one to cause problems and it must have seemed like the easier thing to just carry on so it’s brave to come out. It was the right thing to do.” Derry kissed the side of his head. “Come on Dad, it’s okay.”

“Even without Ben, I wasn’t going to be able to carry on. Your mum wanted to fix all the things that were wrong with our marriage. Rightly so. But I couldn’t give her that.” The tears were falling hard and fast. “But I hate hurting her, splitting up our beautiful family. I’m so sorry. You know I love you both?”

“Yeah, course Dad.” Derry wrapped his arms around him and Daisy snuggled in. “And we love you.”

Daisy nodded against his chest. “We do.”

The vice around his chest released slightly.

**BEN**

It was in the early hours that he next heard from Callum. It was a video call.

“I had to see you.” Callum was whispering and he was outside in his back garden. His face was blotchy from hours of crying.

“Shit, Callum. You’re not alright. I’m coming round.”

“No, don’t. It’s going to be alright. They’re alright. They think I’ve done the right thing. But their mum is hurting and that hurts them.” Ben watched him try to get his tears under control but, unable to stop himself, he started to cry again.

“Callum, I’m coming round.” He ended the call, quickly got dressed and set off.

Two minutes later he was letting himself in the back gate from the alley behind Callum’s house, grateful that Callum had opened it so that he didn’t have to clamber over the top. He might not have made it. Callum, bundled up in a thick jacket, was sitting on a garden seat, knees tucked up to his chin. Ben pushed his legs down and sat on his lap and pulled him in towards him, neither of them speaking. It was enough to have the contact and they held on to each other for several minutes.

“I miss you when I’m not with you,” Callum said eventually. It was such a simple statement but so perfectly eloquent, expressing exactly how Ben felt as well. He always wore a chunky ring on his ring finger; now he pulled it off his finger and pushed it onto Callum’s little finger.

“You’ve got massive hands so it has to be this one.” He kissed Callum’s finger tenderly and was rewarded with a small smile and soft eyes. “Paul and I tattooed our names on our ring fingers. I had my tattoo removed twenty years ago and I’ve worn this to hide the scar but also to remind me about love. I’m giving it to you to remind you that I love you when I’m not with you. Because when I’m with you, you won’t need reminding.” He gently kissed Callum then, feeling, as always with Callum, that he was in exactly the right place.

“Love you so much,” murmured Callum.

“It’s going to be alright. Every hard moment you have is one more that’s over. We’re going to get to a place where we’re together and we can get on with being happy.”

He knew he was way ahead of Callum. In his mind they were going to find a place to live, get married, grow old and grey together. Callum was the one for him. There was no doubt. But these were hopes and dreams for the future not tonight and he switched his mind back to comforting his man.

“So what did Daisy and Derry say? You said they think you’ve done the right thing.”

“I think they’re ahead of me. They have a clearer idea of how I should be out than I do. It’s almost as though they’ve thought more about me being gay than I have. You know I told you that they said they’d been teased at school about having a gay dad – maybe they’ve had more time to process it.”

Callum had told Ben about this in one of their many conversations while they were away. Ben found it interesting that Daisy and Derry had experienced this and, earlier when talking to Lexi, he’d asked if anybody had ever said anything to her. She’d said kids said stuff all the time but, if they made it sound like an insult, she ripped them apart. Not literally, she assured him.

“Yeah, Lexi had that.”

“I think the point is that you were gay and I wasn’t.”

“Yes you were.”

Callum looked at him then and there was the first sign of a proper smile.

“Yes … I was. It took me by surprise, though, because it’s like they already knew and now they’re saying they think I should be what I am … even though it hurts their mum. But they are upset for her … which is right. I wouldn’t be happy if they didn’t care.”

Ben stroked his hair and held him close, and briefly wondered if he was perhaps enjoying giving the comfort as much as Callum might be receiving it.

“Anyway, they want to meet you properly. Away from the square. They don’t want Whitney to find out because they don’t want to hurt her. But I don’t want them lying to her. What do you think?”

“Tell them that you’re not comfortable with it.” Ben did not want any of them to be even more on the wrong side of Whitney.

They sat for a little longer, enjoying being held, sharing small, sweet kisses, but it was freezing and even though he was wearing his warmest coat, Ben was cold.

“You’re shivering,” noticed Callum.

“Yeah, well, the bit that’s pressed up against you is toastie and the rest of me is frozen.” He felt himself pushed up as Callum stood up.

“Time to go home.”

Ben made sure he got another kiss and a promise of a call in the morning and made his way home. It was the small hours and there was nobody about although, as he turned into the square, he could see a light on in number one. A shiver unrelated to the cold ran through him. Jamie was going to be trouble. He could sense it.

**JAMIE**

Jamie had been lying in bed with his phone tapped into the camera in Ben’s bedroom watching Ben. It was oddly compulsive. He watched him get undressed, leave the room and return in his glasses, placing his hearing aid on the bedside table. The glasses stirred a memory for Jamie – Ben had not worn contact lenses when he’d known him. As Ben settled down to sleep, Jamie recognised that he had missed this over the last few days and felt himself relax. Then he saw Ben receive the video call and was frustrated to hear him talking to Callum. The call was only a few seconds long then he got up out of bed and got dressed. Spying from his window, he saw him come out of his house and run down the side of the square past Callum’s house. Maybe he wasn’t going to see Callum? He kept watching as he turned in front of the old car lot and then turned into the alleyway that ran behind the houses. So he WAS going to see Callum. He threw his phone across the room.

He wasn’t stupid. It was clear to him that Ben was not going to turn his head away from Callum. So what was he still doing here? Nobody could know his real reason – men like him did not traipse around after lost loves. He had taken on this house, which he really liked, in Ben’s neighbourhood, which he also really liked, so the fact that he had five Javanese gangsters squatting in his home was not the only other reason he was still here. His Bethnal Green neighbours were texting him twenty-four seven about his house guests. That was the trouble with the new East End - people were so judgemental. They wanted everybody to be squeaky clean, plant-eating, electric-vehicle-driving types. Albert Square might be a bit shabby, the boozer was basic and the café had a very limited coffee menu but it felt like the East End that Jamie knew and understood. He liked it here so he wasn’t going anywhere and, if he could cause a little trouble for the gorgeous boyfriend of the object of his affection, well then he would.

Unable to stifle his curiosity, he got dressed and headed for the alleyway behind the houses. The garden walls were all tall, just a little more so than him, keeping him effectively hidden. He could hear low voices murmuring in Callum’s garden and, peeking swiftly over the wall, he saw that Ben was sitting on Callum’s knees and they had their arms wrapped tightly around each other. He couldn’t really hear them, something about a surprise, about lying, not being comfortable then the unmistakable sound of kissing and Ben’s gorgeous little moans. Counting to ten slowly, he prevented himself from barging in.

As Ben was preparing to leave, he hid himself behind a wheelie bin, keeping very still as Ben came out of the gate, sauntered along the alleyway – Jamie enjoyed watching that - and turned towards the square. Jamie pushed open the garden gate, relieved that Callum hadn’t already locked it. He was too old to be vaulting six foot high walls.

“Really?” Callum’s voice was amused. “You couldn’t wait until …” He fizzled out as he saw Jamie. Jamie strolled down the garden and sat on one of the garden seats indicating the other for Callum to sit down.

“Thought it was time you and I had a chat.”

“At two in the morning?” Callum asked, sitting as instructed.

“I’m up. You’re up,” shrugged Jamie, offering him a seductive smile.

Callum was not in the mood for flirting.

“What do you want?”

“You lied, Callum. It is alright to call you Callum? Now we’re neighbours … But back to the lie. You told your colleagues that you were spying on my house because you became suspicious when you saw one of my team receive calls from me.”

Callum didn’t say anything, merely watched him. Jamie was almost impressed by his cool.

“I didn’t make those calls.” He grinned at him triumphantly. “See how I know you lied?”

“What I don’t see is how you know what’s in my statement.” Callum came right back at him and Jamie was interested that he wasn’t frightened. Actually he was more annoyed than interested. Callum knew who he was, knew his reputation and knew what violence he was capable of exacting so he ought to be nervous. Jamie could see he would have to step this up. Rising swiftly, he moved to sit on Callum’s lap just as Ben had done and, flicking out his blade, pressed it against his carotid artery.

“You’re in my way, Callum. So I could finish you right now, plant the knife on Ben, there’d be other evidence he was here tonight. Two for one.” Their faces were close and, eyes fixed on Callum’s, he inhaled deeply and appreciatively as though Callum smelled amazing. The truth was that he was getting a strong sense of his sexual appeal. It was gripping and Jamie glimpsed a hidden darkness in the depths of those magnetic eyes. “I can see why Ben is so taken with you,” he whispered provocatively and moved in to press their cheeks together, increasing the pressure slightly with his knife. Callum stiffened and stilled; Jamie judged that he was suitably fearful so he snapped it away and returned to the other seat. “Why lie, Callum?”

NOW he would get some answers.

“I live on this square and I know Raymond. I knew Phil as well and knew Raymond worked sometimes with his dad. There wasn’t a lot I could do about that. Then I overheard something at the station about Raymond being involved with you and I watched him a bit. I didn’t want to report him; I wanted to help him make some better choices. Then Phil died and it felt like a chance to get him away from crime. But it was a coincidence that it was him that day with the stop and search. I didn’t record it because … I know him, he’s my neighbour. I could get in trouble for that. He was jumpy and upset. I think I put it down to Phil’s death. But when we drove past later, I recognised the man there as being one of your gang. He was jumpy as well and it all felt off. So we thought we’d see if anything was happening with you. And it was.”

“Great cover, you and your colleague snogging. Was he happy to do that? Or is that part of your secret gay life?”

Callum said nothing.

“Well, I have to say, it all sounds plausible. I don’t like coincidences but maybe this was one. I could let this time slide, Callum. For Ben’s sake. As I said, he seems very taken with you and he and I are … close.”

Callum gave absolutely nothing away. His eyes didn’t narrow, he didn’t prickle with irritation, he didn’t ball his fingers into fists. Jamie was impressed again.

“I don’t really like sharing, though,” he continued. “Ben and me, we have history … some of it VERY recent.” Believing that Ben wouldn’t have mentioned it, he expected his claim to either shock Callum or there was always the chance he might not believe it.

“Once. Two months ago.”

Jamie looked at him curiously. “What?”

“You had sex with Ben just once two months ago. It’s not a thing.”

Jamie smiled widely at the challenge and was about to respond when they both heard the kitchen door opening.

“Dad, are you out here?”

**CALLUM**

Jamie was gone in a flash and by the time Derry reached the end of the side return to find Callum, all he saw was the gate closing.

“Was that Ben?” Derry came around the back of Callum and put his arms around him. “If you need to see him, you shouldn’t have to skulk around in the dead of night. Go after him. We’ll see you in the morning.” He gave his dad a kiss, hauled him out of the chair and pushed him forwards.

“Okay, but, as I’m not skulking, I’ll use the front door, right?” He pulled Derry in for a hug. “Thank you.”

Quickly sending a message to Ben, he walked back through the house, giving Derry another hug.

“It’s okay, Dad,” mumbled Derry, smothered by the embrace. “It’s going to be okay. Go on.”

Outside the front door, he glanced towards number one and saw a light go off. Ben’s house was seconds away from his so he quickly made his way there, letting himself in through the back gate and in the kitchen door. Ben was waiting in the kitchen.

“Jamie turned up.”

Ben’s eyes widened. “What did he want?”

“To threaten me. To tell me that he knew I’d lied on my statement. To let me know about you and him. He held a knife to my throat at one point. I think because I wasn’t showing enough fear.”

“Shit, Callum!”

“It was fine. I showed him some fear and he put the knife away.”

Ben regarded Callum closely. Was he really that bold and unscared?

“I know I should have been much more frightened but I … I’m just … I can’t explain it. He pressed the knife against my neck and, in that moment, I felt … I don’t know, numb, I guess. Now I just want to cry again.”

Taking hold of his hand, Ben directed him through to the front of the house, relieved him of his coat and led him upstairs. It wasn’t clear why they weren’t speaking but Callum went along with it. Ben undressed him with gentle care, kissing him every now and then and gazing into his teary eyes. It was like a soothing balm was applied and by the time they were in bed, he had stopped weeping.

“Jamie’s going to see us,” Ben whispered. “We have probably just made him even more mad.”

Callum had forgotten about the camera.

“We’re going to have to think of a reason to find it. In the morning, though.” He rested his head on Bens chest and felt the comfort of strong arms around him, legs interleaved and bodies pressed close. Tipping his head up, Ben’s lips found his and their kiss was the perfect expression of their love for each other, laden with devotion and care.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

**JAMIE**

He couldn’t quite work out what Callum was about. Most people froze with a knife at their throat; Callum had almost breathed into it. Maybe he was one of those macho sorts with limited imagination, the type who threw themselves out of aeroplanes or climbed mountains. Typical army or police. But Jamie didn’t think so. There was something about him, something emotional and sensitive. And that would be the thing that was drawing Ben. His great body was obviously enticing as well and, as he remembered the thrill of being up close to Callum, he tried to rid his mind of images of them together.

He flicked his phone to have a look at Ben - it was becoming compulsive – and a flash of irritation went through him as he saw Ben’s bed was, yet again, empty. Where was he now? A second later, he saw Ben re-enter the room with Callum. Sitting up in his bed, he stared at his phone screen. So he’d threatened Callum and the very next thing he did was run to Ben. He didn’t want to watch them; he didn’t want to see Ben’s loving eyes gazing at this weeping man; he didn’t want to be witness to the tender care being given, the gentle caresses and the loving hugs. But he couldn’t stop himself. Blind rage swept through him as they kissed. He saw them declare their love for each other and the red mist descended. Swiftly getting dressed, he headed out. He was going to find somebody of his own for the night. And they were going to hurt.

Sending a message to his best supplier, he drove out to pick up the poor, unsuspecting boy. Pretty and young, with only a little English – exactly as Jamie liked them. He wasn’t after conversation. Pasha, that was the boy, was satisfyingly adept and willing. They had a nice suite, decent champagne and a plentiful supply of pills. No need to slum it. Even when Jamie upped the pain, Pasha responded positively. Did he think it was a game? It enraged Jamie. Why were people not frightened of him tonight? His anger escalated and it didn’t take long for Pasha to realise he was in trouble. About time. Minutes later, Jamie looked at the bloodied, broken body of his conquest and, for the first time that evening, felt like he was in control. Pasha stared at him through beautiful, brown eyes, pleading yet knowing it was too late. Jamie rang his cleaners and gave them the location.

“Finish him off.”

He had brought a change of clothes so he quickly changed, leaving his bloodstained garments for those coming in after him.

“Got to go. It was fun.” He didn’t even bother to look at the human wreckage behind him as he left the room.

It was time to get back on track. Ben and Callum were nothing to him with their small lives. He was Jamie Tyler. Albert Square was his home and he would rule it like he ruled most of the East End. Those fucking Javanese big men were going to find themselves as dead as poor Pasha if they didn’t do as he said. He made a few calls. They would be evicted tonight.

Next in his firing line was Nathan. He believed Callum’s version of events; everything he said stacked with what Jamie knew to be true … which meant that Nathan had gone behind his back. Nobody got away with betraying him. Nathan’s fate had to send that message to the world.

Arriving at Nathan’s house, he let himself in. It was dark, silent, comfortable. A family home, everybody sleeping safe and sound. Except they weren’t safe. Fury was coursing through him and he calmly, casually, coldly smothered Nathan’s two little boys. People had to know that if they crossed him, it wouldn’t be just them who paid the price. Standing in Nathan’s bedroom, he fixed a silencer to his gun, shot his wife then waited. The impact of the shot woke Nathan and alarm quickly turned to horror on his face as he saw the blood trickling down his wife’s face. He jumped out of bed and darted down the hall. Jamie let him go. He wanted Nathan to know his sons’ fate.

“So, this is going to look like a dad killing his family before himself. Hands on the pillow, Nathan. I need you to re-enact it for me.”

Nathan was slumped on the floor, sobbing quietly. He knew he was going to die one way or the other: quickly, if he did as Jamie said, or slowly if he didn’t. Jamie handed him the pillow.

No more than five minutes later, Jamie left the house. Nathan was lying on his bed, next to his wife, a bullet hole in his forehead.

**WHITNEY**

It was early in the day so she was surprised to see an incoming video call from Derry. Connecting, she saw both of her children looking at her. Something was wrong.

“Where’s Dad? Is he having breakfast with Ben? Even though you’re only home for a few days.” She tutted, unable to comprehend Callum’s priorities and was so busy being judgemental that she missed her children’s huffs of frustration.

“He’s out. But we wanted to talk to you without him here.”

“He’s gone out even though you’re there?” She couldn’t believe that Callum was so wrapped up in Ben that he was putting him before his children.

“We sent him out. We want to talk to you without him here.”

“Well, I just think that he should be spending the time with you.” They didn’t seem to be listening to her.

“Right, mum,” interrupted Daisy. “Just listen okay? Derry and me want to get to know Ben.” Whitney saw Derry scowl at his sister. He had clearly been thinking of a kinder way of bringing it up; he had always been more sensitive than her.

“You want to get to know the person your dad’s been cheating on me with?” Why weren’t they angry at Callum? Why weren’t they hurt on her behalf?

“Dad couldn’t stay married to you, mum. He’s gay.” Daisy never minced her words, no nuance, no careful recognition of the impact her words had.

Derry jumped in. Whitney recognised his role - damage control. She always found it slightly irritating that he did this. He was too much like his dad.

“Daisy’s sort of right, Mum. Dad’s reality is that he’s gay and he’s with Ben. We know that it has caused you a lot of pain and we’re here for you always. But surely you want us to have a solid relationship with Dad? He’s important to us. You wouldn’t want us to be taking sides, would you?”

At lightning speed, Whitney went from irritated to furious. Forgetting that only a few seconds ago she had been appreciating Derry’s more considered approach, she turned on him.

“Stop all that emotional blackmail bullshit! ‘Surely you don’t want us to take sides’. Just shut up Derry. I want you to be as angry at Dad as I am. He has destroyed our family.”

Derry and Daisy stared back at her from the screen, very obviously conflicted.

“Mum, the thing Dad did wrong was not doing this earlier. He’s not wrong to do it now. Our family is not destroyed but it is changed.” Daisy paused and scrutinised her mum’s reaction. “Derry and me want to get to know Ben. But, just so you know, Dad is unsure about us not telling you and he was very clear that we shouldn’t lie to you.”

“Of course, Saint Callum. It’s all working out just perfectly for him.” She couldn’t think of anybody more irritatingly good than her husband. Maybe her son.

“You’re right, Mum,” soothed Derry. “Except that this is harder for Dad than you think … but, you’re right, eventually it will improve things for him. Daisy and I want him to be his true self. We think that’s right. And it’s fine for us because we don’t lose either of you. We just get you separately now. So we can see that, at the moment, it is definitely worst for you. None of us can change that but we do know it.”

At the back of her mind, Whitney knew her gay husband shouldn’t stay married to her. He would always be her children’s father and she wanted them to have a good relationship with him. She knew these were the right thoughts, the most constructive thoughts, the thoughts most likely to lead to her own happiness but she couldn’t send the pain and disappointment away. She wanted Callum to have the same scale of suffering as her. Tiffany had suggested that his struggle had been spread out over his whole life. She wasn’t speaking to Tiffany at the moment.

“So reassuring,” she sniped.

“What would you like us to do, Mum?”

Be on my side. Have nothing to do with your Dad. That was what she wanted to say but she understood that her children needed their dad and wanted to support him with coming out. Of course they did. They had been brought up to be caring and kind and Callum had been instrumental in this. She had a troubled history with fathers. Her own dad died when she was ten and she barely knew her absent mum. Bianca was the mother figure in her life. But Bianca’s boyfriends had not been father figures, one even grooming her and sexually abusing her. Callum was an amazing dad and she would not take that from her children.

“Do what you like. Make yourselves feel better that you’re not lying to me.”

She couldn’t bear it anymore and ended the call.

It felt like there was nobody on her side. Everybody without exception thought Callum had done the right thing. Sure, there were some, including Bianca, who thought he was a coward for not having done it earlier but, if she’d never married him, Whitney knew she wouldn’t have experienced his kindness and support and she wouldn’t have Daisy and Derry in her life. If she could turn the clock back to their wedding and have known, somehow, that he was gay, would she change anything? Would she have had the courage to walk away?

She loved their family unit. She loved having such a wonderful husband. And the reason she had lost these precious things was that Callum was weak. He should either have not lied in the first place, and that ship had sailed long ago, or he should have had the guts to live with the lie. Her need to punish him was becoming an obsession. He’d been saddened over the wedding ring but that wasn’t enough. She hadn’t really hoped he would lose the children’s affection but even a short term loss seemed unlikely. It wouldn’t even punish him to see her happy because that was what he wanted. What else could she take from him? The only thing she had was her friendship and, deep down, she knew that would hurt her as much as him. Revenge was a form of self-harm but she couldn’t help it. She was hurting so much it was all she had.

She had one last card to play: Jamie Tyler. It had been playing on her mind that he’d said Callum had lied about something at work, something to do with Raymond, therefore something to do with Ben. If it was bad enough, would Callum have to resign? How much difference would it make to her money? He was thinking of retiring in a year or so anyway. But it would make all the difference to him. His reputation would be ruined and that would definitely hurt him.


	10. Making Plans

**DAISY**

Daisy and Derry looked at each other as the call with their mum ended abruptly, both left unsettled by it, conflicted between wanting to offer her support and not wanting to take sides. She was so often light-hearted and fun-loving, quick to put an optimistic spin on things and frequently playful, in most of their memories full of smiles and giggles. This bitterness was very much out of character but they both understood why she was angry.

Their dad, like their mum, was usually happy-go-lucky. There had been no conflict in their parenting and they had always been completely committed to looking after their children together, making sure life was full of joy as well as keeping them grounded in the realities of being good people. For Daisy and Derry, it made this situation with their parents in opposition especially unfamiliar and difficult.

“The thing is, going forward, our relationship with Dad is going to be nothing to do with Mum so we don’t need her approval.” Daisy was as black and white as usual.

“Hmm.”

Daisy recognised Derry’s stall. She knew he was always more inclined to spend more time weighing up situations. It didn’t make him more likely to make a good decision than her – it was just his way.

“We want to keep strong with both of them,” he concluded. “And it was Dad who said this might upset Mum. He doesn’t want that. He wants us to try not to upset her.”

“Well, as it stands, she’ll only be happy with us if we cut him loose. We’ve talked about this, Derry. He needs us to accept this, us more than anybody.”

This was the crux of the matter. They had always wondered if their dad was gay and not just because other people suggested it. Despite their mum and dad always being on the same page about their children, there had also always been a distance between them. From their teenage years, Daisy and Derry had been able to see it was their dad who had the walls around himself. He was kind and loving towards their mum but there was something missing in their connection. Between their Aunty Tiff and Uncle Keegan, although they rowed frequently about their children and all sorts of things, there were shared looks, moments of affection and closeness, and little touches to reconnect; there were none of these between their own parents. As they got older, they observed their dad’s wandering eyes and saw his interest in men. It was clear to them that their mum also saw but was determined not to see. For them, they were now in a situation that had been coming for years. It was inevitable that their mum was destined for devastation, and they would be there to support her, but they were delighted that their dad had decided to come out and were resolved to make it as easy for him as they possibly could.

But they had only two days left in person and in that time they wanted to give him an unequivocal message that they loved him no matter what, so they decided to force his hand about Ben and Daisy sent a text.

_You and Ben meet us for lunch today. The Royal Oak where we used to ride our bikes. 1pm. We’ve told Mum x_

“Okay. Sent it.”

They waited for a moment. Callum always had his phone with him and was quick to send a response so the delay would tell them how much of a discussion was needed with Ben. Not much it seemed.

_See you there xx_

“Do you fancy going for a walk there?” suggested Daisy, excited now that the plan was afoot. “Little trip down memory lane?”

Derry was up for that and soon they were on the tube heading out of town. When they were children, they always had their bikes with them so the distance from the tube to the forest hadn’t seemed that far. It was much longer on foot. But as they came to the point where the houses ended and the trees began, they both felt that it was definitely worth the trek. The forest was ablaze with autumn colour, the ground already blanketed with crisp leaves, a brisk breeze tossing them like confetti against a perfect blue backdrop before they fell. To Derry and Daisy, city kids, it had always represented the countryside. They headed for their favourite place, a large pond hidden away from the main paths.

“Derry, stop,” whispered Daisy, pulling Derry behind a large oak tree. Up ahead of them, Callum and Ben were sitting on a boulder engrossed in each other. They watched for a minute and saw their dad throw his head back and laugh, his big smile throwing out a sprinkling of happiness. Ben was talking and teasing and they watched him gaze at their dad adoringly. Callum reached across and held Ben’s face, his own glowing with love.

“Oh god that is special,” murmured Derry. “I’ve never seen him look like that.” He turned to his sister. “I’m made up that he’s so happy. Come on.”

They came out into the open.

“Hey, you two.” Daisy strode up to Callum, ignored his shocked look and the way he sprang apart from Ben, and threw her arms around him. “Hi Daddy. Great minds.” She turned to Ben and gave him a generous smile. “Hi Ben.”

Ben looked a little nervous but managed to smile back.

“We’ve only just got here in time – the tube is miles away! - so we need to set off for the pub straightaway if we’re going to make lunch,” advised Daisy, grabbing hold of Ben’s arm. “Walk with me, Ben?” Derry was in her head and he slowed Callum down as she walked off with Ben.

“This feels like I’m being vetted, like I’m dating your teenage daughter,” commented Ben. He had a feisty daughter of his own and wasn’t cowed for a second by Daisy.

“That would be a feat. I’m only nineteen,” she replied. “And, to be honest, I think the gay men in this family should not date women.” Ben laughed out loud at that. They looked at each and shared a genuine grin.

“Okay, being vetted for stepdad then.”

So Ben had sass.

“You’re funny,” she said smiling and then added thoughtfully, “but yeah.”

She squirmed involuntarily as Ben peered at her - it felt like he was present in her head. He smiled softly and then grew serious. “What you need to know is that I intend to keep your dad happy. I love him Daisy.”

It was exactly what she needed to hear and she hooked an arm through Ben’s and smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

She knew her dad and Derry would be watching as they followed so holding Ben’s arm was for them. Ben understood and squeezed her hand.

“So, tell me about uni. What you’re studying, what else you’re doing, what you’re flatmates are like, who else you’ve met …”

It was an easy topic and Daisy chatted comfortably. Ben was a good listener, remembering details and asking interesting questions. She remembered then that he had a daughter who had been through university. She’d seen her from a distance: short and slight with a mass of blonde curls, pretty like her cousin Peggy who Daisy knew well. Daisy herself was quite tall with straight, dark hair and thought of herself as average looking. Maybe a six. She wasn’t bothered, firmly believing that looks said nothing about a person, except when faced with her mother’s disappointment compared with her blatant pleasure that Derry was handsome. That was sometimes hard to take.

“Your daughter Lexi’s coming to live in Walford, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she’s arriving in two weeks or so. I thought I might have somewhere to live sorted out but I haven’t so most of our stuff is going into storage and we’re going to stay with Raymond for now.”

“She’s going to live with you when you move?”

“No. She’s lived with me for long enough she says. She wants to get her own place.”

“Is Dad going to live with you?” It was an extremely direct question, typical of Daisy, but she had her reasons for asking. Ben took a few moments to reply.

“It isn’t something we’ve talked about. Your dad is sorting things out with your mum. That’s enough on his plate.” He looked at her again with his piercing gaze. “I’m a hopeless romantic, Daisy. I hope living with your dad is in my future.”

Daisy was tempted momentarily to give him a big hug. He was so honest and genuine and his clear devotion to her dad was very reassuring. But she didn’t really know him well enough. One day. She returned to her agenda.

“Just … will you … er … will you make sure he isn’t homeless?” She could see Ben was shocked at the suggestion. “It’s just because of what Dad’s like. He’ll give Mum everything she wants and end up living in a hostel. We’re worried about him.”

“I promise I’ll be there for him. If he wants to live in a hostel, I may not be able to stop him but I promise I will try.” He smiled at her reassuringly and she relaxed a little. She had a feeling that Ben would absolutely stop her dad from living in some dismal bed and breakfast.

The pub was in sight now and Derry and Callum had almost caught up.

“Don’t mention about us worrying about him being homeless. Please,” muttered Daisy. Ben nodded and squeezed her arm; she knew she could trust him.

“So what were you two talking about?” asked Callum as soon as they were seated, clearly burning with curiosity.

“Uni, Lexi’s move to Walford, Ben’s house plans,” listed Daisy breezily. “What were you two talking about?”

“Uni, Mum’s divorce demands, Dad’s plans for living on the street,” responded Derry. Callum started to protest but Daisy got in first.

“We think you should get a lawyer involved. Make sure it’s fair.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” said Callum, firmly shutting down the conversation. He looked at Ben apologetically.

“Ben agrees with us,” stated Daisy, catching the look between them.

“I did not say that,” refuted Ben, smiling at her. “I’m here to support your dad with his decisions. I’ve never been married so can’t speak about divorce but, watching from the side-lines, it has always looked a bit painful and difficult. We’re all here to support your dad, right?” He looked at Daisy and Derry, and accepting the direction, they nodded their agreement. Ben was not going to be fun daddy, desperate for them to like him and willing to do anything to achieve that. He was his own man as well as being a solid unit with Callum. There would be consistent parenting from these two and Daisy was glad of it. He caught her eyes for a second and she knew they understood each other.

“So, Derry, tell me about your start at uni …” Ben moved the conversation on. It stayed on Daisy and Derry throughout their lunch, with some chat about Lexi’s new job and flat search and Raymond’s plans to sell electric cars.

“We didn’t learn to drive,” said Daisy. “Living in London there didn’t seem much point. We’ve never had a family car. But, it’s a useful skill. Some jobs require it.”

“I taught Lex to drive,” said Ben. “If you want to learn, we’ll use a little runabout from the lot when we get going, and I’ll teach you. You uni students get loads of holidays.”

“That would be great, thank you.” Derry was straight in with his acceptance.

“Yeah, definitely.” Daisy wasn’t far behind.

She could tell that Ben, although confident and relaxed on the outside, was very keen to show her and Derry that he was devoted to their dad and to show Callum that he would be a good parent figure for her and Derry. Bundled with Callum’s obvious pride in him, it was adorable. She hoped it worked out for them – they were lovely together. And she instinctively liked Ben with his whiff of a fun, cheeky side alongside the security offered by his maturity and pragmatism. He would be good for their family.

It turned out that Callum and Ben had driven and were parked in the pub car park so Daisy and Derry very gratefully accepted a lift home, happy to skip the trek from the pub to the tube station.

When they arrived back in the square, Ben turned to them in the back seat.

“It’s been good to get to know you both a bit. Thanks for today.” He turned to Callum. “Call me. And I’ll see you on Saturday.” There was yet another affectionate look and a tender kiss and Daisy found herself wondering how her mum and dad had managed twenty years without this.

Walking the short distance back to their house, she queried Ben’s parting comment.

“You don’t have to wait until we’re gone to see him again, Dad.”

“No, I know but I’ve got two nights and one full day before you’re gone for another six weeks. I want to spend them with you.” Callum was very obviously looking forward to it and they looked at each other guiltily.

“We’ve arranged to go out Dad. Tonight and tomorrow night,” explained Daisy.

“But we can spend tomorrow with you,” offered Derry.

Callum hid his disappointment well, not quite well enough to fool his children, but it was a valiant attempt.

“No worries. Ben, Jay and Kheerat are having a drink tonight. I can join them.”

**CALLUM**

It had gone well with Ben and the children today. He could tell they both liked him; Daisy held no prisoners when it came to people she didn’t like and his instincts told him she liked Ben a lot. Obviously, he didn’t need their approval but life would be much easier with it. Ben had been completely charming and generous. He kept thinking it was impossible to love Ben more and then he would do something and he discovered it was indeed possible.

He really didn’t know what to do about the divorce and was starting to think the children had a point about hiring a lawyer. Whitney wanted half of his income and half of his pension but she didn’t think he should be entitled to half of her income and pension. They had some money in a savings account which was supposed to be a rainy day fund for the children but Whitney said she needed it as a deposit on a house she wanted to buy; Bianca was giving her some money for this as well. He did not want to be the person blocking her home-owning aspirations but it did feel unfair.

Setting off for the pub that evening, he tried to not to think about his problems. None of them could be solved tonight so they could all wait. Ben left his house at almost the same time and caught him up.

“Hey, babe.” He caught hold of Callum’s hand and brought it up to his lips for a kiss, picking up quickly that Callum was preoccupied. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been talking with Daisy and Derry about the divorce settlement. Whit and I said fifty fifty but it turns out she meant she gets fifty percent of my income and pension, I get none of hers. Plus she says she needs our savings to pay a deposit on a house. The kids have been doing some research and they think we should agree a lump sum and if that’s the savings then that’s it. If it’s more than that then I pay it off over five years.”

He saw Ben’s face crease with concern and felt his breathing ease with the comfort of being the subject of someone else’s care. Ben’s eyes took on the faraway look he had when he was thinking. Callum loved this about him, his habit of problem-solving, making suggestions, assuming Callum’s problems were their problems. It gave him the luxury of knowing he was not alone.

“Do you want to have an informal chat with Lexi about it? It’s not her area of law but she might be able to help you think.”

He slung a grateful arm around Ben’s shoulder.

“Yeah, that’d be great … thanks!”

They started to walk through the gardens. It was almost November, a typically chilly month but even so it was particularly cold, so when Ben dragged them to Arthur’s bench, Callum was reluctant.

“Much as I want to get into it with you, it is freezing out here.” He pulled Ben in for a kiss. It felt like ages since the last kiss even though it had only been a few hours.

“It’s not that … well it could be, I do love kissing you … it’s something else.” Ben was fidgety and nervous. “I’ve been thinking and … I think we should plan to live together. This is not a fling, not for either of us. And I don’t want to get to next March and have you stuck with a rental for six months or a year when we want to be together.”

Callum kissed him again. Ben was right. This was not a fling. His life was currently full of uncertainties but the one thing grounding him, keeping him safe, was Ben. He was the only thing in focus; everything else was blurry.

“Ben, I’m going to have nothing to put in. I want to live with you but I would be living in your house.” He felt Ben slump next to him. “That’s not no. I’m saying yes. I just want to be clear so we understand what the arrangement is.”

Ben perked up immediately and placed his hands around Callum’s face, directing his gaze so that there were just the two of them in the world.

“Who owns what is irrelevant. I love you. I want to live with you, share a life with you.”

Callum was stunned. He stared at Ben, wide-eyed and utterly astounded.

“Too much?” asked Ben, a smile playing with the edges of his mouth. He knew it wasn’t. Callum shook his head slowly and his biggest smile appeared, emerging gradually like a butterfly from a chrysalis.

“I love you too. And I want to share a life with you.” It came out as a whisper as though he scarcely believed it, which was true – there was a significant part of him that thought he might wake up any minute. They stayed for a moment, solidifying their connection, a pair of blue eyes fixed on each other, the gently caress of hands on faces.

“Pub?”

“Yeah.”

The first people they saw as they went in were Kheerat and Jay, who spotted their linked hands immediately.

“So it’s a go?” Jay asked them. Callum nodded shyly. Ben sat down with a big grin.

“It is!” he proclaimed loudly and proudly, making all of them laugh.

“Have you seen who’s at the bar?” Kheerat posed the question. Ben raised his eyebrows at Callum who was facing that way.

“Jamie Tyler,” explained Callum, “and he’s chatting up Albie. Looks like Albie is interested. Or maybe he’s just flirting. He does a lot of that.” Albie leaned over the bar to whisper something in Jamie’s ear and Jamie turned round and raised his glass at the table of watchers.

Callum had known Albie all his life. He had always been a handful and Sharon had been to Callum for help on many occasions to stop situations escalating. Albie had a nose for trouble and it was only a matter of time, in Callum’s opinion, before he found himself in real bother. Albie had seen right through him and had taunted him mercilessly for the past few years about being in the closet. Callum didn’t particularly like the teasing but Albie was young and foolish and there was no way he was going to leave him to the likes of Jamie Tyler.

So, late in the evening, when Jamie disappeared to the toilet, Callum quickly got in Albie’s ear.

“Albie. Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“So you and Ben Mitchell are boyfs?”

Callum ignored his observation.

“That’s Jamie Tyler you’re getting cosy with. He’s …”

“… I know who he is,” interrupted Albie, looking at Callum seductively under hooded lids. “You’re looking good, Callum. All this vintage totty right here on my square. Who knew, eh?”

“He’s dangerous, Albie. I’m trying to warn you so you can be wary.”

“Thing is, Callum darling, I’m going to get beautifully fucked tonight. But if YOU are offering, I will forego the delights of Jamie.”

Callum rolled his eyes, held his hands up in surrender and backed away. Albie was not a year older than Daisy and he could not imagine her speaking like that. It was a horrifying thought.

“What did he say?” Kheerat quizzed Callum as soon as he sat back down.

“He knows who Jamie is. He doesn’t care. He’s hooking up with him tonight.”

“No, he’s fucking not,” asserted Jay, heading for Sharon. Jay, like Callum, had been involved in getting Albie out of trouble on various occasions. Kheerat, Ben and Callum watched him have a heated conversation with the landlady before he returned to the table.

“She says we’re all hypocrites – with the exception of you, Callum – as we’ve all been on the wrong side of things. She said she was married to Phil twice, he was a villain, and it brought her nothing but happiness …”

“What?” Ben was incredulous. “Has she had a memory transplant?”

“… so we’ve to leave Albie to have his fun.” The four of them looked at each other.

“We need a plan for dealing with Jamie,” said Kheerat. “We can’t have him living on the square, running his business, involving our kids. I have nephews and nieces growing up here.”

They sat for a while throwing around suggestions but nothing seemed to have legs and in the end they gave up.

“Let’s give it some time, ideas will come. Maybe meet early next week?” suggested Kheerat.

“I’m on nights next week but I can do a breakfast,” said Callum, determined not to miss out on being part of the Albert Square posse.

“Right, Tuesday morning breakfast. Come to mine.” Kheerat checked that they were all in approval. “Time to call it a night for me.” They all felt the same and the four of them headed out into the square and said their goodbyes, Callum and Ben lingering after the other two had gone.

“I don’t want Jamie watching us but I promised Whit I wouldn’t bring you in the house. But …” Callum gathered Ben into his arms and kissed his neck, earning a series of tiny, breathless groans.

“Aargh. Make a choice - stop or don’t.” He smiled as Callum reluctantly pulled away. “Tomorrow, I’m going to accidentally set light to my curtains and have to take them down. Might just stage a little outraged visit to Jamie when I find his camera. So, tonight, go home, be there for Daisy and Derry. Tomorrow night I’m taking you out for dinner, then one more night apart and you’re mine. Come straight round when you’ve seen them to the station on Saturday and don’t expect to sleep for twenty four hours.”

Callum kissed him again and forced himself to head for home. His head was buzzing with excitement. There was so much to look forward to.

**BEN**

It was only two nights and it wasn’t even the evenings – they had planned to spend those together – so Ben was at a loss to explain why he could hardly stand it. Lying in bed, he remembered the smell, the feel, the weight of his much missed boyfriend. He was cold and couldn’t get warm so got up and put on joggers and a sweat shirt. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, he rolled a joint. Time to burn the curtains.

The operation went a little too well. The smoke alarm was shrieking and Ben was struggling with the curtains when Raymond appeared.

“What the fuck?”

“Give me a hand. Don’t just stand there.”

Raymond darted forward and pulled at the curtain with Ben, a little too vigorously as the whole lot came down, curtain rail and all. Now the flames were on the bed and they both jumped on it to smother them, batting frantically at anything glowing.

“You were having a smoke?” asked Raymond, smelling the air.

“Yeah.” Ben slid to the floor and held his head in his hands. “I was looking out of the window, wasn’t concentrating, next thing I knew …”

“You have got it crazy bad, bruv. I think it’s safer if Callum stays over.”

Raymond was sitting on the end of the bed and ruffled Ben’s hair, as Ben leaned against his leg.

“He wants to spend the whole day with Daisy and Derry tomorrow. But, yeah, he could have got up early. I wish he was here.”

“I wish he’d been here half an hour ago.”

Ben huffed a despairing laugh and looked up at Raymond apologetically. Raymond nudged him fondly.

“Leave it until morning. Dad’s room is clean.”

They had cleared all of Phil’s belongings and, as Ben lay in the large bed, he reflected that the room had no vestiges of his dad. He didn’t believe in ghosts but neither did it make sense to him that the massive energy that made up a person would simply disappear. Where did it go? Wherever Phil had gone, that place wasn’t here, and, for that, Ben was grateful.

His bedroom looked much worse in the cold light of day as he and Raymond surveyed the damage. The curtain rail was broken where they’d jumped on it, the curtains were burned to charred shreds, the bedspread and duvet had a huge, black hole in the middle, and the carpet had a number of scorch marks.

None of this was what Ben was looking at. He picked up the small black device and showed it to Raymond.

“In your bedroom? Wow!” Raymond looked at the wreckage. “Do you think it was on the curtain rail?”

“I think I need to have a chat with our local neighbourhood gangster.” Ben held the camera up to his face. “I’m on my way, Jamie.” Then he put it on the floor and stamped on it.

They lived at opposite ends of the square but it took Ben less than a minute to rocket his way to number one, firing up the steps in two bounds and hammering on the door. People were watching; he could feel their eyes on his back. After much longer than it took anyone to answer the door, it was opened and Ben pushed his way in, storming into the dining room and throwing the smashed camera on the table.

“My bedroom, Jamie. You put a fucking camera in my fucking bedroom.” Even though he was putting on an act, he discovered he had real anger to channel.

Jamie rolled his eyes and threw himself on the sofa, carefully sprawled in his silk dressing gown so that it revealed his toned body. He knew he looked good.

“Who said it has anything to do with me?”

“I know it’s your doing so don’t fuck with me.” Ben maintained eye contact determined not to so much as glance at Jamie’s physique.

“But I want to fuck … with you.” Jamie smiled winningly. It usually worked. He was a handsome man, with a great body and a smile to melt hearts.

“Well, if that’s what you want, I’d say the best way to go about it would be to put a camera in my bedroom. That would definitely convince me that you were trying to impress me.” Ben’s sarcasm revealed a heart that was clearly not melting. “But stop this shit. You and me is not going to happen again. You’re a villain and you’re happy with that. I’m not and that’s what I want. We could NEVER make it work. But, aside of any of that, you know I’m in love with Callum. What I have with him - it’s real and it’s beautiful.” He watched Jamie’s face twist and sat down opposite him. He wished he knew the bad man better because something was telling him that he was extremely dangerous. A shiver of fear passed through him and he acknowledged to himself that he should be scared. This was not the boy he’d held in his arms more than a quarter of a century ago. “Please Jaim. Be happy for me.”

Jamie sat up and retied his gown.

“You wouldn’t even know how to be happy if it weren’t for me.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” agreed Ben. “You kept me from falling apart.” He didn’t want to claim any credit for Jamie being who he was but they had done this much for each other. “I kept YOU from falling apart.” He almost asked if Jamie knew how to be happy but they both knew he didn’t and what was the benefit of pointing it out? “I don’t like who you are, Jaim, but I can’t help myself – I will always want happiness for you.”

**JAMIE**

He wanted Ben to hold him and take away some of the pain that lived permanently in his head. There were so many terrible things he had done and they didn’t make him feel powerful – they made him feel like he was being taken over by a poisonous parasite that was changing him cell by cell into a monster. Eventually … soon … there would be nothing left of Ben’s Jaim.

“Right, time to fuck off, Ben. No more cameras on you…” he saw Ben’s question, “… or the boyfriend.”

Ben left him then. He heard the front door shut, pushed his face into a cushion and screamed the boy Jamie out of himself. Ben was not good for him. He made him weak. He made him reckless. Now it was time to refocus, get his eyes back on his business and carry on receiving the respect he was due. His Bethnal Green house was now emptied of the Kesumas but he fancied staying around Albert Square for a while. Ben wasn’t going to get it all his own way.

**ALBIE**

Jamie was hot. Albie always liked older men – they knew what they were doing, they paid for nice hotels or had lovely homes, and they were always so appreciative. Now he thought back, maybe Jamie hadn’t been especially appreciative. In truth, he had been especially demanding but he was fit as fuck so he would always be able to get away with taking a few liberties.

Albie had taken enough pills to fell a horse and he’d come round in the early hours of the morning to see his clothes being shoved in his face.

“Time to leave, sweetie,” Jamie had said. Albie wasn’t sure how many blackouts he’d had. A few. Breaking his golden rule, he had taken new pills given to him by Jamie even though he was semi-aware that Jamie wasn’t taking them. Don’t take stuff if you don’t know what it is. Simple enough but ignored last night. Actually, it wasn’t that simple. He knew that, in years gone by, drugs used to be smoked, inhaled, injected as well as injested; they were recognisable then. Now everything was a tablet: white, circular buttons of pleasure indistinguishable from each other. How were you supposed to know what you were taking? Apart from weed and that was for old-time losers. But next time, if there was a next time with Jamie, he would pay more attention and make sure Jamie was taking the same stuff as him.

He was sore as well. That was fairly standard but he was bleeding which was not. Desperately trying to remember if Jamie had used condoms, he decided that a check would be the best bet. It had been amazing sex though. That much he could remember.

This morning he was meeting Peggy for breakfast at the café. When he arrived, he saw that the Highway family were in. Albie liked Daisy and Derry. They were those kids at school who genuinely did not give a shit what anybody thought. When they were younger, they came across as a bit offbeat and the bullies circled - including him - but as they got older it turned into effortless self-assurance. Albie envied them that. He didn’t envy them their mum. She was in their faces all the time being SO proud of them, helicoptering over their every move. Callum was different: present but chilled. Albie had never known his own dad. Phil had been a sort of father figure for a few years but Albie recognised that the circumstances of his birth stopped Phil from loving him. A dad like Callum had been a long-held dream. Now he was enjoying watching him come out and patted himself on the back for having seen this about him always. He would have fancied his chances at a sneaky hook-up if it hadn’t been for Ben. They were unbelievably cute together.

Ben hadn’t taken much notice of Albie so far which he was a little hurt about. Albie had been Phil’s stepson which made him Ben’s stepbrother, didn’t it? Most other people he knew didn’t stop being stepsons when a marriage ended. Did they stop being stepbrothers? He didn’t think so. Ben and he also shared a brother. Denny had died the day Albie was born – they had the same mum – and he had been Ben’s adoptive brother. Albie had been told that Ben and Denny were close. In addition, Albie’s sister – same dad – was Ben’s niece. In Albie’s mind, all of this connected them. Not brothers, obviously, but like brothers. He was hoping Ben would like him.

Ideally, he would also like Callum to like him and it frustrated him that the older man seemed to have little patience with him. He had been a bit mean to Daisy and Derry at primary school and possibly a little in secondary school but they were now friends. It could be that Callum didn’t know and with that in mind, he approached them.

“Hi Daisy, Derry,” he nodded and smiled beautifully at Callum for good measure. “How are things? Uni fun?” He listened for a few minutes to them chat about their lives.

“It was a shame you couldn’t make last night,” said Derry, his face falling as he saw Albie’s confusion and he realised he might have said something out of turn. “Peggy said you were working then you had plans.”

“Yeah, right, yeah, I did.” He would be following this up with Peggy when she deigned to grace him with her presence.

“What about tonight?” Derry was keen to make up for his faux pas. “We’re going up to that new club in Limehouse. Come with us. Peggy’s coming, Raymond and Isabella as well. Meeting at Peggy’s at seven thirty.”

Albie nodded enthusiastically, nervously wondering how Jamie might feel if he stood him up.

“Yeah, I will. I’d like that. Right, I’ll leave you to it. Peg’s here.” He smiled generously, hoping Callum appreciated it and moved to another table. Peggy slid onto the bench opposite him.

“Good night? You’re looking peaky,” commented Peggy. Albie huffed.

“New pills. Probably took too many. But thanks for the invite to your night out.” He glared at her pointedly and she ducked her head guiltily before lifting it again and looking him in the eye.

“Marco was there. He’s back from uni for the week and … well, you know what you get like around him.”

“Great. Fucking Marco comes above your own brother.” He knew it was fair, though. Marco and he hadn’t managed to be in the same room without screaming at each other for some time now and he was pretty much always responsible for starting these rows and perhaps most of the screaming. It was just so annoying that Marco had picked him up and dropped him not once but four times, never once offering any sort of commitment, and yet he was expected to be fine about Marco flirting with whoever whenever wherever.

“Alb, you know it isn’t like that.”

“Is he out tonight? Derry asked me to come out tonight.”

“Yes he is. Oh god Alb, please can you hold it together?” She looked at him speculatively. “Maybe bring your new pills? Could be fun.” They all took pills to party. They were a lot cheaper than booze, gave a more reliable high and didn’t spill on you while you were dancing.

Albie decided then that he would bring Jamie clubbing. That would shut up Marco.

“Will do.”

**CALLUM**

Callum had discovered that, earlier in the week, Whitney had made Daisy and Derry do some boxing up of their belongings as she was planning to move before Christmas and wanted to take their things with her. She had texted him this morning to tell him to tell them that they needed to finish the task. She was forcing his hand for sure but he didn’t want to argue with her.

“I think it takes longer than that to buy a house.” He was still reeling from the fact that he might not have Christmas with his children. It was hard enough to think a week ahead, let only two months.

“She’s buying a new build and she’s got nothing to sell. Nan has lent her the deposit so she just needs her mortgage offer.” Daisy looked at him worriedly. “Dad, please get some advice. Make it fair.”

“Right. So, imagine this, we divide everything fairly and then she hasn’t got enough to buy this house. How do you think that is going to go down? She’ll hate me even more.”

Daisy and Derry were firm in their stance though – they thought it should be fair.

“Have you thought at all about where you’re going to live?”

He and Ben had been texting late into the night about this and it had evolved from an idea into a plan.

“Here in Walford. With Ben. He wants to buy a house and I will live in his house. It will be my home so it will be your home as much as you need it, for however long you need it. Ben and I have talked about that. I know we haven’t been together that long but we’re both older and we know that what we’ve got is real. I’m not saying I haven’t got my eyes open. There are never any guarantees in life and this amazing thing we have could die out as quickly as it was born but we want to take a chance. See where things go.” He paused for a reality check. “But, if it doesn’t work out, I will be in a small flat. I’ll try and get two bedrooms and I’m happy to store your stuff as much as I can.”

He’d expected them to have something to say about his plans to move in with Ben. Dad, have you thought about this? It’s very soon. That sort of thing. But they both accepted the information easily and seemed to have no issue about staying with him and Ben.

“We’re not sure how to tell Mum that we’ll just be visiting her in Milton Keynes. We don’t want to live there especially not when we can live here. But she’s going to go straight off the deep end.” Daisy slouched back in her seat, arms folded, sulky pout in place. “You’ll have to tell her Derry.”

“Er, no. We’ll tell her together.”

Callum was feeling terrible about how this was working out. Daisy and Derry were right – Whitney would be apoplectic. He couldn’t think of an alternative scenario that might work better for her. It was her decision to move away, she didn’t have any right to expect him not to stay in Walford and Daisy and Derry were adults who would make their own decisions about where they lived. But, all the rationality in the world was not going to stop him from feeling that he had caused a situation where their children were choosing between them and they were choosing him.

“Maybe you should wait until she gets back on Sunday. It would be better to talk to her in person not on a video call,” he suggested.

“I can’t. I’ve got plans Saturday night AND Sunday.” Derry shrugged his shoulders as if he couldn’t possibly change his plans.

“And have you seen the price of Sunday evening train tickets?” Daisy stuck three fingers up. “Three times as expensive.”

Callum was feeling worse by the minute. When he’d started this off, he hadn’t thought through the likely outcomes. He should have foreseen all of this.

“Okay, so you’re planning to tell her all of this by video call which is NOT ideal. Maybe wait until she has her house and at least go and have a look at it. You might find you’re happy to split your time evenly between both homes. You never know.”

It was clear from their stubborn faces that they felt they did know.

He was tired of talking about it. They had been thinking of spending the day doing touristy things in London, but Daisy and Derry were worn out after having only a few hours’ sleep and so they had agreed on a movie day. He’d been a little disappointed but now he was quite glad because at least watching television would stop this interminable conversation.

At the end of their first film, he realised he had been watching it alone and they had slept through most of it. Rather than start another one, he decided to go in the kitchen and start doing some preparation for lunch, get ahead a little. He was busy chopping vegetables and daydreaming about Ben when he heard a light tapping on the back door. Looking through the glazed panel, he saw that it was Emre and he quickly let him in seeing immediately that something was wrong. Emre dropped himself into a kitchen chair.

“Who’s here?” he asked cautiously. Callum nipped out into the hallway and stuck his head through the living room door and, satisfied that they were both fast asleep, he returned to the kitchen and closed the door behind him.

“Daisy and Derry. They’re asleep. Late night. What’s up Emre?”

“We might be in a bit of bother, Callum.”


	11. Taking Risks

**CALLUM**

Emre looked at Callum, his usual laidback demeanour replaced by something more serious.

“I was questioned by DCI Kendal last night and she had a lot of questions. A lot! The main sticking point seemed to be the phone calls that we said we saw come in from Jamie Tyler. Seems she has some evidence that no phone calls were made. I stuck to our story. How can they know? He might’ve had a burner, made them from that, yeah?”

Callum sat down opposite Emre. It had seemed so simple when he first suggested Raymond faking ineptitude. Then Ben had over-complicated the plan. Or maybe they hadn’t thought it through enough; it had gone off-plan in a few places after all. And they had been very distracted with each other. Masterminds they were not.

He tried to concentrate. There were a whole lot of pieces he needed to put together.

“Jamie Tyler is living in the square here and he paid me a visit. He also knew that our report of the phone calls was a lie. Said he has someone in the station. But would he have grassed? I don’t know, Em.”

His instincts told him that it was unlikely. Jamie wouldn’t want to potentially expose his mole at the station. So what had he to gain?

“Why would he draw attention to himself? Has he got an issue with you, Callum? A personal issue?” Emre was as perceptive as ever.

“Hmm. Yeah maybe. That night at his house, I was with a friend. My boyfriend.” He watched Emre for a reaction. Nothing. “Okay, well, he’s called Ben, he’s Raymond’s brother, and when he was seventeen he was cell-mates in juvi with Jamie.” That got a reaction. Emre’s eyes widened to popping point.

“Keep going.”

“That night, the night of the raid, Jamie paid a visit to Ben. Broke into his bedroom late in the night. That was when Ben realised who he was. He was called Jamie Foster back then and they were … close. But since the night of the raid, Jamie has become maybe a bit jealous of me and Ben.”

“You do know he’s psycho level dangerous?”

Callum nodded despairingly.

“I can’t believe I’m in such a mess. An acrimonious divorce, making an enemy of a gangster, lying on a police statement. Is any of that me?”

“You’re certainly changing things up,” offered Emre. “Is he worth it, your Ben?”

Callum smiled and became soft-eyed. “Yeah, he is.”

Emre grinned at him. “Well, I’ve never seen you look like that about Whitney. I’m happy for you, mate. But, back to our immediate problem. Just say they can prove there were no phone calls. Do we still try to leave Raymond out of it? We could say … oh god, what could we say?” He rested his head in his hands and sighed heavily. “I’m sick of policing, Callum, I’ve got to be honest. I’m hoping to get out of this one with a slap on the wrist. Then I’m going to leave and study law. Dad’s offered to fund it.”

“Right.” Callum wasn’t particularly surprised. Emre was about as good a fit to police work as he was. “I wish I could do that. But I’ve got a divorce settlement to fund.” He smiled sadly as Emre reached across and squeezed his hand. “Jamie knew I hadn’t written up Raymond’s stop and search. He’s got a mole at the station. I told him I’d not written Raymond up because I knew him and that I’d recognised the man calling himself Charlie Mooney as his associate Nathan Ringwood so we staked out his house on the off-chance.”

“He bought that?”

Callum shrugged and nodded.

“I think so. Then Ben and I put on a pretence of having just met so Jamie wouldn’t put it together that we might have known each other around the time of the raid. To protect Raymond. We didn’t want Jamie to think Raymond had told Ben and me anything. You see, Ben came to me for help getting Raymond released from the Tyler gang. This was our plan … except our plan didn’t have quite so many things going wrong.”

“You’ve now told the whole story backwards. But, thanks, I’m just about piecing it all together,” complained Emre. “So why did Jamie let Raymond go?”

“Old times’ sake. For Ben.”

“Sort of makes sense. In a fucked up sort of way.” Emre rested his head for a moment on the table.

“I shouldn’t have involved you.”

Emre looked up then.

“You are kidding? I’m having a great time! This situation couldn’t be madder and I am here for it.” Emre slapped his hands on the table decisively. “So, I told DCI Kendal that we both saw the phone calls come in. We’re both going to have to admit to lying about that. Our new story is that we lied because we thought we needed a stronger reason to go to his house. If it was based on thinking we recognised Nathan Ringwood, thinking he seemed antsy like something was going down, we can say it didn’t seem enough to justify going to his house and we thought, if something was going down, then we didn’t have time to come back to the station to follow it up properly. I’m going to say I’m bored with policing and I fancied doing something exciting for a change. You can say I egged you on.”

“We sound like the crappest cops ever.” Callum would have laughed if it wasn’t so true. “Do you want to stay for lunch?”

Emre declined but stayed for a cup of tea. He got Callum to tell him the story forwards, from beginning to end, and they agreed their truths, their omissions and their lies. Callum knew he was going to be in trouble at work for the first time ever but, oddly, he was remarkably untroubled about it. As Emre was about to leave, he turned to Callum.

“Thank you. I needed this. It’s forcing me to make a change I should have made a long time ago.” After pulling Callum into a tight, grateful hug, he laughed delightedly and left.

Callum carried on cooking and by the time he had finished, the sleepy teenagers had woken from their slumber. The friendship offered by Emre had touched him and he was feeling emotional. He was overcome with love for his children as they sat and ate lunch and chatted about this and that. They agreed on a film for the afternoon and snuggled together on the small sofa.

“I love you both so much.” He had to tell them.

“Yeah, we know,” murmured Derry. “We love you too …”

“… we do,” completed Daisy, a joint proclamation they had used through their whole lives.

He wasn’t going to lose this and neither was Whitney. She might never forgive him but he hoped it wouldn’t be like that. They would always have their wonderful children and that would bind them together.

The day passed lazily and soon they were all getting ready for their nights out.

“I hope I have your genes, old man. You look great!” Daisy put her arms around Callum. “Have fun tonight, Daddy. Are you staying at Ben’s?”

“Apparently he set light to his bedroom curtains today, pulled the rail off the wall in an attempt to control the fire, and burnt the bedding and the carpet. I don’t know if I’d feel safe,” he laughed. “No, I want to know you’re home safe and I want to make you pancakes in the morning, so I’ll be back here.”

Daisy and Derry were going round to Peggy’s first and going out later so Callum walked out with them on his way to meet Ben.

With perfect timing, Ben was exiting his gate as they approached his house and the way his face lit up when he saw Callum made all of them smile.

“You look amazing, babe,” he gushed, holding onto the front of Callum’s coat as he reached up and gave him a kiss.

“Oh, don’t mind us, we’re not here,” laughed Derry.

“Completely invisible,” confirmed Daisy. “Have fun you two.” And she dragged Derry towards Peggy’s house.

Callum and Ben walked towards the tube station, hand in hand, talking about their days. It was simultaneously commonplace and intimate. They got on the tube, busy with Friday night revellers, and stood close together, Ben’s head on Callum’s shoulder, arms securely around each other, enjoying the feel of each other’s body. The hand holding and conversation continued as they walked to the restaurant, oblivious to the rest of the world.

Inside they sat down, still in their own bubble, eyes only for each other. Again, other diners watched them and wished that their dining partner would look at them with such devotion.

“I know it hasn’t been twenty-four hours since I last saw you but I’m not doing well when I’m not with you. I almost burned the house down I was so distracted. My bedroom is wrecked.” Ben was being flippant but he also meant it.

“Extreme,” said Callum, basking in the compliment. “Where are you going to sleep tonight?”

“Not with you and that’s distressing me.” Ben stuck out his bottom lip but his eyes twinkled. “My dad’s room. It’s been emptied of his stuff. You can stay if you like.”

“I would REALLY like but … Daisy and Derry came in last night high. I feel like I need to be there when they get in. I know it’s ridiculous …”

“… not ridiculous …”

“… because they’re at uni and who knows what they’re doing there but I didn’t know about the drugs and they might be new to it and not know enough to be able to look after themselves …”

Ben reached across and held Callum’s hands.

“You’re doing the right thing.”

“Do you think I should talk to them about it?”

“I think you should. They’ll either lie or laugh you away but they’ll know you know then. And if they want to talk to you about it at some point, they can. That was my approach anyway. Not that it worked. Lexi has always kept me completely in the dark.” He smiled.

Callum wondered how Whitney would feel about it, suspecting she would be horrified and disappointed. They had always made decisions about the children together but they weren’t children anymore; they were adults now and Callum was aware that his and Whitney’s expectations had started to diverge. He was immensely thankful to have Ben as a sounding board. Having spent some time with him every day this week, he was finding it hard to imagine having days when he didn’t see him.

“I’ve been thinking about when I’m going to see you when I’m back at work. So far it’s been that I do the night shift, meet you for breakfast and then go home to sleep. When will I see you?” He knew what he wanted. He wanted to sleep with Ben, wake up with Ben, eat with him, drink at the pub with him. Their plan to live together could not happen soon enough for him. Ben held his hands; this was a problem shared.

“I can do some work in the evening but my work is day work on the whole, not that I have a lot of it. You could come for a couple of hours after your shift, give me a wake-up call.” Ben’s eyes twinkled saucily. “Then we could be together until you need to sleep, although I can’t promise not to be a pest, and then maybe a bit before your shift. But … can you change to days?”

It meant everything to Callum that Ben wanted them to change things so that they could spend time together.

“I’ll try. They’re probably going to fire me anyway.”

Ben peered at him. Over the past few weeks, he had learned how to read Callum.

“You seem less bothered about that than I’d have expected.”

“Emre doesn’t care. He wants to study law so it’s important he isn’t charged but he wants to leave anyway. We’re hoping for a reprimand. If I could think of what else to do, I’d resign as well.”

“Then that’s the problem we need to solve. What else you can do.”

“We?” Callum liked the sound of that and gazed adoringly at his man. Ben was wearing a soft smile beneath eyes shining with care.

“You know when I asked you to live with me, I was really asking you to share my life and to share your life with me. So, yes, we.”

Their fingers were intertwined across the table, feet wrapped together underneath and they were looking deep into each other’s eyes. Callum had never felt so connected to a person. He grasped hold of Ben’s hands firmly and fixed him with his gaze.

“I want to be with you, spend time with you, build a life a with you, maybe … grow old with you.”

Ben’s face turned soft at the declaration and his blue eyes shimmered even more than usual as they brimmed with happiness.

“You want to grow old with me? Got to say, that sounds like it could be fun.” Excitement jumped off him and they laughed together enjoying their moment of hopeful promises. “This is going to go cold.” Ben nodded at his meal. “And I can’t eat with you gripping my hands.” Callum grinned widely and reluctantly released him.

They ate their meals, talking constantly, touching hands, watching each other. By the end of the meal, they were both getting excited about getting back. They had a few hours before Callum needed to be home.

**BEN**

It was fairly early when they arrived back in Albert Square, early enough to bump into Daisy, Derry and their friends on their way out. There was much teasing about Ben and Callum being lovesick and possible reasons they might be home so early. Cheeky, young things.

Ben noticed immediately that the whole group were glassy eyed and pulled Raymond aside.

“Don’t give me any shit, okay, I don’t know what you lot have taken but I’m asking you to look out for Daisy and Derry. They might not be new to this but … well, they probably are. They might not know when to say no, when to stop.” He could see Raymond was not with him and held his face carefully. “This isn’t like you. You on new stuff?”

“We’re off …” slurred Raymond, eyes skittery and unfocused.

“… out,” completed Albie, slinging an arm around Ben.

Ben put an arm around both Raymond’s and Albie’s waists and pulled them close.

“I don’t know what you’re on,” he whispered urgently. “It might be different to your usual stuff, I don’t know. If it is, be fucking careful.” Albie seemed a little more with it so Ben focused on him. “Albie, I know we don’t know each other that well, but we’re all connected here. Family. And you look out for family. Yeah?”

Albie nodded.

**ALBIE**

He couldn’t chuck Jamie’s drugs in the bin. For a start, the drug lord was going to be there in the club; he had jumped at Albie’s suggestion to meet there. Peggy could help sell the pills; they could probably get rid of the lot in an hour. But Ben had placed his trust in him and Albie didn’t want to ruin his first chance to connect to him so he decided their little group had had enough for one night. He pulled Peggy to one side when they were on the tube.

“Need to be careful with these new pills. I had loads of blackouts last night. So no more for any of us. You listening to me Peg? No more for us.” She didn’t look like she was listening to him. “Peg, don’t take any more, don’t give any more to us here. We don’t know what they are. We’ll offload them as soon as we can, yeah?”

“I don’t like them,” she moaned. “They were a blast at first but now, I don’t know, I feel a bit lost. Like sad.” She rested her head briefly on his chest and he stroked her hair.

“Might have been to do with you necking a tumbler of your mum’s gin. Never a good idea. Gin makes everybody miserable.”

Peggy shook her head. “It’s the pills. I don’t like them.”

“No, me neither but Jamie will do his nut if I don’t sell them.” Albie was getting his first inkling that Callum had been spot on with his warning. “You’ll help me Peggy? It will take half the time with two of us.”

He had always been able to rely on Peggy to be his partner in getting up to no good. They had both found schoolwork hard, always finding themselves in the bottom sets and, now, the lack of qualifications severely restricted their options so they were both reliant on being given work by their mums. What they both had was beauty but what was it good for beyond compliments? Peggy had her inheritance coming and, as a Mitchell, was also eligible for financial support from her grandad’s fund when it eventually appeared. Albie was very envious of that but Peggy was not very optimistic. The money had been left to Ben to distribute and she told Albie that she would need a really good business idea if she was going to get any of it. And it had to be fully legitimate … so drug dealing was out.

The new club was awesome. It was in an old wharf building that, aside of toilets, had been stripped of all of its walls and all of its floors bar one in the middle of the building. So there was a huge room on the ground floor, basically one long bar and a dancefloor, and the same again upstairs. The music came from a massive central pod that was half in one room suspended from the ceiling and half in the other, emerging from the floor. In the upstairs room there were some platforms on poles, private, probably expensive. Albie immediately spotted Jamie on one of these, another man’s hands all over his body but he saw him push him away when one of his minders whispered in his ear; he swung round, his startling green eyes fixing on Albie and he beckoned for him to join him.

It was always risky pushing pills in a club so Albie sent Peggy off to figure out who they needed to avoid. She knew the drill. He turned his attention to Jamie.

The platform sent down a wide footplate that you then stood on to get up there. Neat.

“Albie sweetie,” cooed Jamie, pulling Albie into a seat shaped like a sphere with a segment cut out; you definitely sat in it not on it and whatever you got up to in there could only be seen by others on your platform. Seedy. He ran his hands inside Albie’s shirt and shuddered appreciatively. “You are a pretty baby.” Albie entwined himself with Jamie in their cocoon and ran his hand over his groin.

“A little taster for later,” he murmured seductively. They indulged in a little grinding, absolutely no kissing on the mouth – Albie knew the rules – and lots of hands.

“Might just get you to do me here,” groaned Jamie. Ew, thought Albie.

“I need to flog your goods. Do you want me to concentrate on that first?” Albie smiled as Jamie looked at him suspiciously. He did not want to be giving him a blow job in the middle of a club but he had learned quickly that Jamie made all of the decisions and that he should be very wary of expressing an opinion. Jamie was volatile. “Your call, Jamie darling.” Albie offered him a flirty tickle and was relieved to see Jamie relax.

“Off you pop, then, sweetie. Somebody will find you later.” Albie slid out of the seat, kissing Jamie through his trousers as he went and giving him a cheeky wink before leaving. He decided he didn’t need the footplate and slid down the pole, swinging outwards, earning a series of whoops from the dancers on the floor. Albie loved dancing and got lost in the music for a few minutes before he glanced up and saw Jamie watching him. It looked like he was enjoying the floorshow but Albie knew he was expected to work, so he wiggled his bottom and blew a kiss at Jamie over his shoulder and went looking for Peggy.

He found her on the far side of the lower room, dancing with Daisy, Derry and Raymond.

“I LOVE this place,” she shouted at Albie. “And guess what?” She leaned in and spoke in his ear. “Isabella met some friends, rich kids.” She showed Albie a money transfer on her phone. “They bought the lot.”

“Don’t send it on just yet. Give it half an hour,” begged Albie. “I want to have some fun before I go back to Jamie. Where’s Marco?”

Peggy gave him a warning look and then nodded towards a group nearby. Dancing very close to a tall girl wearing huge trousers and a tiny top was his former lover. By the time Albie got there, Marco was kissing the girl. That didn’t stop him and he barged in between them.

“Marco darling.” Albie looked him down and up and smiled. “Want to dance?” Marco gently moved him out of the way and pulled his girl back in. He took his time snogging her but Albie knew he would let her go eventually so he danced with the Albert Square lot, keeping a close eye on his target, until Marco was in front of him flashing his sexy eyes. Before long, they were getting involved. Albie knew he had to be careful. If Jamie saw this, he might kick off and hurt both him and Marco. His plan had been to ditch Marco for Jamie as revenge for the last time Marco dumped him but now he had Marco’s arms around him, he knew it was Marco that he wanted. It was too tempting and they slipped outside for some privacy.

“Always so good, Alb,” muttered Marco, after they had done and were pressed up tight against the wall recovering their breath.

“Would you be up for some three-way fun?” Watching Marco’s face break into a smile, he recalled that Marco was always up for anything. “Come on then.”

Back inside, he dragged Marco to the bottom of Jamie’s platform and resumed dancing. Marco loved dancing just as much as Albie and the pair of them drew onlookers, including Jamie. Within minutes he was down on the dancefloor, dancing first with Albie, then with Marco.

“Want to get out of here, you, me and Marco?” Jamie’s face lit up and Albie grinned. Time to go.

**BEN**

What he really wanted was to take Callum to bed and make love to him. He’d been thinking of it all the way home. But seeing the young crowd had worried him; he was certain they had all taken something. He didn’t want to worry Callum unnecessarily but if something happened to Daisy or Derry – or any of the others for that matter – he would find it hard to forgive himself. Albie had looked like he heard Ben’s warning and, more importantly, was going to do as asked but Ben was conscious that he didn’t really know him.

“What’s Albie like? Reliable, responsible?” They were just going through Ben’s gate and Callum turned in surprise.

“Neither of those. Why?”

Ben’s heart sank and his worry increased exponentially.

“I asked him to keep an eye on how many pills they all took.”

Callum was staring at him, clearly shocked.

“Why did you choose him?”

Ben peered at Callum, wondering if he really hadn’t noticed. He was a police officer – surely he saw plenty of wasted people? Surely he’d seen what a state they were all in?

“He was the only one who could focus.”

Callum nodded. Feeling a bit guilty, he realised that he’d only paid attention to his own children. “Daisy and Derry were out of it. Not high but low somehow. They told me they were okay, not to worry.”

“Yeah,” agreed Ben. “They all seemed out of sorts. I think they’ve got hold of new stuff.”

They were inside now, both of them agitated.

“Do you want a drink?” He poured them both a whisky when Callum nodded, and they made their way into the living room bringing the bottle with them. Curling up against Callum on the sofa, he could feel their shared anxiety. They needed a plan. “So, options. One: we go to the club, get our lot and make them come home. Two: we don’t do that and we worry for three hours, because they won’t be home before that. Three: we don’t do that and we try to distract ourselves, but we can’t because we’re worried.”

“I’ve always worried,” admitted Callum. “When they go out, I lie on the settee unable to sleep until they get back in. But I suppose it did help last night texting you. The time went quicker.” He tipped Ben’s face upwards so that he could kiss him and they relaxed into an easy rhythm with Ben shuffling round so that he was sitting across Callum’s lap, enabling him to get closer. He loved everything they did together but perhaps nothing more than kissing, bodies against each other, held tight by caring arms, a simple physical act that expressed how much they wanted to be together.

In between kisses, they sat cuddled up together, sipping their whiskies.

“I want us to decide together where we live,” said Ben, looking for a change of subject to distract them but also introducing something he wanted to talk about. “Look at house details, do viewings, I’ll insist it has to have at least four bedrooms and a downstairs loo, you’ll tell me the garden isn’t big enough.” His head was resting on Callum’s shoulder which meant he couldn’t see his face but his hold stayed the same, neither tightening nor releasing, his breathing didn’t change so maybe he was good with talking about this.

“Living round here, the garden definitely won’t be big enough. It just has to have one.”

Ben smiled at Callum’s response. He’d expected more resistance. So far Callum had maintained the line that it would be Ben’s house so Ben should choose. This was a shift - he was agreeing to be part of the process.

“See. I knew you’d have demands.” He kicked himself as he felt Callum stiffen. The teasing had been too much.

“It’s going to be your …”

Ben silenced him with a kiss on his lips. “Shut up.”

“Ben, we agreed on how it was going to be …”

Callum was silenced again, the kiss brief yet lingering, and Ben reached a steadying hand to his face.

“We agreed we were going to share a life. This is what it means. We choose somewhere to live together, actively, arguing about the details. Don’t you dare give in to my whims if you don’t agree.”

“Arguing.” Callum grew thoughtful. “We haven’t argued yet. I’m horrible. It takes a lot for me to get there, long fuse, and then I blow big time, I shout, I’m mean, nasty.”

Ben moved so that he could see Callum’s face properly as he talked. Everything about Callum was authentic, even the temper apparently.

“Might have to annoy you just to see that,” he teased lightly. “I’m the opposite. Snippy snappy Lexi used to say, then more likely to give you the silent treatment than shout. I’ve not always been very good at communicating. I can do it with you, Lexi as well, but I find it hard to be like that with most people.”

Callum was watching him now.

“I’m excited about us living together,” he said in a low voice loaded with anticipation and optimism. “I can hardly wait.”

“Me too. That’s exactly how I feel.”

They clinked glasses, sealing the deal, and, after downing their drinks, settled in for some whisky-infused kisses.

They’d been back about two hours and weren’t expecting the clubbers to be back for at least another hour if not longer so it was a surprise to hear the door open. Raymond, Daisy, Derry and Peggy walked into the living room and plonked themselves into chairs or on the floor. They all looked terrible and Ben and Callum shared a concerned look before Callum went to get water.

“You’re back early. Is everything okay?” Ben spoke softly, casting no judgement. Honesty was needed.

“We don’t feel good,” Raymond spoke for all of them. “We all took Albie’s pills, Daisy and Derry two each, me and Peggy, erm, four. We … we don’t know what they were. It was before we went out, we didn’t have any when we were out, and none of us feel good and …

“We’ve all got a bit scared.” Derry looked at Ben for some reassurance then at his dad as he handed out glasses of water. Callum cupped his cheek and bent down to kiss his forehead.

“We’re here to look after you.”

“It’s the comedown,” explained Ben. “The way you all are I’m guessing you’ve had some kind of dodgy amphetamine. Give it twelve hours or so. Drink water. Sleep. Maybe a cool shower might help.” Ben felt a little self-conscious in front of Callum and wondered what he would make of his recreational drug use. Something else to talk about. “Right. This is what we’re going to do. We’ll all stay here then Callum and I can keep an eye on you. Somebody in with Raym, two in Lexi’s room, Callum and me in the big bedroom. I’ll sort out T shirts and shorts. And, Peggy, I’ll message your mum.”

Within twenty minutes, they were all in bed. Daisy and Peggy were out for the count very quickly. Derry was the same, undisturbed by Raymond who could not settle. After hearing him get up for the third time, Ben went to talk to him.

Raymond looked like he was going out of his mind.

“Bells took loads. She and her friends bought a couple of fifty bags, probably two hundred grams, maybe a bit less. They were drinking shots as well. I’ve sent her loads of messages and she’s not replying. I would look for her but I don’t know that group and I don’t know where to start.”

Ben was one of life’s natural problem-solvers and even he had nothing to suggest. He couldn’t even hug his brother because Raymond couldn’t bear to be held – he said his skin felt twitchy. Urging him to go back to bed, Ben sat in the corner of the room watching him tremble and occasionally jerk. Derry was curled into a tight ball but Ben could see his face twinge as he slept. They both looked so young and vulnerable, making Ben resolve there and then to stop his drug use. He was part of a culture that had led to these two young men being in danger and that was a choice. So no more.

When Raymond finally calmed, Ben returned to Callum and was surprised to find him awake.

“Why are you still up, babe?”

“You know about this stuff, don’t you?” It wasn’t an accusation but it was a request for an explanation. Ben climbed into the bed and lay on his back, resolving to be truthful.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” It was so easy to be honest lying next to Callum. Maybe he should try and hide the worst of himself but his instincts were urging him to be open. “Babe, I’ve been lonely and I get down and my usual answer is to get drunk, take drugs and have casual sex. I’ve been unhappy with myself for a few years now for doing these things then I end up behaving in exactly the same way to try to lift myself out of that unhappiness. It’s a vicious, self-destructive cycle, I know.” Callum had rolled onto his side and was listening intently. Ben turned to face him. “But then I met you and we have this powerful connection, something real and true. When I went out a few weeks ago, when we bumped into each other in the morning, I had taken some pills that night and drunk quite a lot but … I had more pills and a half litre of vodka that I didn’t take. I sat on a bench crying because I thought I’d blown my chance with you but I realised I had to keep trying. I wanted to make the effort. For me. I chucked the pills, gave the vodka to a beggar and decided to try to make things right with you. For me. Because I think I am worth loving.”

“Fuck yeah,” whispered Callum. “You are definitely worth loving.”

If love was a tangible thing, it would be a shining bridge between them, built to last and endure the worst that life could throw at it, a way for them always to reach each other. It didn’t need kissing, it didn’t need sex, it didn’t need words. It needed this moment, softly looking at each other across pillows, gently reaching to stroke a cheek or push back a lock of hair, meeting in the middle of their bridge.

**RAYMOND**

Generally, Raymond preferred drugs to booze; there were all sorts of reasons for this but one was that, in his experience, the comedown wasn’t as bad as a hangover. Well, his experience had been broadened. This was worse than any hangover he’d ever had.

It was tempting to blame Albie.

“I had some last night. I’m still here, aren’t I?” That was what he’d said. Yeah, looking like shit, was what Raymond should have said back. Albie had been wearing quite a lot of make-up but it hadn’t fully disguised that he was feeling peaky.

Daisy and Derry hadn’t been at all sure about taking the pills. They were adults, it was their call, but Raymond felt bad that he hadn’t given them a way out of taking part; deep down, he knew they would have taken it. He also knew that he couldn’t blame Albie. Albie was a risk-taking party boy and didn’t pretend to be anything else. He shouldn’t have been swayed by him. And now, Bells was out somewhere, she’d had a lot of the pills, drink on top, and he couldn’t help her.

He’d been seeing Isabella for over a year. At first it was casual then, a few months later, they became exclusive, not that they talked about it but something shifted and their commitment to each other solidified. He loved her. He loved her a lot. Recently, however, she had become friends with a different crowd, kids from wealthy families with made-up jobs: event entrepreneur, interiors analyst, future specialist. Future specialist? What the fuck was that? He knew some of them had more recognisable jobs but, after visiting the shop where Bells’ friend Seb was selling his unique furniture designs for a small fortune, he could see that they lived in an exclusive bubble that occasionally admitted people like his gorgeous girlfriend but was never going to entertain him.

Checking his phone for the hundredth time, he saw there was no message from her but still sent another one to her.

_Bells baby am worried msg me xxx_

“Dad’s making pancakes. And bacon.” The muffled words came from Derry, curled up in the bed next to him, his face pushed into his pillow.

“What?”

Derry unfurled himself and took a long drink of water.

“The smell. It’s Dad making breakfast. He’s one of those people who shows his love through food.”

“Shit. Ben’s going to be the size of a house. Your dad likes to feed and he likes to eat. Your dad’s into exercise as well though, isn’t he? I’ve seen him running. Maybe that’ll rub off on my fat brother as well.”

Derry chuckled.

“He is not fat.”

“Hmmm … getting there,” opined Raymond. Derry stood up and looked around.

“Anyway, I’m going to get a shower. Where are the towels?”

Raymond got up to find him a towel and watched him go, realising that with Ben and Callum together, the fact that it was serious not having escaped him, Daisy and Derry were becoming his family. A small daydream played out in his head with the five of them living together, here in number 55. Listening to the sounds of family life, he could hear Callum cooking and Ben chatting, Daisy was moaning through the bathroom door at Derry for having got in there first, the shower was going, Peggy was calling to Daisy wondering if there was any makeup remover anywhere. He liked it.

Making his way downstairs, he wandered into the kitchen. Ben instantly put another glass of water in his hand and looked at him with concerned eyes. There was an instant flashback to his first ever hangover and Phil’s reaction. He’d given him another beer and slapped him on the back triumphantly. He had been sixteen. Ben saw the painful memory and looked at him quizzically.

“Just remembered something. It’s nothing.” He drank his water, conscious of Ben’s scrutiny. “Stop watching me, you nosey git. You don’t get to know my deepest, darkest thoughts.” He turned to Callum. “Do you ever get a sense that Ben can mind read and he’s not letting on?”

Callum put down his utensils abruptly and turned to Raymond.

“Yes! I know exactly what you mean. He has that look in his eyes like he knows something.” He turned back to his pans. “But I don’t think he does. It’s just a way of getting you to tell him stuff.”

Raymond laughed and mouthed ‘busted’ silently at Ben.

Next down was Derry, followed soon after by Peggy and Daisy, and they all sat down in the dining room to have breakfast. Raymond looked round at the full table. How was he going to live here by himself? The house was much too big for one. He needed to get a move on and find some people to share it with him.

Breakfast over, everybody left. Daisy and Derry had trains to catch and Peggy was due at work for the lunchtime session. Raymond was grateful to have Ben to himself as he wanted to talk about Isabella. There had still been no word from her.

“Her new friends are … rich, kind of careless, reckless, I don’t know … they like to party, like to get waved … not that there’s anything wrong with that but … they live a different life to us. If they don’t go to work, it doesn’t matter, their businesses are all … sort of flexible, like they’re just playing at it.”

“You don’t like them.” An observation from Ben not a question. “How is that going down with Isabella?”

“We’ve argued about it,” admitted Raymond. “She says I’m being judgy. Says I’m looking down my nose at them like they’re pointless.” He covered his face with his hands for a moment and rubbed his eyes. “She’s not wrong. I do think they’re pointless. They’re utter wankers.”

Ben smiled at the description. Raymond always kept it real.

“So if she was with them last night, and maybe they went on somewhere else afterwards, she might be sleeping it off somewhere …” Ben stopped as he saw Raymond shaking his head.

“She had full power on her phone. It lasts for, like, 3 days. She will have got my messages.”

“If she’s awake,” reasoned Ben. Raymond slumped despairingly. “So, while you’re waiting to hear from her, shall we go through the car lot plan?” Raymond knew Ben would be out there with him in a heartbeat looking for Isabella if he had an inkling of where she might be found, and this was merely a strategy to distract him until she checked in. He moved to the chair next to Ben as he opened his computer.

The figures were not what Raymond had anticipated. They had plans to build a small showroom for new cars, rent a number of parking spaces in an underground car park nearby for test drive vehicles and have space at the front of the lot for second-hand vehicles. The business plan suggested they wouldn’t make good money until year three so a substantial amount of working capital was needed. Ben was putting a large amount of money into the project because he wanted it to be a viable business for the future. Raymond understood completely that Ben was doing this for him.

“So my share would be smaller than I thought,” realised Raymond. His investment was to come from his inheritance but now he wondered if he could claim some of Phil’s fund to increase his investment; Ben was in charge of that. “Is there a chance we could use some of Dad’s fund?”

Ben looked at him straight.

“Yeah, maybe. There needs to be a fair shot at it for everybody, so maybe one ninth. But look at the projection. If we increase your share, year on year after year three, based on the returns from the business, by year eight you’ll have fifty percent.”

“I’ll be thirty!” said Raymond, appalled at the thought. Ben was looking at him in disbelief.

“Yeah, and you’ll have fifty percent of a business making these kind of profits. Not forgetting you also own a four bedroom house. You could make some money from that if you have lodgers or rent it out. Or it could be a family home for you where you’re not paying for a mortgage. All that at thirty.”

Raymond was thinking hard.

“Or I could sell it. Put the money in the business. What would my share be then?”

“Yeah, probably nearer what you want,” conceded Ben. “And you could have the majority share from the beginning. But don’t forget that you would have to factor in the costs of paying rent or buying a flat.”

“I could live with mum. Or … you and Callum. You are going to live together, right? I know there has to be room for Daisy and Derry first but maybe me as well.”

Ben looked at him fondly. They were brothers but their dynamic was much more like a father-son relationship and Raymond loved it.

“Yes, Callum and I are going to live together. And you can live with us for as long you need. Same goes for Lexi, Daisy and Derry. All of you are first. Well, possibly Lexi last because she’s going to have her own place. But think hard before you sell the house. Property is a great asset.”

Their discussion was interrupted by a knock on the front door. Raymond instantly jumped up to answer it, briefly hopeful it might be Isabella, a hope that was dashed as he opened the front door. He returned to Ben with two grim-faced police officers following. Ben caught their sombre mood and invited them to sit down, pulling Raymond back into the chair next to him. The police officers sat down, introduced themselves and Ben followed suit.

“I’m Ben Mitchell and this is my brother, Raymond Mitchell.”

“We need to ask Raymond some questions about Isabella Cox. She,” there was a slight hesitation, “was brought to Walford General early this morning. I’m sorry, Mr Mitchell, I understand you were her boyfriend. I’m afraid she died this morning. It has to be confirmed but it looks like her death is drugs related.”


	12. Trouble with the Law

**BEN**

Raymond stared at the officers, seemingly only vaguely conscious that Ben had moved right up next to him and was holding onto him, like his mind was literally blank.

“We need to know …”

“He’ll answer your questions,” interrupted Ben, sensing Raymond had completely withdrawn into himself, “but just give him a moment, yeah? Let it sink in.” The officers glanced at each other as if they had expected a bit of Mitchell obstruction. He wasn’t having that. “Are there any questions I can answer to start with?” Clearly not what they expected as they were at a loss for a second or two.

“What time did Raymond get home last night?”

“It was this morning, just after one. My partner and I were still up. We got in around eleven. We’d been out for dinner. Raymond, my partner’s two children, my niece, her brother and Isabella were just heading out as we got back. We spoke to them briefly.” He should have been focused on their questions but instead he was thinking about how he was talking about his partner, how much he liked talking about his partner. The grumpy cop – there was always one in a pair – brought him back to the moment.

“Their full names please. We’ll need to speak to all of them.”

“Raymond Mitchell, Daisy Highway, Derry Highway, Peggy Mitchell, Albie Watts and Isabella Cox. Daisy and Derry just left this morning to go back to university. Daisy’s in Manchester, Derry’s in Leeds. Or rather they will be; they’re both on trains right now.”

“Callum Highway’s kids? Callum Highway is your partner?” It was clear that the officers knew Callum.

“Yeah, he’ll be back here any minute.” Ben held their disbelieving gazes. Raymond had now turned in his chair and was sobbing quietly into Ben’s chest where Ben held him tight.

“So Raymond and his friends including Isabella were here together until eleven?”

“No, as far as I know, they were at Peggy’s. 41 Albert Square.” Ben was keen to be as honest as possible until they asked about the drugs. Then he intended to obfuscate until he had more information himself.

“Then they all came back here at one or just Raymond?”

He knew they would be trying to establish Isabella’s movements but he was already getting fed up of answering their questions. Maybe there was a Mitchell gene that was predisposed to being awkward with the police. Channelling patience, he replied.

“Raymond, Peggy, Daisy and Derry. Albie had gone off with a couple of friends and Isabella had also gone off with friends. Not the same friends.”

The sound of somebody coming in through the back door broke into their conversation, followed by Callum coming into the living room. It was a through room to the dining room so he saw immediately that something was wrong and came immediately to Ben and Raymond, squatting beside Raymond’s chair.

“What’s happened?” He stroked Raymond’s back. Ben answered the question.

“Isabella died in hospital this morning. Drugs related.”

Raymond lifted his broken, tear-stained face to look at Callum and immediately received a hug. Ben couldn’t have loved Callum more in that moment. He hadn’t even looked at his colleagues, firmly prioritising Raymond.

“Raymond, oh my god, I’m so sorry. That’s terrible news, just awful.”

To give them their due, the police officers sat quietly and waited until Raymond was sitting up again. He looked shell-shocked and it quickly became apparent that he was unable to answer questions so they switched back to questioning Ben and Callum.

“When you came home at eleven, did any of Raymond, Isabella, Daisy, Derry, Peggy or Albie seem like they might have taken drugs?” The officer carefully read the names from her notes.

Callum looked at Ben and they reached a silent agreement that he would answer. Ben marvelled at how he could be so in tune with somebody and was confident that Callum would buy them some time.

“Maybe. Or maybe they’d been drinking. But we’d been drinking as well so I can’t say with certainty. Do you agree?” He looked at Ben who nodded. It was a smooth performance.

“What about when they came in at one?”

“Again, hard to know. They all seemed a bit … fed up. But, yeah, probably a bit worse for wear. What do you think, Ben?”

Ben took his cue. “Yeah, I reckon so because we made them all drink some water. And they all crashed here.”

“There’s only Raymond here now,” observed one of the officers. “When did the others leave?”

Callum answered. “After breakfast. Nine thirtyish. Peggy went home. I went with Daisy and Derry to see them off. They’ve gone back to university. Daisy’s in Manchester. Derry’s in Leeds. They’re both on trains at the moment.”

“So you’re confident that between one and nine thirty this morning, Raymond, Peggy, Daisy and Derry were here.” There was a hint of suspicion in this question and Callum sat up straight, ready to demand to know their intent. Ben jumped in first, keen to keep everything amicable.

“We were up first this morning … around seven thirty, babe?” Callum confirmed this with a nod as Ben carried on. “They were all asleep. We looked in on them. Raymond had been up late, probably until three, and I sat with him. He was worried about Isabella because he doesn’t like her new friends. Then Callum and I were up for a bit longer, asleep around three thirty, four maybe. So I’d say we’re confident they were here all night.”

“They’ll have her phone, Ben. They already know Raymond was not with Isabella. They know he was worried and that she didn’t reply.” Callum glared at his colleagues.

“Just doing our job,” muttered one of them.

“Right then.” Callum took charge. “We need to focus on Raymond. He’s obviously devastated. I know you need answers to your questions about the drugs so if he is up to it later, I’ll call you. You can come back. Or we’ll bring him to the station.”

He stood up leaving the officers with no choice but to leave. After seeing them out, he found Ben sitting with Raymond on the sofa, the younger man holding on and weeping relentlessly.

“I’m going to call Daisy and Derry. Find out what they know,” said Callum. Ben nodded at him and watched him leave the room.

“I can’t believe she’s dead,” whispered Raymond.

“Course you can’t.” Ben empathised entirely. How could it make any sense? “I can’t believe that beautiful girl is not going to walk through our door ever again.”

He held his brother in his arms as he continued to sob on and off, talking about his girlfriend and all the things he loved about her, and finally falling asleep through sheer exhaustion. Resting his head carefully on cushions and covering him with a blanket, Ben moved into the kitchen.

Callum was cooking.

“I cook when I don’t know what to do with myself,” he explained, obviously shaken and upset so Ben put his arms around his waist and rested his head against his back. Callum turned and held him back and Ben took the comfort on offer.

“Raym can’t believe it. Neither can I,” he mumbled into Callum’s shoulder. “She was so full of life and fun. Such a fucking tragedy.” He breathed in the love and concern from Callum. “Raym says she continued taking pills at the club. Said they had a bust up about it. What did your kids say?”

“Told me the same story and it ties with Raymond’s so I’m pretty sure they all have it right. The pills came from Albie, who got them from Jamie. Albie and Peggy planned to sell them at the club. Daisy and Derry both bought two which they took at Peggy’s house. They said the others bought more but none of them except Isabella took any after seeing us. At the club, Peggy sold the entire stash to one of Isabella’s new friends, somebody called Louis. Raymond and Isabella had a big row, they said, about her taking the pills. It was what prompted them to leave the club and come home, leaving Isabella with her friends. Albie was leaving at a similar time to them, with another friend of all of them, Marco, and Jamie. Apparently the three of them were tight.”

Ben sank into a chair. He’d had less than four hours of sleep and he was exhausted but now was not the time for being tired. Things did not look great for Peggy and he needed to speak to her. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called her.

“Peggy, make an excuse and get round here now.” He listened as she told him that was impossible. “Okay, I’ll just tell your mum I need to talk to you about your drug dealing, shall I?”

She arrived ten minutes later. Her ashen face and the phone in her hand told Ben and Callum that she had heard the news.

“What’s going to happen, Uncle Ben?” Her voice had reduced to that of a young child, almost a whimper.

“You and Albie sold drugs and somebody who took them died. That’s the hard truth. There has to be more serious consequences when someone dies.”

Peggy fell into a chair, stricken with fear. Ben felt a bit mean but he knew what Peggy was like: she would be looking for a way to wriggle out of any responsibility. He needed her to at least be honest with him.

“Albie’s scared of Jamie. He didn’t dare not sell them and he asked me to help him. Then Louis saw how much we had to sell, it wasn’t loads, and offered to buy all of it. That’s how it happened.”

“What you tell the police is one thing but don’t think about lying to me, Peggy.” Ben was getting angry. “You and Albie do this a lot, maybe this was your first time for Jamie Tyler, but this was not your first time so don’t make it sound like it was. Not when you’re talking to me.” Peggy sunk her head and nodded. “I have to be honest with you, Peggy. I don’t know what to do yet. What am I going to tell your mum?” Peggy started to cry.

“I’m going to prison, aren’t I?”

Ben knelt down by her chair and put his arms around her. “It’s a possibility, princess. But let’s hope not.” He felt like crying himself as he held her. This was utterly disastrous.

**CALLUM**

Callum watched them. He didn’t condone what Albie and Peggy had done but they weren’t bad people in the way Jamie was bad. And yet he knew that it was very likely that Jamie would get away with this and Albie and Peggy would not. It was yet another example, in his view, of how law enforcement was flawed.

“Callum, babe, can you go and get Louise and Sharon? Albie as well, if he’s around.”

He left the house and made his way to The Albert, finding Louise in the small office there. She looked upset.

“Peggy’s friend Isabella died. Drugs apparently,” she told Callum as he appeared in the doorway, her face a picture of shock.

“Yeah, we heard. You need to come with me. There’s a situation around Isabella’s death. Ben’s with Peggy and he asked me to come and get you.” He could see she looked suspicious. “I’m not here as a copper, Louise. I’m here as Ben’s partner … as family.” As the words left his mouth, they surprised him with their truth. It was exactly why he was involved, why he was here. This was his family. He had felt it earlier at breakfast: him, Ben and their family.

They left the bar and walked round past The Vic.

“We need Sharon and Albie,” said Callum, steering Louise into the pub. Neither Sharon nor Albie were behind the bar, so Callum slipped through the door to the upstairs flat, ignoring the shout from Tommy the bartender and taking Louise with him. Sharon and Albie were in the flat’s living room. Callum could hear them talking and the change from ease to shock as he and Louise entered was bad enough, but their dismay as he explained the purpose of his visit was palpable. This, coupled with Louise’s fast descent into panic, led Sharon to a point where she could barely breathe and Callum had to talk them both back to normal.

“You need to come with me. We’re meeting at Ben’s.” Suddenly, Sharon looked every one of her seventy years. “Sharon, we might not have a lot of time before the police are back. Please.” She was still unfocused and shaking.

“I could run, mum,” said Albie, his voice quavering. “Jamie’ll help me.”

Callum lost his temper then. Albie had sold dangerous drugs to his children, a girl had died, and now he was thinking he could abscond leaving his sister to take the rap.

“Isabella is DEAD. I will drag you to Ben’s myself,” he stormed, seizing Albie by the arm and marching him out of the room. “Louise, bring Sharon.”

His peremptory tone galvanised Louise into action.

It was only a short walk to Ben’s from The Vic but it felt like the entire neighbourhood was out watching. People stopped walking, paused their conversations and eyes followed them down the street. Callum would normally have felt self-conscious being the centre of the drama but he was barely aware of the attention, seeing only Jay and Kheerat when they intercepted him and told him to call if he needed anything. He said he would.

Inside number 55, Ben, Peggy and Raymond were in the living room with another woman who Ben introduced.

“This is Laura Scott. Ritchie’s daughter. She’s here for legal advice. I’m going to get straight to the point because the police may be along soon and we’d rather be in control of the message and go to the police station ourselves. This is what we know. Jamie supplied Albie with drugs to sell. Albie is scared of Jamie so couldn’t risk refusing him. Albie involved Peggy in his effort to shift the pills. This is not the their first time pushing drugs and that might come out if the police ask enough questions of enough people. They started at Peggy’s house last night selling pills to Daisy, Derry, Raymond and Isabella. Then they got to the club and Isabella’s friend Louis bought the rest of the pills they had to shift.”

“I didn’t sell any stuff in the club,” interrupted Albie. Peggy stared at him, astonished by his slipperiness.

“Only because Louis bought them in one sale,” Ben pointed out, also shocked by the lack of loyalty. “But the transaction went through your account and you had your cut before transferring the rest to Jamie, no doubt to an account that can’t be traced directly to him so the evidence points to your involvement and Peggy could quite justifiably say that she was only holding onto them for you. I’ve said this to Peggy already: don’t even think about lying to me about the extent of your involvement. You ARE responsible for pills that you push.” Albie looked crushed and his eyes filled immediately. Ben shot him an uncompromising glare and carried on. “Anyway, to finish off, Louis gave away the pills to his friends. We know Isabella took some of those but not how many.”

“I should have known Bella would take more if Louis was dishing them out. She’s my friend … was. I should have tried to stop her. But I did make sure none of the rest of us had any more after we saw you. Like you asked. I wanted to do what you asked. I did.” Albie was talking through his tears directly to Ben, pleading with him to acknowledge the one good thing he had done. Ben threw him a line.

“I know.” He reached for Albie and put an arm around him, the younger man responding by desperately clinging on.

“How do we keep them out of prison?” asked Sharon, immediately seeing the situation clearly. She hadn’t been married to Phil Mitchell without learning a thing or two. “Do we need to show that Jamie threatened Albie?”

Laura Scott spoke up.

“That will certainly help their case, but I have to tell you Ms Watts, it’s almost certain that Albie will be charged. Peggy as well. Isabella’s death changes everything. We’re really talking about how to keep the sentencing light. Best case scenario is a community order; worst is maybe six months. We all know that the person mainly responsible is Jamie Tyler and justice would be for him to be held accountable for this. I have to be clear with you all, though – at this point, I can’t see how that is going to happen.”

“We also want to make sure Jamie doesn’t feel a need to … exact revenge,” said Callum, hating that he was adding problems. “He’s kept himself far enough away from things so as not to be caught. If Peggy and Albie implicate him, they may be in danger from him.”

A low wail sounded from Louise and Ben immediately poured her a stiff drink.

“Let’s recap,” suggested Callum, wanting to get back to being constructive. “Albie and Peggy are going to admit their involvement in this incident. No other incidents, just this one. Laura will be with them to help manage that. Our problem is Jamie Tyler. Does Albie admit to getting the drugs from Jamie? It was a relatively small amount so probably not enough to make the police go after Jamie. They’ll want to get him for something bigger, I think.”

Laura was nodding her agreement.

“I think you’re right. Albie should make it clear that he’s frightened of repercussions but should eventually give Jamie’s name.” She looked at Louise and Sharon and took a firm tone. “Ms Mitchell, Ms Watts are you ready? It’s time to go down to the police station.”

She shepherded Albie and Peggy out of the house, Louise and Sharon trailing behind.

“What happens now?” asked Raymond after they’d gone.

“The police will want a statement from you, Daisy and Derry. Probably tomorrow now.”

Raymond nodded slowly as Ben went to peer at the pans, putting an arm around Callum and leaning into him.

“What’s for dinner? We’ve only had breakfast so far today. I’m ravenous.”

“Chilli. Is that alright?” Callum held out a spoon to give him a taste of the food and fondled his hair, recognising Ben’s distress and wanting to let him know that he was here for him.

“Perfect.” Ben kissed his hand and got busy opening wine and setting the table while Callum set about cooking rice. He was aware of Raymond watching them.

“You two are nice together, good energy,” he commented. That lifted Callum’s mood after their stressful day and he relaxed into his task, taking comfort from the familiar actions.

Sitting around the small kitchen table as they were about to eat, Ben suddenly grasped both of their hands. After a moment’s hesitation, based on not knowing Ben’s intention, Callum got hold of Raymond’s other hand.

“Are we praying?” asked Raymond, perplexed.

“To who?” asked Ben. “No, it was just me being thankful that I’ve got you two. I know it’s been less than three months that I’ve been back in Walford but I want you both to know that you are two of the most important people in my life. You’re my family and I love you.”

It was an unknowing repetition of Callum’s earlier sentiment and his heart swelled with happiness. There was real strength to be gained from knowing you can weather storms and he was certain that he and Ben were stronger than the sum of their parts.

They managed to talk a little about the plans for the electric car business over dinner but it was clear that Raymond’s mind was elsewhere. Understandable. He insisted on cleaning up afterwards, sending Callum and Ben into the living room, and popped his head around the door twenty minutes later.

“I’m going up to my room. Everybody’s online about it so I need to talk to people. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Extremely tired, they had been quietly sitting together, Ben’s head on Callum’s chest but when Raymond had gone, Ben looked up.

“What a horrible day.”

Callum leaned down and kissed him so gently their lips hardly met. As he lifted his head, Ben followed him keeping their lips barely connected and Callum caught the little hitch in his breath before he kissed him more firmly. It was dizzying and he succumbed willingly, wanting an escape from their problems if only for a short time. Without releasing purchase on Callum’s lips, Ben pushed himself up onto Callum’s lap and intensified the kiss, pushing his tongue in and catching Callum’s teeth. Callum couldn’t stop the primal groan he emitted and he felt Ben smile against his mouth.

“Like that, do you?” Callum tasted Ben’s words rather than heard them.

“I do.”

“Got more for you.” Ben laughed into his mouth, kissing him until he groaned again and then sucked hard on his tongue, and the kiss became desperate and hungry. Callum loved this, the letting go, the swirling in his head, the feeling that he and Ben were as one. After several minutes of devouring each other, Ben jumped off his lap, winked at Callum and headed for the door.

“Raymond’s in so we should take this upstairs.” Callum was right behind him and chased him up the stairs and into the bedroom, pushing him firmly down on the bed, resuming the intense kissing. Ben was moaning now, something that Callum adored, and, fumbling at each other’s clothes, they were soon naked. Callum remembered the last time they had made love, a few days earlier, the strength of their connection and the emotional high of feeling so desired and so loved. This was what they needed tonight. As Ben opened his eyes and stared straight into Callum’s, he knew they had the same idea in mind.

It was beautiful, reaching out to each other and knowing that they existed to make each other feel so special. Ben was so stripped back in these moments and Callum thought the privilege of this trust was the most enormous and precious thing in his life. Through hot and emotional declarations, they held onto each other, determined never to let go.

Phil’s bedroom had its own shower room and they spent some time after their love-making washing and drying each other. Ben grabbed new sheets and soon they were lying wrapped around each other in the bed.

Ben gazed at Callum inquisitively. He obviously had an important question to ask and he held Callum’s face making sure that he could see it.

“How’s the sex going for you?” he asked, his eyes searching, his expression completely earnest. “Are we doing what you want to do? I’m versatile, happy with pretty much anything, but you don’t have to be … you be you.”

Callum loved that it was always so easy talking to Ben. This was a conversation he wanted to have.

“I fucking love it. I did not realise I could feel so … so …” He couldn’t think of an adequate adjective. and looked at Ben thoughtfully, knowing that he could say anything. “I am feeling like a beginner though.”

“You are, though, babe.” Ben stroked his face and it was so caring, so loving that Callum’s heart was taken. “Does it bother you? It doesn’t bother me.”

Callum thought for a moment. It had crossed his mind a few times that he had no idea what he was doing and he was completely dependent on Ben’s direction, a thought accompanied usually by a flicker of concern that maybe Ben would get bored with playing teacher. But it just seemed unconceivable to him that Ben could fake the pleasure he was showing so the answer to the question was no, he wasn’t bothered.

“No, I trust you.”

At those words, Ben lit up, his whole face glowing with delight.

“You see, this is what I wanted. Don’t get me wrong – I’m still VERY interested in sex – but I wanted to connect with someone, to fall in love so that the sex has that emotional side to it. So to have someone TRUST me – that’s massive!”

Lying face-to-face in bed, watching each other shine with happiness, impossibly wide smiles across their faces, was absolutely life-affirming.

“I didn’t answer your question,” said Callum because he wanted to answer the question. “Everything we’ve done so far has been amazing. Keep pushing me to try new things. If you don’t mind.”

Ben swung himself on top of Callum, laughing. “If I don’t mind? Hmm, let me think …”

**BEN**

He woke suddenly in the middle of the night in the way you do when you know you’ve forgotten something, and there’s something right at the edges of your memory that wants to step forward. For a moment he was disorientated and slightly panicked, and then he felt the warmth of Callum next to him and his jitters settled. He shuffled a little closer and Callum, without waking, enveloped him in his arms and legs.

This was very different for him. For most of his adult life, he had been the cute guy with the sexy saunter, usually drunk or high at the end of the night, great for a hook-up. But lying here with Callum, he knew this was the real him. This was who he had been all those years ago with Paul, who he had always been, only too sad and scared to show himself. Or maybe part of it was that he hadn’t met the right person. If he hadn’t left Walford, he would have met Callum earlier, Callum would probably not have married Whitney and they would have had a lifetime together. But Ben didn’t want to look backwards. He had fallen deeply in love and he was determined to make the most of every moment. Happy and comfortable, he pushed away his earlier niggle – what should he be remembering? – and fell back asleep.

**CALLUM**

It was another difficult day. Raymond was numb with distress. Ben went with him to the station to give a statement and Callum returned home. Home. It already didn’t feel like home. Home was Ben.

His house felt cold and empty. Turning up the heating, he did some tidying up and cleaned the bathroom unsure of how best to spend his time. Daisy and Derry both rang. They had each been to a local police station to give their statements, and had spoken to the Walford investigating team via video call. Both were deeply shocked and upset by Isabella’s death and Callum was worried about them. He had been so proud that they had the confidence to go to university far from home but, right now, he wished they were nearby.

When the time came for him to go to work, Whitney had still not returned. He texted her but she didn’t reply. Maybe she didn’t want to see him. The way their relationship was disintegrating was disappointing and depressing. They had often argued, although always away from the children’s ears, so he wasn’t unfamiliar with them being at odds but they were both naturally upbeat and wanted a happy home so had been prepared to work towards that. Callum still wanted them to be a happy family, he wanted to be friendly with Whitney, but he could see that he was entirely responsible for the position in which they found themselves. He didn’t blame her for being hurt and angry.

It seemed like an age since he had last been at work. So much had happened. Walking in through the doors of the station, he felt out of place. This disquieted feeling continued as he made his way to his desk which was clear apart from one sticky note.

_DCI Kendal 20:00_

Callum stared at it. What was that about? Then he remembered. His visit from Emre had only been two days ago but he had forgotten about it with everything that had happened over the weekend. Now, the conversation came back to mind. He was going to be hauled over the coals for lying.

“Alright sarge?” PC Riley Sharp was at the side of his desk. She nodded at the note.

Callum picked up the note and shoved it in his pocket.

“Yeah. It’s quiet in here. Where is everybody?”

“World’s gone mad , sarge. There’s the drugs death - your kids’ friend - then a body was found in the mud in Barking Creek this morning, then, about an hour ago, Nathan Ringwood from the Tyler crew was found dead at his home. Wife and kids dead as well. They think it happened days ago. I’ve been sent to bring the night shift to the main incident room. You’re last in which is not like you sarge.”

She was right. He’d left it to the very last minute to come in because he did not want to be here. It felt like the time had come to change all the things that were wrong in his life: his marriage, his lack of close relationships and, most definitely, his job.

Callum went with Riley and as he entered the large meeting room, he could see it was packed. The day shift had not gone home and the great and good were all present, including the rarely seen Assistant Commissioner Pritpal Atwal, the lead officer at the station.

Allowing a few more minutes of ripe speculation, AC Atwal finally stood at the front to address them all. Jamie Tyler’s face suddenly appeared on the screen behind her.

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you who this is.” She told them anyway. “Jamie Tyler. He appeared in East London twenty-five years ago, not a biological son of Sean Tyler but treated like one and inheriting the crown when Sean died. We have no intel about his childhood.”

Callum’s heart sank as he realised he was going to be casting some light on this, embroiling himself in Jamie’s life even more. AC Atwal continued.

“So, we can link Jamie to the death of Isabella Cox, as it appears that he supplied the drugs that killed her.” She scanned the room and rested her gaze on Callum. He squirmed uncomfortably as almost every face in the room turned to look at him.

“We also have him on camera with the young man fished out of the creek this morning. The victim is Pasha Andel, Czechian national, nineteen, sex worker. Seen with Jamie in Jamie’s car in the early hours of Thursday morning. Caught on a traffic camera.”

“Finally we have the four deaths of the Ringwood family: dad Nathan, mum Ellie, boys, Bobby, ten, and Billy, eight. We know Nathan Ringwood is a key member of Jamie Tyler’s crew. Early guess from the pathologist is that they might have died midweek. Looks like murder-suicide.”

“It seems like this has been a bit of week for Jamie. We know the Kesumas were staying at his house in Bethnal Green following their arrest and bail for child sexual exploitation.” Her gaze swung round to Callum again. “But they were forcibly removed from there on Wednesday by Jamie’s thugs and are now in the East London Hotel. Jamie, meanwhile, has rented a house in Albert Square. For some reason, he is still there and has not returned to his house in Bethnal Green.”

It was just getting worse. Should he admit that Jamie visited him on Wednesday night? Should he be explaining that it looked like Jamie might be jealous of him and Ben? Riley nudged him to alert him to the fact that AC Atwal had said his name.

“Sergeant Highway. Please wait outside my office. DCI Patrice, DCI Kendal and I will see you after this briefing.” Callum lifted himself off the table on which he’d been perched and walked out, painfully aware that all eyes were on him. Just before the door, he caught sight of Emre and received his telepathic message: stick to the story.

He sat outside the AC’s office for another three and half hours. It was nerve-wracking. He pulled out his phone at one point and then realised it would probably be confiscated so skimmed through his messages to see if there was anything incriminating. There was nothing that would make the situation any worse - it was already ruinous.

Finally, minutes before midnight, the AC turned up. She was with DCI Michel Patrice, a slight, slim and perfectly groomed man who was a rottweiler masquerading as shit tzu, as well as DCI Kendal. Callum followed them into the room and sat down in the chair indicated. There was no preamble.

“You are to be suspended during an investigation into your involvement with Jamie Tyler. We have informal questions now that will help us with other investigations so we hope you are willing to co-operate, then, tomorrow, you will be officially questioned and you will be required to give a statement. An honest statement this time Sergeant Highway.”

Callum nodded and DCI Kendal kicked off the questions.

“So, start from the night that Jamie Tyler’s house was raided and we caught the Kesumas with those kids.”

He could hardly believe he was going to start with a lie but he remembered Emre’s look and began.

“I was with PC Tahir. I wanted to talk to him about his relationships with colleagues and thought a patrol would be a good opportunity to do that in an informal way. We stopped at a broken down car. There was a man there. He said he was called Charlie Mooney but I recognised him as Nathan Ringwood.”

DCI Patrice held up his hand for Callum to stop and showed him a photo on his phone.

“Yes,” said Callum, confirming that it was Nathan. “Anyway, he lied about his name and just seemed really nervous, like he was up to no good and whatever was going to happen was happening right at that moment. We did not follow correct procedure - we know that. Rather than reporting the incident, we decided to go and see if anything was going on.”

“Whose idea was that?”

Callum knew that Emre had claimed that it was his idea and that he had pushed Callum. “I was the ranking officer.”

“Yes you were,” snapped DCI Kendal. “You had a young officer with you who fancied a bit of adventure and you went along with it?”

“It was a mistake.”

“You don’t say.” DCI Kendal speared him with her glare. “There are some timing discrepancies. The stop was at 22:05. PC Tahir brought the patrol car back at 22:53.”

“We realised we couldn’t use a patrol car on a stakeout. So we brought it back.”

“On a stakeout? Who do you think you are?” DCI Kendal rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you didn’t call it in until 00:35.”

“That was when it happened.” Callum hoped that he wasn’t giving away that he was lying his head off with some involuntary facial tick. He felt like he must be giving it away somehow.

“And you then lied on your statement?” AC Atwal’s tone was incredulous.

“It was stupid. Another mistake. We knew we shouldn’t have been there but we thought if we could make it seem like we had to act or it would be too late then it might not look so bad for us …”

“Idiots, both of you. But as the ranking officer, Sergeant Highway, you are the bigger idiot.” AC Atwal was looking at him like he was a fool.

DCI Patrice leaned forward. He’d been quiet so far.

“So what happened next?” His soft French accent was seductive and Callum concentrated, making sure he wasn’t lured away from his story. He’d had a lot of time to think waiting outside the office and he had decided to stick to the truth.

“I am going through a divorce from my wife because I am gay. My partner is Ben Mitchell.”

His statement was met with incredulity and all three senior officers stared at him with wide eyes.

“Ben Mitchell? You really are stupid. A serving police officer and a villain. On what planet did you think that was a good idea?” DCI Kendal threw her hands up in the air but Callum was not prepared for her to refer to Ben as a criminal.

“Not a villain. The son of a villain. I met Ben when he came back to Walford after Phil died. He kept away from his dad for more than twenty years and led a law-abiding life. He is not a villain. I know we all know this, ma’am.”

“I’m not sure why we need to hear about your love life then,” responded DCI Patrice.

Callum wished he had had time to discuss this with Ben.

“Because Jamie Tyler used to be Jamie Foster, Ben’s cell-mate when they were in prison at seventeen. Ben recognised him. They were close back then.”

Well, that got their attention. They all left the room and Callum was left sitting alone for another fifteen minutes.

When AC Atwal and DCI Patrice came back, DCI Kendal was not with them. They asked the question that Callum had known was coming. He’d been planning the answer since they left but was extremely unsure of it. He was about to include Raymond in the picture, something he had hoped to avoid. It might work in their favour, though. He had been keeping an eye on Raymond almost all his life and, over the past few months, he had picked up murmurings of his connection to the Tylers; other officers here might have had the same suspicions and the answer he was about to offer would give him a chance to reframe Raymond’s involvement.

“When did Ben see Jamie to recognise him?”

“The Tylers had been trying to recruit Ben’s brother. It seemed like it was to get one over Phil but when Phil died and Ben returned, it became a ruse of Jamie’s to get close to Ben.” It was another lie but he was going with it, hoping that it would enable Ben to tell enough of the truth when he was inevitably questioned. “He broke into Ben’s house that night, the night of the raid, got into his bedroom and woke him up. That was when Ben recognised him. They … er … they had sex. Ben appealed to their old friendship and thought he was getting Jamie to back away from Raymond.”

“What happened next?” DCI Patrice seemed to have accepted the explanation and Callum moved on, relieved that he could start being honest.

“Jamie disturbed me and Ben having breakfast one day, then he moved to Albert Square where Ben and I live. It’s mad, I know, but we think he’s jealous of us. He visited Ben again three weeks or so, I can’t remember exactly, after the raid and told him that he had a mole here who’d told him that I lied on my statement to implicate him. Then he visited me last Wednesday night to threaten our lives and the people in our lives. He told me that he has ears here. We think he’s been watching us. Ben found a camera in his bedroom last Thursday night and confronted Jamie about it on Friday; he wasn’t bothered that Ben knew he’d been watching him.”

“So this is a love triangle?” enquired DCI Patrice, almost sympathetically.

“No!” insisted Callum. “Ben and me - we’re together. Jamie is not with either of us.”

“Talk about last Wednesday night. Every detail.” AC Atwal had honed in on the significant day.

“My kids had come home for half term and my wife didn’t want us to share the time so she was having the first half of the week with them, I was having the second half. Ben and I went away for a few days and came back on Wednesday. When I got home, I had a horrible row with my wife before she left and I was upset. I’ve promised her that I won’t bring Ben in our house, so I was sitting out in the garden late in the night, around one - I didn’t want my kids to hear me upset - and Ben came round to comfort me. He left after an hour or so and Jamie appeared seconds later. He must have been hiding in the alley outside. He wanted me to be scared. Pulled a knife on me. Asked me why I implicated him in my statement about the night of the raid. Tried to taunt me by telling me he’d been with Ben. Then my son came out. Jamie disappeared quickly and Derry, my son, thought it had been Ben. He told me I should go to Ben, told me that he and my daughter understood. So I went round to Ben’s and spent the night there. Jamie would have seen us because Ben didn’t find the camera until the following night. He would have seen that Ben and I are in love. It’s not a short term love affair.”

He looked at his senior officers, his face haunted with the thought of what he was going to suggest.

“I … I’m worried that he descended into some kind of jealous rage and went on a killing spree. What if that poor boy, Pasha, and the Ringwoods were murdered on Wednesday after Ben and I made him angry?”

AC Atwal and DCI Patrice looked at him impassively.

“You will come to the station for formal questioning tomorrow at 10:30. You will need legal representation. A statement will be required. It is very clear that you are connected to Jamie Tyler so you are suspended pending investigation, effective immediately. Go home Sergeant Highway.” DCI Patrice stood up, so Callum followed suit.

Thankfully, the corridors were empty as he made his way out of the building and they hadn’t taken his phone so he was able to text Ben.

_Been suspended. On my way to you xxx_


	13. Neighbours

**CALLUM**

He arrived at number 55 and let himself in. Ben and he had decided that they would have time together in the morning after Callum’s shift then Callum could sleep at number 55 while Ben worked and then at tea-time they would see each other again before Callum went back to work. Callum was fairly sure that it was at least in part a ruse on Ben’s part to come home to his dinner having been cooked for him. It was the first time he’d used his key and it felt a little odd.

Ben was asleep when he got in and Callum suspected that he hadn’t seen his text so, taking care not to wake him, he crawled into bed and held onto him. Sleep was elusive but it was comforting to be able to feel the heat from Ben, listen to his soft snores and smell the traces of the previous day’s aftershave. He was stunned at being suspended but at the same time was unclear how he had ever imagined that his links to Jamie would not become a problem to his job.

Ben stirred around five.

“You’re here early,” he murmured, moving in to kiss Callum.

“I’ve been here since two. I’ve been suspended.” He’d been trying to learn some signing for talking to Ben first thing in the morning but the best he could do for ‘suspended’ was to put his hand above his head as though he was hanging himself.

Ben looked alarmed and reached across for his hearing aid. “What?”

“I’ve been suspended.”

Ben opened his eyes fully.

“No way! What happened?”

Callum went through the events of the evening, explaining everything. When it came to voicing his suspicions about Jamie’s rampage, Ben froze and Callum’s heart stopped. He’d expected Ben to argue, say it wasn’t so, tell him he was being ridiculous.

“Do you think we’re responsible?” whispered Callum, horrified at the thought. Ben straightaway realised the need to be reassuring.

“No! It might have been triggered by us, yeah, that’s possible. But only because he’s a fucking maniac. We’re not responsible for that.”

Ben was sitting up now, cross-legged facing Callum, holding his hand and rubbing tiny circles of support on it with his thumb. It was a familiar action and Callum recognised that he derived comfort from it as well as offering it.

“How are you feeling about the suspension, babe?”

He shrugged. It was impossible to pin down how he felt.

They got up, showered and dressed and Ben fussed around him, making him breakfast and repeatedly stroking his cheek or his back. On the dot at eight o’clock, he rang Laura Scott. Apparently, she had other clients who needed her but Ben persisted and, to Callum’s relief, was very persuasive. His own brain was numb and hadn’t processed the need to organise legal representation; once more, he was reminded of the wonder of being a team with Ben.

Laura accompanied Callum to the station and her verdict, after the questioning had been finished and the statement had been done, was that he would only be reprimanded.

“Callum, the only thing you have done wrong - as far as they know - is lying on the first statement. Emre has been told he’ll get a formal reprimand for that so that’s what you’ll get. This situation with Jamie, yes, you’re part of the picture, but you haven’t done anything wrong, you’re not responsible for his evil deeds.”

It was reassuring to an extent. But there had been a niggle that seemed to persist in the interview, a resistance to the idea of Jamie having a mole in the police. DCI Kendal had interviewed him and she had been very dismissive about it. It didn’t make sense. Callum couldn’t think why they weren’t accepting this because there wasn’t another explanation for how anybody knew he and Emre had lied.

There was, however, another explanation that became clearer when Emre called him.

“Apparently they got a tip off about us lying on our statements and they think they recognise the voice. I’ve heard it and I think I do too. I’ll send you the voice recording but it must be untraceable. I’ve been explicitly told not to share the information with you. So I’ve got a burner so I can send it to you. Have you still got your second phone? Find a way of getting the number to me.”

Callum had forgotten all about the second phone; he had got back into the habit of using his usual phone. It was a bit of a palaver getting the number to Emre. Callum was beginning to understand why Ben’s plans were always so complex. He was so worried about implicating Emre that he paid a young lad to put a slip of paper with the number through his door. It was all utterly ridiculous. Even HE thought he’d been watching too much telly. He let himself into his house and went up to his old room. Thankfully Whitney wasn’t back from work – although she was due home any minute - so he was able to retrieve the phone without her wondering what he was doing. Sitting on his bed, he played the voice file. He played it again, frozen with shock at what he heard.

Going down to the kitchen, he pulled out a chair, sat down and waited. About five minutes later he heard the key in the lock and sat up, ready for her. Her habit was to dump her bag in the kitchen and today was no different.

“What?” she asked belligerently as she saw Callum sitting there. He played the recording and watched the colour drain from her face.

“They know it’s you, Whit. You’ve involved yourself in this and they will want to question you. How did you know I lied? Because I know for certain that I never mentioned it.”

“He told me, that Jamie fella.” Her voice came out as a choked whisper. “He wanted to know where you were when you went away with Ben. Stopped me in the street. Told me that you’d lied to the police. I figured it would be something to do with protecting Ben.” Righteous indignation overtook her. “Because you shouldn’t be lying to cover up his crimes. You’ve lost your mind, Callum.”

Callum looked at her furiously.

“Crimes? Ben has not committed any fucking crimes. This was about me. I was trying to protect a young person, to stop them making some bad choices that would ruin their life. I want to be able to do good. Make a difference. You know that matters to me.”

She had the grace to look ashamed, not much but it was there.

“I’ve been suspended, Whit.” He didn’t want to spare her feelings anymore. “You did this to me because I’m leaving you? Was that your reason? Well, this is the reality. I might lose my job and, even if I don’t, my reputation is damaged. I will be resigning. Pat yourself on the back, Whit. Well done!”

He hadn’t intended to talk about the divorce today but he was angry and it seemed like a good time.

“I consulted a lawyer.” This was actually more of an intention after a telephone conversation with Lexi the previous day but Whitney had pushed him to this point so he didn’t feel guilty about the lie. “To establish a divorce settlement that is actually fair. So, now I’m going to be unemployed, wages aren’t part of the discussion. We have our savings and our pensions. This is my offer: you have the savings and we each keep our own pensions. I’ve worked it out. It is significantly more than you would get if we go fifty-fifty so not to my advantage but I want a clean break. That’s what’s in it for me. I will write the agreement. All you have to do is sign it.”

He left the house.

**BEN**

Everything was calamitous.

Albie and Peggy had been charged as expected. It would be a while before their hearing but bail had been granted so, frightened and overwhelmed, they were home and keeping their heads down.

Callum had been suspended. Whitney had grassed him up and Ben was struggling to get his head around that. Callum had come over last night but had gone to bed early and slept like the dead for ten hours straight.

Raymond was like a zombie, just about managing to eat and spending the rest of the time in his bedroom communicating online with his friends or curled up not really asleep. His small, sad smile appeared when Ben was in front of him but he wasn’t really talking much.

Jamie, in the meantime, was everywhere in Albert Square: The Vic, the café, the Minute Mart. He chatted and smiled and was the perfect neighbour. Ben and Callum, on their way to Kheerat’s for breakfast, bumped into him coming out of his house.

“Morning gents,” he chirruped. “Join me in the café for breakfast?”

They ignored him.

Kheerat had the basement flat next door but one to Jamie. He lived alone and his home had a distinctly unhomely feel to it, like he probably spent most of his time elsewhere, but it was clear he was making an effort today as the smell of curry and fish hit them when he opened the door. Jay was already there.

“We’re having kedgeree,” he announced. “Indian for breakfast.”

“It’s not Indian,” clarified Kheerat. “It’s a British dish that originated in India. Whilst I am reluctant to celebrate the British Raj in any way, this is quite a good dish.”

Quite good was an understatement. It was delicious. While they were eating, Ben and Callum talked through the last few days. The news of Isabella’s death was not news; Kheerat and Jay had both heard about it, although the involvement of Albie and Peggy did not seem to be public knowledge. They were both dismayed to hear about this.

Then Callum explained his work predicament.

“You’ve been suspended?” Jay was shocked.

“It’s fair,” said Callum. “I did lie. It was to keep Raymond out of the story, not that they know that. And I do have links to Jamie. They have to investigate everybody connected to him.”

“What are we going to do about him?” asked Jay. “Isabella is dead. Albie and Peggy will now have criminal records. I know they’re not angels but you especially Callum have managed to help them avoid this until now. Jamie’s footprint is stamped all over this.”

Ben was surprised at Jay’s mention of Callum helping Albie and Peggy steer clear of the worst kind of trouble - particularly with regards to Peggy; she was his niece and he should have known she was so far off the rails. Callum never blew his own trumpet but there he had been keeping an eye on the errant pair, helping them when he could, as well as looking out for Raymond and getting involved in the scheme to get him out of trouble. All of it told Ben volumes about his boyfriend: he was a force for good, with genuine, principled motives and Ben’s admiration for him grew even more.

“I think they probably won’t get him for the deaths last week. Six people died, he was involved to some extent in all of the deaths, but I bet he gets off. He’ll have covered his tracks, got somebody to take the fall, found a bent copper. It’s who he is.” Callum was pessimistic.

Kheerat had made tea in a proper teapot. They were all men in their forties and could remember clearly days when this had been customary; the nostalgia pleased them. He was a quiet man but, as he poured the tea, he aired his thoughts.

“I don’t care if there are villains. I think it’s inevitable. My mum is in prison - it’s where she should be - but when she gets out she won’t have realised the error of her ways. I think she’ll be worse. And that’s up to her. But I don’t want it near me, or Vinny and his family or Ash and hers. In the same way, I don’t care what Jamie does. It is an outrage that he eludes the police but that’s not something we here can change. What we need is for him to do whatever he does somewhere else. So we need to get him to move.”

They sat silently for a moment, drinking their tea.

“Tea’s delicious,” commented Callum.

“I’m thinking of getting into tea,” explained Kheerat. “I have a new supplier. Sri Lankan. I wanted to test it on you lot.” They all wholeheartedly endorsed the tea. It was a comforting moment reminding them of the life they wanted to lead.

“I think he’ll get bored if we ignore him,” said Ben, returning to the problem in hand. “And, now he hasn’t got a camera in my bedroom, he won’t be pissed off by seeing Callum and me at it.”

Jay grimaced. “Don’t need the mental imagery, bruv.”

“From what you’ve said, he was more enraged by seeing you in love,” reasoned Kheerat. “And you are both hopeless at hiding that.”

Callum and Ben glanced at each other involuntarily.

“Like that,” laughed Kheerat. “Like I said, hopeless.”

“So what if we put it out there that Jamie is chasing unrequited love in Albert Square?” suggested Jay. “Surely he won’t want people to think that about him.”

“Embarrass him? It might work but we don’t want him taking it out on some young sex worker.” The more Ben thought about Callum’s theory about Jamie’s rage, the more it rang true for him. He was thoughtful. “We need to think of something that maybe panders to his ego so that there’s no loss of face for him. Or find something he wants more than he wants me.”

“You’re right,” agreed Callum. “We need something that’s more important to him.”

“Well, you two know him, so let’s get thinking about something that’s going to trump his need for Ben,” concluded Jay. “I need to get to work. Are we meeting in The Vic on Thursday?”

“Yes,” confirmed the others.

Ben got another small memory twinge similar to when he woken in the middle of the night. There was something there that would help them, he was sure of it.

**ALBIE**

Jamie was not leaving him alone.

The latest assault had been in the barrel store of The Vic that morning. How had Jamie got in? Doors seemed to be an irrelevance to him.

“I can’t be seen with you,” Albie had protested. “I’m released on bail. There are conditions.”

“Nobody’s seeing anything,” shushed Jamie, pushing Albie to his knees.

Now, he was sitting at the bar tracking Albie’s every move. Ben and Callum were in with Kheerat, Jay and Honey, and Louise, and Albie was wondering if it would be possible for him to get a moment with them to ask for their help.

Sharon looked at him in surprise when he offered to collect glasses; he usually preferred to pose behind the bar. He started away from Ben’s group to strengthen his subterfuge and systematically made his way around the pub. When he got to their table, he didn’t waste time.

“I need help with Jamie. He won’t leave me alone,” he muttered as he leaned across the table, desperately hoping that Jamie hadn’t seen him speaking.

“How are you doing, Albie?” asked Ben as if he hadn’t spoken. Albie could have kissed him.

“Yeah, okay … not great … I don’t know.” His lip wobbled as he spoke and all of them looked at him sympathetically. Honey put a hand on his arm.

“We’re all here for you, Albie.”

“Let me get another round in,” said Callum, standing up. “What does everybody want?” He moved so that he had his back to Jamie and was alongside Albie. “We’re making a plan,” he said quietly as the rest of the group called out their orders. Callum departed for the bar and Albie picked up the last bottles and went to take them around the bar. Jamie watched them both, clearly not trusting either of them. Albie put the bottles in the glass bin and loaded the dishwasher, and heard him address Callum.

“Nice to see you, Callum.”

Callum didn’t reply, merely gave his order to Sharon and acted like Jamie wasn’t there.

“Not very friendly around here, landlady,” commented Jamie, smirking. “How do I get to be one of the crowd?” He jerked his head towards Ben’s table.

“Don’t push drugs to their kids,” advised Sharon sharply. She wasn’t easily frightened so, although she thought it would be unnecessarily risky to bar him, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

“Harsh,” pouted Jamie as his eyes roamed over Albie lecherously. Sharon maintained eye contact with Callum. Jamie would not get a rise out of her.

Albie’s skin crawled now at the thought of Jamie. He couldn’t believe that he had thought he was sexy and exciting only a week ago. Feeling Jamie’s eyes on him, he tried to concentrate on the customers. He was nineteen years old. He should have friends, be out having a good time, not having sex with a man more than twice his age or, worse, going to prison. Without warning, tears came.

“Albie?” Callum was first to notice and turned to Sharon. “Let me take him upstairs, Sharon.” Sharon looked like she might cry herself as she nodded and mouthed ‘thank you’ at him.

Callum got hold of Albie’s arm as he reached the end of the bar and put another arm securely around him and pushed him through the door to the flat. As soon as they got through the door, Albie burst into noisy sobs and, briefly catching Jamie’s cool gaze from the bar visible through the main access door, he buried his head in Callum’s chest. Callum kept him steady for a few moments and then steered him towards the stairs.

Upstairs, Albie expected to go in the living room or maybe the kitchen.

“Which one is your bedroom?” Callum’s question confused him. Surely Callum didn’t want to get it on with him? He pointed at a door and Callum strode towards it. Albie followed him and watched him searching the room. What was he looking for? He grabbed a chair and stood on it to reach up to the top of the curtains and pulled down a small black device, put it on the floor and stamped on it several times.

“It’s a camera,” he explained. “Ben found one in his bedroom so we know it’s something Jamie does.”

Albie was shocked out of his crying.

“What?” Jamie had put a camera in his room?

Callum was watching him, his expression hard to read.

“You’re on a dangerous path at the moment, Albie. You’ve got a nose for trouble. But if you want help to get on the right track, Ben and me, we’re here to support you.”

His mum and Phil had split just before he was born when Phil found out Albie wasn’t his son, then they got back together when he was four and split again when he was ten. That was when he started playing up. He now felt like the eleven year old Callum had hauled away from a fight, and the thirteen year old who Callum had rescued from the police station, and the fourteen year old who Callum had dragged away from being beaten up, and the sixteen year old back at the station being picked up once more by Callum. Callum had been there for him always and here he was again. And now there was Ben in the mix. Ben, his stepbrother that never was. He wanted to connect with Ben. Ben AND Callum were the dream team of dad figures.

“I’m nineteen, Callum. I’m not clever like your kids. All I’ve got is me. Good for a party and not much else.” He dropped his head. “Am I going to prison? Or am I trapped as some gangster’s plaything? Are those my choices?”

Callum sat on the bed next to him, looking up briefly as Ben appeared in the bedroom doorway and came to sit on the other side of Albie.

“I know you’ve got more in you, Albie,” Callum carried on. “I don’t mean change yourself. Not BE different. DO different. Still you, just on a different path.”

Albie nodded. He wanted this.

“What if I go down?”

“Then Ben and I will visit you, talk to you, keep you connected to the outside. If it does happen, and let’s still hope not, it will be for a short time and we will help you when you get out.”

Albie looked at Ben and saw him nod.

“What about Jamie? He keeps finding me, expecting me to … you know.”

“We’re not going to pretend that Jamie isn’t a big problem,” said Ben seriously. “We haven’t worked out how to get rid of him yet. But we will.”

He believed them. They would make sure that Jamie left him alone, they wouldn’t expect him to be someone he wasn’t and they would help him make some better choices and be there to challenge him when he made bad choices. Sitting here in his bedroom in between these two men, he felt hopeful.

“I know you probably feel a bit better,” said Ben, “and you should. But Jamie is still downstairs right now.”

“What do I do?”

“Are you staying up here or coming back down?” asked Callum. “No judgement, whatever you want to do.”

He looked at them both and saw that they were with him, right by him.

“Coming back down.”

They came back to the bar together, Albie taking his place behind the bar and Ben striding round to Jamie.

“Albie is my brother. You leave him the fuck alone,” he hissed. “Stop bothering him.”

Albie caught the look of surprise then pride on his mum’s face mirroring his own feelings. Then he saw Jamie’s smug leer. This was not over.

**BEN**

“You were great with Albie tonight,” said Ben, walking home from the pub with Callum. They had stopped discussing if Callum was going to stay over. He was.

“To be honest, I feel like I’ve let him down. Yeah, I’ve always been there to pick him up when he fell, but I’ve never tried to stop him falling. He’s had a hard time. Your dad was awful to him, treated him like he was the dirt on his shoe. I like Sharon but she’s always treated him like he’s a doll, dressed him up in designer clothes, made sure he always had fashionable haircuts and all that. She didn’t spend time with him, didn’t guide him and support him. He needs, he’s always needed, parents.”

Ben heard the criticism of his dad and recognised the description. He could very well imagine Phil’s reaction at being blessed with another gay son, even if he was a stepson. It wasn’t always easy to sympathise with Albie – he was cocksure, vain and self-centred – but Ben did empathise with him. He wondered what had happened to Albie’s dad, Keanu. He’d disappeared almost twenty years ago and hadn’t once tried to contact Albie … or Peggy; he was her dad as well. It was easy to imagine what had happened: Keanu would be out there somewhere with a wife and kids, making the most of his second chance. Ben had no time for it. Abandoning his children was unforgivable because Albie and Peggy would always be paying the price.

“Tell me about Peggy. Jay said something the other day about you picking Peggy up when she fell.”

“Peggy and Albie are close and they’re as bad as each other so I’ve had to help Peggy almost as much as Albie. But Peggy has always had more family around her. Your dad doted on her. Louise …” Callum hesitated.

“I know Louise has mental health problems,” said Ben, putting his arm around Callum and squeezing supportively to let him know they could speak freely. “I feel like I’ve let Peggy down. Whenever they came to Newcastle, we did exciting stuff, wholesome stuff, and they were both okay. I should have been looking more closely.” He stopped to push open the gate. “Since I got back, I’ve spent more time with Lou, arranged for her to get some therapy, and she seems to be picking up but I haven’t focused on Peggy and she has obviously needed me. At least, it’s obvious now.”

They let themselves in and called out for Raymond. He had been to see Isabella’s family earlier and they had been anxious for him. As they walked into the living room, it was clear he had been crying as he looked up at them. Ben immediately went to sit with him.

“What happened?”

Raymond was distraught and could hardly speak.

“They blame me … and Peggy and Albie … but mainly me.”

“Their beautiful, vibrant daughter died five days ago. They’re angry.” Callum sat on the coffee table and held Raymond’s knees while Ben put an arm around him and watched, understanding that Callum had a gift for this kind of conversation. He managed to let people speak without diluting hard truths or offering solutions but somehow helped them to get on a path that was good for them.

“I know,” said Raymond miserably. “But they wouldn’t even let me in, wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t let me talk. Louis had already been to see them. He went on the day she died. I thought it would be intrusive to do that but he just went right ahead. His version of things is that Peggy told him that the pills were a mild buzz, and weren’t even a classified drug. He told them that he’d never seen Bell taking drugs before. They believed his shit.”

“Well, we know what he’ll tell the police then,” commented Callum.

Raymond nodded. “Yeah, it’s bad for Peggy. Maybe for Albie as well. But how did they not know Bells was into getting high? We all take pills all the time.” He looked up, seemingly remembering to whom he was talking. “Not Daisy and Derry so much.”

Ben could see Callum appreciated the clarification but they had talked about this: Callum had already come to the conclusion that he needed to take off the blinkers where his children were concerned. Ben knew he would not want to be like Isabella’s parents.

“I get that it’s difficult for Isabella’s family,” said Callum, “but it’s unlikely Louis’ story will be upheld by the investigation. And it will not go well for him to have lied about it. The chain here is the manufacturer – Jamie – Albie – Peggy – Louis – Isabella. The law holds all parties in the chain responsible, not all to the same extent but all to some extent.”

“Yeah, we know. Laura spoke to all of us, advised us to tell the truth about what went on that night.” Raymond paused for a few moments, lost in his own thoughts. Eventually, he spoke again.

“They don’t want me at the funeral.” Callum glanced up at Ben, a small, unspoken communication between them about how wrong they thought this was. But, as willing as he was to share his frustration with Ben, Callum took a different line with Raymond.

“Do you understand their thinking? I’m not saying they’re right, just wondering if you can understand their thinking.”

Raymond slumped even further, pressing his head into Ben’s chest, his distress evident.

“I do. It just makes me sad. I know I’m not responsible for Bell’s drug use. I was always on at her to cut down. If anything, she tried to get me to take more than I wanted, not the other way round. But I loved her. And I want to be able to say goodbye to her properly.”

“Course you do,” soothed Ben.

“How do you want to do that? You can’t go to her family’s funeral for her but can we do something else?” Callum was in problem-solving mode.

Raymond looked at him, then at Ben. Ben watched, fascinated with Callum’s ability to bring desperate conversations to a turning point. He could see Raymond thinking and, as concrete as his despair had been, the change to hopefulness was equally solid.

“You’re right. I should let the investigation tell the story. That’s what Laura said as well. I tell the truth when I’m asked. And I stop taking the fucking pills. I stop getting involved in dumb shit like the Tylers, like Dad’s stuff. Get the business going, spend time with my family, figure out who my real friends are and have a good time with them. And do my own goodbye for Bells.” He reached across and wrapped an arm around Ben’s waist. “Thank you.”

Ben returned the hug, touched to have this connection with Raymond.

Sitting forward, Raymond reached across to Callum and enveloped him in an emotional hug. As he let go, he pushed himself to standing.

“I’m really glad you came back, Ben. It’s changed my life. And you, Callum. You’ve always been there, watching out for me. Can’t thank you enough. I’m … er … just going to … er … go upstairs.”

Raymond left them then, his eyes full of tears, and after a few seconds, they could hear him crying; the events of the past week were going to take some time for him to process. It was heart-breaking and they listened sadly as they sat curled up together.

“Since we met, we’ve been faced with …” Ben didn’t want to say problems.

“Challenges,” Callum supplied.

“Yeah, challenges,” Ben agreed. “We’re doing pretty well at …” He couldn’t say fixing them because none of them were fixed.

“Rising to them?”

“Yeah. Get you – you’ve got all the words tonight.”

Callum smiled and pulled him close.

“My divorce, my problems at work, I see them as steps in the right direction. Like I need to get through this pain to get to a better place. But, Ben, YOU have made the difference to me. With you, I feel like I’ve got an army behind me.”

He looked at Ben with such gratitude that Ben felt his heart soar. But he hadn’t finished.

“Then there’s Raymond, Albie and Peggy. They are kids from my neighbourhood and I have always wanted to help them. But now I’m with you, they are your family so they are my family. That feeling of being part of our family is huge and uplifting, outweighing any difficulties.” He hesitated briefly. “I suppose the challenge that feels a bit overwhelming is Jamie but, me and you, we’re immense, we’re going to find a way.”

Ben stared at him, filled with awe. He was used to being the strong one, the one that had the ideas to resolve issues, full of pragmatism and sense, the one that was able to articulate his wisdom, but here was Callum: a pillar of strength, full of goodness and kindness, able to look at difficulties squarely, unafraid, and willing to take bold steps forward.

“We’re immense,” he repeated. “You say I’m your army. Well, you’re mine. I’d do anything to protect you and I know you’d do the same for me.” He turned, making sure Callum was looking directly at him. “I love you. I want this to last forever.”

Callum’s eyes widened and, warming Ben’s heart, his smile grew as it always did, slowly and beautifully lighting up his face.

“I love you too. And I want us to be forever.”

Ben was getting excited now. It was a huge statement of commitment – he certainly hadn’t planned it - but it was what he wanted with his whole heart and the fact that Callum wanted it as well was one of the most affirming moments of his life.

**KHEERAT**

Along with his neighbours, Kheerat had become focused on knowing Jamie’s business. If they were going to find something that mattered more to him than disrupting their lives, they needed to know more about him.

There was somewhere that Jamie went daily that had him passing the front of Kheerat’s call centre on his way at around ten and on his way back at around two. The timings were a little variable but not much. Knowing his appearance with his turban was too distinctive for sneaking around following people, Kheerat moved his hair bun to the back of his head and covered it with a black bandana. With a thick coat and a hood, he surveyed himself in the mirror and was satisfied that he was unrecognisable.

Jamie was careful, that much was immediately clear. He stopped to look in shops, went in occasionally to buy something, stopped to take a phone call, even doubled back on himself once. It took Kheerat three attempts to follow him past the end of the street. His brother, Vinny, was beginning to get suspicious.

“What’s with the casual look, bruv? And where are you off to at ten o’clock every morning?”

Kheerat pretended he was meeting a personal trainer in the park and ignored Vinny’s sceptical look. He was gradually working out Jamie’s route and was now picking up the tail about ten minutes’ walk away. It took a couple more days but he was finally able to work out Jamie’s destination, which was a small second-hand office furniture shop that Kheerat had used himself to equip his call centre. It was owned by somebody he knew from the gurdwara, a good man, a friend, Mantaj. Conveniently, he needed some new office chairs, so he decided to visit the shop, dressed in his usual turban and suit, arriving one day a few minutes before Jamie.

Mantaj was pleased to see him – Kheerat was a loyal customer. They got talking and when Jamie walked in, Kheerat could genuinely break off in the middle of a sentence.

“Jamie, isn’t it?” He scowled, taking care not to be friendly as Jamie knew very well that he was friends with Callum and Ben. Turning to Mantaj, he explained. “Jamie’s my next-door-but-one neighbour. In Albert Square which is not exactly round the corner.” He turned back to Jamie. “What brings you here? The shop on Turpin Road is nearer.”

“You’re not shopping there,” commented Jamie, as unconcerned as ever.

“I come here because Mantaj is my man. I always buy from here.” Kheerat smiled at Mantaj and was concerned to see the fear in his eyes and a barely perceptible shake of his head. “You go ahead,” he offered to Jamie. “I might take longer than you want to wait.”

“I’m happy to wait,” smiled Jamie, sitting on a chair and spinning around nonchalantly. Kheerat had no choice but to order his chairs. As he left, he took up a position across the street, tucked out of sight. It was well chosen giving him a good view of Mantaj’s shop but Jamie was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone? Kheerat had not been able to see a door inside the shop to anywhere other than the rear stockroom and, having been in there on a previous occasion, he knew it did not have any doors except for a garage door to the back alley. Despite the flat above the shop having venetian blinds at the windows, Kheerat could see movement; there were several people up there. And they had got up there somehow.

Changing into his casual disguise, he returned to his lookout position at one and was immediately relieved that he had decide to come early as Jamie appeared less than five minutes later. Kheerat saw him come out of a door that was almost invisibly located inside the shop and guessed that it was the access to the upstairs flat. There was no clue though as to what Jamie did up there. Following Jamie from a distance, he soon found himself back near Albert Square.

Back in the summer, when he’d heard that Ben Mitchell was returning to Walford, his heart had sunk. It was his opinion that Albert Square was better off without both his mum and Ben’s dad and he had hoped that his neighbourhood would be free of resident criminals. Then the news had landed that Ben was moving back and Kheerat decided that he would approach him to see if he could persuade him that he should keep his dodgy dealings out of the square. It was the beginning of a friendship that still surprised him. Ben was in complete agreement with his aspirations for their community; his family, like Kheerat’s, largely lived on the square. But it wasn’t just that. Kheerat had known Jay and Callum for many years but it had taken Ben to bring them all together as friends. This friendship group was something Kheerat valued hugely.

There was also the hope he was gleaning from watching Callum and Ben fall in love and set out to have a life together. He had fallen in love once and his lover had been murdered by her husband. Devastated, he had just about managed to keep going. There had been other lovers but no one who had captured his heart. Or, possibly, he had hidden it away too well. He had watched his brother, Vinny, change from a foolish young man to a dedicated dad and husband; his sister was happily married to her wife, Siobhan, and they had four children; his brother, Jags, treated appallingly by their mum, had moved away to raise his family with his wife, Habiba. To Kheerat, it seemed like his time had gone … until Callum and Ben, who had made him think that he wasn’t too old and it wasn’t too late.

Last week he had talked, albeit briefly, to Louise about Gray. Gray was the murderous husband of his lover, Chantelle - when he had found out about Chantelle and Kheerat, he had killed her - and had gone on to have a relationship with Louise. He had regularly beaten both Louise and Chantelle. Kheerat had never talked to anybody about it but, last week, Louise had asked him if he had ever recovered. The question had been asked simply and quietly but it had affected him deeply. She told him that she had avoided thinking about Gray until recently when Ben had encouraged her to talk to a professional. It had helped her, she said.

“You can talk to me,” she had said to him then.

He was having a drink with his neighbours later, something that had become a regular occurrence and one of his favourite times of the week. He’d thought about Louise a lot this week and, having decided he would take her up on her offer, he was hoping she would be in the pub tonight.

When he walked in, he saw that he was last to arrive and their little neighbourhood posse had grown. Raymond was with Callum and Ben, Louise and Peggy were there, as well as Ash and Siobhan, and Jay.

“Full house,” he remarked as he sat down, looking questioningly at his sister.

“We’re working on the theory that the more heads we have on this, the more likely we’ll get a good idea,” explained Ben. Of course it was him who had gathered everybody. If Albert Square had a mayor, it would be him.

All of them had been tracking Jamie one way or another over the past week, except for Ash and Siobhan who were new recruits. Checking nobody was eavesdropping – Ben and Callum were all over that - they shared what they had found out, building up a good picture of his routines, his associates and his destinations. But they didn’t have evidence for what he did.

Yet again, they seemed to have hit a brick wall. Albie was behind the bar but repeatedly looked their way, his face alternating between hopefulness and resignation. Kheerat knew that Jamie had not listened to Ben’s warning - he was still bothering Albie - but thankfully tonight he was elsewhere.

“I’m not sure about letting the police know what’s going on above Mantaj’s shop,” he told Callum. “I need to talk to him.”

“Fine by me,” assured Callum. “I would prefer to stay out of Jamie’s story. My hearing is tomorrow.”

All of them stopped to listen to him. It was surprising to everybody that mild-mannered Callum was in trouble at work.

“What outcome are you hoping for?” asked Jay.

“I don’t know really. Whilst I’m hoping not to be sacked, I think I’m going to resign. I hate being a police officer.”

Everybody looked at him interestedly except for Ben who, brimming with pride, clearly knew what Callum was going to say next.

“I was talking to my brief, Laura, yesterday. She said that there’s a tender available to run community orders in Walford, plus there are grants for groups that support troubled teens. I have a colleague who might join me and Laura is going to help us prepare our bids. So, could be a career change.”

“That sounds amazing.” Ash sounded highly impressed and looked towards Siobhan who picked up the cue. She and Ash were both emergency doctors at Walford General.

“We’ve been talking at the hospital about offering a no names service to victims of gun and knife crime. There’s been an increase in DIY patching up because they know all cases that come into hospital are reported to the police. Thing is, it’s largely kids and we don’t want to treat them and just send them right back out there. We want to refer them on somewhere. Could be something for you.”

Callum’s whole body lit up with interest and he shifted seats to sit with them to talk about it some more. Peggy and Raymond were talking to Ben and Jay, leaving Kheerat to talk to Louise. She smiled at him, stopping his breath for a moment.

“How are you?” It was an open, easy question. Didn’t give anything away.

“Worried sick about Peggy,” Louise answered honestly. “She’s been charged with supply. It’s going to take a while for her case to come to court but we’ve been told it might be before Christmas.”

“What does her lawyer say?”

“She’ll probably get a high level community order. Maybe six months if she’s unlucky. Same for Albie. Their lawyer thinks the other boy, Louis, will get a custodial sentence because he lied about his involvement.”

She was clearly distressed so Kheerat reached for her hand and held it softly. He’d previously avoided any physical contact with her because he realised he was attracted to her and she came across as too lost to be able to consider anything like that, but it seemed wrong not to offer some comfort. It was a tender moment and she lifted her head and met his eyes. Kheerat knew that this was not their time but it would come. He was prepared to be patient.

**ALBIE**

Albie watched Ben, Callum and their crowd talking. He couldn’t tell if they had anything or not but he had been hoping for a quicker solution. Jamie had accosted him earlier that evening and he’d ended up back at number 1 being fucked bareback yet again. That he hadn’t caught anything yet was nothing short of miraculous. He’d stopped pretending that he was having fun; Jamie knew he wasn’t. It was rape. He was being raped. Every day. If he went to prison, he would be raped. The tears came again – he couldn’t stop crying at the moment – and he escaped upstairs. It was fine for him to go. They’d called last orders some time ago, so most people had gone.

His mum was already asleep. She had been badly shaken by all of this and her energy had been sapped. But it meant he couldn’t stay up here because he had to go and lock up. Washing his face and trying some deep breathing, he prepared to go downstairs. He could hear the music had been turned off so knew Tommy, the other bartender tonight, must be about done and he headed down to the bar to let him go home.

He rounded the bottom of the stairs to face the main access to the bar and stared straight into Jamie’s face. His heart stopped.

“Albie sweetheart, there you are. Come and join us.”

Albie went through the other door and saw his family and neighbours were sitting at the table they had occupied all evening. All of the other customers had left but the pub was full. Jamie had brought his thugs.

**JAMIE**

“So, is one of you going to tell me why you are all so interested in little old me?” Jamie bleated like a coquettish high school prima donna. The simpering smile transformed seamlessly into a wolfish grin. He knew they were all scared of him.

“What is there here for you in Albert Square, Jamie?” asked Ben. Okay, maybe darling Ben wasn’t that scared.

“You don’t answer a question with a question, Ben sweetie. But, I’ll tell you what there is for me here – YOU. You need to understand. If I want something, I get it.”

Ben stood up, spent a moment with Callum and walked slowly to the bar standing right in front of Jamie.

“So if I leave, you’ll leave?”

Jamie could see the light spatter of freckles on Ben’s pale skin, the myriad of blues in his eyes like the flecks in a kaleidoscope, his soft hair brushed back. He was transported back twenty five years. This was the only man he had ever loved.

“If you leave and come with me.” He lifted his hand to Ben’s face and caressed his cheek, feeling him stiffen. Lowering his voice, he murmured, “But it won’t work, will it, my love?” He placed his cheek against Ben’s and whispered in his ear. “I can’t let my people see me lose you. If you won’t give yourself willingly, you know what I have to do.”


End file.
